I'm confused about my vocation

[Anonymous Teenager]

I've never dealt with anything like this. I've never felt anything like this. I'm only a fourteen year old guy - yes, I know, my profile says I'm 18, but that was the minimum age, and I'm desperate for answers. So dealing with this is extremely hard.

Recently, I've been having these feelings. Or, callings, rather. It's a very strange calling too, but something tells me that I'm hearing this from an outside force. Maybe it's all in my developing, teenage mind.

There's a girl that goes to my church. She's a year younger than me, one grade below me. She's like my best friend. We are around the same point in our faith, we trust one another, we can talk easily with one another, we enjoy spending time with each other, and we have a lot in common. Her name is Sam. Sam and I get along really well, and I get along with her family, and she mine. Our families get along really well too — our moms are best friends too.

Sam is my best friend. I also have a girlfriend, whom I've been dating for nine months. Her name is Alli, and she's very sweet, but we have next to nothing in common. But still, we love one another (as much as two 9th graders can), and the relationship is flourishing nevertheless.

Recently, I've been feeling this "calling." Like, a vocational calling. It feels like something is whispering in my ear, "After high school, and after college, you are to start a relationship with Sam and preserve it until marriage. You are to be with Sam in the future."

I've been praying and praying for a sign from God, showing me whether it's Him who's calling me or not. I haven't seen a significant sign of either one. Sure, there's little things here and there, but I've seen little things that prove that it's Him, and little things that prove that it's not. So I'm not sure what to believe here.

I've narrowed it down to three possibilities.

1. It's God calling me, and I need to listen to Him.
2. It's Satan disguising himself as God, and I need to steer away from him.
3. It's all in my head and I may just be mistaking my enduring friendship for a vocational calling.

I don't even know what I feel for Sam. Is it phileo? Is it eros? Is it storge? Is it some mixture?

When I think about what life would be like with Sam as my wife, it just feels like it would be an almost perfect relationship. We laugh with each other. We relate to each other. We trust each other. We tell each other everything. We have so much in common, including our love for music and the way we process information (we both have analytical minds and we can agree on most things). We love spending time with one another, we can easily talk to each other for hours, and we both share a love for Christ.

But then I think to my current relationship with Alli. I get along extremely well with her, too. Two big stumbling blocks between us are:

1. The fact that we have nothing in common. She's a stylish, sporty, and social person. I'm more of a reserved band geek. I love music. She knows nothing about it. She's all about style. I just throw on jeans and a shirt. She plays sports. I laze around. She loves talking to people. I like keeping to myself. Almost everything about me doesn't exist in her, and vice versa.
2. The fact that she's not a Christian. Sure, I'll try and invite her to church or youth group. Youth group is Wednesdays, and she's tired after lacrosse practice. Sundays, church is too early for her. She says her family has been looking for a church, but they haven't been to a church since Christmas Eve.

When I think about losing her because God may be calling me to be with Sam, it hurts. This is why it's so hard to deal with. Because I don't know what I need to do. If it's God, I need to listen to Him and eventually my relationship with Alli will end. If it's not God, I'd rather not break up with her. Everyone says we're going to last through all of high school because we get along so well. I'm just not sure how my current relationship plays into this whole situation with Sam.

I've had one or two dreams about Sam, and a life where the two of us are in a relationship. I can't help but remember how God would appear to people in dreams. Joseph is a prime example.

I also came across the realization that the two of us (me and Sam) might make a great singer-songwriter duo. I'm great at composing music, and Sam's great at writing lyrics, but yet I struggle with lyrics and she struggles with music composition. Maybe God wants us together so we can evangelize through music.

Right, there's another thing. I have no idea WHY I'm receiving this calling. There seems to be no purpose behind this vocation (other than the possible worship thing, I guess). So maybe it really is in my head, because I feel like God would have a purpose. He always does. Maybe He's just not telling me.

I've asked God for a sign countless times, and I've asked Him to just directly tell me, but neither of those things have happened.

