I'll let you in on a bit of my love life (not a pity post, more of a questioning one)

[PetraFan007]

It's seemingly hopeless right now. There is not one single sign that I will ever find a Christian woman. NOT EVEN ONE. All the women I meet take zero interest in me, if I get that lucky chance of even meeting one. I have NO girl friends. I never really had one, save for Kat*. I've had aquaintances, but that's it. No lasting friendships that stood the test of time. I don't have the high school sweetheart. I have a few crushes, but they never went anywhere. I don't have that girl next store. I didn't have that girl childhood friend. Any girls I did meet when I was a kid took interest in me for a short while (as a friend/buddy) but nothing ever serious. I'm almost 22 and I have close to no experience with women. It's the most pathetic aspect of my life. I'm wondering if there is a reason for this.

Why do I still keep searching? Why can't I just give up? I guess I'm too lonely to give up. Something tells me I should. Then also something tells me to never give up, because someday I'll find her. Maybe I'm not supposed to find her. Maybe she is just supposed to come at the right time. Or maybe I'm supposed to look for her without fail, and when I find her it will be the fruit of my years and years of labor searching for her. But everywhere I look, I don't see her. I don't even see glimpses of her. I'm worried that I'll never find her and that I'm bound to be single for the rest of my life. Why do I fall into this way of thinking if it's a lie? Well what if it's not a lie? I know God could use me in my singleness, but I'm lonely for a reason. And if God didn't want me to find her someday, then he wouldn't have given me such a strong desire for her. I want that intimate relationship with her. I've saved myself for her all these years. No credit to myself really as I only had one or two fleeting chances of giving in to sex with a girl. Thank God I did not give in.

The only glimpses of hope I've ever seen are online. I've had some "girl friends" online, but something tells me if they ever met me in person, they wouldn't take any special interest in me whatsoever. I've searched for her online for many, many years. I really gotta give this up. The fruit of my labor in this area is non-existance. There have been so many women I met online and formed "cyber-friendships" with. Two that were willing to take a chance on me. One I foolishly rejected. I didn't admit it to her but I wasn't all that attracted to her, even though she was a beautiful person on the inside. *smacks self*. It's ok. She found the man of her dreams and I'm not one bit jealous, because I have no right to be. You know who you are. And btw you look 10x more attractive now than you did then! Also there was another girl that drove to meet me from PA. I don't really count that cuz she just got out of a 4 year relationship and was all confused and crazy and just wanted to get away and used me as an excuse. Even though she only knew me for 4 days, she came to visit...and for some reason I felt so great that finally a girl took notice in me. But she just used me...and when she left, she didn't even really talk to me. I suspected foul play, called her out on it, and she acted un-christianlike. Guess I shouldn't get involved with girls that claim to be Christian but refuse to act like one. I didn't really know better then and I was depressed for like a week. Now she's living like a heathen again and doesn't seem to take her faith seriously. There were a few others girls, which I won't mention, that I thought I had a chance with. But I was just their GAY FRIEND (thanks Mike, I owe you for that eye-opening revelation). After they moved on to another chapter in their life, or found someone new, they ditched me, because, after all, I'm just "that online guy"! And again, if they saw me walking around in person at church or wherever, they probably wouldn't have taken a second look at me.

So screw it. I want to give up. But I probably won't.

*I wonder what Kat is up to. I consider her the closest girl I ever had as a friend. But she was online. And she lived in GA (then moved to AK). We talked a lot, she wrote me letters, we voice chatted, and shared a lot of personal stories and memories. I thought she may have been the one. HA! After about 2 years of talking, she changed, and said that our relationship was based on bad motives, and that we should stop talking. It makes me mad that women think they have the right to nullify valid relationships because of their silly emotions or thoughts. I have forgiven her, but I'm still confused about that whole situation. I don't really think about it anymore. Sad that after I still went back to looking for other girls online.



But, alas, there may just be light at the end of the tunnel. Someday.

 

[eatenbylocusts]

You are not alone. A lot of the leadership in the single's group that I attend are always talking about getting busy doing God's work and then every once in a while look to your left and to your right and see who is right by your side doing God's work with you. For me this doesn't work too well since I have kids and most of my work for God is done through my job when I care for my patients. There's noone at my work.
So I've been doing the online Christian sites for two years, single's group, and Christian dances. I've gone out with four different men in those two years and two of those were a lesson on what to stay away from. So my 5th date will be Monday. I say keep trying, but maybe try something new like a new single's group or ministry.

 

[fishstix]

There's hope. You likely still have plenty of time. There are tons of people who have never had a romantic relationship yet at your age. There are even tons of people who have never had a romantic relationship yet that are quite a bit older than you. And they aren't all going to end up single for life.

