Im afraid of death.

AlexB23 · Jul 13, 2024

Neostarwcc said:
She lost a younger or older sister (I can't remember) in the fire so it was extra traumatizing for her. For the longest time she didn't want to be cremated because of it but decided shortly before her death to be cremated along with my grandfather who was a Protestant although what denomination he was I'm not 100% sure. The fire happened in the 1930s so it was a long time ago. I don't know much about the fire I'm sorry because my grandmother often wouldn't talk about it and she lost most of her education because of it. Like for example she never learned how to read or drive or anything like that but she still was pretty smart and knew how to speak English very well. But she knew how to cook very well although not as good as my mom's mom I'd have to admit. But my other grandmother hasn't cooked in years she is almost 95 years old and is the only grandparent I have left.

Yes John Calvin was one of the Reformers. He lived shortly after Luther died and in my opinion was one of the greatest if not the greatest theologian who ever lived. His main work "Institutes of the Christian religion" is a classic if you have not read it I highly recommend you do it's a fantastic work that should be read by Christians across all denominations. It's not just a work for the reformed. Calvin really nails down the basics of the Christian religion and Christian Theology in the book. It truly is a fantastic read. It's available on audio book and for free online I think although im not 100% sure. I bought my copy via audio book on audible.

Since I'm a Presbyterian I also really adored R.C. Sproul who was a great theologian of our time. He passed away in 2017 but he wrote many, many fantastic books and gave many, many fantastic classes many of which are available for free online. If you're interested in learning about reformed theology I do recommend him as well because he really nails it down in an easy to understand manner. The man was just so kind and fantastic.

I also really adored the way in which he passed away as well and wish I go to my grave in the way that he did. Just truly brave and remarkable.

I will pray for your grandparents and your grandmother's sister who passed away in the house fire, that Jesus will comfort them. It is cool hoe one of your grandparents have made it to 95 and still going strong. That is a long life.

Also, it is great that we are all united in Christ, regardless of denomination.

For Calvin, I am gonna download his book, and feed it into an offline artificial intelligence software which I run locally on my laptop, so I can compare different denominations. I have already fed in some Catholic, Lutheran and Orthodox documents into the computer as well as a hymn book, Catholic mass and a 2000 years of church history book. Christian documents are important, as Christian history spans 2000 years. R.C. Sproul is another good theologian of the modern time, same with A.W. Tozer and Spurgeon, even though the latter was a little harsh on Catholics. But hey, the Catholic church did not reform until Vatican II in the 1960s, so I see why a lot of folks in the 1500s-1960s were wary of Catholicism.

Neostarwcc · Jul 13, 2024

AlexB23 said:
I will pray for your grandparents and your grandmother's sister who passed away in the house fire, that Jesus will comfort them. It is cool hoe one of your grandparents have made it to 95 and still going strong. That is a long life.

Also, it is great that we are all united in Christ, regardless of denomination.

For Calvin, I am gonna download his book, and feed it into an offline artificial intelligence software which I run locally on my laptop, so I can compare different denominations. I have already fed in some Catholic, Lutheran and Orthodox documents into the computer as well as a hymn book, Catholic mass and a 2000 years of church history book. Christian documents are important, as Christian history spans 2000 years. R.C. Sproul is another good theologian of the modern time, same with A.W. Tozer and Spurgeon, even though the latter was a little harsh on Catholics. But hey, the Catholic church did not reform until Vatican II in the 1960s, so I see why a lot of folks in the 1500s-1960s were wary of Catholicism.

Yeah she has had a long life but she also has been suffering for a lot of it.
She has had stage 0 lukemia since I was in high school (im 38 and graduated in 2004). It's just recently progressed to stage 1 so when she does pass away odds are she will die of old age and not of lukemia unless it progresses a lot faster than it has been. She can hardly do anything for herself anymore though so my mom who was a nurse for over 40 years (she retired about 5 years ago but still deals with the family's health issues) has had to help her with meals and bathing and stuff like that because none of her other eight kids will help her. It's a tad sad. When my grandfather was alive and was incapacitated because of his two strokes my mom was the only one that would help as well. But my grandmother has been in pain and suffering for at least a decade and a half now. The last thing she wanted to live to see was my wife and I get married and that was almost 10 years ago. Now every other year that she's lived is just an added bonus lol.

