If I could go back to my wedding day, I would do ___________ differently

What would you do differently if you could repeat your big day, and even the first few weeks of married life? The day itself was perfect. Bright, sunny, warm, beautiful, went off without a hitch, I was totally on cloud nine. I do wish that we'd postponed it, and had more time to prepare and develop our relationship, but that isn't really about the wedding day itself And I wish I'd picked a different dress.

I don't think I would've changed anything about our first few weeks together. It was awkward in a lot of ways, because we had a child in the mix, and we went right into "stepfamily" status, but that's a whole other can o' beans.

What details would you take care not to overlook this time? Nothing comes to mind.

What family members would you talk to about not bringing up embarassing stuff with other family members? Not an issue for us.

What did the photographer leave out? Nothing, he was great! We used an amateur guy from Craigslist, he was affordable and amazing.

What should have been in your vows? I loved our vows, they were simple and beautiful. I don't feel anything was left out.

Did you have inclement weather or some other unexpected glitch? Nope, it was a perfectly beautiful day!

Who would you invite that you forgot? I didn't forget anyone, lol. We had a very small gathering, about 15 people. I don't feel the need to have the entire world at my most intimate moments.

Who wouldn't you invite this time? I wouldn't un-invite anyone.

Where would you go for your honeymoon instead? Someplace cheaper! Our honeymoon was our only splurge, and while it was beautiful and charming (we stayed in a mountain cabin), we probably could've found something similar for a lot less if we'd tried.

How did your finances look after all that? We kept it small and reasonable all the way through. We didn't break the bank, we didn't run up any debt.

What legal matters did you overlook that caused a problem after the wedding? I didn't overlook anything, but man, changing my last name was a huge PITA. I've heard that it can be easier depending on where you live. I felt like I had to give a copy of my marriage license to every Tom, Dick, and Harry by the time it was over.

What should have been discussed in premarital counseling that wasn't, and now as newlyweds you've got unanswered questions? It probably would have done us good to learn more about respecting individual personalities and ways of doing things. We both answered almost identically on all the questions, so we knew we were a good match, but I learned so much about the negatives of my husband's personality AFTER the wedding. I guess that's pretty common, though lol. You tend to see the grittier side of your spouse once real life sets in. I definitely experienced major disillusionment over the first year or two, but now I see it as just another life lesson.

How did you get used to intimacy? Oh, that did not take any gettin' used to LOL. Not at all!

Only thing I would change is having the wedding recorded from start to finish on video. Sadly we only got a few parts of it because there was no one to really shoot video except a sister but her battery died.

I would have arrived at the church on horseback.

Armoured said:

I would have arrived at the church on horseback.

Click to expand...

That is SO awesome lol. Swoon-worthy!

Ok does anyone have any precautionary measures for me? Don't sweat the small stuff! Remember that your HUSBAND is the focus and the whole point of what you're doing. And even if everything goes wrong, if HE'S standing there, waiting for you, then you've got what you need. It's really easy to get obsessed with making the day "perfect" and letting the details overwhelm you; don't! Continually tell yourself that "as long as I marry him, that's all that matters".

I know the obvious one: pack the neccessary item that prevents an unplanned mini-version of ourselves I'm guessing you're referring to birth control for the honeymoon? LOL Yeah, definitely don't forget that! Even though a quick trip to any local drug store would take care of that if you forget to bring your own

What should I have a backup one or two of? Nothing comes to mind. I'm a "more is less" type of person when it comes to packing and trips. I figure anything I really need, I can get at the nearest Walmart.

What should I do if I wake up on my wedding day sick with a cold?
How do I prevent needing to take a trip to the carespot during my honeymoon? Carespot? Is that local lingo? I've never heard that term Anyway, you need to prevent a cold from even being a threat! In the weeks before the big day, make sure you're drinking lots of water, eating healthy, and getting LOTS of sleep. Stress wreaks havoc on your immune system. If you DO wake up with a cold, just suck down whatever cold meds you need to keep functioning; again, marrying the hubby is the goal of your day If you're so sick you can't get out of bed, that's another thing, and if you have to cancel, then you cancel, it's not the end of the world.