The fact that you don't see her yet doesn't mean that she isn't out there. And considering that 'love at first sight' is more of a fairy tale thing than a real life thing, you probably won't know right away when you do see her. Just keep on keeping on. Meet people and develop friendships. Eventually one of them may turn into something more, but even if it doesn't, friendships are valuable in and of themselves. Even short-term friendships can have some value.

It makes me mad that women think they have the right to nullify valid relationships because of their silly emotions or thoughts.

They probably wouldn't be too pleased to know that you think of their emotions and thoughts as being silly. That in itself would end most relationships pretty quickly.

 

[ummidrinkcherrycoke]

My only advice is to go outside. It sounds like you spend way to much time on the computer, away from the real people that live real lives out in the real world where the real women are.

Women want to be treated like cars. Although they're not needed they want to be wanted. They'll treat you good if you maintain and accessorize. And It doesn't hurt if you have a roof to park them under.

My advice is to get a life and I don't mean that in a rude way. Just Get off the internet. Get focused on a career, join or start a ministry, go to the gym, find a hobby do something that gets you focused on anything other than your single status. Women tend to focus in on us a little more when we're not focused on them.

 

[Silver Speak]

I'm worried that I'll never find her and that I'm bound to be single for the rest of my life.

They probably wouldn't be too pleased to know that you think of their emotions and thoughts as being silly.

Nope, we wouldn't

My only advice is to go outside. It sounds like you spend way to much time on the computer, away from the real people that live real lives out in the real world where the real women are.

Exactly my thought. Online relationships are way far from the 'real thing'. It's very easy to share your thoughts and feelings with complete strangers online and that is why you get the sense of 'closeness'; that doesn't mean you'll feel like that in reality with that person.

My advice is to get a life and I don't mean that in a rude way. Just Get off the internet. Get focused on a career, join or start a ministry, go to the gym, find a hobby do something that gets you focused on anything other than your single status. Women tend to focused on us a little more when we're not focused on them.

What a wise man That is very true! The biggest turn-off for me is a guy with no interests (other than girls, that is), no passions, no plans or goals; a guy that's not willing to work for his future and make the best of himself and has no confidence in himself whatsoever. I'm just being honest with you here.

Although involved in the church is a great idea I'd look for other ways to fill your time with as well. When you keep yourself busy not only will you have no time throwing a pity party for yourself but you'll also learn new things and meet new people and have a great time. Maybe the reason you're so lonely is that you don't go out and socialize enough???

If you want to share your life with someone, this is your time to prepare your life and yourself for that time. There are great ideas above. Starting a career assures you can support the 'special girl'. Working out gives you confidence and ladies loove that Having hobbies/interests (computer doesn't count) makes you all the more interesting; most girls don't like a guy that just sits on his butt all day (don't know if you do but saying that anyway), wasting his time.

 

[sallystrothers]

I 2nd the motion to get off the computer.

How about meeting some nice girls at church? Go to a new church you have never been to on their young adult night. People will notice you are new and naturally give you more attention.

My problem is I find many girls at church "boring" in that they just want to get married, have kids and a big house.

I want a girl with some spark to her. Someone who wants to go to Africa to help the starving children. You know?

Many Christian girls I know are so attached to their families they won't budge anywhere out of their 10 mile radius from the place they were born.

My family was taken away from me. Is it selfish to want someone who isn't obligated to their family as well?

 

[sallystrothers]

One more thing.

The harder you work for a girlfriend, the less chance you have of getting one. Trust me on this one .

 

[MN John]

Women want to be treated like cars. Although they're not needed they want to wanted. They'll treat you good if you maintain and accessorize. And It doesn't hurt if you have a roof to park them under.

This is perhaps the most disrespectful post I've seen on these forums yet. I'm appalled.

 

[MN John]

Maybe I'm not supposed to find her. Maybe she is just supposed to come at the right time.

Some of the best advice I have received on this was:
Stop looking for Miss Right and concentrate on becoming Mr. Right.

It comes down to putting God first and letting him orchestrate the meeting when He knows the time is right.

 

[Silver Speak]

My problem is I find many girls at church "boring" in that they just want to get married, have kids and a big house.

I want a girl with some spark to her. Someone who wants to go to Africa to help the starving children. You know?

I know what you mean! That's me, that's me! The reason why I wonder if I can have a family is that I don't plan on staying in one place for too long. I think I need a guy who likes to move around. There's nothing wrong with simply wanting a family but I want.. more! My problem is I always want the extraordinary.

 

[Silver Speak]

Stop looking for Miss Right and concentrate on becoming Mr. Right.

Aaamen. That's what I wanted to say -with too many words

 

[septemberskies]

Some of the best advice I have received on this was:
Stop looking for Miss Right and concentrate on becoming Mr. Right.

It comes down to putting God first and letting him orchestrate the meeting when He knows the time is right.

