I want to be Judged.

[Shadowprophet]

No, I have already Judged myself. I want to be punished.. People see me and they think I have been touched By the Lord. And So I have. But I have sins that weigh on me, Even though I feel Gods Love, Even though I know his Blessings. I can not forgive myself..

I, Left my wife several years ago, For no other reason then I was tired of her. In cold blood without warning, I left her in the course of three days, After twelves years of happy marriage.. She was a good woman. I sought nothing more then something new. and beyond her tears and pleas. I did not hear her words. I did not seek to harm her. I sought only things for myself. to walk my own path and know my own hearts desires.. Do not feel sorry for me and my sin. I left her for another woman.. This woman I was with. She was everything I thought I desired. But no, Just as I deserved, that woman turned out to be an abusive terrible person. I stayed with her as long as I could endure it. because that is what I deserved. Until I could take it no more and I left her.

I was alone for a short time and God saw fit that I find happiness again. The woman I am now married to is a great woman, better then I deserve. And God has blessed me..

But I do not forget the Heart I broke for no reason. And I deserve for people to look at me like I am slime. I left her and I did not care. she cried, And I did not feel. I am Guilty. And I deserve for people to know my sins. I wont hide behind secrets, and I wont hide my sins behind my blessings. I have wronged someone, on a level that still effects her life till this day.. I feel like God has forgiven me.. But I know she has not. I know that I put that pain there and I am sorry. I left her because I no longer wanted her. But this reason was not good enough in her heart. And I'm sorry I hurt her. I never wanted her to hurt like that. There is no way I know of to make her stop it's hurting. But I do not want to be with her. That is partly the reason I left.

I am happy with my new life God has allowed me, But my first wife lives in misery. I am Sorry. Truly I am. I don't know what to do, Other then admit my sins, And be judged and ask for punishment.

Know that I feel the heart can be fickle. Love is not just an emotion.. It is a promise, an Oath. And I broke that promise for selfish reasons.

I deserve punishment.

You can say what you will, I know you know Gods love if you are reading this, But Gods fire burns strongly in my heart and I know I have hurt another of Gods children. I am sorry from the bottom of my heart, But nothing can change the damage I have done to someone else's heart. I deserve punishment.

I didn't know where else to post this.. this seems like self injury, and injury to others.. it seemed to kind of fit. sort of.

 

[Freedom Now]

No, I have already Judged myself. I want to be punished.. People see me and they think I have been touched By the Lord. And So I have. But I have sins that weigh on me, Even though I feel Gods Love, Even though I know his Blessings. I can not forgive myself..

I, Left my wife several years ago, For no other reason then I was tired of her. In cold blood without warning, I left her in the course of three days, After twelves years of happy marriage.. She was a good woman. I sought nothing more then something new. and beyond her tears and pleas. I did not hear her words. I did not seek to harm her. I sought only things for myself. to walk my own path and know my own hearts desires.. Do not feel sorry for me and my sin. I left her for another woman.. This woman I was with. She was everything I thought I desired. But no, Just as I deserved, that woman turned out to be an abusive terrible person. I stayed with her as long as I could endure it. because that is what I deserved. Until I could take it no more and I left her.

I was alone for a short time and God saw fit that I find happiness again. The woman I am now married to is a great woman, better then I deserve. And God has blessed me..

But I do not forget the Heart I broke for no reason. And I deserve for people to look at me like I am slime. I left her and I did not care. she cried, And I did not feel. I am Guilty. And I deserve for people to know my sins. I wont hide behind secrets, and I wont hide my sins behind my blessings. I have wronged someone, on a level that still effects her life till this day.. I feel like God has forgiven me.. But I know she has not. I know that I put that pain there and I am sorry. I left her because I no longer wanted her. But this reason was not good enough in her heart. And I'm sorry I hurt her. I never wanted her to hurt like that. There is no way I know of to make her stop it's hurting. But I do not want to be with her. That is partly the reason I left.

I am happy with my new life God has allowed me, But my first wife lives in misery. I am Sorry. Truly I am. I don't know what to do, Other then admit my sins, And be judged and ask for punishment.

Know that I feel the heart can be fickle. Love is not just an emotion.. It is a promise, an Oath. And I broke that promise for selfish reasons.

I deserve punishment.

You can say what you will, I know you know Gods love if you are reading this, But Gods fire burns strongly in my heart and I know I have hurt another of Gods children. I am sorry from the bottom of my heart, But nothing can change the damage I have done to someone else's heart. I deserve punishment.

I didn't know where else to post this.. this seems like self injury, and injury to others.. it seemed to kind of fit. sort of.

