"I'm bored,"

[Linnis]

I don't know how to solve this problem, my nephew will be seven years old in less than two weeks and he's ALWAYS bored. At first I'd suggest things he could do, like color, play with his cars etc...My BIL has bought tons and tons of toys, games and things for him to do, he has baseball, we do crafts, bake, go to the park, walk the dog...no matter what we do he's bored.

The only thing that used to not make him bored is video games & TV.

My BIL bought him a gamecube for Chirstmas, if I let him he'd play that thing all day and do nothing else. I won't let him, I think it's insane to let a kid play a video game or watch tv 3-4 hours at a stretch.

He's also got a computer with tons of games, a video now, a gameboy and a playstation. The playstation is new and the only game he's got in GrandTheft auto...the whole concept in that your in a gang and you steal cars and kill people...but you are killing drug deals so it's supposed to be okay...he thinks this game is the best thing ever BUT I don't like it and won't allow it in my house and he won't play the Mario game which I don't have a problem with.


He's a jombie and I don't know what to do. He won't do anything and if I don't give him a choice like about going to the park or what not he just sits there and does nothing.

Is this normal? Should I guve in to the video games?

 

[Princessperky]

Boredom is a sign of one of two things, psych troubles (not wanting to be with your own brain) or simple lack of practice filling time.

Counseling can help the first, but you still need to teach kids how to ammuse themselves, (without getting into trouble!)

Some misc methods,

'rainy day jar', filled with a list of possible activities, could be all fancy with folded ideas (have him help pick them ) or just a old fashioned list.

Structure, generally kids in the PublicSchool system are used to 8 or so hours of their day structured with very definate reccess, and work times, so the whole Idea of summer, which sounds like bliss, is really hard. Making some artificial structure and breaking up the free time of summer can help. It isn't so hard to fill 20 minutes, but it is downright difficult to fill 3 or so hours without the computer or tv. (according to the TV generation)

Chores, I know why should a small kid have to do some chores? because that makes the free time more valuable to them, and while they are working and grumbling, wishing they could be doing X, they are planning their free time. not to mention it kills 20 minutes out of that 5 hours or so .

Choices, small choices. You would think a houseful of nothing to do is full of choices but in general it is full of TOO MANY choices. shrinking the number by either cleaning out some toys, or listing a few options can help a kid pick better. Also having the same list each day (or close to it) will help him have it without asking you for it.

IMO TV and videogame abuse is part of the cause of the problem and should not be part of the cure, but I do not toss mine completly, just limit it (same as I do in myself)

 

[Andry]

Linnis,

If you've got your nephew for the day, let him do what he wants to do that your BIL 'approves'. It's his kid. Don't try to change him in a day; your nephew won't see you as his 'cool aunt'.

But it sounds like you do interact with him on a regular basis. And while you can influence your nephew, his greatest influence will be his own parents. So I suggest getting on to your sis and BIL about your concerns.

But also note that kids go through phases where they'll just be focused on one thing, and all other things are 'boring.' Unless you know for sure that his video game fix is affecting him detrimentally, give him some latitude and flexibility. Perhaps instead, join him by suggesting other types of video games (ie. less violent), which may mean going down to the video store on your part and learning which games are 'hot' and 'cool'.

What I do with my own 5 yo when we're stuck is compromise: we'll do what he likes for a time, and after that, do what "I" like, such as a bike ride or painting. The condition is, we both have to be genuinely enjoying it, vis a vis no whining.

 

[BeanMak]

My son is 19 and I don't like the Grand Theft Auto- I can't imagine letting a 7 year old play that game!

Nothing is wrong with being bored. If he won't play the game you have then he can just sit. Have books available, puzzles, coloring books or just let him follow you around.

 

[Katydid]

Well, if it was your OWN child, then I have a solution that works at our house, and depending on your relationship with BIL may work for you. My kids never say "I'm bored" because as soon as those words come out, they have to pick a chore out of a chore jar. This means sweeping, cleaning a bathroom, etc. Now mind you, we have plenty of books, plenty of puzzles etc. so there is no reason for them to be bored. But, if they do say it, they know that I can cure their boredome quickly.

 

[Linnis]

Well, if it was your OWN child, then I have a solution that works at our house, and depending on your relationship with BIL may work for you. My kids never say "I'm bored" because as soon as those words come out, they have to pick a chore out of a chore jar. This means sweeping, cleaning a bathroom, etc. Now mind you, we have plenty of books, plenty of puzzles etc. so there is no reason for them to be bored. But, if they do say it, they know that I can cure their boredome quickly.

Haha! I read your mind...about 5 minutes after I posted this he came in whining about being bored and I'm like "go clean your room, that'll take a good half hour." and after dinner he was bored again so emptied the dishwasher.

He's getting the hint to find something to do instead of complaining he's bored.

 

[Linnis]

Linnis,

If you've got your nephew for the day, let him do what he wants to do that your BIL 'approves'. It's his kid. Don't try to change him in a day; your nephew won't see you as his 'cool aunt'.

