How do I continue to forgive my husband for saying hurtfull things to me over and over again? It hurts so much more than I can bear right now. He is just fine and I am a mess. I feel like taking myself out of this world.
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I'm falling apart
- Thread starter holdingon
- Start date
First, know that God loves you. Don't let anyone take you away from the Lord. Pray that God will change your situation and have faith that he will give you the strength to get you through this trial. Let God speak through you when you speak to your husband and let him know how you feel. Cast out those spirits that are binding your husband so that he won't act however it is that's hurting you. Ask God for deliverance. He won't deny you! I'm gonna try and find some scriptures that may help and I'll post them for you.
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dear holdington,
Hurtful words, are just as much an abusive behavior,as physically beating on you. It is verbal, and emotional, abuse, and I don't believe that our God tolerates it? Have you told him how hurtful it is? If you have, I suspect that he is unsaved.I can only tell you from the standpoint of human decency,that if there is not much respect for your relationship,one wonders how meaningful love is in that relationship. I won't advise you to separate from him, but abuse is abuse, only you can make that "choice".Would your God want that to come about? If it has reached the point to which you are thinking of suicide, then no man is worth that? Sooner or later you may have to make a choice,anyways: make it soon, for physical abuse is sure to follow,it is only a matter of time.
In His love, lampwicke xxx
Hurtful words, are just as much an abusive behavior,as physically beating on you. It is verbal, and emotional, abuse, and I don't believe that our God tolerates it? Have you told him how hurtful it is? If you have, I suspect that he is unsaved.I can only tell you from the standpoint of human decency,that if there is not much respect for your relationship,one wonders how meaningful love is in that relationship. I won't advise you to separate from him, but abuse is abuse, only you can make that "choice".Would your God want that to come about? If it has reached the point to which you are thinking of suicide, then no man is worth that? Sooner or later you may have to make a choice,anyways: make it soon, for physical abuse is sure to follow,it is only a matter of time.
In His love, lampwicke xxx
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breezynosacek
Well-Known Member
Go read Isaiah 54:4-11 Know that God will be your husband when your earthly one is not very loving.
I think everybody's relationship is different. For one, God would have them leave, for another, the Lord would have them stay and become a testimony for their salvation.
Marriage is a covenant and you can't take it lightly. You asked how can you continue to forgive? Forgiveness is nothing but a choice. You choose to be obedient even if you don't know how.
I told the Lord once that I was willing to be obedient but I didn't know how to forgive someone who abused me. The willingness was enough. It is a choice, not a feeling.
Forgiveness doesn't always mean forgetting but it does mean that the anger is gone.
There are several things you can do to help your situation. I've been there and being called names that some of my worst enemies would never call me is something else when the fellow is supposed to love me and on top of it be a christian. In eight years, he has changed drastically. God went so far as to allow him congestive heart failure and almost losing his life made him look at himself.
First, do you know what 'I' statements are? If you've been in therapy I reckon you've heard of it before. Well, I want you to take a passage of scripture and everytime there is a personal pronoun turn that into an "I" and pray it, okay?
The reason I want you to do this is that there is so much occult activity in the US now that it can effect those of us who are wounded. We've done this with several people and the holds start breaking lose if you do it everyday. By praying this you come into agreement with the Word.
This is the passage:
Ephesian 6:10-17
10) In conclusion, be "I am" strong in the Lord [be "I am" empowered through your "my" union with Him]; "I " draw your "my" strength from Him [that strength which His boundless might provides].
Get the idea? Now pray the rest with "I" statements as well.
11) "I" Put on God's whole armor [the armor of a heavy-armed soldier which God supplies], that you "I" may be able successfully to stand up against [all] the strategies and the deceits fo the devil.
12) For we are"I am" not wrestling with flesh and blood [contending only with physical opponents], but against the despotisms, against the powers, against [the master spirits who are] the world rulers of this present darkness, against the spirit forces of wickedness in the heavenly (supernatural) sphere.
13) Therefore "I" put on God's complete armor, that you "I" may be able to resist and stand your "my" ground on the evil day [of danger], and, having done all [the crisis demands], to stand [firmly in your "my" place].
14) "I" Stand therefore [hold your "my" ground], having tightened the belt of truth around your "my" loins and having put on the breastplate of integrity and of moral rectitude and right standing with God.
