I'm afraid...

[Caty]

like i thought before hand if i said that in my head that would be the sin and i did it anyway, i hate myself, look what ive done.

 

[Caty]

and second that you'll be sentenced to Hell based on uncontrollable impulse... as a Baptized Christian... is inaccurate.

it wasnt uncontrollable---i thought it on purpose for some odd reason & i dont know why, i wasnt mad at God or anything,,Oh my god Im so scared right now, im shaking and crying and i dont understand why this happened.

 

[KleinerApfel]

But Caty, listen to me - you DID dismiss the thoughts in the end - you are upset that they came and you didn't want them, you are not responsible for the "brian spam" that come in and disrupts your thoughts, and in your heart you don't agree with them, so be at peace.
With OCD the thoughts and sometimes even the words you speak can be beyond your control. You really need someone sympathetic who understands your condition to counsel you, and offer you more help on how to reduce the horrible thoughts and gain a measure of control even if it isn't easy or complete at first.

 

[Caty]

But i thought that one on my own, no i dont agree with it but i thought aout htinking it and then i did---it was intentional. im so sick with myself.

 

[KleinerApfel]

Even so, it was a thought to which your truest heart did not agree, otherwise you wouldn't be troubled now.

You knew at the time that you were anxious and afraid and didn't really want to go with it, and now you can say for sure that you don't agree with it, so the thought never really "belonged" to you. Ignore it, it's gone, God is not holding it against you, you are forgiven.

 

[Caty]

i hope so. thanks you've made me feel some better. maybe enough to function now.

 

[KleinerApfel]

You're welcome sis.

 

[Caty]

how do i know i didnt own the thought, it was intnetional. i mean it wasnt to hurt God but I attributed His workl to Satan in my mind intentionally.

 

[Desperaux]

how do i know i didnt own the thought, it was intnetional. i mean it wasnt to hurt God but I attributed His workl to Satan in my mind intentionally.

You cast the thought out, didn't you?

 

[Caty]

what do you mean?

I had the thought from me, and I got really scared afterwards. I dont understand, what if I didnt you're scaring me?

 

[Supplanter]

Caty,

Even people without OCD can struggle with distinguishing their own thoughts from those that are suggested by the enemy, much less you who struggle with the impulses of OCD. You keep saying that you know the difference between you and an OCD thought, but I really don't believe that you do. I think you want to make that distinction so that you feel somewhat in control, but it just causes you to take undue responsibility for things that you don't really believe just because you think them.

I have horrible thought "slips" sometimes, but I don't dismiss them and do not meditate upon them. Everyone thinks things they don't want to sometimes and feels that they even did it intentionally, but we just don't meditate on these things.

 

[Caty]

but im sure that was from me & if so i cannot be forgiven.

 

[Supplanter]

but im sure that was from me & if so i cannot be forgiven.

There is no possible way that you can be sure that was from you and even if it was, you disagree with it, so exactly how have you sinned?

Even if a thought "originates" from you, it doesn't mean that is what you believe or that is where your heart is. Thought is a complex process and often times thoughts form from pieces of information that are restrung together by our subconscious to create a new thought that rises to our conscious minds. This is also the basis of many dreams. Events throughout our days are shuttled to the subconscious mind as we sleep.

These events are then strung together in pieces and random order often with little rhyme or reason and it builds a dream with elements of our lives. Now, you aren't responsible for that dream if say, you end up stealing something in that dream. You have committed no crime nor do you really want to steal just because you had a dream about it. You may just be under a lot of stress and it for some reason and even scientists don't fully understand comes out in a dream as you stealing.


The same thing can happen when we are awake on a less elaborate scale. Honestly, this is what you seem to be constantly focused on, what you think this sin is and what it means. So, you subconscious is constantly processing the information that you give it. It is no far stretch that your subconscious mind would pop a thought into your head like "Satan not Jesus" when you are so intently focused on all of this. And, of course, you believe that "you" must be the originator of the thought because it pops up so naturally . . .but even the enemy works often in our subconscious, so whether it was "you" or "him" really doesn't matter, because your subconscious reacts in completely random ways. You can say you intentionally thought something, but I tell you that you don't know.

 

[Caty]

okay, as long as i dont agree with it---so as long as i thinkits a bad thing then im ok.
okay i feel better now, thanks.

 

[keryakos]

There is no possible way that you can be sure that was from you and even if it was, you disagree with it, so exactly how have you sinned?

Even if a thought "originates" from you, it doesn't mean that is what you believe or that is where your heart is. Thought is a complex process and often times thoughts form from pieces of information that are restrung together by our subconscious to create a new thought that rises to our conscious minds. This is also the basis of many dreams. Events throughout our days are shuttled to the subconscious mind as we sleep.

These events are then strung together in pieces and random order often with little rhyme or reason and it builds a dream with elements of our lives. Now, you aren't responsible for that dream if say, you end up stealing something in that dream. You have committed no crime nor do you really want to steal just because you had a dream about it. You may just be under a lot of stress and it for some reason and even scientists don't fully understand comes out in a dream as you stealing.


The same thing can happen when we are awake on a less elaborate scale. Honestly, this is what you seem to be constantly focused on, what you think this sin is and what it means. So, you subconscious is constantly processing the information that you give it. It is no far stretch that your subconscious mind would pop a thought into your head like "Satan not Jesus" when you are so intently focused on all of this. And, of course, you believe that "you" must be the originator of the thought because it pops up so naturally . . .but even the enemy works often in our subconscious, so whether it was "you" or "him" really doesn't matter, because your subconscious reacts in completely random ways. You can say you intentionally thought something, but I tell you that you don't know.

This is true

 

[Caty]

but it wasnt random and it didnt just pop up, i thought about what i shouldnt say like what would be considered the uf-sina nd then i did it, intentionally. i dont know or understand myself sometimes but that doesn't mean i agree with it.

 

[KleinerApfel]

Dear Caty, your replies on this thread show just how much the OCD is affecting you - you are distressingly caught up in circular, repetitive thoughts that you almost manage to dismiss then they come back very quickly.
Are you receiving any medical help for it? I really believe that when a person is so tortured it must be worth at least trying out a low dose of one of the antidepressants that ease that kind of frantic cycle.
You haven't answered before when people asked about what help you're getting, so maybe you're not.

Do any of you American posters know of a safe helpline for youngsters with emotional distress, where Caty can be heard by a real person who knows about this condition?

 

[Desperaux]

Jesus heals.

 

[Joy]

Jesus heals.

Yes I agree

 

[KleinerApfel]

I agree with you ladies, but He uses people to help too, and when you're just 16 years old and posting for support online because you're so isolated, it's a good time for Him to send a real flesh and blood woman of God to come alongside you. That's my prayer for you Caty.