I wish I didn't have to wake up tomorrow

[john2190]

I'm still in the same place I've always been, apart from now, I'm getting closer to 30. I'm doing very little with my life, I feel I've amounted to nothing.
I've still got no clue what I want to do or what kind of work I'd like to do etc.
I went to a great school, went to university (college) and then I just did nothing. I just constantly feel sad, depressed, always thinking about how rubbish my life is. I suppose I am just overwhelmed by my feelings and it renders me helpless and so apathetic that I can barely do anything.

I don't know maybe there is part of me that still feels I need to get on with my life and do something, but because I've never known what exactly that is, I've just given up now. I'm tired of having to constantly search for it. I have very few options regarding the future. I have tried so many things but all in vain, mainly admin or office work but they have all ended mainly due to me not being focused and quitting. I've thought about studying or retraining but I have no idea what I would want to study and the thought of it scares me. I know I'll find it hard to focus anyway. It's as if because I feel hard done by and frustrated and angry with other life issues, I don't want to contribute to society.

I'm STUCK as I have been for many years.

I am an angry, frustrated man, fed up with life and constantly thinking about how things have not worked out for me, self pity etc. I still live at home with parents, no real motivation to do much, have relationship and sexual issues which is making me even more frustrated and sick of living. I think it's best to continue to live on benefits and live and die alone. I hate life, wish I didn't have to live anymore. Don't tell me there's someone worse off because I would gladly trade places with anyone right now. I've had suicidal feelings for many years now and even though I wish I was dead, I don't think I'm brave enough to actually go through with it.

 

[Ashalana]

I'm totally praying for you because I often devolve into that same cycle of depression, self-pity & frustration. I think this site has a pretty interesting, relatable description of various issues with depression (humor site): hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com

Edit: newbie restrictions.

 

[john2190]

I'm totally praying for you because I often devolve into that same cycle of depression, self-pity & frustration. I think this site has a pretty interesting, relatable description of various issues with depression (humor site): hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com

Edit: newbie restrictions.

Hi thank you very much for your response and praying for me.
How long have you been going through this for?

 

[Galadriel]

Hi there,
I understand how you feel. I am married, but we live very low income and I work in retail. I very much hear you about not having a clue about what you want to do or a career that you would like to pursue.

I too still do not have a clue. I had hoped by now it would click and I would know or have a good idea. Nope, I still don't. I surely did not want to be stuck in retail for this long, but here I am!

Basically how I keep getting through is just pray a lot about it. I try to work on being content where I am at, but it can be tough especially looking around at other people's lives and seeing how far ahead they are. I keep reminding myself its not a race with other people.

I hear ya its tough but hang in there!! Believe me you are NOT alone in this, a LOT of people have been knocked on their rears with this economic recession, many younger peoples cannot get out of their parents house simply because they cannot afford to and the good jobs are really hard to come by right now.

 

[unlovable1]

I can really relate to the title of this thread.

 

[john2190]

hi I guess from your username, you feel that way too?
What's your story? PM if you like....

 

[unlovable1]

For me, I'm convinced that I'm too ugly and cursed to be loved since I'm 30 and still single and I'm always the guy who gets rejected.

 

[Zephyrite]

I've gone through a similar phase of feeling as though I was spinning my wheels. Not really making any progress, or doing anything constructive with my time.

The best advice I can offer is to stand up and go make something happen for yourself, nobody else is going to do it for you. Don't be so defeatist, and never capitulate. Not everyone will be a mover and shaker, but you can certainly find something to do with yourself that will give you some pride and allow those who care about you to take pride, too.

 

[Ashalana]

Sorry for the late response~

Also when the frustration builds, I'm (very) often reminded to take things one step at a time. One day or week or any given period of time might be total crap, but then a period of release comes after & things will be fine again.

Finding & getting at the root of issues & dealing with them is a recurring issue. It's hard dealing with parents who've totally checked out of their roles & yet still have high expectations for their kids, & then berate them for not living up to them. So it's become an ingrained, toxic relationship over the years. I've stopped speaking to them for now & while I felt horribly guilty at first (for about a month now), it's seemed to have eased off & the guilt built up over the years is starting to melt away it seems.

It feels wrong to cut people out of my life, as well as dishonoring parents, but I just don't have any more to give them. Every time I talk to my mom (she's the abusive one, dad just totally checked out & trots out his "guilt presents" on Christmas -when he can even bother to remember.) I just feel worse about myself & my total lack of direction in life. I just feel like she's sucked so much out of me that it's made me & angry & frustrated person.