I'm broken. My mother is mentally ill.

[MaddieD]

I've been studying psychology for years trying to come to an understanding of what is wrong with my mother and how I can work through the trauma that has come from a lifetime of her abuse and mental illness.

I have finally come to the conclusion that she most likely has multiple complex developmental disorder. In her case, this is a combination of schizophrenia (or a related psychotic disorder), Narcissistic personality disorder, and an autism spectrum disorder. She also has more mild co-morbid conditions such as depression and anxiety. When I was a child she had severe panic disorder and agoraphobia.

In short, she is extremely mentally ill. She believes that she knows where murder victims bodies are, that she can predict national catastrophes and tragedies, that God will kill people on her behalf who get in the way of her "calling", that she sees angels and devils, that she raised a bird from the dead, and all kinds of things that she uses to impress fanatical church followers. She's the kind of stuff that cult leaders are made of.

She has tried to project these hallucinations onto me at times. When I commented on some clouds in the sky, she somehow used that to delude herself into believing that I had predicted 9/11 before it happened. She tried to convince me that I prophesied the tragedy. One time she didn't like my "prophecy" though, so she became enraged and tried to convince me that I was being controlled by the devil (I guess to derail her "calling").

My life has been one crazy episode after another with her, and it all revolved around crazy religious themed hallucinations. She neglected us and told us that she didn't want us around because she was too busy praying. She once said that God got mad at her because she told him that she had to leave her trance so that she could pay the bills.

It was just pure insanity, and now I'm an adult with a family of my own, and I'm trying to pick up the pieces. I have post traumatic stress disorder because I'm terrified that she's going to come to my house and do something insane (she has before). I completely cut off contact with her months ago to protect myself and my family from her. It's not enough to have this life of trauma to sort through, but I now have to deal with the guilt of abandoning her (she's also recently widowed by the way, which just adds to the guilt).

I tried trauma therapy and it was intense and interfered with my life to the point where I had difficulty functioning. I didn't see any progress over the course of months either. It just stirred up pain and left me reeling. I'm TRYING to go to church, but I keep freaking out every time anyone mentions anything even remotely spiritual because I feel like they're going to turn out to be some kind of cult like my upbringing was. I suffered so much trauma revolving around the Christian religion that I can hardly stand to listen to any biblical teachings or anything "christian" that anyone has to say because it's such a huge trigger for me.

I just don't know how I can heal. How can I heal? Please help me. I tried to talk to a pastor about this and he completely blew me off and diminished my problems before I even touched upon them. I feel like there is no way I will be able to find a pastor that is qualified enough to council a person who is as broken as I am without making me worse.

 

[cerette]

What a tough upbringing. May God give you strength!
I would suggest you seek the help of a therapist so you can talk to someone who is trained to listen and suggest "a cure".
I would also suggest you get involved with Bible reading/study with or without a church/pastor, so you can learn what real Christianity is and how it differs from your mother's weird claims. Here is a link to a church where you can listen to sermons and learn more about Jesus online:
St. Paul Lutheran Church
There are lots of pastors out there who are good listeners and able to provide comfort from God's Word, but please note that pastors are not psychologists and one shouldn't expect them to be able to help you in the way a psychologist is trained to do.
All the best to you! God bless you.

 

[joey_downunder]

I also have completely cut contact with my mother as well, as has my brother. My other sisters try and avoid all contact when possible. She fits the profile of a Compensatory Narcissistic Personality Disorder exactly and she tried to make all her children fit the role of her mother (she died when my mother was seven). Extremely sick family dynamics resulted.

I also thought by analysing and working my very dysfunctional mother's problems out it would heal me. "Knowledge equals power" etc. I know now that it is merely the start of the healing process.

It is a hard road you have to walk. Your mother was a religious fruitcake as well as a terrible mother. Have you considered looking for people who counsel ex-cult members? You were born into a cult you know, even if it was a only a cult of 2. Apologetics Index is a great information website.

Like me you have to let your mother go. You have to live with you. Analysing her will not change her. Going over all what was wrong with her will not fix you. We are not our mother.