15) And having shod your "my" feet in preparation [to face the enemy with the firm footed stability, the promptness, and the readiness produced by the good news] of the Gospel of peace.
16) "I" Lift up over all the [covering] shield of saving faith, upon which you "I" can quench all the flaming missiles of the wiched [one].
17) And "I" take the helmet of salvation and the sword that the Spirit wields, which is the Word of God."
In Jesus name I ask it Amen.
Now that wasn't difficult, here's the other one and you do the same thing with it. This one isn't as much for protection as making sure you haven't inadvertantly believed something which is false and come into agreement with it. It is really easy to accept something that sounds right and it doesn't take much at all for ole slew foot to get a foothold.
II Corinthians 10:4,5
"For the weapons of our "my" warfare are not physical [weapons of flesh and blood], but they are mighty before God for the overthrow and destruction of strongholds,
[Inasmuch as we] "I" refute arguments and theories and reasonings and every proud and lofty thing "in [husband's name] belief system" that sets itself up against the [true] knowledge of God; and we "I" lead every thought and purpose away captive into the obedience of Christ (the Messiah, the Anointed One)."
"I bind and rebuke these things in Jesus name, Amen."
I have also noticed in some situations that it helps to anoint the person's pillow in oil and to continue to plead the blood of Jesus of them.
Recently, I got a thump on the head from the Lord that I hadn't been praying for my husband. He said, "You pray for others to have wisdom and knowledge and discernment, why don't you pray for your husband to have those gifts? Don't you think he needs them?"
I've been praying that for him now on a regular basis and it makes a huge change in his behavior.
See, in my particular situation, shortly after I was married, I told the Lord I could no longer trust my husband because he wounded me so much.
God's response was, I never required you to trust him. Love your husband and trust Me.
That works a lot better. I love my husband and I don't know that I will ever be able to trust him because of his personal addictions (not drugs or alcohol but some other stuff).
I have had to bind and rebuke stuff he's said over me or against me as well. Now how's that for a thought! Yep, sometimes he gets angry at me and curses me, not cuss me, but curses me.
I've been at this for 8 years now and it seemed like in the beginning that this was unbearable. How could God expect me to stay in a marriage like this if He loves me?
Believe it or not, God has used my husband to help me minister to others! He gets me where I'm supposed to go when I don't want to go out the door.
There are times when I grow weary and wish it was all over with but God's timing isn't mine. I have to remind myself that God has a purpose for this and continue to Trust Him.
I think everybody's relationship is different. For one, God would have them leave, for another, the Lord would have them stay and become a testimony for their salvation.
Marriage is a covenant and you can't take it lightly. You asked how can you continue to forgive? Forgiveness is nothing but a choice. You choose to be obedient even if you don't know how.
I told the Lord once that I was willing to be obedient but I didn't know how to forgive someone who abused me. The willingness was enough. It is a choice, not a feeling.
Forgiveness doesn't always mean forgetting but it does mean that the anger is gone.
There are several things you can do to help your situation. I've been there and being called names that some of my worst enemies would never call me is something else when the fellow is supposed to love me and on top of it be a christian. In eight years, he has changed drastically. God went so far as to allow him congestive heart failure and almost losing his life made him look at himself.
First, do you know what 'I' statements are? If you've been in therapy I reckon you've heard of it before. Well, I want you to take a passage of scripture and everytime there is a personal pronoun turn that into an "I" and pray it, okay?
The reason I want you to do this is that there is so much occult activity in the US now that it can effect those of us who are wounded. We've done this with several people and the holds start breaking lose if you do it everyday. By praying this you come into agreement with the Word.
This is the passage:
Ephesian 6:10-17
10) In conclusion, be "I am" strong in the Lord [be "I am" empowered through your "my" union with Him]; "I " draw your "my" strength from Him [that strength which His boundless might provides].
Get the idea? Now pray the rest with "I" statements as well.
11) "I" Put on God's whole armor [the armor of a heavy-armed soldier which God supplies], that you "I" may be able successfully to stand up against [all] the strategies and the deceits fo the devil.
12) For we are"I am" not wrestling with flesh and blood [contending only with physical opponents], but against the despotisms, against the powers, against [the master spirits who are] the world rulers of this present darkness, against the spirit forces of wickedness in the heavenly (supernatural) sphere.
