I want to marry a non-Christian.

[yourstickynote]

I don't like religion because it seems to be all about groups--and isolating others. It was always awkward for me (that's beside the point). Point being: I have faith in God, Jesus, and the holy spirit, so that would make me a Christian in our terms for it. All that Jesus/cross/dying for our sins stuff.

I've been with a wonderful man for 3 and a half years now, and he has faith in God also, but not in Jesus, that he died for us and all. And so, he's not a Christian in our terms for it. I love the guy to pieces. He trusts me like so few can, completely freespirited and unconditional! A truly wonderful person.

But my sister, who is a Christian, says that a Christian cannot marry a non-Christian. Marriage for Christians involves using it to glorify God, so trying to do it with someone who doesn't believe what Christians believe is impossible--it takes two to tango. That's a brief version of what she's been telling me.

Still, I'm skeptical. I believe in our love. I never want to lose it, but if my sister is right about this, I'm disobeying God if I stay with him. I've prayed about it, but still no answer. I totally suck at listening for him. This is driving me crazy, and I really wish I were certain about my position on this because the longer I'm indecisive, the longer I hurt us both, and if I need to break up with him, it's better I do it sooner than later.

Sometimes I feel like I'm still hanging on because I feel like there's got to be SOMETHING out there, supporting us getting married. I just can't see myself letting go of him; we've grown to such an intimate level. I gave a lot of myself to him.

Any thoughts?

 

[free4all]

Are you having sex with him? If so, this will cloud your spiritual judgment.

Although I don't advise it, you have the freedom to marry a non-Christian. We have the freedom to make wrong decisions.

Human love will fail.

Have you read the complete Bible? God gives principles in there that speak to your situation.

How important is it to you to please God with your choices?

Are you placing boyfriend above God? If so, you will live to regret that choice.

 

[AbidingInHim]

YOu shoule examine where you stand with the Lord......Even satan and the demons believe in God and JEsus, it takes more then just believeing about who He was and what He did to be a believer

The bible says Jesus's words were, Many will call out to me and say LORD LORD and I will say, turn away from me I never knew you.......Believe in God as is written in John 3:16 refers to trusting in Him which means repeanting of your sinnfull ways and actually trusting that His way, and His word is ture and a heart's desire to follow His way.....

If you feel secure in you salvation which I wonder because you sound Like me several years before I was truely saved.


as far as not marrying a non believer, it is not God's will as He makes clear in the Bible, because a believers priorities and beliefs are different and when you marry your beliefs and goals should be aligned in order to assure a successful marraige with two poeple in unity rather then dischord because of seperated goals and paths

I am praying for you, May the HOly Spirit work in your heart and fill you with understanding and may these words be helpful to you in some way.

God Blesss

 

[yourstickynote]

Are you having sex with him? If so, this will cloud your spiritual judgment.

Although I don't advise it, you have the freedom to marry a non-Christian. We have the freedom to make wrong decisions.

Human love will fail.

Have you read the complete Bible? God gives principles in there that speak to your situation.

How important is it to you to please God with your choices?

Are you placing boyfriend above God? If so, you will live to regret that choice.

The reason why I'm not deciding that I am definitely going to marry him is because I do place God above him, and so if what I'm doing is wrong, I've got to leave him. Still, I'm very confused about the matter. I haven't read the entire bible, but really, is that what it takes? Plus, the bible is completely open to interpretation, so I may turn the words around to fit my situation inadvertently. I've done it before.

Point is, I just really need some wisdom here. You think what I'm doing is wrong. Why? What do you think?

 

[yourstickynote]

YOu shoule examine where you stand with the Lord......Even satan and the demons believe in God and JEsus, it takes more then just believeing about who He was and what He did to be a believer

The bible says Jesus's words were, Many will call out to me and say LORD LORD and I will say, turn away from me I never knew you.......Believe in God as is written in John 3:16 refers to trusting in Him which means repeanting of your sinnfull ways and actually trusting that His way, and His word is ture and a heart's desire to follow His way.....

