I wish to save my marriage.

[Leigh K]

Hey guys,

I am married with a 14-month-old son.

I have always loved my wife and I would gladly fly to the moon and back for her.

Recently she compiled a list of why she is depressed:

- Feels like work is more important to you than me.
- You hardly ever compliment me.
- Feels like you don't love me
- You hardly show affection towards me.
- You don't listen to the way I need things done.
- You leave your clothes on the ground.
- I'm always the one who has to clean the room.
- I have to teach the same things to you over and over and over again. e.g. how to change baby's poo nappy.
- I feel like a disease to you.
- Feels like I have to fix everything.
- Sex is boring.
- I feel more like a mother to you than a wife.
- I'm sick of having to be the one in charge of everything.
- You don't seem interested in my life.
- I honestly feel like Blah pays more attention to me and my life than you do.

Then two days later, proposed moving out and separating.

When I read this list, I was greatly shocked. I always told her she is beautiful and that I love her.

My neurologist told me she has post natal depression and it is hard for her to see certain good things as a result.

I also know that marriages are not easy but I honestly want to do everything I can to fix my marriage.

I also know that I have to improve and make it a habit to not neglect the above things shown to me in her list.

She told my best friend she is in love with him.

My best friend ended up telling her she needs help and told her he doesn't wish to speak or hang out with her and has no idea if this is for good.

My wife is so convinced that I was terrible to her and I know I haven't been the best husband.

I was told my wife will come back to me once she has gotten help for her depression and doesn't realise that her depression is talking when she said she doesn't love me.

I have noticed in the past she is easily oblivious whenever I did something for her.

What can I do?

I'm working on improving myself regardless of whether or my wife is most likely exaggerating.

I do consider myself lucky that she wrote me a list of why she was depressed.

*Helpful advice is appreciated and maybe a story of how any of you managed to win your wife back from separation.

I also trust God with all my heart that He can save marriages, even if it is in the process of being a divorce.

 

[Paul01]

Have you tried marriage counseling? I had to almost drag my wife a few years ago but it really helped us.

 

[Spunkn]

Things like this don't happen instantly. It builds up over time, until one person decides they've had enough.

Something is obviously wrong, you both don't seem to be communicating very well with each other. She feels unloved, and you feel as if you are loving her enough. Somewhere there's a breakdown in what you feel showing her love is, and what she actually feels to be love.

Has she been seeing your best friend? As in spending a lot of time with him? If so, she does need to stop that. But you both need to get some help. Marriage counseling would be good for you as Paul suggested.

Or sitting down, and having a very candid discussion about what's going wrong.

 

[Leigh K]

Yep, this has definitely been building over time.

This morning she told me she was happy and loves me. However, once we dropped our son off to child care, she suddenly changed her mind.

She is also going to Centrelink to file for separation payments.

With my best friend, he has told her he cannot speak to her or even hang out with her anymore as he feels my wife needs help.

She does suffer from depression.

She is under the impression she only married me to make everyone else happy. However, I don't feel this is completely true. It appears depression is talking. Depression is a spirit after all.

I've been through depression to the point I heard voices tell me I should just give up. The craziest thing was the voices sounded just like my own voice, hence why I thought they were my own thoughts.

I can tell she still loves me, however, I don't believe this relationship will get better with my own efforts. I'll only make the same mistakes over again.

I feel only God can restore our marriage.

My issue is I jump to judgements too fast. One of my really good friends told me I need to constantly ask God to forgive me and to constantly push through to God like never before.

 

[Leigh K]

Two nights ago, I was lying down in my bed then suddenly I couldn't move.

I saw a figure walk right through the wall. He was bright and it was hard to see him.

However, I soon knew he was Jesus as I could feel the hole in his hand as he touched my shoulder and heard him say "Be not afraid, it is I."

He told me I could change anything I wanted in my life, including the direction of Jamie and my marriage. He said, however, I cannot do so without his help, or without trusting Him, or even without surrendering our mariage to Him.
I wanted to nudge Jamie and say, "Hey, look who is here!" however Jesus said she cannot see Him as she'll not be in her own body as she is not ready to see Him.

So I asked why I could see Him and He said it was because I asked Him for permission to see Him, and He granted it.

Now I understand that when He said "Ask for anything in My name and it will be granted to you", He literally meant it!

He also got himself involved in my marriage by saying, "When you no longer felt like loving me and wanted a separation, did I give up on you?"
I answered, "No, you didn't"
He then replied, "I invented marriage to represent how I want a relationship with Me to be like. Where one can trust the other and love unconditionally; even if one stopped feeling love for the other and walks away. This happens to Me all the time. People leave Me and reject Me. However, I never slam the door shut, I close it ajar so it can be opened when that person is ready to come back to Me."

Either, He didn't move his mouth, or I simply could not see His mouth move.

This is the first time I have seen Jesus in person.

When he left, I felt comfort but also confusion as to why Jesus felt I deserved to see him in person.

Obviously, my marriage is not going well right now but at least I know Jesus has my back in this struggle. And, if Jesus has me covered, then obviously God Himself has me covered. They are practically the same anyway.

God does the impossible. Even if it involves walking through my wall and making me jump out of my skin!

Afterwards, I heard my son cry. So I jumped out of bed to comfort him. When I stood up, I fell back but felt the exact same hand hold me back up and I heard the same voice say, "Even if you cannot see Me, I am still with you!"