But it sounds like you do interact with him on a regular basis. And while you can influence your nephew, his greatest influence will be his own parents. So I suggest getting on to your sis and BIL about your concerns.

But also note that kids go through phases where they'll just be focused on one thing, and all other things are 'boring.' Unless you know for sure that his video game fix is affecting him detrimentally, give him some latitude and flexibility. Perhaps instead, join him by suggesting other types of video games (ie. less violent), which may mean going down to the video store on your part and learning which games are 'hot' and 'cool'.

What I do with my own 5 yo when we're stuck is compromise: we'll do what he likes for a time, and after that, do what "I" like, such as a bike ride or painting. The condition is, we both have to be genuinely enjoying it, vis a vis no whining.

The thing is he lives with me four full days a week, as in 24 hours a day, four days a week, or I'll have him 16 hours a day and his dad will pick him up to sleep at his house. He sleeps here, eats his meals here...basically except for some fancy paperwork, I got half custody of him...yet when he comes back from Dad's he's got used to NO RULES and I can't exactly let that fly now can I? I mean he comes back very RUDE and with no mannors whatsoever and has comments like "I'm hungry where's dinner" or "It's about time you do the dishes" like he's King Tut...sorry I won't allow anyone to talk to me like that, let alone a 6 year old.

After about a day he'll get back into knowing there's meal times, bed time, bath time, what he can and cannot do....

He's my BIL by marriage, the closest thing this kid has to a mother is whatever GF my BIL has living there although this one's been there for almost 7 months so by far the longest. She tries but we're completely undermind by his Father when we try to teack him table mannors and such.


Sorry about the double post...I didn't know how to quote two people in the same post.

 

[Whitestone]

The thing is he lives with me four full days a week, as in 24 hours a day, four days a week, or I'll have him 16 hours a day and his dad will pick him up to sleep at his house. He sleeps here, eats his meals here...basically except for some fancy paperwork, I got half custody of him...yet when he comes back from Dad's he's got used to NO RULES and I can't exactly let that fly now can I? I mean he comes back very RUDE and with no mannors whatsoever and has comments like "I'm hungry where's dinner" or "It's about time you do the dishes" like he's King Tut...sorry I won't allow anyone to talk to me like that, let alone a 6 year old.

After about a day he'll get back into knowing there's meal times, bed time, bath time, what he can and cannot do....

He's my BIL by marriage, the closest thing this kid has to a mother is whatever GF my BIL has living there although this one's been there for almost 7 months so by far the longest. She tries but we're completely undermind by his Father when we try to teack him table mannors and such.


Sorry about the double post...I didn't know how to quote two people in the same post.

Hi there, I noticed you mention that he comes back from his father's and seems to need to get reaquainted with the way thing run in your house. My parents told me after I grew up that I was always dificult to deal with when coming back from visitation.

Thinking back it wasn't about the rules it was about the fact that I was not comfortable, even though he knows your house and his father's house he still seems to be moving atleast once a week. As an adult I don't like the thought of moving at all. So please don't think that he is just forgetting about his manners and such he is acting up to get himself reaquainted with his boundaries so he feels comfortable again.

As to his father undermining your attempts at teaching your nephew mannors, don't worry about it just keep doing what you are doing in time your nephew will see the difference.

From my experience the fathers that try to be the fun ones are the same ones that let their children down, they know what to do when it is fun, but they seem to run away when it gets tough or they don't know how to handle it.

One young woman I know, her parents divorced when she was young, both parents remarried. Her father spent fun time with her, but her step father(the guy that stuck it out with her good times and bad) was the one that gave her away at her wedding even though her biological father was there. Kids know who took care of them as they grow up.

 

[Linnis]

Hi there, I noticed you mention that he comes back from his father's and seems to need to get reaquainted with the way thing run in your house. My parents told me after I grew up that I was always dificult to deal with when coming back from visitation.

Thinking back it wasn't about the rules it was about the fact that I was not comfortable, even though he knows your house and his father's house he still seems to be moving atleast once a week. As an adult I don't like the thought of moving at all. So please don't think that he is just forgetting about his manners and such he is acting up to get himself reaquainted with his boundaries so he feels comfortable again.

As to his father undermining your attempts at teaching your nephew mannors, don't worry about it just keep doing what you are doing in time your nephew will see the difference.

From my experience the fathers that try to be the fun ones are the same ones that let their children down, they know what to do when it is fun, but they seem to run away when it gets tough or they don't know how to handle it.

One young woman I know, her parents divorced when she was young, both parents remarried. Her father spent fun time with her, but her step father(the guy that stuck it out with her good times and bad) was the one that gave her away at her wedding even though her biological father was there. Kids know who took care of them as they grow up.

Wow, I never thought about how much HE must feel like a yo-yo if I do! I think he gets it most of the time, because normally I don't even have to remind him of the rules, he just knows them BUT sometimes he does. I've learned my BIL lets him stay up until after 11pm, so maybe when he comes back to me a lot of it's just he's very tired.

I love him and we'll work through it.