i was molested as a child...

[super mom]

when i was a child at the age of 10 my brother molested me and told me he loved me and that was why he was doing it then he said when he was done that he would ill me if i told and then wnt upstairs and told my mom that i molested him (mind u he was 3 years older then i) my mom believed him and came downstairs and beat me with a leather belt without even letting me explain that it wasn't me who did it to him but him who did it to me and well i find out later when i was 19 i asked her why she never believed me and she said how was i supposed to believe you when you were a little tramp? after i was molested i started to get promiscuous u see. and i told her how could i have been lying when i didn'tknow anything aboutsex and that stuff. you know what she said... she said well i didn't beleive you. i asked her do you believe me now? i don't know she said. i love her dearly but i am having problems with her she is constantly trying to pick fights with me and i have reached a point to where i am glad she lives 200 miles away cause i want nothing to do with her. she .............grrr i am not going to say it.. any advice? ashe makes it difficult for me to get over thisbecause she keeps trying to get me to associate with my brother and i don't want to when i tell her this she tells me to grow up and put it in my past.

 

[Stephanida]

Oh sweetie! That can't be easy. But you are doing an awesome thing for standing up to her! And you were NOT a "little tramp" you were a hurt little girl who was hurt even more because her mother didn't believe her. I don't know what advice to give you except to pray. My mom was mad at me too when she found out about the sexual abuse. Maybe tell her how you really feel in a phone conversation or a letter than give her some space to think it over and decide for herself. If she refuses to listen and talk to and believe her own daughter than don't beat yourself up over it. It was NOT your fault. She is the mother it is her responsability to comfort you and to help you work through this not the other way around. You are showing so much strength and that is something to take pride in. Just put your love and faith in the Lord and let him be your guide and your true Heavenly Father and let him take the burden of your pain and heavy heart. Take gentle care of yourself.

 

[Nanee5]

I know how you feel.. one of my brothers molested me also when I was about 7 (I think). It was a 1 time thing.. but it was enough that I remember it. I never told anyone, except one of my other brothers (told him right after it happened). It makes me sick to think about it. I knew I felt guilty, but I was very young, and innocent. He was, I guess 16 or 17.. so he was old enough that it wasn't a "playing doctor" thing. He knew better! I was a baby! I finally told my Mom about it a few years ago. She was so mad at him, and hurt because I didn't tell her. I'm just grateful that God spared me scars from it that could have easily been there. (Other than the memory, I mean. It is bad enough.) I am sorry your Mom didn't believe you. You were a baby too, and very confused I am sure! My advice is to give all your hurt to God, do what the other person said and write a letter to her or something, and leave the rest up to her. You do need to pray about finding the strength to forgive them both (which is easier said than done). We will be praying for you and with you.

 

[super mom]

i have wrote her letters and did phone calls but nothing seems to work with her she is so selfcentered with alot of pride it will take an act of god to get thru to her

 

[Stephanida]

Then let there be an act of God! You have done what you can! NEVER shut the door to your life on her and let her know you still care about her. Let her talk to you and call you and write to you ect. But other than that leave her alone for awhile. THat while might be 3 weeks or 3 years or 30 years but let her know you still love her but stop hurtting yourself trying to get that love back from her.

 

[Johnnz]

i have wrote her letters and did phone calls but nothing seems to work with her she is so selfcentered with alot of pride it will take an act of god to get thru to her

Parents sometimes just aren't there for us and some never will be. It's real hard facing up to that, but there are times we must be completely realistic. Our comfort must then come from knowing that God knew all about it and is there for me now.

John
NZ

 

[Saucy]

All I can say is for you to forgive her. She's probably confused and doesn't know what really happened. All she knows is that something happened between you and your brother. He says you did it, you say he did it. What is she supposed to believe? Just forgive her and put that part of your past behind you. Forgive your brother. That doesn't mean you have to have a relationship with him, but forgive him. Jesus said that if you don't forgive the people that hurt you, you will not be forgiven your sins.

 

[ozman]

Forgiving is easy…forgetting is most troublesome. The Holy Bible tells us though:

Mathew Chapter 18, Verse 21

"Then came Peter to him, and said, Lord how oft shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? till seven times?"

Mathew Chapter 18, Verse 21

"Jesus saith unto him, I say not unto thee, Until seven times: but, Until seventy times seven."

Having said this does not ease the pain. Forgive your brother. Forgive your mother. Forget your past actions and lifestyle. Commence this day with a clean slate going forward. Every time bad memories from your past enter your mind, the devil is to blame. Rebuke him in the name of Jesus Christ and keep on going.

Call your mother telling her that you have prayed for her and forgive her transgressions against you all those years siding with your brother. Call your brother telling him that you forgive him his transgressions against you when your were a ten-year old.

Keep your distance from both. You will not relive the past each time you look into their eyes. Do not stop loving them. Pray that they will find Jesus Christ our Lord and Savior and come to understand the wrongs they have perpetrated on you. I love you my Christian Sister and pray for your peace and comfort.

Let us never forget to pray one for another...

 

[Stephanida]

Awesome post ozman! Excellent advice!

 

[muppy]

Hey girlie, I know how your feeling as I was molested by my father, brother and uncle. A they wonder why youth go crazy sometimes. Like you, I became permiscius, as I thought that is what I had to do to get some one to love me. Cause my family loved me and they needed to do this to my body. So I needed to do that with boys and men so that they would love me as well. I have struggled with this for years. I was 8 when it first started with my father, it lasted till I was 13. I would sometimes wish that my dad would get killed or something. And then we moved and he stopped touching me. I had a brother up for a visit and one night he decided that it was okay to touch me and I didn't know what to do, i just pretened to be asleep. Same with my uncle, I went to visit my Aunt and when she was at work at night he would put on a porno when I was in the room and make me watch it. Then I would excuse myself and take my cousin (she was 2) and she would sleep with me in bed, thinking that would keep him out of my room and it didn't work and then he came and touched me and again I pretended to be asleep. again that was when i was 13. so for the longest time I was a bad girl. Then I finally met my husband and I had a hard time being intimate with him, cause my mind would wonder. I had to have the light on to make sure it was my husband with me. I finally went and got help, healing and most important, prayer. I confronted my father, that was the hardest thing to do. I asked, "Why dad?" Well I love my daddy with all my heart and I forgive him 100%, same with my brother. My aunt is no longer with that man, so I haven't ever confronted him.


have you tried confronting your brother? have you told your mom how it makes you feel when she isn't there to support you? Get help, especially from your church, cause God has never given us anything that we couldn't handle. You need to turn to him in this time, that is what he wants. Pray for your brother, pray for your mother. Hold on to the faith, you will get your answers and the feeling of peace in your heart. It takes time, I won't lie, and lots and lots of tears. But, maybe something happened to your brother and mother that makes them the way they are. I wish I knew more things to say to you, just that I understand what you are going through and I will pray for you. Keep the faith and A.S.A.P (always say a prayer)

 

[BoxOfRain]

A

 

[BoxOfRain]

supermom, I know from experience how badly abuse can affect your whole life. I was brutally abused from the age of 5 until age 14 by a babysitter, a neighbor(simultaneously), and a stepfather. Sexually and physically. I have dissociative identity disorder from the abuse. I only wish i'd sought help earlier than I did. (in college) So I sympathize and pray that you'll find a way to forgive and get past this.

One of the most difficult things to come to grips with is that they may never change. But that doesn't have to keep you from moving forward

If you haven't already done so, try seeking out a good counselor who you can trust. It's scary at first, but I've gotten so much better that I can't help but recommend it. My prayers are with you.

Greg