This is exactly what I am struggling with. I am confused and having trouble what it means to truly believe to have Biblical saving faith. I have read the Gospel chapter over and over and have continued to ask God to show me what I am missing everyday for almost a year. I am not seeing anything and its so frustrating like He don't hear me or like He don't care. Then I get wrapped up in the predestination stuff and wonder if I am not predestined to go to Heaven and instead was created to go to hell. I have been in church my whole life, so I know all about what to do to go to Heaven and I know all the "Sunday School Answers". I am just so confused.
countryangel,
God wants everyone to go to heaven. That's the reason God the Son, Jesus, stepped out of heaven, became a man, and died on the cross. He did that so that all who would choose to “believe” in Him will be forgiven of their sins and have eternal life. Unfortunately, many choose to ignore the Gospel message, and live out their lives without Christ. Of course we know from God's Word that those who reject Christ will be doomed to an eternity in hell.
In the Gospel of John, Jesus tells us that anyone who believes in Him will have eternal life. He also says that no one can come to Him unless the Father draws him/her to Jesus, and He says that “anyone the Father gives to me, Jesus, will come to me”. John 6:37 Jesus said “all that the Father gives to me will come to me, and anyone who comes to me I will not turn away”
The fact that you are concerned about your relationship with God and want to believe in Jesus for forgiveness of your sin shows that God the Father is drawing you to Jesus. You may be thinking why God draws some to Jesus, but not others. The reason is that He draws those who are searching/seeking Him, which is what you are doing. We seek Him because He reached out to us by His gift of His Son to die on the cross to pay the penalty for our sins, and gave us His Word, the Bible, as a record of the that Gospel message. That means that when people hear the preaching of the cross some will ignore it, some will reject it, and some will allow that message to draw them into a saving relationship with Christ.
There is much that could be said about “believing” in Jesus, and having “saving” faith. I do understand your confusion. I went through several miserable years in which I could not find a real saving faith because I did not understand the meaning of “believe.” I don't know what is preventing you from finding “saving” faith, but God knows and He does have an answer somewhere in His Word for you.
I don't know if you have read my testimony, but I'll share somethings from my experience that God showed my from His Word. I searched for assurance & peace of knowing that I was “saved” for many years. I read salvation tracts & books about how to have assurance of salvation. I listened to preachers on the radio and in my church. (This was before the internet was available). One bible verse that I kept hearing about was Romans 10:13, “Whosoever shall call on the name of the Lord shall be saved.” I don't know how many time I called on Jesus, telling Him that I was sorry for my sins and asking Him to save me, “in Jesus name.” Every time I said that prayer I would have a day or two of peace, but the doubts & fear soon returned and I found myself living in a sense of dreadful fear. I thought that I would never know for sure that I had really believed and was saved. I would ask myself if I really “believed,” or did really mean business with God, or did I have enough faith, or did I really commit my life to Christ.
My problem was that my faith was focused on the things “I” was doing to get God to save me instead of focusing on what Jesus had already done on the cross to save me. The day I gave up on the thing I was doing and turned to God's Word to find the answer is when God showed me that it wasn't about me, it wasn't about my prayers or my promises, but it is all about what Jesus did on the cross. It was as though the Holy Spirit turned on the light and “I got it.” When I saw that Jesus had already done all that God required for my sin to be forgiven, then the focus of my faith immediately changed from all the things I was doing to the finished work of Jesus on the cross. That was the moment I had “saving faith,” and God Himself gave me that faith when He opened my spiritually blind eyes to the truth of the Gospel. Then I found myself talking to Jesus as though He was right there in the room with me; thanking Him for dying on the cross to pay for my sins and asking Him tom change me. IOW, Romans 10:14; "how shall they call on Him in whom they have not believed?"......(We must believe on Him before we call on Him)
The following scripture was one that God used to help me. 1 Cor. 1:18, “for the preaching of the cross is to them that perish foolishness, but unto us which are saved it is the power of God. May I suggest that you memorize that verse and dwell on that message until it sinks into your soul. God might use that scripture to help you focus your faith on the cross. And, the amount of faith is not important, but if the object of your faith is Jesus' death on the cross & His shed blood there, the slightest amount of faith is "saving" faith.
I have more to say, but the hour is late. Don't give up on God, keep seeking after Him.
Don