If you feel secure in you salvation which I wonder because you sound Like me several years before I was truely saved.


as far as not marrying a non believer, it is not God's will as He makes clear in the Bible, because a believers priorities and beliefs are different and when you marry your beliefs and goals should be aligned in order to assure a successful marraige with two poeple in unity rather then dischord because of seperated goals and paths

I am praying for you, May the HOly Spirit work in your heart and fill you with understanding and may these words be helpful to you in some way.

God Blesss

I don't understand what you mean by these goals and paths. Please do elaborate. What does it matter that our priorities are different, and what type of priorities could they be, anyway? Example time!

Also, why do I sound like you before you were saved? I don't understand; I never said that I just "believed" in him. I said I had faith, which is a short version of saying I've given my life to Jesus Christ. It's just that I'm confused about a particular aspect of my faith.

 

[kayd1966]

Welcome to our little corner of CF!

I find it interesting that you are here asking. Right up front I want to point out that you may not hear what you want to hear from us. We can be brutally honest, that honesty comes from years of walking in the shoes you want to walk in.

I love my husband to pieces. He is hard working, kind, dedicated, loving, committed, etc. He loves me and our kids and would do almost anything for us. I say almost because he won't go to church or be the spiritual leader in our home.

When I married him, people told me not too. They quoted scripture and told me God didn't want this for me or my life. I married him anyways. I was absolutely wrong, I acted in willful disobedience and to this day I bare the fruit of that decision. There will always be consequences for sin. Disobedience is sin.

You will probably be quoted scripture and told this is wrong, ultimately its your decision. God created us with a free will. Free to choose Him or to turn away from Him.

If you choose to marry this man, are you willing to pay the price. A husband that does not go to church with you (even if he promises to now, after marriage, things always change), a husband who does not believe in Jesus as Savior, a husband that won't teach your children about Jesus, a man who will not stand as the spiritual leader in your home, which means you go to church alone, you pack the kids up and go alone to church, you sit in church and see other couples and families worshiping God together, you going alone to church functions (if you are allowed to go). You wanting to give to the church and not being able too because you both decide what the money gets spent on.

Sit down by yourself and read the Bible, pray and ask God to show you. Don't expect a bolt of lighting, that inner unrest you have right now and the reason you are here seeking shows me that you already know the answer and are hoping that someone will validate your feelings so you can ignore the sign posts God is putting in your path...the sign post your sister is holding up for you. Ask people to pray with you and for you, spend time with your sister in prayer. She is absolutely correct in saying that a marriage is to glorify God...the reason is that if we decide to follow Jesus, we are to glorify Him in all we do, that includes marriage.

I know how hard this is, living for Jesus is not easy, we mess up and then we have to move on. You are seeking before you walk down the aisle...Praise God that your timing isn't off...mine was! I wish I had been seeking God's will, my life would be completely different today.

You are in my prayers...

 

[kayd1966]

I don't understand what you mean by these goals and paths. Please do elaborate. What does it matter that our priorities are different, and what type of priorities could they be, anyway? Example time!

Here are some examples that came to my mind right away:

Goals: To have children
- Where do your priorities stand with these questions, where are his?: How do you raise them? Do you go to Church? Do you pray before meals? Do you read Bible stories to them? Do you teach them about creation and evolution? Do you teach them how to pray? Do you allow them to participate in things like Halloween? Will they be allowed to drink alcohol? What kind of movies are they allowed to watch? Who decides what cartoon they can watch? How will they dress? Will you teach them that sex before marriage is right or wrong? Will you be able to teach them that Jesus is the only way to eternal life in heaven or will he want to teach them that good works will get them there? Does he want you to stay home with the children or work?

Goals: To give finances and time to the church.
- Where do you stand? Where does he stand?: Save for a new TV, house, holiday or give 10% to the church? Help with Sunday School or sleep in? Go partying on Saturday night or stay home and be up in time for church? Go to Bible Study/Kinship/Home group during the week or stay home? Give to missions or spend the money on something material?

Goals: Spend time in the Word, in Prayer and Devotional time at home each day. Do you want to do that? What would he think of that? Will he allow you to do that or will he be jealous because you spend this time with the Lord?

Goals: To follow the Lord's leading in your life? (for example: teach Sunday School, lead youth group, help in the kitchen, missions). Will you feel free to follow the Lord's leading? Will he allow you to follow the Lord's leading? Does he even care? Will he stand in the way of that obedience to the Lord?