Oh so you've heard of Sproul I wasn't sure. He was pretty influential and famous so I wasn't sure. I'm glad I'm not the only one that misses him but I'm also really glad that he is with God now and is no longer suffering. He was really, really suffering for the last few years of his life. But he still went to conferences and did his job until the very end. Just remarkable and inspiring how committed to God he was.

AlexB23 · Jul 13, 2024

Neostarwcc said:
Yeah she has had a long life but she also has been suffering for a lot of it.
She has had stage 0 lukemia since I was in high school (im 38 and graduated in 2004). It's just recently progressed to stage 1 so when she does pass away odds are she will die of old age and not of lukemia unless it progresses a lot faster than it has been. She can hardly do anything for herself anymore though so my mom who was a nurse for over 40 years (she retired about 5 years ago but still deals with the family's health issues) has had to help her with meals and bathing and stuff like that because none of her other eight kids will help her. It's a tad sad. When my grandfather was alive and was incapacitated because of his two strokes my mom was the only one that would help as well. But my grandmother has been in pain and suffering for at least a decade and a half now. The last thing she wanted to live to see was my wife and I get married and that was almost 10 years ago. Now every other year that she's lived is just an added bonus lol.

Oh so you've heard of Sproul I wasn't sure. He was pretty influential and famous so I wasn't sure. I'm glad I'm not the only one that misses him but I'm also really glad that he is with God now and is no longer suffering. He was really, really suffering for the last few years of his life. But he still went to conferences and did his job until the very end. Just remarkable and inspiring how committed to God he was.

My brother, you are still young, so death is many years away for you man. At least her blood cancer is slow going to a point that she is not suffering. Seems like your family had to go through a lot of rough stuff, but God will guide you through this.

I am not familiar with their works, but have seen the quotes of Sproul, Tozer and Spurgeon before, so that is how I know of these theologians.

Neostarwcc · Jul 13, 2024

AlexB23 said:
My brother, you are still young, so death is many years away for you man. At least her blood cancer is slow going to a point that she is not suffering. Seems like your family had to go through a lot of rough stuff, but God will guide you through this.

I am not familiar with their works, but have seen the quotes of Sproul, Tozer and Spurgeon before, so that is how I know of these theologians.

If I get my bariatric surgery and it's a success and I lose like 200 pounds I should live for a while yeah. Otherwise I might pass away before I'm 60. But either way I'm not super concerned about it. Like i said its mostly just the unknowns thats scary more than the actual im going to die. I had to accept when i was little that i was going to die some day. Yeah it's been slow going at least. It took almost 20 years to progress a stage. So unless it progresses 2 stages in a year or two or less I think she will be fine. She has been regularly seeing a cancer doctor for years and he has been keeping an eye on her. He told her 20 years ago that odds are she would die of old age instead of her cancer when they found it and so far he has been right. It's progressing but it's progressing very, very slowly. He didnt recommend chemo because of that not that my grandmother would have gone through chemo anyway.

AlexB23 · Jul 13, 2024

Neostarwcc said:
If I get my bariatric surgery and it's a success and I lose like 200 pounds I should live for a while yeah. Otherwise I might pass away before I'm 60. But either way I'm not super concerned about it. Like i said its mostly just the unknowns thats scary more than the actual im going to die. I had to accept when i was little that i was going to die some day. Yeah it's been slow going at least. It took almost 20 years to progress a stage. So unless it progresses 2 stages in a year or two or less I think she will be fine. She has been regularly seeing a cancer doctor for years and he has been keeping an eye on her. He told her 20 years ago that odds are she would die of old age instead of her cancer when they found it and so far he has been right. It's progressing but it's progressing very, very slowly. He didnt recommend chemo because of that not that my grandmother would have gone through chemo anyway.