May I ask is there any kids from these marriages?

 

[Shadowprophet]

May I ask is there any kids from these marriages?

Step children, I've never been able to have biological children.

 

[Far Side Of the Moon]

Wow god has definely blessed you and that my friend please dont take that for granted.. BC everyone's grace isnt the same and I see this in my own life..

Some are given alot and blessed beyond their wildest dream and some are given so little you wonder how they make it each day.

I fall in the 2nd category.... But I wonder why the lord didn't provide a mate for your wife so she could be happy as well?

 

[Far Side Of the Moon]

Also I feel youre showing Godly sorrow so don't beat yourself up... Why dont you just remain friends with your first wife?.. Or tell her exactly why you left... Try to fill up the questions in her own mind.

But we all make mistakes, just be very very very happy your a child of God and have his grace on you and your life.

 

[Far Side Of the Moon]

Also ,pray and ask God what you can do for her to help her feel better..im sure hell give u an answer

 

[Shadowprophet]

Wow god has definely blessed you and that my friend please dont take that for granted.. BC everyone's grace isnt the same and I see this in my own life..

Some are given alot and blessed beyond their wildest dream and some are given so little you wonder how they make it each day.

I fall in the 2nd category.... But I wonder why the lord didn't provide a mate for your wife so she could be happy as well?

It's not so lucky in some respects. I for every woman I have lost. I still feel that hurt. That sorrow for my mistakes, To hurt other peoples hearts.. I feel a great deal of regret for that.. For every sin that you have not committed, I have. And I feel the weight of those sins. And i'm sorry for it.

God want's you to be happy. I am a strong believer that God blesses people. I wan't for you to be happy. so for as much as you wish to be happy, I wish and pray that for you also.. I admit, God had blessed me, And I believe He can and will bless you too if you seek that with a happy loving heart.

 

[Shadowprophet]

Also ,pray and ask God what you can do for her to help her feel better..im sure hell give u an answer

Thank you and I hope so. In my heart I never meant hurt people in their hearts. That was never my intention

 

[yeshuaslavejeff]

I don't know what to do

.....
God has not blessed you.
The 'seeming' carnal things you call as if "God's blessing" you were at best, testing you
to see if you would turn back to God, repent as His Word says, or continue in your sin.

It looks like you already decided.

 

[Shadowprophet]

.....
God has not blessed you.
The 'seeming' carnal things you call as if "God's blessing" you were at best, testing you
to see if you would turn back to God, repent as His Word says, or continue in your sin.

It looks like you already decided.

It's not at all Like that, A person would be some sore of ingrate to not realize Gods blessings.. I simply wont deny that God had blessed me because it sounds pretty. it would be a lie.. But. I've made mistakes. I am truly sorry for my mistakes. I don't really know what else to do but confess them to try to lighten the burden. The chains of guilt are heavy...

 

[Far Side Of the Moon]

It's not at all Like that, A person would be some sore of ingrate to not realize Gods blessings.. I simply wont deny that God had blessed me because it sounds pretty. it would be a lie.. But. I've made mistakes. I am truly sorry for my mistakes. I don't really know what else to do but confess them to try to lighten the burden. The chains of guilt are heavy...

Maybe you should talk with a trusted pastor... I'm sure he can alleviate your mind..

And just check up on your old lady and I'm sure you'll be fine..and try not to repeat the same mistakes.

 

[yeshuaslavejeff]

It's not at all Like that, A person would be some sore of ingrate to not realize Gods blessings.. I simply wont deny that God had blessed me because it sounds pretty. it would be a lie.. But. I've made mistakes. I am truly sorry for my mistakes. I don't really know what else to do but confess them to try to lighten the burden. The chains of guilt are heavy...

Saying your sorry is common, but that is not what repentance is.

 

[Shadowprophet]

Saying your sorry is common, but that is not what repentance is.

Then what is repentance? I am come public to shame myself among you. I confess my sins and confess sorrow. But I can not Deny That God has blessed me..
He has Blessed my Mind and my spirit, even my life, I have been a Christian since I was a child and could understand the concepts involved. I am still far from perfect, I have sins, sins That I am sorry for, Sins that I felt necessary to speak of and condemn my very self on these forums for.. I own my actions... I seek forgiveness for them..

 

[NOTWHATIWAS]

No, I have already Judged myself. I want to be punished.. People see me and they think I have been touched By the Lord. And So I have. But I have sins that weigh on me, Even though I feel Gods Love, Even though I know his Blessings. I can not forgive myself..

