I want to have a girlfriend ;(

IvanOng · Aug 16, 2006

Hi brothers and sisters in christ..... Im so envious of all the couples out there. It must be really sweet to fall in love with one another, someone whom you can pour your concern onto... WOW

But sadly, Im already 20 years old soon and I doesn't have an girl friend yet.... Im getting impatient and my desire to have a girl friend is building rapidly... I need your help....

Please either pray for me that God will give me a girlfriend soon or pray for me that God will change my mindset of having a girlfriend

Thank you.

Yours Sincerely
Single Ivan

IvanOng · Aug 16, 2006

For this past few years.. Im really longing to have a girlfriend, whom I can really take care of, someone whom I can everyday express my love to...

But girls whom I met are either attached or belong to the 'only treat you as a brother' category and one rejected me. Sigh.. Im everyday wondering when will God let me meet my 'she'.

I know love also involves hardships as both need to make efforts to keep it burning.. I'm willing to take that and keep it going.... And I know God could fill the emptiness in me at times, but sometimes I really do need someone especially a girl who understands me, able to share my feelings and able to turn to when Im down.SIGHz

I'm not really feeling very depress now, just that I'm only feeling impatient and envious of others. Where are youuuuuu......

I nee

HolyOne87 · Aug 16, 2006

aw, im sorry to hear this..my bro is going through the same..but he's 23 years old. I will hope that one day God gives you a girl that will treat you with respect,and whom loves God very much!

SoC · Aug 16, 2006

I was 21 before my first date. In fact my first date was this year. I know how you feel.

My advice is this: don't focus on not having a girlfriend. Focus on God and what you can be doing for Him. He will bring around the perfect girl in His timing and she will be better than anyone else you've met or could meet. Trust me.

sunshineray · Aug 16, 2006

Have you ever heard the phrase that "the best way to find someone is to not be looking for someone at all"? Girls can sense when a guy has "ladies on the brain". It typically comes across has desperation. It's understandable that you're lonely and that you're longing to share your life with someone else. But girls want to feel special, like you picked them because they stood out from everyone else, not just for the sake of having a girlfriend. Any successful, long term relationship I've had came about when I wasn't looking for love. I think it is most attractive when someone is investing in their life, activities, their church, their friends, etc.... it shows independence and strength. I would recommend getting involved in activities that you're interested in, that can help you shape yourself and grow. Chances are that when you're involving yourself in these activities you will meet others (females) that have things in common with you.

eatenbylocusts · Aug 16, 2006

I'm glad you're willing to have prayers for God to change your mindset if it's not time yet. I would suggest just keeping busy and making yourself the type of man a woman would want for a relationship. Make sure you're putting yourself in situations where you can actually meet some Christian women.

Blank123 · Aug 16, 2006

I'm sorry

heh, its nothing to worry too much about though, you're still very young and 20 is not to old for you to be without a girlfriend. Heck I only just got into a relationship for the first time. My brother is 23 and he's never had a real girlfriend and my cousin is about 25 now and she (to the best of my knowledge) has never had a boyfriend. And there's absolutely nothing wrong with that. What that means is that we were able to grow up and mature and be content and complete as single people and I think my relationship is going to benefit from that and I truely believe that when/if my brother and my cousin find their own SOs their relationships are going to really benefit from that as well.

You've got to learn to be satisfied with life as a single person before you'll be able to have a healthy relationship with any girl. I hate to say that but its true. I've seen too many people who just wanted to have a relationship that they jumped into one with the first person that came along and would have them - that always ends very badly.

and I'm not saying any of this to judge you or put you down, I have been in your shoes. I even, stupidly, allowed this to become a stumbling block in my relationship with the Lord. It wasn't until I realised that my relationship with God was far more valuable than any earthly relationship I could ever have and that He alone deserved to have control of my life (as opposed to me trying to fgure out things for myself) that I handed that over to Him to decide when and if I should ever be in a relationship. He has given me complete peace ever since then.

I mean who better to have in control over a desire that is so close to your heart than the Sovereign Lord who loves you, who cares for you, and who has a perfect will for your life? Being single may not be what you want right now, but its a place in life God has placed you in for a reason and if you submit this desire to Him you can handle this (Phil 4:13) and you can have complete peace over this issue if you sincerely hand it over Him to be the one to handle it (Phil 4:6-7)

Maeyken · Aug 16, 2006

I was 21 when I met my husband, and he was 29. Neither of us had dated before. There's hope for you. You are still very young, and have a lot of time ahead of you. Try to focus on activities you enjoy, and the benefits of being single at this point in your life. Focus on school, your job, your friends, your church. Stop focusing on being lonely and wanting a girlfriend.