There are so many things...right now, I want to put on a small addition to our home so that when my Mom & Tots group comes over for Bible study I will have room to house them all. My husband is completely opposed to this because he doesn't think its a good enough reason...sharing prayer time and studying the Bible is a waste of time to him. We have come to a compromise...I can do it but he will NOT be helping in any way, I have to pay for it, find the people to do it and oversee it. In addition to that, I still have to run my home, look after two children (one with special needs), cook, clean, do the laundry, etc. He will not help on any of these things because he believes that he has provided for us, and if I want extra then I must bare the load. Are you willing to walk in these shoes? It may not be the same issue but I can guarantee...there will be an issue.

 

[AbidingInHim]

I'll respond but won't be able to do so tonight.....I've been praying for you today and will continue to do so.

 

[free4all]

The reason why I'm not deciding that I am definitely going to marry him is because I do place God above him, and so if what I'm doing is wrong, I've got to leave him. Still, I'm very confused about the matter. I haven't read the entire bible, but really, is that what it takes? Plus, the bible is completely open to interpretation, so I may turn the words around to fit my situation inadvertently. I've done it before.

Point is, I just really need some wisdom here. You think what I'm doing is wrong. Why? What do you think?

Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness? What harmony is there between Christ and belial? What does a believer have in common with an unbeliever? What agreement is there between the temple of God and idols? For we are the temple of the living God.

As God has said: "I will live with them and walk among them, and I will be their God, and they will be my people. Therefore, come out from them and be separate," says the Lord. "Touch no unclean thing, and I will receive you. I will be a Father to you, and you will be my sons and daughters," says the Lord Almighty.

Since we have these promises, dear friends, let us purify ourselves from everything that contaminates body and spirit, perfecting holiness out of reverence for God."

2 Corinthians 6:14-7:1



If you are a believer and your boyfriend is an unbeliever (your description of him is as an unbeliever, in Biblical terms), these verses apply to you.

If you read the Bible, you will observe the principle that God's people are to be separate from the world. We are to witness to unbelievers, and can be friends with them, but we should not join with them in marriage. Your sister is correct.

God will not shout His warnings to you. He'd made them available to you in His Word, the Bible, yet you have admitted you haven't read it all. He's gone one step further and given you warnings in the voice of your sister. Now He's given you warnings from voices in this forum. Don't expect very many more warnings, if any. He won't shout them or force you to listen. His voice is described as a gentle whisper, which we can easily miss if we're not paying attention, or don't really want to hear His answer, or are involved in sin.

Life has a way of teaching people to listen closer to the gentle whisper of God. If you marry an unbeliever and have difficulty in your marriage because of it, which I think is highly likely, you will remember with bitterness how you did not listen to the warnings of your sister, the warnings of us here, the warnings in the pages of the Bible, and the gentle whisper of God in your spirit. You can miss that whisper in your spirit, or you can override it and convince yourself it's not there. I urge you to listen for it. It can be difficult to hear if you have not trained your heart to listen for and recognize it. If you are involved in willful sin of any kind, it can be even harder to hear His whisper.

I encourage you to read 1 Kings 19:11-13, as well as the section in 2 Corinthians I mentioned earlier. God's voice is all around you, but He will not force you to listen or obey. You are free to do as you please. But if you ignore so many warnings, I do not think the consequences for you will be light.

You have no idea what you are headed for. If you did, you would alter your course immediately.

Apparently you don't see it now, but any children you bring into this world need a Christian Daddy.

I pray you choose to listen to His voice, and I pray you choose to obey for your sake, but especially for the sake of any children you may have someday.

Wayne

 

[pete56]

Hi Stickynote, Welcome to UY at CF. You have already been given some very good advice from a bunch of people that know what it is like to marry an unbelieving spouse and live that life. There are others here that will no doubt want to add to this advice, and you'll not be too surprised that I am one of them!

I'd like to start by saying that when I married my wife neither of us were what I recognise to be 'born again' believers, and it was 12 years into our marriage that I finally gave my life, heart and soul to Christ and now some 18 years later I am still struggling in an unequal relationship and waitnig, praying and waiting for God to finally catch up with my wife!

