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I thought maybe someone could use this

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GrapeGirl

Freakin' ray of sunshyne
May 7, 2008
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In the Bible, Lepers are the people that nobody will touch. They are freaks. They are untouchable.


I too am a freak, a leper, an untouchable.


I identify with Biblical lepers because of the reaction I get when people see the scars I have all over my body. They cover the length of both my arms, all over my legs and on my stomach. I have words carved into my biceps. There’s a cross carved into my left forearm. The scars are from a dark time in my life when I was cutting myself. I had been cutting myself since I was 12 years old. It was a way to escape. I was alone and helpless and didn't know what to do. I expressed my emotions by cutting myself because I didn't know any better way to express them. I hated myself. I was too cowardly to kill myself so I did the next best thing, I tried to destroy my flesh. Later it became a way to tell that I was still alive. The choices I had made in my life to that point had taken me to a place where I was so consumed by darkness and depression that I had to bleed to know I was still alive. It was the only way I could feel anything. The only thing I knew how to feel was pain.


When people see my scars, they are repulsed. They treat me like one of those Biblical lepers. I am untouchable. People think that if they touch my scars, see them, or even know about them, they’ll instantly get depressed and want to go slit their wrists, or they’ll get this contagious disease of suicidal tendencies. The next reaction is to simply sit and stare at my scars, trying to figure out why in the world a person would do that to themselves. I can tell you. The ones on the top of my arms were to scream "HEY YOU! I HURT! DON'T IGNORE ME! ... Tell me I have a point to being here". Others on my arms were purely for attention. The ones on my legs and stomach, however, are quite a different story. Those scars are a story of hopelessness, sorrow, and unspeakable confusion and pain. For years, my scars dominated my life. I wear a lot of long sleeved shirts. Mostly because people don't like to see them. It reminds them that there is a lost and dying world out there. It reminds them of pain. It makes them stop and think. It makes them afraid.


There's a story in the Bible about Jesus touching a leper.


And behold, a leper came to him and knelt before him, saying, "Lord, if you will, you can make me clean." And Jesus stretched out his hand and touched him, saying, "I will; be clean." And immediately his leprosy was cleansed. (Mat 8:2-3 ESV)


Jesus touched me. My epiphany came when I realized that Jesus too became a leper. The Bible says:


For our sake he made him to be sin who knew no sin, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God. (2Co 5:21 ESV)



Whipped and flogged, and finally nailed to a cross. Jesus knows the pain I felt and then some. He did for me. He did it for you. I tell people to beware of saviors that don't bear scars. Jesus bears yours and my scars. Lepers are "the untouchables". Jesus became untouchable, just like I am. However, something changed me drastically. Someone changed me. That someone is Jesus.
 
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Dear GrapeGirl,
thank you so much for sharing... I recently was struggling with depression (still sort of am), and a friend sent me your post. I also have scars on my forearm, and I am so scared of my family finding out. God really does love us more than we can imagine, and knowing that Jesus died so that I could live really helps me to remember I don't need to hurt myself anymore. Even if the world is against us, God is for us. And thank you, Melda, for sending me this. If you are reading this... God bless you and remember that YOU ARE LOVED!

GrapeGirl, you are so brave. Stay strong in the Lord. Your scars will be a testimony to others that Jesus Christ has given us his love, even to lepers like us. :) LOVE YOU!
 
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