Arclight610 · Aug 16, 2006

Don't be envious of other couples. Being single is a remarkable thing. I've enjoyed it. Many people don't even start dating until they are out of college. Your definately not too old. Just live out the single life man!

-TJ-

barefeetonholyground · Aug 16, 2006

I had my first boyfriend when I was 15 and I really think I could have gotten along a lot better if I waited. I'm 19 now and married and although I'm not unhappy with my life, I think I would have done a lot more with my life if I waited until I was 20 to start dating. My advice: focus on God. We are all called to bring glory to our Creator no matter what the circumstance. Here's a few examples of people who were used to bring glory to God, under their strange circumstances:
NOAH was a drunk...
ABRAHAM was too old...
ISAAC was a day dreamer...
JACOB was a liar...
LEAH was ugly...
JOSEPH was abused...
MOSES couldn't talk...
GIDEON was afraid...
SAMPSON had long hair and was a womanizer...
RAHAB was a prostitute
JEREMIAH and TIMOTHY were too young...
DAVID had an affair and was a murderer...
ELIJAH was suicidal...
ISAIAH preached naked...
JONAH ran from GOD...
NAOMI was a widow...
JOB went bankrupt...
JOHN the Baptist ate bugs...
PETER denied Christ...
The DISCIPLES fell asleep while praying...
MARTHA worried about everything...
MARY MAGDALENE was demon possessed...
The SAMARITAN WOMAN was divorced...more than once...
ZACCHEUS was too small...
PAUL was too religious...
TIMOTHY had an ulcer...
AND LAZARUS WAS DEAD!!!

Mskedi · Aug 16, 2006

I feel old saying this, but you are way too young for this to be a huge concern for you. An annoyance, sure, but a huge concern -- no.

What do you do? Do you go to school? Do you have social hobbies? Be into those things and meet people. When you find someone worth your time, pursue it. But in the mean time, don't feel or act desperate. It'll just make you appear less desireable to the women you so desperately want to attract.

miss_klara · Aug 17, 2006

I know exactly how you feel.

Last year I found myself praying to God "For the last few years of my life, the biggest desire of my heart has been to find love." I literally stopped right there. The biggest desire of my heart was to find love? And I expected God's sympathy, and help, in fulfilling a desire which did not include him as being my number one? It was such a huge turning point for me! From that moment I worked hard at prioritising my desires. It's hard, when singleness can hurt. But God will honour that.... He brought my SO and me together two months ago.

It's funny now, looking back at the last couple of years, and the pains I went through of being single. Now I can honestly say I'm glad I was single for all that time. I grew and developed as a person, as a woman of God... and my friendships just deepened to extraordinary levels during that time. I needed that time, in my first couple of years of adult-hood, to grow and develop in myself and God. If I marry Chris (which is definitely our plan!!), I will never have an opportunity like that again. So I'm incredibly thankful that God didn't take to heart the desperate prayers and pleas I threw at him when I was in so much 'pain' from my singleness...

Hang in there bro. You'll be a BETTER person for it. In the meantime, pray that God will grow you into the man your future needs. If you're willing for God to change you and grow you, how can he not bless you with an amazing love down the track?

Hope this helps ya

f U z ! o N · Aug 17, 2006

miss_klara said:
I know exactly how you feel.

Last year I found myself praying to God "For the last few years of my life, the biggest desire of my heart has been to find love." I literally stopped right there. The biggest desire of my heart was to find love? And I expected God's sympathy, and help, in fulfilling a desire which did not include him as being my number one? It was such a huge turning point for me! From that moment I worked hard at prioritising my desires. It's hard, when singleness can hurt. But God will honour that.... He brought my SO and me together two months ago.

It's funny now, looking back at the last couple of years, and the pains I went through of being single. Now I can honestly say I'm glad I was single for all that time. I grew and developed as a person, as a woman of God... and my friendships just deepened to extraordinary levels during that time. I needed that time, in my first couple of years of adult-hood, to grow and develop in myself and God. If I marry Chris (which is definitely our plan!!), I will never have an opportunity like that again. So I'm incredibly thankful that God didn't take to heart the desperate prayers and pleas I threw at him when I was in so much 'pain' from my singleness...

Hang in there bro. You'll be a BETTER person for it. In the meantime, pray that God will grow you into the man your future needs. If you're willing for God to change you and grow you, how can he not bless you with an amazing love down the track?

Hope this helps ya

your post has given even me much hope!

IvanOng · Aug 17, 2006

HolyOne87 said:
aw, im sorry to hear this..my bro is going through the same..but he's 23 years old. I will hope that one day God gives you a girl that will treat you with respect,and whom loves God very much!