How much money should I have on standby? It completely depends on what you're planning to do for your honeymoon? My hubby and I just holed up in our cabin and stayed there. We bought food and stuff, and that was it.

What should I eat and not eat the 2 weeks before? Do: water, fruit, veggies, whole grains, protein. Don't: caffeine, sugar, salt, junk food. You want to be hydrated and refreshed, not bloated and drained and jittery.

I'm staying within 3 hours of home for the honeymoon, so I don't need a passport or any of that, but do I need something else so I don't have to make an unplanned run home during the 5 days we are out? Depends on where you're staying. Check to see if they provide things like soap, shampoo, toilet paper, linens, towels, blankets, utensils for cooking and eating, food, entertainment items like DVD's or books. Think about the menial, everyday items you use at home. Don't forget your cell phone AND charger, that's a big one! Take a camera with extra batteries!

Inkachu said:

That is SO awesome lol. Swoon-worthy!

Click to expand...

I would have told my dad and his wife to get to the church earlier than they did, so that my stepmother could have gotten her corsage with the other women. Since they showed up later than others, the wedding planner forgot to give it to her because planner had moved on to other things. It looked like i deliberately left stepmom out. It required major apologies that I'm not sure she believed. It didn't really sweat it though, because she's been standoffish since day 1.

Another thing I would have done differently if I had the budget for it was to include lily of the valley in my rose bouquet. For that verse, he is the rose of sharon, the lily of the valley. Ok, so roses aren't exactly rose of sharon, but to me it would have been close enough.

The only other thing I would have done differently is to not have wasted time sweating about non-important things. I remember informing my bridesmaids that I graciously did not care what color pedicure they had. For closed toe shoes. Could I have been more southern bridezilla?

Oooh, seashells sounds so pretty! Do you have any pictures of your dress, ring, decorations, etc?

bluegreysky said:

What would you do differently if you could repeat your big day, and even the first few weeks of married life?
I would have slept more the night before the wedding.And personally, I would have either hired a day of coordinator or begged some sweet older lady from my church to do it. I was up too late trying to finish everything myself.

What details would you take care not to overlook this time?Day of coordinator ….I had one of the groomsman's moms helping me but she didn't remember a lot of things we had talked about so it was awkward and I ended up doing a lot of it myself or making frantic calls to my mom and husband to try and get things done. But, it was all really okay. I was a pretty laid back bride and everyone loved the wedding and reception. I had fun and my husband had fun and we had each other so that's all that mattered really.

What family members would you talk to about not bringing up embarassing stuff with other family members? None of our family is embarrassing or wanted to embarrass us.

What did the photographer leave out? My husband is a photographer so he had a photography buddy do it for free for us. Which was AMAZING! He got a lot of beautiful shots. But, he was coming from out of state so I didn't get to talk to him except the night before , so I do feel he missed one or two things , but I can't complain- it was free and we got amazing photos. He also did a newlywed shot for us so we got the photos I really wanted.

What should have been in your vows?They were perfect.

Did you have inclement weather or some other unexpected glitch?It was really hot. It was less humid than usual but it was still hot so we could only do so many outdoor photos.

Who would you invite that you forgot? Maybe some co-workers. I invited the team I worked with and just assumed that no one else really cared that much. But, then I got so many e-mails and sweet phone calls from others that I didn't invite, but I wasn't especially close to them.

Who wouldn't you invite this time?one person

Where would you go for your honeymoon instead?Nowhere else; it was perfect.

How did your finances look after all that?great! We paid off the wedding and honeymoon before we even were married an hour.

What legal matters did you overlook that caused a problem after the wedding?nothing; name changes aren't that big of a deal. Just remember to not change your passport until you come back if you are going overseas. You have to travel under your legal name.

What should have been discussed in premarital counseling that wasn't, and now as newlyweds you've got unanswered questions?Nothing really. Our pastor did a great job! We had 3 sessions with him, at about 2 hours each, just talking/communicating with each other about big issues and small issues in most marriages and how we would face them. Plus, I believe we were both marriage minded individuals so marriage has been wonderfully easy. We both share similar views to money and commitment and communication so it's been really good. We have not had any major problems; nothing that we haven't met together and come through stronger for it.

