I'm falling... into the hands of darkness.

[Rythen]

Okay,

So, dramatic Thread Title aside, this is how I really do feel. If you wouldn't mind spending a few minutes to read my troubles, I would be eternally indebted to you.

First of all, I'm not a Christian, hence the posting in the Non-Christians section - and it's key to note that I'm not here looking to start any trouble. I'm not one of the many infamous internet "Trolls." I despise them as I'm sure many others do, too!

So, what I need help with, is my obsessions. I do have OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder) and GAD (General Anxiety Disorder) so my daily life is filled with struggles already.

Before you suggest medication, I've tried this and it was torturous. I had a serious panic attack where I woke up clutching my chest and screaming as I thought I was two inches from death. For about a week after I couldn't separate myself from the company of others without inducing panic attacks.

Of course after this, I decided medication was not for me and I went on to see someone where I would just talk things out. I've been doing this for months now and no improvements have been made.

So, going back to the topic at hand, the obsessions I was talking about ... are with death.

For a long time, I actually was a Christian myself, and the thought of my family reaching heaven, well... it made me smile. The first time I read the bible (albeit it was one of those kiddy friendly versions) I felt good about the world. When the day came and my first thoughts of my own mortality hit me, they reflected off my faith and towards the heavenly destination. It's safe to say, they didn't phase me once.

Of course, if things stayed like this, I wouldn't be here now posting this thread.

If I posted the story of how I lost my faith in Christianity here in this thread, then I would become a hypocrite and would start trouble (which I've already said I'm not looking for). However, it's important to note that this didn't happen over night. This happened of the course of many years.

So, here I am now, a faithless man and my OCD and GAD have never been higher - and I'm obsessed with death. There's a few layers to this obsession, and I'll get to them now (since I'm sure you're very much bored of this thread!)

1
The Fear of My Own Non-Existance
Bare with me here and try to see it through my eyes. Without faith to guide my thoughts towards heaven, my thoughts take me down a dark and depressing tale where death is the very end of all living things. Where death is the final destination in our lifeline. The only thing that awaits us is... nothing.

I'm going to be honest with you. That scares the living !@#$ out of me so much... that it's scarring.

2
The Fear that Anyone I Connect With Will Perish

Much like the first one, I can't shake away the feelings that everyone I connect with will die. They'll share the very same fate as me. After death, I'm never going to see them again. They're not going to be looking down on me, smiling. They're gone.

Being honest here again, this just tares me up inside. When I think of this, I feel like there's a chainsaw inside of my stomach just ripping me up. My eyes just don't stop pouring with tears.

3
The Fear that I Will Die to Unnatural Circumstances

You read about these all the time.
*Tragic Car Accident*
*Tragic Storm Blows Tree on House, Killing Family"
*Tragic Mining Accident*

They're all "accidents" but who is to say I'm not going to get involved in one? I struggle to rest my head as I'm just hyper alert about every single thing going on around me.

Again again with the honesty, this drives me crazy.

So...

To sum things up, I'm in a terrible state. I know this isn't "normal" for people and again I'm not a "normal" person - but I need some advice. Some words of wisdom. ANYTHING!

Thank you for reading this and please remember that if I have offended anyone with what I wrote in here - I do not mean to! It might seem like I'm saying this a bit excessively, but again, like I said, I have OCD...

 

[Ace99]

You say your not a Christian but you said you were a Christian, If you excepted Jesus in to your life and repented of your sins, then you are a Christian. You can fall away, but you are a Christian, read Romans 8 v 31 to 39, and 1 Corinthians 3 v 12 to 15. You seem to be in a lot of fear, you need Jesus in your life right now!! His perfect love casts out fear. Call out to him, as you draw near to him, he will draw near to you. Dont give up, call out to him until he shows you his love, read the bible, talk to other christians, try to get to church if you can. I pray that god will reveal himself to you today and flood your heart with his love, there is no substitutes, doctors, tablets, you need the great healer, Jesus will help you, it may take time but he will be there. God bless you, if you need to talk more you can pm me

 

[Rythen]

You say your not a Christian but you said you were a Christian, If you excepted Jesus in to your life and repented of your sins, then you are a Christian. You can fall away, but you are a Christian, read Romans 8 v 31 to 39, and 1 Corinthians 3 v 12 to 15. You seem to be in a lot of fear, you need Jesus in your life right now!! His perfect love casts out fear. Call out to him, as you draw near to him, he will draw near to you. Dont give up, call out to him until he shows you his love, read the bible, talk to other christians, try to get to church if you can. I pray that god will reveal himself to you today and flood your heart with his love, there is no substitutes, doctors, tablets, you need the great healer, Jesus will help you, it may take time but he will be there. God bless you, if you need to talk more you can pm me

Thank you for your prayers, and your offer for me to PM you. I may just hit you up on that at some point.