Thanks alot HolyOne87, thanks for your kind words and I truly believe it's a matter of time that God will grant me one

IvanOng · Aug 17, 2006

SoC said:
I was 21 before my first date. In fact my first date was this year. I know how you feel.

My advice is this: don't focus on not having a girlfriend. Focus on God and what you can be doing for Him. He will bring around the perfect girl in His timing and she will be better than anyone else you've met or could meet. Trust me.

All right SoC! I will heed your advice and really try my very best to focus on what I can do for God instead of the other and hence shifting my worries.. hope this works Thank you.

IvanOng · Aug 17, 2006

sunshineray said:
Have you ever heard the phrase that "the best way to find someone is to not be looking for someone at all"? Girls can sense when a guy has "ladies on the brain". It typically comes across has desperation. It's understandable that you're lonely and that you're longing to share your life with someone else. But girls want to feel special, like you picked them because they stood out from everyone else, not just for the sake of having a girlfriend. Any successful, long term relationship I've had came about when I wasn't looking for love. I think it is most attractive when someone is investing in their life, activities, their church, their friends, etc.... it shows independence and strength. I would recommend getting involved in activities that you're interested in, that can help you shape yourself and grow. Chances are that when you're involving yourself in these activities you will meet others (females) that have things in common with you.

Wow, this is a great post, thanks alot sunshineray. Your words make lots of sense to me and really did somehow change my mindset. Ok, again I will also heed your advice and try to focus on the other things. I believe that when I try my best, God will do the rest... AMEN =D

IvanOng · Aug 17, 2006

eatenbylocusts said:
I'm glad you're willing to have prayers for God to change your mindset if it's not time yet. I would suggest just keeping busy and making yourself the type of man a woman would want for a relationship. Make sure you're putting yourself in situations where you can actually meet some Christian women.

Yes eatenbylocusts, I will take your suggestion and fill myself with busy stuffs which will benefit me too rather than just idling around and thinking of 'having a girlfriend'. =D Thank you...............!

IvanOng · Aug 17, 2006

little_tigress said:
I'm sorry

heh, its nothing to worry too much about though, you're still very young and 20 is not to old for you to be without a girlfriend. Heck I only just got into a relationship for the first time. My brother is 23 and he's never had a real girlfriend and my cousin is about 25 now and she (to the best of my knowledge) has never had a boyfriend. And there's absolutely nothing wrong with that. What that means is that we were able to grow up and mature and be content and complete as single people and I think my relationship is going to benefit from that and I truely believe that when/if my brother and my cousin find their own SOs their relationships are going to really benefit from that as well.

You've got to learn to be satisfied with life as a single person before you'll be able to have a healthy relationship with any girl. I hate to say that but its true. I've seen too many people who just wanted to have a relationship that they jumped into one with the first person that came along and would have them - that always ends very badly.

and I'm not saying any of this to judge you or put you down, I have been in your shoes. I even, stupidly, allowed this to become a stumbling block in my relationship with the Lord. It wasn't until I realised that my relationship with God was far more valuable than any earthly relationship I could ever have and that He alone deserved to have control of my life (as opposed to me trying to fgure out things for myself) that I handed that over to Him to decide when and if I should ever be in a relationship. He has given me complete peace ever since then.

I mean who better to have in control over a desire that is so close to your heart than the Sovereign Lord who loves you, who cares for you, and who has a perfect will for your life? Being single may not be what you want right now, but its a place in life God has placed you in for a reason and if you submit this desire to Him you can handle this (Phil 4:13) and you can have complete peace over this issue if you sincerely hand it over Him to be the one to handle it (Phil 4:6-7)

Thanks alot little_tigress, for your effort to post all these, from now I will pray to God asking him to take away my desire to have girlfriend and strengthen my spiritual mind to serve him in a greater way. Also thanks for sharing things regarding you and your family members, it telling me that I'm not alone

IvanOng · Aug 17, 2006

Maeyken said:
I was 21 when I met my husband, and he was 29. Neither of us had dated before. There's hope for you. You are still very young, and have a lot of time ahead of you. Try to focus on activities you enjoy, and the benefits of being single at this point in your life. Focus on school, your job, your friends, your church. Stop focusing on being lonely and wanting a girlfriend.

I appreciate your kind words Maeyken, thanks alot for your encouragement =D I will try my best to follow your advice too.

IvanOng · Aug 17, 2006

Arclight610 said:
Don't be envious of other couples. Being single is a remarkable thing. I've enjoyed it. Many people don't even start dating until they are out of college. Your definately not too old. Just live out the single life man!

-TJ-

Wow you are younger and yet more mature than me... COOL. Yea.. I'm praying to God to help me change my thoughts about having girlfriend so that I could enjoy my life as a single more HOrray! Thanks!!

I want to have a girlfriend ;(

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