Well hey, big guys have a strength. I have noticed that larger guys tend to be more friendly and gentle people. But I do hope that you can get the surgery so you can live longer to further God's Kingdom. Some people may have a fear of dying because they feel like they have not done enough for God's Kingdom, or have not converted enough people. However, God understands that it is difficult in this world to bring more people to Christ. Your grandmother would do just fine, and chemo is more deadly at an old age.

Neostarwcc · Jul 13, 2024

AlexB23 said:
Well hey, big guys have a strength. I have noticed that larger guys tend to be more friendly and gentle people. But I do hope that you can get the surgery so you can live longer to further God's Kingdom. Some people may have a fear of dying because they feel like they have not done enough for God's Kingdom, or have not converted enough people. However, God understands that it is difficult in this world to bring more people to Christ. Your grandmother would do just fine, and chemo is more deadly at an old age.

Oh she definitely wouldn't get it now. What good is it to extend her life now? She's going to die anyway. I'm talking about 20 years ago when she was first diagnosed. If it had progressed and she only had a few years to live if she did nothing she probably wouldn't have gotten chemo then either. My parents have said the same thing as well if they ever get cancer. My dad will be 70 this year and my mom 67. If they got cancer God forbid and were going to die within a few years they're going to just die instead of go through all of that suffering.

Yeah I have a big heart and my heart is super strong it survived a six inch blood clot and still performed at peak capacity. Long and really good story there but that's a story for another day since the story is a long one. But yeah, two years ago I did almost die and it was a little scary. Mostly because I was two states away from my wife and family and all I had was God. He definitely tested my faith during those two weeks let's just leave it at that.

AlexB23 · Jul 13, 2024

Neostarwcc said:
Oh she definitely wouldn't get it now. What good is it to extend her life now? She's going to die anyway. I'm talking about 20 years ago when she was first diagnosed. If it had progressed and she only had a few years to live if she did nothing she probably wouldn't have gotten chemo then either. My parents have said the same thing as well if they ever get cancer. My dad will be 70 this year and my mom 67. If they got cancer God forbid and were going to die within a few years they're going to just die instead of go through all of that suffering.

Yeah I have a big heart and my heart is super strong it survived a six inch blood clot and still performed at peak capacity. Long and really good story there but that's a story for another day since the story is a long one. But yeah, two years ago I did almost die and it was a little scary. Mostly because I was two states away from my wife and family and all I had was God. He definitely tested my faith during those two weeks let's just leave it at that.

Yeah, 20 years ago would have been different, but God kept your grandmother alive.

Yes, big people have larger hearts, but also I meant this as a metaphor, for kindness. God can test our faith sometimes, or use bad events in the world to bring us closer to Him. By the way, scientists developed a machine to detect heartbeats without any electrodes, dubbed the SQUID. It can detect small magnetic field fluctuations from the heart from electrical signals produced by the heart. So, technically our hearts are magnetic, but there are no measurable effects.

Magnetocardiography - Wikipedia

en.wikipedia.org

Neostarwcc · Jul 13, 2024

AlexB23 said:
Yeah, 20 years ago would have been different, but God kept your grandmother alive.

Yes, big people have larger hearts, but also I meant this as a metaphor, for kindness. God can test our faith sometimes, or use bad events in the world to bring us closer to Him. By the way, scientists developed a machine to detect heartbeats without any electrodes, dubbed the SQUID. It can detect small magnetic field fluctuations from the heart from electrical signals produced by the heart. So, technically our hearts are magnetic, but there are no measurable effects.

Magnetocardiography - Wikipedia

en.wikipedia.org

Yeah it was a very big blood clot and i didnt know my heart was larger than normal thats a fun fact. But Doctors were very surprised that my heart was still functioning perfectly normal like there wasn't a clot in it at all. If there wasn't a danger of the clot going to the brain they would have left the clot alone and let it dissolve with heparin and warfarin and the story wouldn't have been as miraculous. But I'll make a long story short. Basically they were going to do emergency open heart surgery on me because they thought that it was a very real danger that the clot could go from a hole in my heart to my brain and cause a stroke and likely death and when they put me under and went looking for the blood clot it was completely gone. It had completely vanished. It's a medical mystery what happened to the blood clot and the doctors have no clue what happened.