I, Left my wife several years ago, For no other reason then I was tired of her. In cold blood without warning, I left her in the course of three days, After twelves years of happy marriage.. She was a good woman. I sought nothing more then something new. and beyond her tears and pleas. I did not hear her words. I did not seek to harm her. I sought only things for myself. to walk my own path and know my own hearts desires.. Do not feel sorry for me and my sin. I left her for another woman.. This woman I was with. She was everything I thought I desired. But no, Just as I deserved, that woman turned out to be an abusive terrible person. I stayed with her as long as I could endure it. because that is what I deserved. Until I could take it no more and I left her.

I was alone for a short time and God saw fit that I find happiness again. The woman I am now married to is a great woman, better then I deserve. And God has blessed me..

But I do not forget the Heart I broke for no reason. And I deserve for people to look at me like I am slime. I left her and I did not care. she cried, And I did not feel. I am Guilty. And I deserve for people to know my sins. I wont hide behind secrets, and I wont hide my sins behind my blessings. I have wronged someone, on a level that still effects her life till this day.. I feel like God has forgiven me.. But I know she has not. I know that I put that pain there and I am sorry. I left her because I no longer wanted her. But this reason was not good enough in her heart. And I'm sorry I hurt her. I never wanted her to hurt like that. There is no way I know of to make her stop it's hurting. But I do not want to be with her. That is partly the reason I left.

I am happy with my new life God has allowed me, But my first wife lives in misery. I am Sorry. Truly I am. I don't know what to do, Other then admit my sins, And be judged and ask for punishment.

Know that I feel the heart can be fickle. Love is not just an emotion.. It is a promise, an Oath. And I broke that promise for selfish reasons.

I deserve punishment.

You can say what you will, I know you know Gods love if you are reading this, But Gods fire burns strongly in my heart and I know I have hurt another of Gods children. I am sorry from the bottom of my heart, But nothing can change the damage I have done to someone else's heart. I deserve punishment.

I didn't know where else to post this.. this seems like self injury, and injury to others.. it seemed to kind of fit. sort of.[/QUOTE)

I feel like I have just read the posting of someone who is repentant, loving and has a good heart. God has forgiven you. he also wants to take your burden from you. Give it over to Him. Your past has been forgiven and forgotten. He is keeping, "No record of wrongs" and neither should you. You owe it to yourself, your new life and your present wife a heart finally at peace and full of joy. You can't go back and change your past but You have a wonderful future in Christ". Someone once gave me this quote and I pass it on to you:
"When Satan reminds you of your past, remind him of his future."

 

[live4Christ2016]

Pray for your first wife. Regardless of how much you hurt her...she needs to forgive you. Can you be a friend to her? Does she know the pain you feel for doing what you did? My heart aches for her if you left her and she has no children. She is alone. I pray she finds someone else to spend her life with. My heart also aches for you, my brother in Christ. God loves you and has forgiven you. Pray for your first wife that she is able to forgive and she can move on to a man who will show her the love she deserves.

 

[Freedom Now]

No, I have already Judged myself. I want to be punished.. People see me and they think I have been touched By the Lord. And So I have. But I have sins that weigh on me, Even though I feel Gods Love, Even though I know his Blessings. I can not forgive myself..

I, Left my wife several years ago, For no other reason then I was tired of her. In cold blood without warning, I left her in the course of three days, After twelves years of happy marriage.. She was a good woman. I sought nothing more then something new. and beyond her tears and pleas. I did not hear her words. I did not seek to harm her. I sought only things for myself. to walk my own path and know my own hearts desires.. Do not feel sorry for me and my sin. I left her for another woman.. This woman I was with. She was everything I thought I desired. But no, Just as I deserved, that woman turned out to be an abusive terrible person. I stayed with her as long as I could endure it. because that is what I deserved. Until I could take it no more and I left her.

I was alone for a short time and God saw fit that I find happiness again. The woman I am now married to is a great woman, better then I deserve. And God has blessed me..

But I do not forget the Heart I broke for no reason. And I deserve for people to look at me like I am slime. I left her and I did not care. she cried, And I did not feel. I am Guilty. And I deserve for people to know my sins. I wont hide behind secrets, and I wont hide my sins behind my blessings. I have wronged someone, on a level that still effects her life till this day.. I feel like God has forgiven me.. But I know she has not. I know that I put that pain there and I am sorry. I left her because I no longer wanted her. But this reason was not good enough in her heart. And I'm sorry I hurt her. I never wanted her to hurt like that. There is no way I know of to make her stop it's hurting. But I do not want to be with her. That is partly the reason I left.

I am happy with my new life God has allowed me, But my first wife lives in misery. I am Sorry. Truly I am. I don't know what to do, Other then admit my sins, And be judged and ask for punishment.