I have to catch myself going off into the familiar territory of pain and "what ifs" and "if onlys" and instead look for sermons and books that deal with the topic that pops up. I use www.sermonaudio.com a lot now.

If you need a big sister then PM me.

 

[Chaplain David]

I've been studying psychology for years trying to come to an understanding of what is wrong with my mother and how I can work through the trauma that has come from a lifetime of her abuse and mental illness.

I have finally come to the conclusion that she most likely has multiple complex developmental disorder. In her case, this is a combination of schizophrenia (or a related psychotic disorder), Narcissistic personality disorder, and an autism spectrum disorder. She also has more mild co-morbid conditions such as depression and anxiety. When I was a child she had severe panic disorder and agoraphobia.

In short, she is extremely mentally ill. She believes that she knows where murder victims bodies are, that she can predict national catastrophes and tragedies, that God will kill people on her behalf who get in the way of her "calling", that she sees angels and devils, that she raised a bird from the dead, and all kinds of things that she uses to impress fanatical church followers. She's the kind of stuff that cult leaders are made of.

She has tried to project these hallucinations onto me at times. When I commented on some clouds in the sky, she somehow used that to delude herself into believing that I had predicted 9/11 before it happened. She tried to convince me that I prophesied the tragedy. One time she didn't like my "prophecy" though, so she became enraged and tried to convince me that I was being controlled by the devil (I guess to derail her "calling").

My life has been one crazy episode after another with her, and it all revolved around crazy religious themed hallucinations. She neglected us and told us that she didn't want us around because she was too busy praying. She once said that God got mad at her because she told him that she had to leave her trance so that she could pay the bills.

It was just pure insanity, and now I'm an adult with a family of my own, and I'm trying to pick up the pieces. I have post traumatic stress disorder because I'm terrified that she's going to come to my house and do something insane (she has before). I completely cut off contact with her months ago to protect myself and my family from her. It's not enough to have this life of trauma to sort through, but I now have to deal with the guilt of abandoning her (she's also recently widowed by the way, which just adds to the guilt).

I tried trauma therapy and it was intense and interfered with my life to the point where I had difficulty functioning. I didn't see any progress over the course of months either. It just stirred up pain and left me reeling. I'm TRYING to go to church, but I keep freaking out every time anyone mentions anything even remotely spiritual because I feel like they're going to turn out to be some kind of cult like my upbringing was. I suffered so much trauma revolving around the Christian religion that I can hardly stand to listen to any biblical teachings or anything "christian" that anyone has to say because it's such a huge trigger for me.

I just don't know how I can heal. How can I heal? Please help me. I tried to talk to a pastor about this and he completely blew me off and diminished my problems before I even touched upon them. I feel like there is no way I will be able to find a pastor that is qualified enough to council a person who is as broken as I am without making me worse.

Hello,

I'm not recommending this as much as just letting you know there is a therapy out there that may help you. My wife is a licensed mental health provider who uses a therapy called EMDR. I know it is sometimes used with people who have trauma and I can tell you first hand it is very gentle but I think effective. You may want to check this out.

I also want to let you know that I am praying for you both.

Faithfully,
CH Sacerdote

 

[1watchman]

Friend, you need to find God for yourself, and not be trusting a church to provide it. Attending a church gathering is good for support and moral friendship, but not always true to the Bible. Let me urge you to find God at home as I did, and that has been a blessing for over 60 years now. Here is a paper to consider:

Finding God
What Serious Seekers Need To Know​

"Based on what the Holy Bible shows us about the Creator-God and His Word given for mankind, the essential need for souls seeking peace and blessings now and for eternity, is to: A) Know of the Creator, His purposes, His ways, His love, and His salvation; B) Believe on Him and receive Him; C) Trust Him and obey Him; D) Be settled in Him and faithful. A good place to start is in the Bible at John 1, John 3, and John 14 to understand Salvation. One needs to read these chapters and ask God for teaching and leading (and not delay this urgent need).