Of course, I know. God healed me. But, they're looking for the scientific explanation and there just plain isn't one. Because a clot almost the size of a baseball isn't just there one day and completely gone the next. Like poof vanished, didn't go to my brain or any other part of my body just magically disappeared.

AlexB23 · Jul 13, 2024

Neostarwcc said:
Yeah it was a very big blood clot and i didnt know my heart was larger than normal thats a fun fact. But Doctors were very surprised that my heart was still functioning perfectly normal like there wasn't a clot in it at all. If there wasn't a danger of the clot going to the brain they would have left the clot alone and let it dissolve with heparin and warfarin and the story wouldn't have been as miraculous. But I'll make a long story short. Basically they were going to do emergency open heart surgery on me because they thought that it was a very real danger that the clot could go from a hole in my heart to my brain and cause a stroke and likely death and when they put me under and went looking for the blood clot it was completely gone. It had completely vanished. It's a medical mystery what happened to the blood clot and the doctors have no clue what happened.

Of course, I know. God healed me. But, they're looking for the scientific explanation and there just plain isn't one. Because a clot almost the size of a baseball isn't just there one day and completely gone the next. Like poof vanished, didn't go to my brain or any other part of my body just magically disappeared.

I think that was a miracle. God has healed you, and now you can use this a testimony of how God can work miracles.

Neostarwcc · Jul 13, 2024

AlexB23 said:
I think that was a miracle. God has healed you, and now you can use this a testimony of how God can work miracles.

Exactly. It's not just in the Bible and Bible times that God healed people God continues to heal people till this day. Had God done nothing I could have possibly died because it was a real danger that this clot could have traveled to my brain they were very afraid and I was very afraid. Like I said, God definitely tested my faith just praise God!

Because all of my other blood clots were not dangerous they all dissolved naturally within 6 months or so I caught them in time it was just that one that nearly killed me. So yeah, I'm chuck full of stories lol.

AlexB23 · Jul 13, 2024

Neostarwcc said:
Exactly. It's not just in the Bible and Bible times that God healed people God continues to heal people till this day. Had God done nothing I could have possibly died because it was a real danger that this clot could have traveled to my brain they were very afraid and I was very afraid. Like I said, God definitely tested my faith just praise God!

Because all of my other blood clots were not dangerous they all dissolved naturally within 6 months or so I caught them in time it was just that one that nearly killed me. So yeah, I'm chuck full of stories lol.

God still heals in 2024, even though healing may not be as often. Also, every time one accepts Jesus into our hearts, that is a miracle in itself, the gift of Salvation through Jesus Christ, which is eternal.

AlexB23 · Jul 13, 2024

So, now that you are slowly getting over your fear of death, have you no fear of @Freth? He is a good man/bro here on the forums.

Just trying to brighten your mood @Neostarwcc with a joke, as "Freth" rhymes with "death".

christian-surfer · Jul 13, 2024

Prayers

Lord increase my faith in the afterlife
Help me to come to terms with the mortality of the body

Forgive us our sins
Save us from the fires of hell
Lead all souls to heaven
especially those most in need

Neostarwcc · Jul 14, 2024

AlexB23 said:
So, now that you are slowly getting over your fear of death, have you no fear of @Freth? He is a good man/bro here on the forums.

Just trying to brighten your mood @Neostarwcc with a joke, as "Freth" rhymes with "death".

Lol yeah I'm slowly getting over it. I think when the unknown comes it will be less scary than most people think. My mom as a nurse has seen a lot of death and she said her dad passed away a lot easier than a lot of people that she's seen die. Some people die so violently I guess I don't know I've never seen death before. I've always been shielded from it. But my mom said that grandpa just died so peacefully that it was kind of shocking how peaceful he died. He was definitely a devout catholic too.

