Three months ago I met a Christian guy who lives in my dorm at the university I attend. We started developing a friendship. He always asks me to dinner, we watch movies together, we talk for hours....I feel like we just click. However, I don't know where I stand in this relationship, it's extremely ambiguous. I don't know if he just likes me as a friend or more. We recently went to a Christian formal together and had a wonderful time but, when he walked me back to my dorm room I tried to give him a kiss and he backed away saying, "No, I can't do that." Note, we have discussed this before, that we both want to wait to kiss when we are married, but I didn't find anything wrong with a little kiss goodnight. When he backed away, my first reaction was "he doesn't like me" so I immediately told him, "I'm sorry I don't like you that way." and he replied, "Good I'm relieved!" He asked me if we could still be friends to which I said yes, but I ended up blocking him on AOL instant messanger for a week (finals week), taking him off my facebook friends list, and putting a book he lent me against his door without even speaking to him. We patched things up before break and he was extremely happy to see me and that we were talking again but, now I am still left very confused about the whole situation. Why would he say "Good I'm relieved!"? I feel like their is something wrong with me.....can anyone offer any advice?
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I'm confused
- Thread starter pageantqueen
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melandshanetria
Active Member
Maybe he's interested, but just isn't ready for a relationship right now. Some guys are very confusing, but obviously, he doesn't see you more than anything but a friend right now.
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.... but he gave you all the right signals which is confusing...
awesome liver
Well-Known Member
sorry, but i laughed, and i know it's inappropriate, but still ...
you might be barking up the wrong tree.
you might be barking up the wrong tree.
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maybe he said that cause he was embarassed when you said "i don't like you that way"?? if i were u i'd still be friends with him cause who knows...maybe he does like you and maybe a good relationship will come out of it.
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MN John
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- Oct 23, 2005
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I think that he was interested in you romantically but his physical boundaries were tighter than yours. When he wants to wait until marriage for kissing, he means all kissing, not just passionate kissing.
When you said that you weren't interested in him "that way" he could have thought you meant romantically, or he could have thought you meant sexually... there's a difference. He would indeed be relieved if he thought you eant sexually. He might have been reieved to know that he didn't have to deal with a heavy romantic relationship that he isn't ready for. Or he might have said he was relieved because he was actually hurt and striking back.
All of your follow-up actions would have indicated to him that there was no romantic possibility remaining for you two because you were treating it like a breakup. You can either write him off, or talk things through and clear up the confusion.
Things to talk about ...
- Do we think that we might have a future together?
- Do we want to continue dating and getting to know each other better in order to see if that future continues to seem like a possibility?
- If we do continue dating, what specifically will we set as our physical boundaries? (You both need to know what's OK with the other, but the stricter boundary needs to be observed by both.)
It's always a little clinical to talk through such things and a little unromantic when you'd like to just "feel" rather than think. but it is worth it. You relationship will be much better and stronger if you communicate well and thoroughly and openly and honestly. you won't have to be confused.
Peace,
John
When you said that you weren't interested in him "that way" he could have thought you meant romantically, or he could have thought you meant sexually... there's a difference. He would indeed be relieved if he thought you eant sexually. He might have been reieved to know that he didn't have to deal with a heavy romantic relationship that he isn't ready for. Or he might have said he was relieved because he was actually hurt and striking back.
All of your follow-up actions would have indicated to him that there was no romantic possibility remaining for you two because you were treating it like a breakup. You can either write him off, or talk things through and clear up the confusion.
Things to talk about ...
- Do we think that we might have a future together?
- Do we want to continue dating and getting to know each other better in order to see if that future continues to seem like a possibility?
- If we do continue dating, what specifically will we set as our physical boundaries? (You both need to know what's OK with the other, but the stricter boundary needs to be observed by both.)
It's always a little clinical to talk through such things and a little unromantic when you'd like to just "feel" rather than think. but it is worth it. You relationship will be much better and stronger if you communicate well and thoroughly and openly and honestly. you won't have to be confused.
Peace,
John
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Audiomechanic
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