You said "I don't like religion because it seems to be all about groups--and isolating others. It was always awkward for me (that's beside the point)."

I am not quite sure what you are getting at here, but if I read this rightly, you are saying that churches are a problem for you! You don't like the whole idea of formal 'religion'. Is that right? If it is Sister, I agree with you totally. More people have been put off a faith in Jesus by our 'established' forms of religion than can easily be counted. What I would advise, if this is your case and that of your B/f is to do some deep research in your area and find one of the many 'good' bible believing and bible teaching fellowships.

Please don't think I am being patronising here, but I think you need to look for a group that is more focussed on your own age group! I know my 21 yr and 16 yr old daughters would find my idea of a great fellowship totally 'boring!' Look fr and find a young but well led group.

Then spend some time growing in your faith and learning what God wants of your life. It may be He plans for you to marry this boy, but if He does then the HS will be working hard in his and your hearts to achieve an equilibrium that will not ruin His plans for your life. Don't leave this to chance, you don't get this sort of guidance and teaching by osmosis! You have to work at it!


You said "I've been with a wonderful man for 3 and a half years now,"

Wayne asked, and you didn't answer, are you in a sexual relationship with this man? If you could answer this question, I think it would be helpful as it would indicate your willingness to put God and His injunctions above your own and your B/f's personal gratification.

I am sure that he is a 'wonderful man', and as that is the case he will not mind if you choose at your tender age to take a while to find out what God actually wants of your life. You are only 19 and whilst I know how fast girls become young women these days (I live with two! Three if you count their mother!) this physical maturity does not always bring wisdom. Take time out of this 'wonderful' relationship and find our which of your relationships really matter to you and to God.


You said "I totally suck at listening for him."

If you really want to hear from God you have to find space to listen, and then be willing to hear the stuff that you'd rather He saved for some other poor sinner!

You said
"This is driving me crazy, and I really wish I were certain about my position on this because the longer I'm indecisive, the longer I hurt us both, and if I need to break up with him, it's better I do it sooner than later."

I'm not sure you do need to break up with him! Only God can guide you there and you need to take your agenda out of the mixer while you listen!

You said
"Sometimes I feel like I'm still hanging on because I feel like there's got to be SOMETHING out there, supporting us getting married. "

There is, its called the world! They don't care a d@*! whether you marry him really, but if you do then you can be added to the sausage machine of mediocre marriages that have no real purpose other than getting through the next year and not getting caught by whatever it is they are trying to get away from.

You can go this way if you choose or you can take your time (you actually have plenty of it) and learn what you truly want for your life by searching the scriptures, listening to good teaching (Joyce Meyer is very good! So is LifeChurch.tv) and waiting for God to make His will clear and then do that.

You said
"I just can't see myself letting go of him; we've grown to such an intimate level. I gave a lot of myself to him."

I actually think this is the main part of your problem, you have already given so much of yourself that you do not want to let go of what you feel is the right guy for you. You may be right, and if you are right another 6 to 12 months of true reflection and listening to God will show you, but not if you spend that time prevaricating and being indecisive! You need to make a break from your intimate relationship for a while and get a fresh perspective on your life.

I know that a lot of what I have said will be unpopular with you and probably will sound like a parent berating his daughter. I make no apology for this, I have spoken to you the way I have and will speak to my own daughters.

I trust that your faith in God is strong enough to show you the truth and sense in this advice (and that of our Sisters and Brother here), and that you will take at least some of it to your heart and try to pause before you act out of frustration and impetuousness.

I will be praying for you

Pete

 

[AbidingInHim]

Wayne did a great job of answering your reply to him, but I would like to add.....

Yes the Bible is up for interpretation and can be distorted by anybody not led by the HOly Spirit.....but if you are saved PTL you say you are, I would say, if you are praying for discernment and wisdom the HOly Spirit will interpret for you the Truth of HIs Word......

In other words, it takes the Spirit to understand the Word...

