I thought it would work...

Avatar said:

I've been having some difficulties for some time now, as those of you who know me, know. I have a young family so I need to be sure they were taken care of. In the last week I wrote down all the financial info they'd need, what accounts we have, what debts, and the life insurance info. I'd been avoiding doing that because I knew that as long as I didn't I couldn't, in good conscience, leave those I love to financial turmoil. I take care of the family finances, you see, and if I were to suddenly die my wife probably wouldn't even know about the insurance policies (quarter mill).

And last night was the final straw. My wife sleeps early, with the baby, and at about 10, I went to the medicine cabinet. Men usually choose a direct method to end pain, a gun, most often. Pills are the domain of teenagers, usually, those not serious. I knew that but I thought I had enough. 20 of my wife's migraine pills, 12 paxil leftovers, 20 of my blood pressure pills, 40 Ibuprofen, and a couple of dozen tylenol. That should have done it, particularly the anti-depressants mixed with alcohol. That should have done it 4 times over. I even took some gravol so I'd keep it all down. Then I went to bed, and slept immediately and felt such deep relief.

But I woke up this morning, disoriented, a small hand shaking my shoulder, and then it crashed in, that I shouldn't be here anymore. My son woke me, he'll be 2 in December. He woke me because he wanted to show me that his 16 year old sister had given him a Mr Freeze (frozen juice in a plastic tube). He was so excited that he had it and wanted me to see his treasure.

I almost missed that. Worse I almost made that happy moment for him the worst of his life. I know now, I know what's important. Physically I've had a very bad day, I can't recall ever being this sick, but I still think its the best day I've ever lived.

I just wanted to share with my friends here.
Dave

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Dave,

I haven't read the rest of the thread. Please find someone who can help you. Attempting suicide is very, very serious. A social worker, a friend, anyone. You deserve to be happy. Please do something to help yourself.

With much metta,
Zenda

Avatar said:

I've been having some difficulties for some time now, as those of you who know me, know. I have a young family so I need to be sure they were taken care of. In the last week I wrote down all the financial info they'd need, what accounts we have, what debts, and the life insurance info. I'd been avoiding doing that because I knew that as long as I didn't I couldn't, in good conscience, leave those I love to financial turmoil. I take care of the family finances, you see, and if I were to suddenly die my wife probably wouldn't even know about the insurance policies (quarter mill).

And last night was the final straw. My wife sleeps early, with the baby, and at about 10, I went to the medicine cabinet. Men usually choose a direct method to end pain, a gun, most often. Pills are the domain of teenagers, usually, those not serious. I knew that but I thought I had enough. 20 of my wife's migraine pills, 12 paxil leftovers, 20 of my blood pressure pills, 40 Ibuprofen, and a couple of dozen tylenol. That should have done it, particularly the anti-depressants mixed with alcohol. That should have done it 4 times over. I even took some gravol so I'd keep it all down. Then I went to bed, and slept immediately and felt such deep relief.

But I woke up this morning, disoriented, a small hand shaking my shoulder, and then it crashed in, that I shouldn't be here anymore. My son woke me, he'll be 2 in December. He woke me because he wanted to show me that his 16 year old sister had given him a Mr Freeze (frozen juice in a plastic tube). He was so excited that he had it and wanted me to see his treasure.

I almost missed that. Worse I almost made that happy moment for him the worst of his life. I know now, I know what's important. Physically I've had a very bad day, I can't recall ever being this sick, but I still think its the best day I've ever lived.

I just wanted to share with my friends here.
Dave

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Dave, I don't even know how it's possible that you're still alive after that, but I am very glad that you are. I beg you to seek professional help, that's all I can say. I don't know why you would feel compelled to do something like that, but realize that it's a serious problem. Even if things are looking up now, you still must find help. Please don't ignore the fact that you have this problem when you're thinking straight, you need to make sure that never happens again, ever! You're in my prayers, please consider moving to a new town and starting fresh somewhere less crazy.

God bless

Other consequences of your circumstances is if you are not happy your wife and children will not be happy.

Avatar said:

Material for a book, I hadn't thought of it that way. Yeah, I probably do. I appreciate the positive spin notTodd, I'm smiling when a few minutes ago I ddn't think I would be again tonight.