I'm also pretty sure that if it is just in my head, it's a one-sided thing. No matter what I feel for Sam, I can tell strongly that she has no feelings for me at the moment. I don't think it's a misinterpretation of our relationship, just a misinterpretation of my feelings for her, if it's that at all. I don't think I have romantic feelings for her, because of our strong friendship, but maybe deep down, I do and I haven't realized it.

This seems to be messing with my head. I'll look at Sam, and I'll think about this. I'll overthink every little movement she does, everything she says, and sometimes it seems to occupy my head at the wrong time. I don't know why God would want to put me through this, but trials produce steadfastness. I just don't know if it's only a trial, or something more.

Recently, I feel like I might be seeing a pretty profound sign. Last year, Sam and I, along with a few other kids from church, went to Worldview Academy. This, in case you don't know, is a Christian camp where your Christian worldview is fine-tuned and you learn just why Christianity is right. Both Sam and I truly accepted Christ into our hearts on that trip.

Also on that trip was my friend James, who was also my roommate and a member of my small group. The small groups were single-gendered, six-person groups that you basically spent your entire time at camp with. I wasn't really friends with James then, but since Worldview, I've gotten along with him extraordinarily well.

We all decided as we were leaving Worldview last year that we would all go together again. My two main priorities were to have even more faith-building experiences with the two I really connected with last time. Those two were Sam and James.

Sam, who plays softball, is on a tight schedule this summer. Although we had planned to go to a local Worldview camp in Pennsylvania (we live in Maryland), Sam could only fit a camp in Ohio, due to softball. So her parents signed her up for Ohio. I found this out at the same time that I found out that James isn't coming to Worldview this year.

His family is pretty low on the economic scale, and Worldview isn't exactly cheap. So financially, James could not make it back. That makes one of my priorities impossible. My only other priority was to go with Sam.

But, she signed up for a week in Ohio. That week happens to be right after the week I go to Boy Scout camp. I'm not sure if it's the greatest idea to be away from home for two weeks straight, but I'm willing to do it so I can go with Sam. Sam doesn't really care if I go with her or not. She wants to meet new people, but she also wants to spend more time with me.

It all comes down to what my parents decide. I'm looking towards Ohio, but I don't know if they're comfortable with me away from home that long. So I think the results of this ultimatum is going to be what shows me the sign I've been looking for. If I go with Sam, then God wants me to be with Sam. If I can't, then He's not the one calling me. I'm not sure if that's really what it comes down to, though, honestly. I just don't know what to think.

I don't really have one question in particular. I just need guidance and I'm scared to tell anyone because I don't want to create conflict or awkwardness between anyone – say, my mom and Sam's mom, or my friend and Sam. I just don't know what to do next.

 

[Ttalkkugjil]

I've never dealt with anything like this. I've never felt anything like this. I'm only a fourteen year old guy - yes, I know, my profile says I'm 18, but that was the minimum age, and I'm desperate for answers. So dealing with this is extremely hard.

Recently, I've been having these feelings. Or, callings, rather. It's a very strange calling too, but something tells me that I'm hearing this from an outside force. Maybe it's all in my developing, teenage mind.

There's a girl that goes to my church. She's a year younger than me, one grade below me. She's like my best friend. We are around the same point in our faith, we trust one another, we can talk easily with one another, we enjoy spending time with each other, and we have a lot in common. Her name is Sam. Sam and I get along really well, and I get along with her family, and she mine. Our families get along really well too — our moms are best friends too.

Sam is my best friend. I also have a girlfriend, whom I've been dating for nine months. Her name is Alli, and she's very sweet, but we have next to nothing in common. But still, we love one another (as much as two 9th graders can), and the relationship is flourishing nevertheless.

Recently, I've been feeling this "calling." Like, a vocational calling. It feels like something is whispering in my ear, "After high school, and after college, you are to start a relationship with Sam and preserve it until marriage. You are to be with Sam in the future."

I've been praying and praying for a sign from God, showing me whether it's Him who's calling me or not. I haven't seen a significant sign of either one. Sure, there's little things here and there, but I've seen little things that prove that it's Him, and little things that prove that it's not. So I'm not sure what to believe here.

I've narrowed it down to three possibilities.

1. It's God calling me, and I need to listen to Him.
2. It's Satan disguising himself as God, and I need to steer away from him.
3. It's all in my head and I may just be mistaking my enduring friendship for a vocational calling.