How did you get used to intimacy?We wanted to be with one another so there wasn't really a huge transition. Both of us had/have healthy views of intimacy in marriage.



DO tell. Spill the beans.

Click to expand...

.

bluegreysky said:

Ok does anyone have any precautionary measures for me?Write up instructions for people; with photos if needed. I couldn't be there at the church when flowers arrived, catering was being set up, etc… b/c I was getting my hair done so I had a list of things for each person, where to leave things, how to set up something in a space, etc… and my parents and fiancé met them and worked with these people to see that things were done.

I know the obvious one: pack the neccessary item that prevents an unplanned mini-version of ourselves

What should I have a backup one or two of?If you are wearing high heels; bring a pair of flats for the reception. Have an emergency kit- safety pins, double sided tape, tide pen, etc...

What should I do if I wake up on my wedding day sick with a cold?
How do I prevent needing to take a trip to the carespot during my honeymoon? Get rest the week before your wedding, take vitamins, trust me on getting sleep the night before…..If you get sick during your honeymoon; go to the doctor or urgent care.

How much money should I have on standby?For the wedding day? We counted out and allotted tips the week of and had them in marked envelopes so we just handed them out the day of the wedding. For the honeymoon? We budgeted spending money apart from food.

What should I eat and not eat the 2 weeks before?Drink water/ green tea. Don't eat heavy.

I'm staying within 3 hours of home for the honeymoon, so I don't need a passport or any of that, but do I need something else so I don't have to make an unplanned run home during the 5 days we are out?Make a list of what you need to pack; if you forgot something; just go to a local Walmart or Target. I moved after getting married so I had to pack everything and then sort through everything at our new home to pack for the honeymoon. We left for the honeymoon a few days later after getting married. We went overseas , and I forgot a few things. I made do or bought something cheap locally.It was in the summer but where we were was cold so I bought a sweater from H&M for a few dollars.

Click to expand...

..

bluegreysky said:

What would you do differently if you could repeat your big day, and even the first few weeks of married life?

Click to expand...

I'd have to go back a week or two before, and encourage my wife in better managing conflicts among the in-laws. The very day would have been too late.

I also would have been very strict about having to have the doors open at 6 for the wedding party or at least notified those poor souls hoping to break their fast at 6 that the party would be an hour late, so they'd come with water at least.

I'd have explained to relatives not to be in the isle for 'here comes the bride.' It's not their wedding song, so they didn't get the significance.

I'd have had hindsight of knowledge of my wife's culture, and I would have said not to give cake out to relatives unless she gave some out to everybody during the party.

I would have asked my wife for a schedule for the time between ceremony and party and a list of things she needed to do that we didn't check with each other on-- like turning the dress in the next day before our flight, or photos before the party in our bedroom.

What should have been in your vows?

Click to expand...

I would have had to go back earlier, but I would have liked that part just to go through the duties outline in the Bible.

Who would you invite that you forgot?

Click to expand...

My first choice for best man was out of the country and the ladies from church who would have helped organized had a Christmas-related schedule conflict-- which they warned us about before tentatively agreeing to help. If I went back far enough, I'd have anticipated that. Maybe we should have hired a wedding planner for the ceremony. The hotel took care of the party fairly well.

Who wouldn't you invite this time?

Click to expand...

I don't know that I would change that. I intentionally did not invite my stalker, but she found out about it and showed up. She didn't cause any trouble, so maybe I should have invited her.

Where would you go for your honeymoon instead?

Click to expand...

I wouldn't advise Seoul Korea in the middle of winter to anyone as a Honeymoon destination, but given our time constraints and the fact that she was going to meet so many of my relatives after our stay there when we got to the US, I wouldn't change that. I might have chosen another place to stay, or I might have taken her out to the bulgogi place across from the old airport two times instead of eating at that place with the lousy bulgogi earlier in the week.

How did your finances look after all that?

Click to expand...

My contract was poorly worded, and I didn't realize I was going to get two months bonus instead of one. I think we had very little money, the rent paid, and were waiting on the next paycheck which would cover our expenses and add to our savings.

What legal matters did you overlook that caused a problem after the wedding?

Click to expand...