Underlying every thought about coming to Jehovah-God and enjoying His blessings, is the essential need to be sincere, honest, and in readiness to yield completely to our Creator. This speaks of abandoning our religious ideas and personal reasoning, and to feel a real need to be rescued from much uncertainty in this life, and eternal condemnation in a hell that awaits all unsaved ones. Let us look at these four issues:

1. COMING TO GOD: Often, the many questions people raise about God is a challenge against God to prove Himself. That is gross foolishness, and will profit nothing. He does not need to prove Himself, and will not yield to challenges. It is a wrong spirit. He can be found in and through His immutable Word by faith and obedience, which He gave us, and His ways are set forth therein (please see the messages in Jer. 29:11-13, Matt. 6:6, John 14, Rom. 3, and Acts 17:24-27). Our ways and ideas and religions are not God's ways (note Isa. 55:6-9). It is foolish for simple and sinful man to presume to be greater than the Creator, and expect Him to reveal all things that are too far beyond our finite ability to know; so if that is not appreciated, one is thus choosing to go forth in spiritual darkness with their own reasoning and various religious ideas, which is rebellion and fatal (and quite pleasing to Satan).

2. BELIEVING: Believing about God is not the same as believing on Him; and also knowing the teachings of God through His beloved Son, the Lord Jesus, is not the same as receiving the Son into one's heart personally as the Savior of our eternal soul. God’s "great salvation" is not based on our good thinking, good works, religion, etc.; and is the free gift of God to all sinners by trust. Knowledge and reasoning will not save a soul, but faith and embracing God's promises will (see John 3:16 & 35-36). The simple truth of eternal hope is that one must receive and be devoted to the Savior --the Lord Jesus, for salvation and blessings; and it is not dependent on our works. God will then make that one alive unto Him, and sealed by the indwelling of His Holy Spirit FOREVER as a "child of God" (one cannot be unborn, nor put out of the family of God). This is the essence of eternal life and blessings. It speaks of humility, reverence, and sincerity ---never challenging God, but showing a thankful spirit and ignoring the doubts of men by Satan, and our own reasoning. God’s promises are true.

3. A RELATIONSHIP: One might think they have a relationship with God because they go to church meetings, or know some verses of the Bible, etc.; but one does not have a relationship with anyone by reading or thinking something about them. Now: A) REDEMPTION WAY: If one knows of the Lord Jesus and the truth of salvation according to the Bible in the Gospels (as stated above), then they need to talk to God --repent of their sin (all acts and thoughts contrary to our holy God), act on the truth in a personal way by faith and trust, and receive God's beloved Son to establish a relationship, and to enjoy communion and blessings --"no man cometh to the Father, but by Me", the Lord Jesus said (see all of John 14). One must start talking to the Savior while there is time; B) CHURCH TRUTH: Then one ought to obey the truth of God in our walk and fellowship, and keep His Word ("all the counsel of God"). The Epistles show God's expectations of man, His Church universal, locally, and functions; and the pathway as ordained and given to His Apostles, and His mercy and care through Jesus Christ; C) SPIRITUAL LIFE: The Epistles explain the gospel, show God's work to establish His church --the living body of Christ which is all true believers, and the life in the church as the new believers walk through this world. If the true ("born again") believers do not value the Word of God and do not obey the Word, but follow their own ideas or religious preferences, they will stand in judgment for that before God one day ("…and suffer loss", forfeiting rewards). The non-believer, of course, won’t even be in Heaven.

4. SUMMARY: The essence of this all, is simply that one who wants blessings and is not eternally saved needs eternal life in receiving the Savior, to escape judgment for sins; and one who is already saved –"born again" by faith in Christ and the sealing of the Holy Spirit, needs to be settled in that, refusing to listen to doubts by Satan, and read the Word of God daily. One will thus be instructed in how to obey and please God, and embrace His truth for blessings ---now and for eternity. Saints today are not like the saints of olden times and Israel with their religion. Israelites are a separate earthly people, and Christians are of the Church –the heavenly Bride of Christ; and today we who KNOW Jesus Christ need to worship as God showed us, and read the Word of God daily and keep it to conform to our God. It is a personal thing, and is all aside from those professing Christians who may be a bad example and teach erroneously. A faithful one will read the Bible daily, be settled and happy as they walk with the Lord Jesus, try to find a sound and Godly assembly, and wait for the Lord’s return and home call. –RLD: from biblecounsel.homestead.com