I don't even know what I feel for Sam. Is it phileo? Is it eros? Is it storge? Is it some mixture?

When I think about what life would be like with Sam as my wife, it just feels like it would be an almost perfect relationship. We laugh with each other. We relate to each other. We trust each other. We tell each other everything. We have so much in common, including our love for music and the way we process information (we both have analytical minds and we can agree on most things). We love spending time with one another, we can easily talk to each other for hours, and we both share a love for Christ.

But then I think to my current relationship with Alli. I get along extremely well with her, too. Two big stumbling blocks between us are:

1. The fact that we have nothing in common. She's a stylish, sporty, and social person. I'm more of a reserved band geek. I love music. She knows nothing about it. She's all about style. I just throw on jeans and a shirt. She plays sports. I laze around. She loves talking to people. I like keeping to myself. Almost everything about me doesn't exist in her, and vice versa.
2. The fact that she's not a Christian. Sure, I'll try and invite her to church or youth group. Youth group is Wednesdays, and she's tired after lacrosse practice. Sundays, church is too early for her. She says her family has been looking for a church, but they haven't been to a church since Christmas Eve.

When I think about losing her because God may be calling me to be with Sam, it hurts. This is why it's so hard to deal with. Because I don't know what I need to do. If it's God, I need to listen to Him and eventually my relationship with Alli will end. If it's not God, I'd rather not break up with her. Everyone says we're going to last through all of high school because we get along so well. I'm just not sure how my current relationship plays into this whole situation with Sam.

I've had one or two dreams about Sam, and a life where the two of us are in a relationship. I can't help but remember how God would appear to people in dreams. Joseph is a prime example.

I also came across the realization that the two of us (me and Sam) might make a great singer-songwriter duo. I'm great at composing music, and Sam's great at writing lyrics, but yet I struggle with lyrics and she struggles with music composition. Maybe God wants us together so we can evangelize through music.

Right, there's another thing. I have no idea WHY I'm receiving this calling. There seems to be no purpose behind this vocation (other than the possible worship thing, I guess). So maybe it really is in my head, because I feel like God would have a purpose. He always does. Maybe He's just not telling me.

I've asked God for a sign countless times, and I've asked Him to just directly tell me, but neither of those things have happened.

I'm also pretty sure that if it is just in my head, it's a one-sided thing. No matter what I feel for Sam, I can tell strongly that she has no feelings for me at the moment. I don't think it's a misinterpretation of our relationship, just a misinterpretation of my feelings for her, if it's that at all. I don't think I have romantic feelings for her, because of our strong friendship, but maybe deep down, I do and I haven't realized it.

This seems to be messing with my head. I'll look at Sam, and I'll think about this. I'll overthink every little movement she does, everything she says, and sometimes it seems to occupy my head at the wrong time. I don't know why God would want to put me through this, but trials produce steadfastness. I just don't know if it's only a trial, or something more.

Recently, I feel like I might be seeing a pretty profound sign. Last year, Sam and I, along with a few other kids from church, went to Worldview Academy. This, in case you don't know, is a Christian camp where your Christian worldview is fine-tuned and you learn just why Christianity is right. Both Sam and I truly accepted Christ into our hearts on that trip.

Also on that trip was my friend James, who was also my roommate and a member of my small group. The small groups were single-gendered, six-person groups that you basically spent your entire time at camp with. I wasn't really friends with James then, but since Worldview, I've gotten along with him extraordinarily well.

We all decided as we were leaving Worldview last year that we would all go together again. My two main priorities were to have even more faith-building experiences with the two I really connected with last time. Those two were Sam and James.

Sam, who plays softball, is on a tight schedule this summer. Although we had planned to go to a local Worldview camp in Pennsylvania (we live in Maryland), Sam could only fit a camp in Ohio, due to softball. So her parents signed her up for Ohio. I found this out at the same time that I found out that James isn't coming to Worldview this year.

His family is pretty low on the economic scale, and Worldview isn't exactly cheap. So financially, James could not make it back. That makes one of my priorities impossible. My only other priority was to go with Sam.

