- Feb 20, 2006
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I was just thinking how maybe it's finally time that I tell my parents that I cut.
I'm not saying that it's going to be easy, and Im not thinking that at all. I'm just completely sick of lying to them and to everyone else about the marks on my arms. and It's becoming exhausting.
I'm honestly not sure what to do. I mean, I think I owe it to myself to finally get help. But I'm so scared of teh rejection. And I really have a feeling that what happened today, isn't going to go away.
*story time* so after church today I took off my sweatshirt and I still had it draped over the spot on my arm, but I was talking to some people and I must have just not noticed, and moved the sweatshirt, and my mom saw the marks. Then she made a huge ordeal out of it and I lied and told her that I burned my arm at work. and then my dad wanted to see. and I could just tell that there was this uncertainty in his eyes. like they knew. And Im just sick of lying to everyone and ugh. Im so angry and frustrated. but Im scared that my relationship with my parents is going to change.
And I know it will. They're going to think I'm 100% insane and ontop of it, I will more than likely get in trouble. And I will get yelled at, and they probably won't understand why. I thought my relationship with them was so strong, but I have a feeling that it's not as strong as any of us thought.
I'm scared of what's going to happen. I think they need to know. But Im really worried that they're going to hate me. and I know that sounds dramatic, but they would treat me a lot different, and I don't want to be treated any differently than I am now. And then there would be the idea of trust. How would they trust me ever again? Even when they first thought that I was, I remember my dad got really angry, and then my mom was just all like, what kind of person does that to themselves? And how was I to explain that. I couldn't. Nor was I going to try.
So. To the those of you who have had to tell you're parents or have been brave enough to do so, how did you do it. And does anyone feel the same way I do?
I just feel like this needs to be taken off my chest, and I really think that it should. But I just need help getting it out.
thanks
J.j.
I'm not saying that it's going to be easy, and Im not thinking that at all. I'm just completely sick of lying to them and to everyone else about the marks on my arms. and It's becoming exhausting.
I'm honestly not sure what to do. I mean, I think I owe it to myself to finally get help. But I'm so scared of teh rejection. And I really have a feeling that what happened today, isn't going to go away.
*story time* so after church today I took off my sweatshirt and I still had it draped over the spot on my arm, but I was talking to some people and I must have just not noticed, and moved the sweatshirt, and my mom saw the marks. Then she made a huge ordeal out of it and I lied and told her that I burned my arm at work. and then my dad wanted to see. and I could just tell that there was this uncertainty in his eyes. like they knew. And Im just sick of lying to everyone and ugh. Im so angry and frustrated. but Im scared that my relationship with my parents is going to change.
And I know it will. They're going to think I'm 100% insane and ontop of it, I will more than likely get in trouble. And I will get yelled at, and they probably won't understand why. I thought my relationship with them was so strong, but I have a feeling that it's not as strong as any of us thought.
I'm scared of what's going to happen. I think they need to know. But Im really worried that they're going to hate me. and I know that sounds dramatic, but they would treat me a lot different, and I don't want to be treated any differently than I am now. And then there would be the idea of trust. How would they trust me ever again? Even when they first thought that I was, I remember my dad got really angry, and then my mom was just all like, what kind of person does that to themselves? And how was I to explain that. I couldn't. Nor was I going to try.
So. To the those of you who have had to tell you're parents or have been brave enough to do so, how did you do it. And does anyone feel the same way I do?
I just feel like this needs to be taken off my chest, and I really think that it should. But I just need help getting it out.
thanks
J.j.