I also agree with the post and couldn't have put it better myself. God wants you to work on you and becoming a better christian man. If do this than everything else will fall into place. Actively seek to have God first in your life... and most importantly, pray!

Sometimes what we think we are ready for we are not. Later on down the road it'll all make sense but don't try to fit the pieces of the puzzle together now because maybe its not for you to know now. Your young.. only being 21 is a lifetime ahead of you.

At 22, I want things instantly but God operates on His time and not mine. Don't get frustrated. Just thank God and start working on you.

 

[ummidrinkcherrycoke]

Women want to be treated like cars. Although they're not needed they want to be wanted. They'll treat you good if you maintain and accessorize. And It doesn't hurt if you have a roof to park them under.

This is perhaps the most disrespectful post I've seen on these forums yet. I'm appalled.

I love my car and I treat it right. All I was saying was that women don't want a man that needs them, they want a man that wants and desires them. A guy thats going to appreciate them and treat them right. There's no disrespect in that.

 

[JPPT1974]

I love my car and I treat it right. All I was saying was that women don't want a man that needs them, they want a man that wants and desires them. A guy thats going to appreciate them and treat them right. There's no disrespect in that.

Good for you
That is good
What you need and want is what you desire

 

[PetraFan007]

Sorry if I sounded like women's emotions and thoughts are silly, I just meant it's silly when they think they can end a good friendship or relationship at a whim based on their emotions.

 

[MN John]

ummidrinkcherrycoke[/i]]
Women want to be treated like cars. Although they're not needed they want to be wanted. They'll treat you good if you maintain and accessorize. And It doesn't hurt if you have a roof to park them under.

JAKG][/i]
This is perhaps the most disrespectful post I've seen on these forums yet. I'm appalled.

I love my car and I treat it right. All I was saying was that women don't want a man that needs them, they want a man that wants and desires them. A guy thats going to appreciate them and treat them right. There's no disrespect in that.

I thought that "Although they're not needed" implied that women are not needed. But I still doubt that you treat your car as an equal.

 

[Eagle_Wings]

Petra,

Fishstix said it best with "keep on keeping on!" I totally understand how frustrating it is to be single, to want a soulmate so terribly bad, and see absolutely nothing on the horizon except getting older! I'll be 26 in 3 months, have never had a boyfriend, and don't see any prospects at the moment. I've also heard it all- God's not going to drop Mr. Right in your lap, being single is such a blessing, this is the best season of your life, etc, etc, etc. I make myself available, yet I'm not out there chasing guys down. As much as I want a family of my own, I want God's Will for my life even more. Although I'm not happy as a single, I work at being content with where God has me in my life at the moment. I know that God has my soulmate out there somewhere and in His timing He will bring us together. All I can do in the meantime is to continue growing in my relationship with God and becoming the person that He wants me to be. (I can also practice my cooking skills so my hubby won't have to suffer through burnt dinners! ) It's very easy to look at my life and get all depressed because I wanted to be married and have kids by now and in a way I do feel as though my life is passing me up. But I just remind myself that God is in control and what He has planned is truly better than anything I could ever dream up for myself.

All that to say....you aren't alone & hang in there!

 

[Silver Speak]

it's silly when they think they can end a good friendship or relationship at a whim based on their emotions.

She must have felt differently about the relationship then. I've changed my mind about relationships that are formed online and honestly, I don't feel like they're actual relationships, not equal to relationships formed in real life, anyway. There's really not much point if you don't get to see that person face to face; you'll miss a zillion things about them. That's just my opinion but it might have been she changed her mind too, that happens.

(I can also practice my cooking skills so my hubby won't have to suffer through burnt dinners! )

Me too! There are soo many things I want to try and learn now that I have time -relationships are very time- and energy-consuming. When/if I do find a guy I want to be with he'll be amazed by all the things I know and can do!!!

Your life is NOT going to be made complete when you find the 'perfect' girl. You're not going to spend 24 hours with her and you do need life 'outside' the relationships. It sucks when you're with someone and your life evolves around them; if the relationship ends you're left with nothing. Okay, maybe it doesn't end but you're not always going to feel as infatuated as you first did and you'll need time of your own and other people in your life too; you'll need other interests. Know what I'm saying??

 

[JPPT1974]

Sorry if I sounded like women's emotions and thoughts are silly, I just meant it's silly when they think they can end a good friendship or relationship at a whim based on their emotions.

Hey don't worry about that.
I know what you meant.

 

[ummidrinkcherrycoke]

I thought that "Although they're not needed" implied that women are not needed. But I still doubt that you treat your car as an equal.

They're not needed. I could live the rest of my life without a woman, I don't want too, but I could. That being the whole point of what I was saying. And you're right I don't treat my car as an equal but I wasn't talking about equality.