 

[AbidingInHim]

I don't understand what you mean by these goals and paths. Please do elaborate. What does it matter that our priorities are different, and what type of priorities could they be, anyway? Example time!
First it takes an understanding of how Christ instructs us to live inside a marriage. The wife is to submit to the Husband. The Husband is to be the head of the house, is to love his wife as Christ loves the church, and the be the Spiritual leader. without folollowing the guidelines of marriage laid out in scripture it is very difficult one might say impossible to have a working and lasting relationship. God has written us a book that tells us how to be successful while we are here on Earth and marriage is a holy union between two poeple sanctified by God, how can you make a pact in front of God when disobeying him?

As far as goals, I'll throw some out there to you.

Do you want your children to be saved?
Do you want to grow in Christ?
Do you want to bring God glory with your life?
Do you want to be honest?
Waht if....having to obey your husband he says one day,
the kids aren't allowed to go to church...you are not going to indoctrinate my kids with that crap, you're not going to pray at my table,
your not donating my money into the offering plate....your time at church takes away from our family time, don't go just this once stay here with me and sleep in....
Tell them I'm not here (on the phone)
Sign this income tax form ( you know he cheated on)
Going to church is very lonely when you see others sitting next to thier spouses....getting the kids to church on time is next to impossible alone,
not having the joy of praying with your husband is a very sad place to be, lastly, living your life on Earth with somebody who might not be with you in eternity is unexplicable....
also, if you want your children to choose Chirst, they are much less likely to if one parent doesn't believe, why should I believe you daddy doesn't......those are a few off the top of my head,


Also, why do I sound like you before you were saved? I don't understand; I never said that I just "believed" in him. I said I had faith, which is a short version of saying I've given my life to Jesus Christ. It's just that I'm confused about a particular aspect of my faith.

I apologize it was your comments about the church and religion and groups and isolation....it's not scriptual.....we are called to fellowship with one another to build each other up in Chirst, for support, edification and accountability....I think somebody quoted some of the scripture.....but also the way you referred to Jesus and the cross as that stuff kinda made me stop and think you seem to take His gift lightly....forgive me if I misunderstood, you see, I said the prayer of salvation at the age of 17, but it wasn't until 10 years later that I was saved and indwelt with the HOly Spirit, I had said the prayer but had not been truely ready in my heart to repent....I was 4 months into my marriage when I was truely transformed by Christ.....I would highly recommend against marrying a non believer, I was not one when I married. It's very sad and lonely...no matter how much I love and adore my husband, I'd give anything to have him be a part of my family in Christ, the burden I carry for him is great....greater then I would wish on anybody.......

I would like to ask you some question....to help you figure out where you are....

you say you don't like religion, are you attending a church?

Do you find time to read the Bible daily?

Do you try to memorize scripture?

Why do you think you will interpret the scriptures as you wish?

When was the last time you felt the power of the Peace of your salvation?

When did you feel the conviction burning on your heart of the HOly Spirit?

I'm not trying to judge you in anyway, only trying to help. YOu needn't answer these question they are only for you to ponder.

Lastly, I would like to say, If you feel that you truely want to marry this man, I recommend that you ask him to attend church with you , a real one where you feel the presence of theSpirit and you know the Word that is preached is of God and witness to him, give him the book a case for Chritianity by CS LEwis and go the answersingenesis.org or drdino.com and show him the truth about creation and how evolution is a massive hoax......pray for his salvation, I would caution you however, if he makes a profeesion of faith, make it a VERY long engagement, to make sure you are seeing the fruit of his salvation before making a lifetime commitment there have been instences of people making false professions of faith in order to get somebody to marry them without truely repenting and recieving Jesus......pray for discernment and what ever you decide, get premarital christian counseling.....read a coupld of books about christian marriages.....that will help you with addressing other possible issues we have failed to mention.....Praying for you to have wisdom and truth God Bless
Roxanna

 

[AbidingInHim]

I just had a couple of extra thoughts for you,

you never know what your kids will be exposed to with an unsaved spouse, and you will have no control over it, last year my h and son were watching tv some documentary show, I got on the phone while they had their special time together, shen I got off I found out they had just watch some cops show where the robber bles his brains out, my son was 5,

also, you know, I had a relationship like that at your age too, after 5 years I finally had the strength to brake away, I loook back now and PRaise God I didn' t marry that guy, and I can't imagine now how I'd stayed with him so long breaking up, if that's what you feel led to do, will not be as bad in the long term as you feel it will be now....that guy and I had planned our kids and what cars we'd have and the kind of house what neighborhood and everything......I only think of him now and then to wonder if he ever found Christ....