I will try to do all the things you have suggested in your post. After I have tried some of these, I will get back to you.

I will call out to him tonight and see how things go.

 

[bling]

There are lots of reasons why I do not want to stay on this earth. I do not want this to be my home and I am just passing through.

Instead of thinking about death and what happens after you and others die, work at helping those that are still alive and make their short life here on earth more pleasant. The best way I have found to deal with my OCD (wanting to sin) is not by trying “not to sin”, but by filling my life with doing good so I do not have time to sin. You are caught up in yourself and how the deaths of others well affect you. Start doing stuff for others. Wash the dishes for your mom, mow the lawn for your dad, mow the lawn for the widow down the street, write a letter to a soldier, volunteer at the school.

 

[PureDose]

1
The Fear of My Own Non-Existance
Bare with me here and try to see it through my eyes. Without faith to guide my thoughts towards heaven, my thoughts take me down a dark and depressing tale where death is the very end of all living things. Where death is the final destination in our lifeline. The only thing that awaits us is... nothing.

I'm going to be honest with you. That scares the living !@#$ out of me so much... that it's scarring.

2
The Fear that Anyone I Connect With Will Perish

Much like the first one, I can't shake away the feelings that everyone I connect with will die. They'll share the very same fate as me. After death, I'm never going to see them again. They're not going to be looking down on me, smiling. They're gone.

Being honest here again, this just tares me up inside. When I think of this, I feel like there's a chainsaw inside of my stomach just ripping me up. My eyes just don't stop pouring with tears.

You do not have any actual evidence of this besides what you see in your imagination.

Really, I think without any kind of faith in God, I am not sure how to advise you. Closing that door closes out the power of God to protect you from unclean spirits of fear.

If you were willing to consider that maybe God exists, you would then be able to go back over your life and see how many close calls you have been saved from, and how while you have had your ups and downs, you still survive.

Then, you could focus on faith and gratefulness.

And there would be many things to say.

That sort of thing does come from evil spirits, though, and you have been unarmed by them. So, this is a bad situation.

It is not logical, it goes against experience, you can not prove your fate, nor the fate of those you know. But, such things are not about logic. It is about spirits coming to you and giving you compelling hallucinations.

As far as you know you have never NOT existed, and I mean by that, simply, you know you were born at a certain time, but to exist is itself a state which can not comprehend literally not existing -- except, at best, how we might comprehend sleep.

3
The Fear that I Will Die to Unnatural Circumstances

You read about these all the time.
*Tragic Car Accident*
*Tragic Storm Blows Tree on House, Killing Family"
*Tragic Mining Accident*

They're all "accidents" but who is to say I'm not going to get involved in one? I struggle to rest my head as I'm just hyper alert about every single thing going on around me.

Again again with the honesty, this drives me crazy.

So...

To sum things up, I'm in a terrible state. I know this isn't "normal" for people and again I'm not a "normal" person - but I need some advice. Some words of wisdom. ANYTHING!

Thank you for reading this and please remember that if I have offended anyone with what I wrote in here - I do not mean to! It might seem like I'm saying this a bit excessively, but again, like I said, I have OCD...

It is actually pretty normal. Some have far more negative attacks then others.

Without God, you have avoided such accidents so far. So, it is premature to assume something like this will happen. I think there can be fulcrum there in believing such things if you feel you are guilty and deserve it. But, what have you really done to be so guilty? Probably nothing.

These are all things unclean spirits work on.


Really, you are disarmed, and it is true, like with God, the trick they pull is to persuade people they do not exist so people can be disarmed. That is probably one of their more effective attacks.


Otherwise, one has to turn to secular medicine which people who refuse to believe in things beyond what we have literally yet captured on video tape and such to put their trust in. Seeing a counselor and getting a change in meds should help dull your senses enough.

If the fears are very extreme and you think you may harm your self or someone else, I would strongly suggest you voluntarily submit your self to long term psychiatric, inhouse care.

 

[Ace99]

There is so much out there to scare us but try to things we as Christians know, for example if you have accepted Jesus Christ into your life and have repented of your sins then YOU are going to heaven, your spending eternity with God surely that must relay a few fears. God Bless all my brothers and sisters, if you don't know Christ my deepest wish is that you would come to know him as your lord and saviour

 

[StubbsBoy]

My brother there is power in the tongue so start speaking Life and not Death. The more you keep speaking tragic things to fall your way the more you are in the enermy playing field. Since you were a christian like many others had already told you, just repent and declare with your mouth that you are a child of GOD. Keep repeating the 23rd Psalms and John 3:16

" The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters. He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name's sake. Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me. Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over. Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the Lord for ever."

