i went to the counselor....

[NinadeDios777]

well, as you all probably well know, thanks to my broadcasting it all over the board for the past week, i saw a counselor today about my cutting. it technically went well, but.... i don't think she's dealt with cutters before. i don't really think she understood what i was dealing with....
anyway, she said she's going to send a note to my school telling them i'm stable enough to go back at the end of this month. thats the good part. and i can't be happy about it.
i'm thoroughly disgusted with myself. i lie, i manipulate. i'm horrible. i get an A in therpaist manipulation 101, but i stink at keeping God's law.
basically, i told her what it hought was just a few white lies when i saw her last time so i could get to where i wanted, and, i was intending to come clean this time, but.... they just... i just started talking, and ic oudnl't stop... and i'd prayed for God to be with me. i'm not saying He didn't do his part, because, although i don't see it at the moment, i know He did and that this is all my fault. i just... oh man. i hate myself.

 

[always_hope]

*big hugs* I think it was a big step for you to go and talk to her, don't beat yourself up for not telling everything you wanted to say. Maybe you can see her again and tell her next time.

Love and blessings,
Hope

 

[myopic]

Yeah, don't be so tough on yourself. Maybe the white lies needed to come out this time to get you to the right place first before you come clean and get progressively better. Just know that the fact that you feel guilty about it and want to make things right indicates that you're on the right path, keep going!

 

[Crosscarrier23]

It is good that you are getting the help you need. I got detained for a suicide watch at my school. HUGE misunderstanding though.The girl I liked misunderstood the picture I drew and told her friends. Her friends told their parents who told the principle. The principle took action and detained me 5th pd. He asked,"How's school going? I hear from a source of mine that you are having suicidal thoughts or are severely depressed". That right there really shocked me. I explained to them that it wasn't what the picture was about and that it was a huge misunderstanding. He let me continue on to my next period. Then seventh period he had me go back to the office where he talked with me again, and searched through all my notebooks and bookbag looking for "evidence". I was then sent to the counselor who through the course of talking to me was in actuality trying to evaluate whether I was suicidal or not. Understandably I passed, but that wasn't the end of it. When I was walking home the principle picked me up and drove me back to my house where he relayed the information to my father. This experience really sucked. Everything worked out though and everything was settled.

 

[NinadeDios777]

Hey,
i'm not actually going to see her again due to the fact that she lives 8 hours away from my school. i'm getting a therapist closer.... and i don't wanna go. people tell me taht counseling is the magical answer to everything, but i don't think it is.

 

[nessa]

i think that it is awesome that you had the courage to come clean about your cutting to any counselor. I have one, but i don't have the guts to tell her the truth bc she threatened to put me in the hospital

 

[NinadeDios777]

yeah, thing is is i didn't have a choice; i dind't TELL anyone about my cutting, they found out.

wow, that musta really sucked. i had that happen to me once; my teacher suddenly decided to get snoopy and found some computer printouts in one of my folders that was information about suicide. one of my uncles had previously COMITTED suicide, which was why i was researching it; i wanted to understand why. my nosy teacher, who i definately have some words for, told the whole school board about it. luckily my dad looked through them and said it was nothing he felt he had to worry about and that my teacher had overreacted.

It is good that you are getting the help you need. I got detained for a suicide watch at my school. HUGE misunderstanding though.The girl I liked misunderstood the picture I drew and told her friends. Her friends told their parents who told the principle. The principle took action and detained me 5th pd. He asked,"How's school going? I hear from a source of mine that you are having suicidal thoughts or are severely depressed". That right there really shocked me. I explained to them that it wasn't what the picture was about and that it was a huge misunderstanding. He let me continue on to my next period. Then seventh period he had me go back to the office where he talked with me again, and searched through all my notebooks and bookbag looking for "evidence". I was then sent to the counselor who through the course of talking to me was in actuality trying to evaluate whether I was suicidal or not. Understandably I passed, but that wasn't the end of it. When I was walking home the principle picked me up and drove me back to my house where he relayed the information to my father. This experience really sucked. Everything worked out though and everything was settled.