But, she signed up for a week in Ohio. That week happens to be right after the week I go to Boy Scout camp. I'm not sure if it's the greatest idea to be away from home for two weeks straight, but I'm willing to do it so I can go with Sam. Sam doesn't really care if I go with her or not. She wants to meet new people, but she also wants to spend more time with me.

It all comes down to what my parents decide. I'm looking towards Ohio, but I don't know if they're comfortable with me away from home that long. So I think the results of this ultimatum is going to be what shows me the sign I've been looking for. If I go with Sam, then God wants me to be with Sam. If I can't, then He's not the one calling me. I'm not sure if that's really what it comes down to, though, honestly. I just don't know what to think.

I don't really have one question in particular. I just need guidance and I'm scared to tell anyone because I don't want to create conflict or awkwardness between anyone – say, my mom and Sam's mom, or my friend and Sam. I just don't know what to do next.

What does Sam think about the situation? If it's truly God who's telling you to be with Sam then God has probably been telling Sam to be with you. Another possibility is that God has been telling you to be with someone more like Sam (rather than Sam specifically). I think you, Sam and Alli need to get together to discuss all this.

 

[URA]

Jason Evert's website Chastity Project has a lot of great advice for situations like this; pray to find answers, and answers will come.

Chastity Project

God bless us all!

 

[Ttalkkugjil]

@Anonymous Teenager - here's what you should do - you ask Alli to meet you at a public place, say a local cafe, at a certain time. Then, unknown to Alli, you ask Sam to meet you at that same time and place (don't tell Sam that you've also asked Alli). Then the three of you can talk things over calmly and maturely.

 

[eleos1954]

I've never dealt with anything like this. I've never felt anything like this. I'm only a fourteen year old guy - yes, I know, my profile says I'm 18, but that was the minimum age, and I'm desperate for answers. So dealing with this is extremely hard.

Recently, I've been having these feelings. Or, callings, rather. It's a very strange calling too, but something tells me that I'm hearing this from an outside force. Maybe it's all in my developing, teenage mind.

There's a girl that goes to my church. She's a year younger than me, one grade below me. She's like my best friend. We are around the same point in our faith, we trust one another, we can talk easily with one another, we enjoy spending time with each other, and we have a lot in common. Her name is Sam. Sam and I get along really well, and I get along with her family, and she mine. Our families get along really well too — our moms are best friends too.

Sam is my best friend. I also have a girlfriend, whom I've been dating for nine months. Her name is Alli, and she's very sweet, but we have next to nothing in common. But still, we love one another (as much as two 9th graders can), and the relationship is flourishing nevertheless.

Recently, I've been feeling this "calling." Like, a vocational calling. It feels like something is whispering in my ear, "After high school, and after college, you are to start a relationship with Sam and preserve it until marriage. You are to be with Sam in the future."

I've been praying and praying for a sign from God, showing me whether it's Him who's calling me or not. I haven't seen a significant sign of either one. Sure, there's little things here and there, but I've seen little things that prove that it's Him, and little things that prove that it's not. So I'm not sure what to believe here.

I've narrowed it down to three possibilities.

1. It's God calling me, and I need to listen to Him.
2. It's Satan disguising himself as God, and I need to steer away from him.
3. It's all in my head and I may just be mistaking my enduring friendship for a vocational calling.

I don't even know what I feel for Sam. Is it phileo? Is it eros? Is it storge? Is it some mixture?

When I think about what life would be like with Sam as my wife, it just feels like it would be an almost perfect relationship. We laugh with each other. We relate to each other. We trust each other. We tell each other everything. We have so much in common, including our love for music and the way we process information (we both have analytical minds and we can agree on most things). We love spending time with one another, we can easily talk to each other for hours, and we both share a love for Christ.

But then I think to my current relationship with Alli. I get along extremely well with her, too. Two big stumbling blocks between us are:

1. The fact that we have nothing in common. She's a stylish, sporty, and social person. I'm more of a reserved band geek. I love music. She knows nothing about it. She's all about style. I just throw on jeans and a shirt. She plays sports. I laze around. She loves talking to people. I like keeping to myself. Almost everything about me doesn't exist in her, and vice versa.
2. The fact that she's not a Christian. Sure, I'll try and invite her to church or youth group. Youth group is Wednesdays, and she's tired after lacrosse practice. Sundays, church is too early for her. She says her family has been looking for a church, but they haven't been to a church since Christmas Eve.