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Or better yet, write a screenplay about an average Joe who finds himself living next to redneck crazies and has to deal with it with some major butt kicking. It's a sure hit and with the fortune you'll make you can move anywhere you want. You can get someone like Chuck Norris.... no, too old.

Who are the action stars nowadays?

Avatar said:

I've been having some difficulties for some time now, as those of you who know me, know...

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I'm terribly sorry to hear that, but very glad you're still with us.

I would echo the suggestion that you seek help, if possible.

God bless,

-- Radagast

If you love your children - I doubt you believe that making your children fatherless is the best thing for them - far from it in fact.

My parents divorced when I was 12 years old -the torment, anguish grief, humiliation, failure, pain of the divorce the first in our family history - not to mention that there was no family around for my mom & dad as we just emigrated to another country - it was excruciating. - & the idea that either of my parents would have killed themselves (catholics) from the trauma makes my stomach churn. My life would not be where it is now if they killed themselves. I would blame myself for it for years to come too.

Killing yourself not only kills you but kills those you love also.

.

Its good that you're still with us, but in echoing what others have said, you should go to see a doctor for a checkup - what you took could have caused serious damage (and will probably cause more damage unless you see someone immediately).

One of my friends was addicted to painkillers a couple of years ago and was told by the doctor that he had liver damage - he's better now though.

Try to see a doctor immediately to get you checked over.

Hmmmmmmmm....yes you do need to talk to someone, start with God & go from there. He is waiting for you.

Dave....
I haven't read all the replies...because I don't want what I say to be influenced by what others have said...so if I'm repeating what others have said...please bear with me and forgive me.
I am still praying for you. I feel deep inside of myself that you are God's. I believe that He protected you from yourself because He has great plans for you. Please, please, please hang in there. Pray dear one! Give it all over to God who loves you so very much! Life in this broken world is very hard. I know. But there are those around you (your family) who care so much about you. They would miss you so much. And I know this won't mean much...but we would miss you too. If you don't mind, I would like to ask some of my friends to pray for you. Would that be ok?

I love you!
Mary (cr)

Oh, Avatar.

I know a person who was just recently diagnosed as manic depressive. According to a commercial that comes on every so often once in awhile it says that 20% of Canadians suffer from depression, also that men don't necessarily get help as much as women because many think of it as a female problem, or a would be weakness in a man. I don't think it's any of those things. I think you should seek professional help. Chemicals and hormone problems are real things, just as much as any illness. Would you see a doctor if you had any other physical problem? Why not this?

Too, I find it a really good thing to do that when I'm strongly feeling something, to try and stand outside myself in a sense for awhile to take note of what is going on with me. What I mean is that looking at anybody's life, everybody goes through phases and that could be looking at a teenager. We can predict what a teenager is feeling, because we've gone through that phase. To them it's upsetting and unsettling, to them they just act on what they feel but we can see beyond that, we can tell them that when they grow older things will seem different and other such things, because we know they are just going through a phase or another period in their life. I hope you can try and do that for yourself, try and see what you are going through from another perspective, not just from the "I."

My step mother-in-law is the one I know who just last year was diagnosed as a manic depressive, and they are wondering too if she is bipolar. I guess when she was at some really bad points, she did some really crazy things, and she had her suicide all planned. She says her saratocin levels were at 2 and a healthy level is like 8-10. That's just second hand information, I know very little about it all, I just know that the medicine has helped her, the counselling, the rest she needed, she has five kids, two with ADD, they are a handful. Money problems all that, but she is happy to be alive, and she is coping with help.

I'm glad you can find such simple pleasures in life still enjoyable. I hope you find what you need to help you heal, and I wish you well.

Peace, Luv

Evee said:

God does not intervene in every aspect of our life so I agree get counseling. There is no shame in admiting you need help.

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This is worth repeating.

Western Deity said:

I wouldn't even bother listening to anybody else from the net- most of the people will give you advice that is either wrong, useless, or contradictory. See a professional, hombre .

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The ability to help a human being in times of need is not dictated by IQ, degree, or title. A friend is all he needs.

sorry to hear about the problems,.keep strong. I had a long bout with bipolar disorder in my late teens and early twenties, until after weeks of prayer i had a grade A miracle happen after praying. If your struggling with depression or anything, prayer isn't to be ignored. I'm living proof....i hope things get better for you

G

How's it going Avatar ?

cygnusx1 said:

How's it going Avatar ?

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Yes...how are you doing today?