I wanna die

[Servant777]

I just don't see any reason to live. Things I thought I could trust have been shattered. I've been a christian for a long time. Now I've started to wonder if God exists or not in the first place. He hasn't been answering my prayers for the last half a year. I also feel that He hasn't fulfilled the promises that are in the Bible.

My life would seem to be ok from an outsider's pov. I can't think of anything I want that I haven't got yet. Granted I'm not married and haven't had sex (which btw seems to be the meaning of life for many) but I really don't want any relationships to further mess up my situation. The thing is I can't trust no one, not even myself or God. God I don't trust because He seems not to care about my problems (if He exists, that is). The distrust in myself is a consequence of knowing my own capability of errors. I know I'll do pretty stupid things if I see it worthwhile at the moment. This is a problem because I don't really know what I want and actually it seems I'm not always in control of myself.

So basically the reason I'm still alive is that suicide seems to be too big a decision to make, especially for me, suffering from depression and everything.

 

[I'ddie4him]

I guess all I can do here at this time is offer to listen to you. I have been thru the depression thing too. I have rapid cycling Bipolar disorder and I would like to try to help in anyway I can. Please contact me, I will repy ASAP.

 

[HisEagle]

Hey there, Servant777 (BTW I like the name! And seven is my favorite number. Especially 3 in a row. What can I say, I have OCD! Literally, I do.)

Listen chief, drop me a PM - okay? Just go ahead and spill your guts - make it as long as you want. Because I'll tell you something - as much as you might not believe it, you are NOT alone! I swear you aren't, okay? Now I have no idea why you feel the way you do, but I'd like you to know that it's perfectly okay to say whatever you want to just get it off your chest. Don't be afraid of sounding crazy, because believe me - you aren't. Not as much as I am, that's for sure.

I know I'ddie4him and myself are old enough to be your father - but don't let that scare you from telling us how you feel. We have some years under our belts and experiences that have shaped our lives and perspective on life, and it makes us able to see things more clearly.

Truth be told, down inside yourself you don't have the guts to commit suicide because your desire to live and be healed is much stronger than the desire to die. And that's what's going on with you right now - you really do want to live. You just want the pain to stop.

I don't know what you have prayed about, or why you don't believe God has answered you. Not sure why you are losing your belief in Him. Maybe that is something we can talk about.

Why don't you drop me a PM, okay. I'd really like you to know I care, and with God to guide me, I'll do my best to try and help you.

God Bless.

 

[takerisks]

Servant777,
I am sorry you are feeling totally depressed. I have been there many times myself. I once went on a chat room wanting to die and someone really helped me see things in a different light. It didn't rock my world or anything, but it got me through the night. Are there questions you are struggling with? Maybe we can help you. Did something tragic happen in your life. It feels better to talk about these things and let others give us a different point of view.
Liz

 

[Kirley]

Servant777, i know exactly how u feel. I have doubted God for quite a while now (altho brought up in a christian home) and i have also considered suicide as well however groundhog u r exactly right. I dont want to die, i jsut want everything to go away.

I just dont feel like doin nethin at all and i jsut want to curl up in a ball all by myself all day... everyday. I'm in my first yr of uni studying education and that has been wat i wanted to do my whole life, but i dont feel nethin for it atm. I just want to drop out (thankfully i'm on hols in three weeks after exams finish), it's so boring and i dont c the point of what i am 'learning'.

I dont c the point of me even being here sumdays as i dont do nethin worthwhile to nebody including myself.

 

[ChrisLockhart]

Why did you want to study education? What got you interested in that to begin with? And how long ago was that?

 

[NINGirl]

Hey Servent, you're definetly not alone as you can see! I suffer from the same things you're going through, and right now in fact, I need something to cling onto more than anything. I know how it feels when you're unable to trust anyone. I have plenty of friends, only 1 I could call a best friend. Until a month ago I trusted her, but that proved false aswell. So now there is no one. The only thing that keeps me sane is Christ.

Feel free to PM me, as well as the others who have responded. I'd be glad to share advice and information with you since we both seem to have plenty in common.

Suicide has never been an option for me. I will send myself to hell for something that is most likely temporary and/or treatable. And I would never have the ability to kill myself. So I just live through the pain praying for better days.

 

[HisEagle]

Servant777,

Still here for ya'. Drop in soon and let us know how you're doing, okay?

 

[Kirley]

Why did you want to study education? What got you interested in that to begin with? And how long ago was that?

I've always loved working with children and just loved the thought of being a teacher. Always wanted to since primary school. I also wanted to get into Human Services which is workin with family services and foster children etc. (i've applied for a duel degree of teaching and human services for next yr however i'm planning on taking a yr off.Y's that???

 

[Peter_james]

i suffered from depression as well and coming out of it(and you definitly will) i received a greater appreciation of things.i had people praying for me because like you i started to question the reality of god and the promises of the bible and after i came through my depression i totally realised the answered prayers and life with god.
feel free to pm me.take care and my prayers will be for you