When I think about losing her because God may be calling me to be with Sam, it hurts. This is why it's so hard to deal with. Because I don't know what I need to do. If it's God, I need to listen to Him and eventually my relationship with Alli will end. If it's not God, I'd rather not break up with her. Everyone says we're going to last through all of high school because we get along so well. I'm just not sure how my current relationship plays into this whole situation with Sam.

I've had one or two dreams about Sam, and a life where the two of us are in a relationship. I can't help but remember how God would appear to people in dreams. Joseph is a prime example.

I also came across the realization that the two of us (me and Sam) might make a great singer-songwriter duo. I'm great at composing music, and Sam's great at writing lyrics, but yet I struggle with lyrics and she struggles with music composition. Maybe God wants us together so we can evangelize through music.

Right, there's another thing. I have no idea WHY I'm receiving this calling. There seems to be no purpose behind this vocation (other than the possible worship thing, I guess). So maybe it really is in my head, because I feel like God would have a purpose. He always does. Maybe He's just not telling me.

I've asked God for a sign countless times, and I've asked Him to just directly tell me, but neither of those things have happened.

I'm also pretty sure that if it is just in my head, it's a one-sided thing. No matter what I feel for Sam, I can tell strongly that she has no feelings for me at the moment. I don't think it's a misinterpretation of our relationship, just a misinterpretation of my feelings for her, if it's that at all. I don't think I have romantic feelings for her, because of our strong friendship, but maybe deep down, I do and I haven't realized it.

This seems to be messing with my head. I'll look at Sam, and I'll think about this. I'll overthink every little movement she does, everything she says, and sometimes it seems to occupy my head at the wrong time. I don't know why God would want to put me through this, but trials produce steadfastness. I just don't know if it's only a trial, or something more.

Recently, I feel like I might be seeing a pretty profound sign. Last year, Sam and I, along with a few other kids from church, went to Worldview Academy. This, in case you don't know, is a Christian camp where your Christian worldview is fine-tuned and you learn just why Christianity is right. Both Sam and I truly accepted Christ into our hearts on that trip.

Also on that trip was my friend James, who was also my roommate and a member of my small group. The small groups were single-gendered, six-person groups that you basically spent your entire time at camp with. I wasn't really friends with James then, but since Worldview, I've gotten along with him extraordinarily well.

We all decided as we were leaving Worldview last year that we would all go together again. My two main priorities were to have even more faith-building experiences with the two I really connected with last time. Those two were Sam and James.

Sam, who plays softball, is on a tight schedule this summer. Although we had planned to go to a local Worldview camp in Pennsylvania (we live in Maryland), Sam could only fit a camp in Ohio, due to softball. So her parents signed her up for Ohio. I found this out at the same time that I found out that James isn't coming to Worldview this year.

His family is pretty low on the economic scale, and Worldview isn't exactly cheap. So financially, James could not make it back. That makes one of my priorities impossible. My only other priority was to go with Sam.

But, she signed up for a week in Ohio. That week happens to be right after the week I go to Boy Scout camp. I'm not sure if it's the greatest idea to be away from home for two weeks straight, but I'm willing to do it so I can go with Sam. Sam doesn't really care if I go with her or not. She wants to meet new people, but she also wants to spend more time with me.

It all comes down to what my parents decide. I'm looking towards Ohio, but I don't know if they're comfortable with me away from home that long. So I think the results of this ultimatum is going to be what shows me the sign I've been looking for. If I go with Sam, then God wants me to be with Sam. If I can't, then He's not the one calling me. I'm not sure if that's really what it comes down to, though, honestly. I just don't know what to think.