 

[AbidingInHim]

Something Kay said abou tfinances made me think....you realize all big decisions in a Christian home is begun with mutual prayer and suplication and If you are seeking God's will for waht schooling options are right for your kids or which house to by or what job to take, how can you be of one accord with your h not seeking God's will

Sorry if that is redundant

 

[AbidingInHim]

For a greater understanding of what it means to be married to a non believer.....read through some of our other threads, check out the struggles we discuss, try out check in thread and the ones below....Please check back with us and let us know your re to our guidance

 

[free4all]

For a greater understanding of what it means to be married to a non believer.....read through some of our other threads, check out the struggles we discuss, try out check in thread and the ones below....Please check back with us and let us know your re to our guidance

That's a good idea to read some of the older threads. They will give you even more insight on what a marriage to an unbeliever can be like.

 

[pete56]

HI Sticky

I wonder, have we frightened you away, or are you just taking time to think?

Pete

 

[tiredwalker]

I don't like religion because it seems to be all about groups--and isolating others. It was always awkward for me (that's beside the point). Point being: I have faith in God, Jesus, and the holy spirit, so that would make me a Christian in our terms for it. All that Jesus/cross/dying for our sins stuff.

I've been with a wonderful man for 3 and a half years now, and he has faith in God also, but not in Jesus, that he died for us and all. And so, he's not a Christian in our terms for it. I love the guy to pieces. He trusts me like so few can, completely freespirited and unconditional! A truly wonderful person.

But my sister, who is a Christian, says that a Christian cannot marry a non-Christian. Marriage for Christians involves using it to glorify God, so trying to do it with someone who doesn't believe what Christians believe is impossible--it takes two to tango. That's a brief version of what she's been telling me.

Still, I'm skeptical. I believe in our love. I never want to lose it, but if my sister is right about this, I'm disobeying God if I stay with him. I've prayed about it, but still no answer. I totally suck at listening for him. This is driving me crazy, and I really wish I were certain about my position on this because the longer I'm indecisive, the longer I hurt us both, and if I need to break up with him, it's better I do it sooner than later.

Sometimes I feel like I'm still hanging on because I feel like there's got to be SOMETHING out there, supporting us getting married. I just can't see myself letting go of him; we've grown to such an intimate level. I gave a lot of myself to him.

Any thoughts?

It is hard to give advice in this area. I'm "unevenly yolked" to an deconverted Christian (an atheist). He feels that Christianity is a cult and does not want to indoctrinate our children with it (we are currently trying for our first baby). In fact, he feels that it is immoral. His dad is a pastor and was a little heavy on the rod and a little light on the loving father. This is the tough part. I obviously want them to go to church and love Jesus. In order for our marriage to continue thriving we have to come to a comprimise. Be prepared for some heartache and sorrow. It has been hard for me, but it has also been very good. I really think about my beliefs and why I believe them. Before, I simply followed along. If I could go back in time, I would still marry him. He is has been the best blessing of my life.

If you truely love this man, show him the way.

 

[pete56]

Hi Tiredwalker,

And Welcome to UY at CF.

Its good to hear from anyone that is struggling in our rather unique battle front - where it sometimes appears that the 'enemy' is the very person that we love so much!

I do hope you will consider joining the group more fully and contributing to our little support forum. We try not to be judgemental of people in here, (sadly I have to say we don't always succeed!) and we wlcome everyone that is sincerely looking for support and help.

We don't always say the things some people want to hear (a bit like in this thread here) but we do try to provide advice based upon our hard won experience and the wisdom that God provides to us.

If you would be interested in this sort of support, then join us on the Check-in thread and we will be happy to welcome you.

Stickynote this invitation is open to you too. Don't be alone in this struggle, and Unequally Yoked marriage or relationship is tuogh enough without excluding all the Christian support you can get.

Come and join us.

Pete

 

[AbidingInHim]

Lily, please let us know what you're thinking, You are still in my prayers.....