RBPerry · Jul 14, 2024

Neostarwcc said:
First off I'd like to mention, I'm not afraid of hell or a horrifying afterlife. If I had ever went to hell I know that I would deserve to be there and that I would get the just punishment that I deserve. I'm not worried about that, I have solid confidence that I will enter glory when my final second on this world is up and God finally calls me home. I am afraid of the process. I like Sproul was for a while am afraid of the process of death. How will I die? Will I suffer? Will I die alone or will I have my wife by my side?

Two years ago I thought my final moments were up when I needed emergency surgery or the massive blood clot in my heart would go to my brain and would very likely kill me pretty instantly. I had almost tasted death and I have to tell you, I was terrified the entire time until they put me under. I was terrified when they told me that on top of having blood clots literally everywhere else there also was one in my heart. I was terrified on the ambulence ride from New York to New Jersey because New Jersey was the closest hospital I could go to that could do the surgery and had room to take me. I was terrified during the two day long wait before my surgery. I was terrified that the clot would go to my brain before they got to operate on me. I was terrified all the way and I was especially terrified when I was in the Surgery room and they were prepping me for surgery. I've told this story countless times on here because it's a great story so I won't bore you with the details. Just basically need to know that, I survived and God saved my life. (Duh or I wouldn't be talking to you today lol)

I have known nothing but suffering in my life so, i guess i should not be surprised that I will probably suffer when my final moments are up. This just terrifies me. I don't know what God has planned for me i can only take my life one day at a time. But I'm at the point in my life where I am just terrified of the entire process.

I want to be like Sproul was on his deathbed. He knew he was going to die and he knew that he would meet Jesus and according to what I've heard, he wasn't afraid anymore of death. I want to be like that. I want my last words to be meaningful like his were and give my wife some closure because odds are, I don't have much more time left in this world. I don't take care of myself, I weigh over 400 pounds, and I'm definitely at high risk of getting deadly blood clots again and I don't think God would save my life every single time. From the very moment I was born into this world God has saved my life. I was born blue (not breathing) for several minutes. Back in the 80s they didn't have the technology they do today to save a baby not breathing. They thought i wouldn't survive but they luckily got me breathing again. I suffered brain damage but, I'm alive (again, duh or I wouldn't be talking lol).

When I was about two years old I swallowed a penny and nearly suffocated to death. Had my sister not screamed and my mom not known what to do to get the penny out of my windpipe I wouldn't be talking to you today. God has saved my life probably countless times and more times than even I remember. But eventually my luck is going to run out a and it will be time. Probably sometime sooner than I expect.

I don't want my wife to miss me. I mean, she obviously is going to be sad if she was ever at my deathbed. But I want her to be encouraged that, I'm going to a fantastic and wonderful place. And one day, we will see each other again. I don't want to be afraid anymore and I don't want to have to be on my actual deathbed to actually stop being afraid. I know it's completely normal to be afraid of death but, I don't want to be afraid of it. Odds are I'm going to suffer and odds are I'm going to spend the entire time thanking God even until my last words on this earth.

Dunno what I'm trying to ask. Just, how do I get over this I guess? I don't want to be normal I want to be fearless and face my death like every other devoted child of God. Without fear and being glad that the suffering is finally going to stop. Dunno... probably just being a baby.

I once had the same fear as you. I found a website called Near Death Experiences and began studying them because I'm very skeptical. After much research, I'm convinced that death is nothing to fear, and most who experienced near-death experiences didn't want to return. One of the best books I have read is by Betty Eddie you can find it on the website or google her name. What amazes you on that site is the number of ex-atheists who return and make remarkable changes in their lives. Many of the testimonies are from people who were clinically dead for extended periods. God Bless

Im afraid of death.

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We are saved purely by the work and grace of God.

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We are saved purely by the work and grace of God.

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We are saved purely by the work and grace of God.

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We are saved purely by the work and grace of God.

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We are saved purely by the work and grace of God.

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We are saved purely by the work and grace of God.

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