If you are in love with someone...

[proverbswisdom]

\thanks everyone who responded

 

[SiyoNqoba]

It depends. What do you mean by "not the best match"?

 

[Jupiter Drops]

I was in that same situation before, but I never confessed to him because I knew that it would be wrong and a waste of our time. He was too old for me and already had a job. I'm still in college and figuring out life. Plus, there were many other reasons why we wouldn't work out. In the end, I let go and prayed that he would find someone better suited for him than me.

I don't know about your friend's situation too well. Why isn't she the best match for this guy? Are they dating/courting?


God is not an idealist. He's not a realist either. God is God, and He works with Principles. He knows better than us and what we think. Trusting God is foolproof, and I know that from experience because there were many times when I didn't trust God and things went wrong.

 

[PetLuv]

Is your friend saying that she has these doubts as well?

I'd say that doubting the match herself is saying more about the likelyhood of them not working together than a few idol whispers from people on the outside.


If she is just feeling hurt being gossiped about then that is different; but is something she should know can be upsetting.
Having been in the center of attention for the wrong reasons I do know how hard it is to shake that feeling of being questioned; but learning to focus inward does help to keep that out of your head.

 

[Forealzchola]

well it depends on what you define as not the best match if its something not biblical...keep it moving sista.

 

[TheyCallMeDave]

And you really care about them on a deep level but when you look objectively you know they are not the best match what should you do? I'm not saying they are a bad match, just they are not the ideal match. How idealistic should you be? People always say you can't have standards that are too high and that God wants the absolute best for us.

I know someone who wants to marry someone and is in this situation. She cares deeply about him and has never been in love before because it's rare that she connects with someone like this. She wants to marry him but she has heard people saying that she should go for God's best and things of that nature and isn't sure what to do. How idealistic is God? How can we know?

A very top notch book on this issue is the best seller book called : Finding the Love of Your Life, by Dr. Warren. It examines this issue from a very objective standpoint taking into account all the major things to consider in a person . There is no doubt that, the great majority of people who got married , should never have gotton married and they either didnt have the correct type of love for a lifelong marital relationship and/or they were not objectively well suited for each other ; our staggering divorce rate is testimony to that.

Another thing that is critical, is to not overlook red flags that arise concerning the Other person (and, yourself) as a dating relationship deepens ; this can happen if one or both people are so desperate to be married for whatever reasoning . It becomes a stumbling block because it destroys being objective in evalutation. This applies for having sex during the dating relationship too, as THAT becomes a focus fooling each person into thinking that the other deficiencies can be overcome or overlooked because the sexual is so compatible . This is one of the reasons why God forbids premarital sex because it serves to cloud issues .

So, do your Friends a big favor, and get this book i recommend. Also encourage them to take matters slow in the courting relationship and to get involved in a PreMaritial Counselling Class preferably before any engagement ring is bought. The biggest reason marriages fail, is because they shouldnt have gotton married to each other in the first place , they married for wrong or superficial reasons, and/or they didnt do their homework on objective consideration or didnt totally rely on Gods confirmations or lack thereof .

Regards.

 

[parsley]

People make mistakes all the time and adapt to make things work. But making a mistake on something you plan to continue until death do you part... well that's worth spending some thought on.

Everyone is asking "how not best" -- including me. If friends are saying someone is not attractive enough, then that is a ridiculous question, bc one opinion will be different than another's. If the person is in prison, or can't get through rehab, or has a chronic spending addiction, then that's "not best."

Whatever we partner with, we take on for ourselves. We can imagine that lives and problems will be separate, but they are not in a marriage. Legally, a spouse pays the debts, vouches for a partner's sanity, shares insurance and all records that come with it, covers gambling debts, covers bills when the other can't work.

If you're talking about a difference in education, that is not a clear indicator. Some undereducated people take off and make millions, while overly-educated people can't get a job bc employers don't want to pay the standard rates for that level. People continue to grow and expand their knowledge base -- if they choose to.

If it's age... that's the decision of the couple. If it's spiritual commitment... only they can judge how committed each other are. (With truthful input of course.)

 

[iambren]

I'd say the heart and the head have to be in the same place to marry. Neither should be ignored. To have others make comments like finding the "best" is fairly bold and they might be politely warning you of something they see that is being overlooked.

 

[BFine]

Could you go into more detail about the guy not being God's best
for your friend?

 

[Pal Handy]

And you really care about them on a deep level but when you look objectively you know they are not the best match what should you do? I'm not saying they are a bad match, just they are not the ideal match. How idealistic should you be? People always say you can't have standards that are too high and that God wants the absolute best for us.

I know someone who wants to marry someone and is in this situation. She cares deeply about him and has never been in love before because it's rare that she connects with someone like this. She wants to marry him but she has heard people saying that she should go for God's best and things of that nature and isn't sure what to do. How idealistic is God? How can we know?

What is this thing called love?

Is it that the person we are with will cause all of our wildest dreams to come true?

Is it the idea of a person riding in on a white horse to save us?

Is it being with a person without any hangups who will help us to be the best that we can be?

Is it the saintly person sent by God above to lead us into His truth as they will
love us as the Lord loves us and they will never fail us?

Or is loving or being in love simply our desire to serve and bless another
because we have found something in them that we desire to be near as they
desire to be near us and so we want to share our lives with them?

Perhaps it is that the person we love is the one who need us as we also find
that we need them and want to be be with them.

Perhaps love is a mutual attraction for a mutual benefit....

This person that wants to know if they should wait or love the one
they are with needs to pray and ask God to reveal their own heart to them
because God knows the whole picture and He knows a person's heart better than
they know themsleves.

Can they love?
Can they love someone who is imperfect?
Can they give themselves to someone even if they are afraid
that they might not be loving the perfect one?
Can they give themselves to someone unselfishly as they see that persons worth
and need for them as they recognize their own need to be loved and accepted by them?

God has a way of showing us our own heart if we will ask Him to reveal to us our very motives and
our reservations for entering into a relationship with another person.

Best to be brutally honest with yourself and God as you ask Him to help you to examine your
heart as you ask yourself if you are capable of loving someone who may not be perfect but
you still see that you could find fulfillment of your need for their love in them, as they see in you
a need for your love in return.

Deep stuff...don't really know why this came out this way but this
is what is coming out and I do not have a clue why...hopefully you do.