i want to hurt the fellow

I cant prove anything went on, but my wife had a situation that i didnt trust or believe so i checked our phone bill. sure enough instead of it being females calling to confide in, it was some fellow from a job she used to work at. now she's upset with me that i accidently called him, wants a divorce and sleeps in another room.
I know where he lives. I know his phone number. She says that im over bearing and controling and that she has nothing to hide :he's only a friend who never hit on her once and i embarrassed her. however the guy is the go to guy every time we had a fight according to the phone records;she'd talk to him before i get home from work and somehow wouldnt mention him when i asked who was it on the phone.
so, should i go to his house and introduce myself?
call him so he can lie to me some more? my pride wont let it go.

i brought it up today in front of her mom and family and she said that nothing was going on BUT if im not pulling my wieght as the man of the house dont be upset if someone steps in line..then says she doesnt care whati think she's leaving anyways and went to shower

i called the guy this afternoon and he said it was alot of flirting going on but nothing more and wouldnt tell me more in fear i would 'hurt her'. so i cut her texting off her phone - she loves it but it's not necessary. what is is the phone line in case she needs to reach out while with the kids. so i told her that she can ask him to provide for her and all that. i told the guy on the phone that he needs to get her a car, pay for her mri's for cancer and make sure she has her living arrangments in line and he said no. so i let her know that she cant rely on him like she thought. so now i dont even want to deal with her anymore. i can care less what she's doing or where she's going..im going to surgery, im planning on getting on my feet and getting on with my life as god wants. im tired of living so toxic.

i can honestly say that we both have health issues. she was screened for what could have been terminal cancer, and i have to have screws put in my knee.

however prior to that, we were argueing all the time about her commitment to the marriage because she loved having male friends., loved being center of the attention of people that she knew were not healthy to be around..which always lead to trouble. for example, she was a supervisor at her job. i told her (6 years military) you can not be friends with the people that work for you..they wont respect you because now that you are buddies they wont respond to discipline. she didnt listen..became friends with her crew made their personal problems hers, gave personal advice to them about their girlfriends..then rumors started that she was seeing one of them because she was friendly instead of being a sup. one of the higherups noticed and sexually harrassed her based on the assumption that she was 'like that'...she reported it and quit her job. in the end im telling her sound advice, she argues tooth and nail about me being to controlling,,then it fails and she blames me.
so after awhile she stopped telling me about her guy friends because i would always call out that this one is after this or about that..and she didnt like it..but now she's sick no job and broke because i'm telling her now to go see her special 'ear tickler'