I wish we'd changed her name as far as the US is concerned before getting her a greencard. It didn't matter when we lived there, but you either have to wait 10 or 12 years or pay $300 + to change a name on a greencard once you have it.

What should have been discussed in premarital counseling that wasn't, and now as newlyweds you've got unanswered questions?

Click to expand...

Maybe issues related to family history?

How did you get used to intimacy?

Click to expand...

We were both virgins. I'd have made my wife a cup of coffee on our wedding night as an additional change, put off the bath for later, and insisted she wash the hairspray out of her hair that night. We couldn't have foreseen the problems it caused her scalp, though that could have all been from the sudden adjustment to cold dry weather after living her life in the tropics.

We got used to it just fine. We were both virgins. Getting used to it was fun, btw.

bluegreysky said:

What would you do differently if you could repeat your big day, and even the first few weeks of married life?

Click to expand...

Nothing.

bluegreysky said:

What details would you take care not to overlook this time?

Click to expand...

I don't recall if anything was missing. My honey showed up...that's the only detail I care about.

bluegreysky said:

What family members would you talk to about not bringing up embarassing stuff with other family members?

Click to expand...

None. We had a very small wedding and invited only people whose lives would actually be changed by the fact of our marriage. (So, yeah, very small.) Even if troublemakers were there, they wouldn't have had the chance to make trouble.

bluegreysky said:

What did the photographer leave out?

Click to expand...

Didn't have one.

bluegreysky said:

What should have been in your vows?

Click to expand...

I honestly don't remember my vows. lol

They were the standard state of Ohio vows, whatever that consists of.

bluegreysky said:

Did you have inclement weather or some other unexpected glitch?

Click to expand...

The weather was fine. It was a clear night. I got held up for an hour or so beforehand so everything was late, but it went well regardless.

bluegreysky said:

Who would you invite that you forgot?

Click to expand...

Nobody.

bluegreysky said:

Who wouldn't you invite this time?

Click to expand...

Nobody.
(Although we did have one guy who was the friend of a friend of my husband's try to crash my wedding for some reason. We weren't even serving liquor! It was weird, but no big deal. )

bluegreysky said:

Where would you go for your honeymoon instead?

Click to expand...

Never had one.

bluegreysky said:

How did your finances look after all that?

Click to expand...

Like crap. Of course, they were crap beforehand, too.

It was small and formal, my parents paid for the lion's share.

bluegreysky said:

What legal matters did you overlook that caused a problem after the wedding?

Click to expand...

None. But then, we were too young to have legal issues.

bluegreysky said:

What should have been discussed in premarital counseling that wasn't, and now as newlyweds you've got unanswered questions?

Click to expand...

Never had premarital counseling.

I don't recall having any specific questions, but I grew up in a house with a strong marriage, so I at least had had experience as an observer.

One thing that took me by surprise is how different the expectations of married life between husband and wife can be from each other. I had to learn that my husband wasn't the same person as me, didn't start from the same premises I did, and certainly didn't come to the same conclusions.

And I had to learn to be more than "ok" with that.

bluegreysky said:

How did you get used to intimacy?

Click to expand...

I'm not sure I understand the question. Are you speaking specifically of sex, here?

bluegreysky said:

DO tell. Spill the beans.

Click to expand...

Beans spilled.

Ha! someone remembers me! I was in singles for a long time, but I met my husband. I just stopped coming here for the ridiculousness and I kept getting spite reports about silly stuff from silly people. Also people were utilizing socks and creating socks to send me bizarre/ugly reps and pm's. It just wasn't worth it to keep posting here; but it seems they are gone now anyway. Anyhow, a friend from CF asked me to come gawk , point and laugh at something so I came by yesterday to lurk and gawk. I saw this thread and had to log on to answer! I love threads about weddings! Congrats and I hope your marriage is a long, beautiful , and happy one! Marriage is a tremendous blessing. The wedding is just one blip in a lifetime of happy moments with the right person!