I don't really have one question in particular. I just need guidance and I'm scared to tell anyone because I don't want to create conflict or awkwardness between anyone – say, my mom and Sam's mom, or my friend and Sam. I just don't know what to do next.

ok ... so you have "feelings" for two different girls. Here's the thing ... if you and one of the girls (assuming girl #1) have made a commitment to one another, then you should possibly look at releasing that commitment ... talk to her and let her know you are having confused feelings about your relationship ... difficult and risky I know ... but is the right thing to do. Honesty is always the best policy.

If you think God is going to give you some kind of unmistakable sign (not that it couldn't happen) but likely that's not going to happen.

All of you are young and have a lot of life ahead of you.

"Sam doesn't really care if I go with her or not. She wants to meet new people, but she also wants to spend more time with me." ok ... so she's not necessarily interested in a commitment and is being up front about it ... and that's a good thing, she's being honest.

Have a commitment ... or not .... that's what you need to decide. No matter what relationship you may have it needs to be centered in Christ ... that is His will.

If you don't have a stated commitment with girl #1 then the both of you are free to date other people. However ... many times there is an "assumed commitment" by one or the other ... so is it a stated commitment or an assumed one with girl #1?

God Bless.

 

[Dave-W]

What does Sam think about the situation? If it's truly God who's telling you to be with Sam then God has probably been telling Sam to be with you. Another possibility is that God has been telling you to be with someone more like Sam (rather than Sam specifically). I think you, Sam and Alli need to get together to discuss all this.

Sounds like a recipe to lose both of them.

 

[catch_the_music]

Be true to the gal you made a commitment to. If you decide to date Sam -then let the other gal know. Pray for God to show you who the right person for you is. Prayers for your success!

 

[SkyWriting]

I've never dealt with anything like this. I've never felt anything like this. I'm only a fourteen year old guy - yes, I know, my profile says I'm 18, but that was the minimum age, and I'm desperate for answers. So dealing with this is extremely hard.

Recently, I've been having these feelings. Or, callings, rather. It's a very strange calling too, but something tells me that I'm hearing this from an outside force. Maybe it's all in my developing, teenage mind.

There's a girl that goes to my church. She's a year younger than me, one grade below me. She's like my best friend. We are around the same point in our faith, we trust one another, we can talk easily with one another, we enjoy spending time with each other, and we have a lot in common. Her name is Sam. Sam and I get along really well, and I get along with her family, and she mine. Our families get along really well too — our moms are best friends too.

Sam is my best friend. I also have a girlfriend, whom I've been dating for nine months. Her name is Alli, and she's very sweet, but we have next to nothing in common. But still, we love one another (as much as two 9th graders can), and the relationship is flourishing nevertheless.

Recently, I've been feeling this "calling." Like, a vocational calling. It feels like something is whispering in my ear, "After high school, and after college, you are to start a relationship with Sam and preserve it until marriage. You are to be with Sam in the future."

I've been praying and praying for a sign from God, showing me whether it's Him who's calling me or not. I haven't seen a significant sign of either one. Sure, there's little things here and there, but I've seen little things that prove that it's Him, and little things that prove that it's not. So I'm not sure what to believe here.

I've narrowed it down to three possibilities.

1. It's God calling me, and I need to listen to Him.
2. It's Satan disguising himself as God, and I need to steer away from him.
3. It's all in my head and I may just be mistaking my enduring friendship for a vocational calling.

I don't even know what I feel for Sam. Is it phileo? Is it eros? Is it storge? Is it some mixture?

When I think about what life would be like with Sam as my wife, it just feels like it would be an almost perfect relationship. We laugh with each other. We relate to each other. We trust each other. We tell each other everything. We have so much in common, including our love for music and the way we process information (we both have analytical minds and we can agree on most things). We love spending time with one another, we can easily talk to each other for hours, and we both share a love for Christ.

But then I think to my current relationship with Alli. I get along extremely well with her, too. Two big stumbling blocks between us are:

1. The fact that we have nothing in common. She's a stylish, sporty, and social person. I'm more of a reserved band geek. I love music. She knows nothing about it. She's all about style. I just throw on jeans and a shirt. She plays sports. I laze around. She loves talking to people. I like keeping to myself. Almost everything about me doesn't exist in her, and vice versa.
2. The fact that she's not a Christian. Sure, I'll try and invite her to church or youth group. Youth group is Wednesdays, and she's tired after lacrosse practice. Sundays, church is too early for her. She says her family has been looking for a church, but they haven't been to a church since Christmas Eve.