13) Therefore "I" put on God's complete armor, that you "I" may be able to resist and stand your "my" ground on the evil day [of danger], and, having done all [the crisis demands], to stand [firmly in your "my" place].
14) "I" Stand therefore [hold your "my" ground], having tightened the belt of truth around your "my" loins and having put on the breastplate of integrity and of moral rectitude and right standing with God.
15) And having shod your "my" feet in preparation [to face the enemy with the firm footed stability, the promptness, and the readiness produced by the good news] of the Gospel of peace.
16) "I" Lift up over all the [covering] shield of saving faith, upon which you "I" can quench all the flaming missiles of the wiched [one].
17) And "I" take the helmet of salvation and the sword that the Spirit wields, which is the Word of God."
In Jesus name I ask it Amen.
Now that wasn't difficult, here's the other one and you do the same thing with it. This one isn't as much for protection as making sure you haven't inadvertantly believed something which is false and come into agreement with it. It is really easy to accept something that sounds right and it doesn't take much at all for ole slew foot to get a foothold.
II Corinthians 10:4,5
"For the weapons of our "my" warfare are not physical [weapons of flesh and blood], but they are mighty before God for the overthrow and destruction of strongholds,
[Inasmuch as we] "I" refute arguments and theories and reasonings and every proud and lofty thing "in [husband's name] belief system" that sets itself up against the [true] knowledge of God; and we "I" lead every thought and purpose away captive into the obedience of Christ (the Messiah, the Anointed One)."
"I bind and rebuke these things in Jesus name, Amen."
I have also noticed in some situations that it helps to anoint the person's pillow in oil and to continue to plead the blood of Jesus of them.
Recently, I got a thump on the head from the Lord that I hadn't been praying for my husband. He said, "You pray for others to have wisdom and knowledge and discernment, why don't you pray for your husband to have those gifts? Don't you think he needs them?"
I've been praying that for him now on a regular basis and it makes a huge change in his behavior.
See, in my particular situation, shortly after I was married, I told the Lord I could no longer trust my husband because he wounded me so much.
God's response was, I never required you to trust him. Love your husband and trust Me.
That works a lot better. I love my husband and I don't know that I will ever be able to trust him because of his personal addictions (not drugs or alcohol but some other stuff).
I have had to bind and rebuke stuff he's said over me or against me as well. Now how's that for a thought! Yep, sometimes he gets angry at me and curses me, not cuss me, but curses me.
I've been at this for 8 years now and it seemed like in the beginning that this was unbearable. How could God expect me to stay in a marriage like this if He loves me?
Believe it or not, God has used my husband to help me minister to others! He gets me where I'm supposed to go when I don't want to go out the door.
There are times when I grow weary and wish it was all over with but God's timing isn't mine. I have to remind myself that God has a purpose for this and continue to Trust Him.
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TheOriginalWhitehorse
Well-Known Member
Friend, I am sorry for your pain. That is a terrible burden. I know. I agree with the good advice of others here, so I don't have much to add, except this: perhaps God wants you to view your husband as your mission. Is he a Christian? I can't remember who it was, but some beautiful lady in the 1600s said she sought to give her husband as much happiness as she could in this world, because she feared he may have none in the next.
I know-it doesn't seem fair. Why, when he is hurting you, do you have to be the one to go the extra mile. But if you view your husband as your mission of mercy, it will take a lot of the sting out of it. It might also help to ask him why he's hurting you, just in case there's sonething he doesn't realize, or pressure at work or what have you. But please try to get as much alone time with the Lord as possible. If you have kids, hire a sitter to take them to the zoo or a park if you have to in order to get this time. It will help you keep the perspective of instilling the Lord's love into your husband.
I know-it doesn't seem fair. Why, when he is hurting you, do you have to be the one to go the extra mile. But if you view your husband as your mission of mercy, it will take a lot of the sting out of it. It might also help to ask him why he's hurting you, just in case there's sonething he doesn't realize, or pressure at work or what have you. But please try to get as much alone time with the Lord as possible. If you have kids, hire a sitter to take them to the zoo or a park if you have to in order to get this time. It will help you keep the perspective of instilling the Lord's love into your husband.
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