I will say this about an aspect of intimacy. When I was single I was really very independent- I made my own money, did what I wanted when I wanted, bought what I wanted, had my own house with my own way of doing things….and all of a sudden I had all my quiet moments to share with my husband, all my choices to share with him, my closet I had to share with another!. When you are engaged you have the time to get used to that idea. So the transition wasn't hard; but it did require a different way of thinking and approaching how you live and communicate on a daily basis. Also I love him so it felt more like I was gaining much than losing much. You both must be willing to learn to live together and grow in marriage together. It sounds so simple, but you would be surprised at how many couples aren't willing (one or both) to learn each other so you can be the best together.

bluegreysky said:

What would you do differently if you could repeat your big day, and even the first few weeks of married life?

I would have spent more time looking for the dress I really wanted rather than accept one that was just "good enough." We had an evening ceremony, so I think I would also have made it into a candle-lit ceremony rather than just have all the lights on.

What details would you take care not to overlook this time?

Ours was plain and simple, no frills or fancies, so there were not really a lot of details to worry about. I loved the simplicity because it gave us more time to enjoy the day and not have to worry about things going wrong.

What family members would you talk to about not bringing up embarassing stuff with other family members?

As far as I know, people behaved. At my first wedding, though, my sister got drunk and did a lot of really stupid things, making a nuisance of herself. She was not invited to this one.

What did the photographer leave out?

Everything. I was disappointed because it would have been great to have some creative poses and different backgrounds. I'd make sure you show the photographer all the various types of poses you'd like, and ask him/her to get creative and think of some great ideas using all your decorations. Also, have them follow you around all day. I mean even in really weird times. Sometimes a great candid shot can capture a look that a pose can't.

What should have been in your vows?

We wrote our vows together, and we love them. For our first anniversary my husband had them lasered into a beautiful wooden plaque, which is still on display in the dining room at the moment. It may make its way to the bedroom or another room in the house, but it looks great where it is, beside a Willow Tree couple that was given to us as a wedding gift.

Did you have inclement weather or some other unexpected glitch?

Oh, wow, did it pour rain! I had to use a regular umbrella, but that was okay. We got to the church intact.

Who would you invite that you forgot?

It would have been nice to have more of his family there, but they were very, very far. They were invited, but funds and time off were an issue.

Who wouldn't you invite this time?

No one. I was glad we had the people we did. It was small, simple, and quite lovely.

Where would you go for your honeymoon instead?

We never went on one. I had just started a new job, so we decided to not take a honeymoon. We did end up going to a beautiful city a few months after, and we turned that into a "working" honeymoon. We had a good time and it was terrific. It would have been my dream to go on a cruise, though.

How did your finances look after all that?

We did not want to take out any credit for it, so we kept it plain and simple, and we married only a few months after meeting. Getting married also meant a relocation of thousands of kilometers, so our finances were already compromised from that. We liked it simple.

What legal matters did you overlook that caused a problem after the wedding?

None. I offered to sign a prenup because I came into it with student debt, but he would not hear of it.

What should have been discussed in premarital counseling that wasn't, and now as newlyweds you've got unanswered questions?

I find most premarital counselling to be highly inadequate. All it does is assess where you are and are not on the same page, and then they talk about how you'll resolve those differences in your marriage. I actually wrote a marriage preparation program, and am very very glad that I incorporated a lot of the information from that into our dating phase.

How did you get used to intimacy?

Depends on what kind. There was a lot of shyness to address, and confidence issues (physical and emotional). But the more you can each show how you're desirable to each other, those kinds of issues will go away fairly quickly.

As someone else here - Inka, I think - said, what mattered is that I married my best friend and lover. I do think it's important to keep a light heart that day, laugh at any faux pas and have a good time. Make it memorable. The things that make it memorable are not the planned out details, but the relationships and spontaneous moments that simply happen - even the things that can go wrong. Laugh it off. Make good memories.

DO tell. Spill the beans.

Click to expand...

Spilling a little more, if you're worried about getting sick, take echinacea for a week or two before you get married. It boosts the immune system.

When you prepare for the honeymoon, forget (on purpose) to take your cell phones - unless you're going on some backwoods adventure that is unsafe, that is. Focus on each other. If you need anything, you can get it wherever you are, and make that one of your honeymoon memories.

We would have gotten married at the courthouse by a judge. Our wedding became "the family's wedding."