When I think about losing her because God may be calling me to be with Sam, it hurts. This is why it's so hard to deal with. Because I don't know what I need to do. If it's God, I need to listen to Him and eventually my relationship with Alli will end. If it's not God, I'd rather not break up with her. Everyone says we're going to last through all of high school because we get along so well. I'm just not sure how my current relationship plays into this whole situation with Sam.

I've had one or two dreams about Sam, and a life where the two of us are in a relationship. I can't help but remember how God would appear to people in dreams. Joseph is a prime example.

I also came across the realization that the two of us (me and Sam) might make a great singer-songwriter duo. I'm great at composing music, and Sam's great at writing lyrics, but yet I struggle with lyrics and she struggles with music composition. Maybe God wants us together so we can evangelize through music.

Right, there's another thing. I have no idea WHY I'm receiving this calling. There seems to be no purpose behind this vocation (other than the possible worship thing, I guess). So maybe it really is in my head, because I feel like God would have a purpose. He always does. Maybe He's just not telling me.

I've asked God for a sign countless times, and I've asked Him to just directly tell me, but neither of those things have happened.

I'm also pretty sure that if it is just in my head, it's a one-sided thing. No matter what I feel for Sam, I can tell strongly that she has no feelings for me at the moment. I don't think it's a misinterpretation of our relationship, just a misinterpretation of my feelings for her, if it's that at all. I don't think I have romantic feelings for her, because of our strong friendship, but maybe deep down, I do and I haven't realized it.

This seems to be messing with my head. I'll look at Sam, and I'll think about this. I'll overthink every little movement she does, everything she says, and sometimes it seems to occupy my head at the wrong time. I don't know why God would want to put me through this, but trials produce steadfastness. I just don't know if it's only a trial, or something more.

Recently, I feel like I might be seeing a pretty profound sign. Last year, Sam and I, along with a few other kids from church, went to Worldview Academy. This, in case you don't know, is a Christian camp where your Christian worldview is fine-tuned and you learn just why Christianity is right. Both Sam and I truly accepted Christ into our hearts on that trip.

Also on that trip was my friend James, who was also my roommate and a member of my small group. The small groups were single-gendered, six-person groups that you basically spent your entire time at camp with. I wasn't really friends with James then, but since Worldview, I've gotten along with him extraordinarily well.

We all decided as we were leaving Worldview last year that we would all go together again. My two main priorities were to have even more faith-building experiences with the two I really connected with last time. Those two were Sam and James.

Sam, who plays softball, is on a tight schedule this summer. Although we had planned to go to a local Worldview camp in Pennsylvania (we live in Maryland), Sam could only fit a camp in Ohio, due to softball. So her parents signed her up for Ohio. I found this out at the same time that I found out that James isn't coming to Worldview this year.

His family is pretty low on the economic scale, and Worldview isn't exactly cheap. So financially, James could not make it back. That makes one of my priorities impossible. My only other priority was to go with Sam.

But, she signed up for a week in Ohio. That week happens to be right after the week I go to Boy Scout camp. I'm not sure if it's the greatest idea to be away from home for two weeks straight, but I'm willing to do it so I can go with Sam. Sam doesn't really care if I go with her or not. She wants to meet new people, but she also wants to spend more time with me.

It all comes down to what my parents decide. I'm looking towards Ohio, but I don't know if they're comfortable with me away from home that long. So I think the results of this ultimatum is going to be what shows me the sign I've been looking for. If I go with Sam, then God wants me to be with Sam. If I can't, then He's not the one calling me. I'm not sure if that's really what it comes down to, though, honestly. I just don't know what to think.

I don't really have one question in particular. I just need guidance and I'm scared to tell anyone because I don't want to create conflict or awkwardness between anyone – say, my mom and Sam's mom, or my friend and Sam. I just don't know what to do next.

God has already done what He is going to do.
Faith is putting it all in God's hands at all times.

God does not watch from His office and whisper advice.
He already has your entire life mapped out.
Faith in God is keeping ready for His next moment offered.