" For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life".

Death and Hell is for satan, his angels and his followers. Life and Heaven is For God the Father, Son, Holy Spirit, His Angels, Children and followers. Which Kingdom do you want to be apart of and choose quickly.

 

[razeontherock]

To sum things up, I'm in a terrible state. I know this isn't "normal" for people and again I'm not a "normal" person - but I need some advice. Some words of wisdom. ANYTHING!

You really need to get back to your Christian Faith:

"if we have hope in this life only, we are of all men most miserable."

(Romans 5:1) "Therefore being justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ:"

Can you remember how central the topic of having Peace with God is, to the Gospel? Can you think of anything else that matches your need so precisely?

 

[TheJust]

The fear of non existance is the same as the fear of God because what you are now will no longer exist in his presence, or rather be insignificantly minor. The fear of no longer desiring or being able to sin.

It is perfectly ok to lose faith in a certain religion, what is the purpose of having more faith in religion than in God anyway?

You have nothing to fear as far as non existance is concerned, I can say that with undoubting confidence.

 

[Alive_Again]

Obsessions are caused by demonic spirits. The world is full of them. The spirit of death is one and it is often accompanied by a seducing spirit to make it look enticing. The things we partake of can defile us and we get layers of this "vomit" like substance from spirits as we partake of their "ministry". Each spirit has a particular assignment to bring misery and to steal your well being, health, and life.

The good news is that just as devils are real, God and His angels are real too. They are ever with us and angels respond by direction of God to the prayer of His people.

Just as the devil's power and influence is real, so is God's. So many belong to dry churches with a lot of form and tradition and no power. They leave church and who would blame them. God's calling these into the fold (back into the fold if they asked Him to be their Lord). He has real anointing power to restore and deliver us from these evil spirits that can hold us captive. We can literally be asleep, cocooned by the byproduct of these evil beings.

But God can set the captive free. That's what He does! That's the good news. Deliverance to the captives. God wants everyone to know Him intimately and know His power by the Holy Spirit. This is good news and for those who never got a hold on this, it beats sitting back and getting fed on by this things.

Call on the Lord and ask Him to help you. Ask Him to forgive you. Believe in Him. Ask Him to send godly ministry into your life. Ask Him to show you which church to go to (yes, the sheep gather under shepherds and God literally feeds them). Find a church with anointing power and don't settle for less.

God's move is exciting and you can hear His voice in your heart and feel His presence. The voice thing is primarily of "revelation", but it brings life and peace. It is possible to hear words, but anyone who is of the truth, "hears My voice". God's plan is exciting and blows away anything the devil holds us with to fascinate us into passivity. If you find your way into the kingdom (or back into it) and get on with God's plan, He'll manifest Himself to you on the inside and you'll be a living witness to His resurrection.

It's time for all to hear the good news and repent, because God has an exciting move that's coming to this earth, and it will be powerful love like we've never seen it before. Everything the devil has will seem tame to those who want it. It's time to lay aside the deeds of darkness and come into the light and let God set you free and give you a living hope!

 

[FutureAndAHope]

Hi,

I will add you to my prayer list. God is the master physician and know best how to deal with your struggles. He can also heal you of your disorders that you mentioned. What I will do is share with you some true stories from my life where God has performed miracles. Some small, others larger, in the hope that it will increase your faith in God. Know God loves you dearly, and when you recommit your life to him you can be sure that heaven awaits you when you die. Now for one of my stories.

One morning I got up and walked into the hall and I heard a voice that I believed was God say "How would you like to be stabbed in the Valley". The Valley was known as the rough end of town, and the voice scared me a little, I wondered if I had done something to offend God. I had planned to go down to the Valley to ask people out to church as was my habit at the time. In the end I went anyway regardless of the fear. I walked up to the first person I met and asked him if he would like to go out to church. He said to me "I am an atheist, I don't believe in God". I just said "fine", but hoped to change his mind. He then proceeded to unbutton his shirt and showed me scar marks up and down his chest and stomach. He said to me, "I was attacked by a knife wielding man in the Valley some time ago and spent months recovering in hospital, How could God allow that to happen to me". Then I knew why God had said in the morning "How would I like to be stabbed?". God understood this man, but had a good plan for him. Some weeks latter this man came out to church and became a Christian.

God understood that man, and his doubts, he also understands all of yours, and he does not judge you. Jesus died of that any living man, woman, or child, no matter how messed up, can return to him, and receive of his love, care provision and healing.

For more stories from my life of God doing stuff go to Know God Personally