Know that I feel the heart can be fickle. Love is not just an emotion.. It is a promise, an Oath. And I broke that promise for selfish reasons.

I deserve punishment.

You can say what you will, I know you know Gods love if you are reading this, But Gods fire burns strongly in my heart and I know I have hurt another of Gods children. I am sorry from the bottom of my heart, But nothing can change the damage I have done to someone else's heart. I deserve punishment.

I didn't know where else to post this.. this seems like self injury, and injury to others.. it seemed to kind of fit. sort of.

Do you realize, that according to scriptures, in God's eyes you are still married to your first wife,
and the other 2 relationships are adulterous affairs, and you are continuing to live in sin by doing so.

Unless you repent and turn away from this adultery, you will not find peace with God.

Sorry to be so blunt on this, but this SIN is running rampart in christianity, but God has a
very high standard of holiness for His followers.
Marriage is for life, until death takes one. Christianity does not want this Truth anymore, as it
rather lives for self. But unless SELF is crucified and buried, there is no newness of life.

According to 1 John 3, ....no one born of God commits sin, for God's nature abides in him, and
he cannot sin because he is born of God.

According to 1 Corinthians 6,...Do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God?
Do not be deceived, neither the immoral, nor idolaters, nor adulterers,....will inherit the kingdom of God.

Right now God is showing you His grace and mercy, by bringing conviction upon you, so that you would repent,
and turn away from your adulterous relationship, then He will receive you.

Isaiah 1,......Come now , let us reason together, says the Lord, though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be
white as snow, though they are red like crimson, they shall become like wool.
If you are willing and obedient, you shall eat the good of the land.
But if you refuse and rebel, you shall be devoured by the sword,

for the mouth of the LORD has spoken.

 

[live4Christ2016]

I agree with what Freedom says. You are being convicted. Why would you not want to be married to your first wife?

 

[Shadowprophet]

I agree with what Freedom says. You are being convicted. Why would you not want to be married to your first wife?

You know I was going to let it slide, But since people feel the need bring it up,, Matthew 19:8 the right of divorce was given to man, And weather people like it or not it is recognized by the lord, And I am then rightfully married to my current wife and the marriage is therefore legitimate. first Of all, I will not have my faith Judged by freedom, Who can not decide if he is a christian. His tag says Seeker,, He is undecided and therefore, unworthy to judge me or my life.. Or anything within..

Then there is you Live4Christ. A person who should know enough about the bible to realize divorce is permitted.. I honestly can't help what people don't like. It's not everyone's place to approve or disapprove of me and my life choices. This is about me and God. And what God see's as fit and Just. I divorced My first wife.. Then I divorced my second wife,, And I am married to my third. I have apologized To God for my sins.. But as far as i'm concerned, No man is worthy to Judge me.. So Bite me..
From the heart of a Christian...Bite me...

 

[Shadowprophet]

You know I was going to let it slide, But since people feel the need bring it up,, Matthew 19:8 the right of divorce was given to man, And weather people like it or not it is recognized by the lord, And I am then rightfully married my current wife and the marriage is therefore legitimate. first Of all, I will not have my faith Judged by freedom, Who can not decide if he is a christian. His tag says Seeker,, He is undecided and therefore, unworthy to judge me or my life.. Or anything within..

Then there is you Live4Christ. A person who should know enough about the bible to realize divorce is permitted.. I honestly can't help what people don't like. It's not everyone's place to approve or disapprove of me and my life choices. This is about me and God. And what God see's as fit and Just. I divorced My first wife.. Then I divorced my second wife,, And I am married to my third. I have apologized To God for my sins.. But as far as i'm concerned, No man is worthy to Judge me.. So Bite me..
From the heart of a Christian...Bite me...

Meant it... Don't double think it.. I meant it... Every word..

 

[Shadowprophet]

people can judge me for whatever reasons they want. but their judgments are just opinions. they carry no weight.. only Gods opinion matters when it comes to sin..

I can't help but feel this pressure that people want to condemn me for knowing more then one woman in my life time.. And I've got to be honest. . I'm trying to seek Gods forgiveness for my sins.. But many of you that know women, know more then one. I don't see why people want to single me out and condemn my situation. When we all know anyone who has spoken in here is not sinless.. And lets be real, I wasn't born stupid either.. God didn't want me living my life being eternally sad because I was not happy with a wife I chose when I was still a kid.. I was allowed this.. I don't care what Judgment someone throws down at me, or the reasons why.. I know Where Gods stands on the issue, And I feel his love in my heart. So.. Have a nice day people...