I think my husband may be infatuated with my older sister

[Josie Mei]

Your husband can no doubt feel that. He also could feel pity that the family feels that way towards her. The body language in that type of circumstance would be rather obvious and uncomfortable.

This I have to totally disagree with. Mom, dad, my brother in law and I pity her for her internal rage but both my younger sister and my husband almost look up to get as some paragon of coolness. I know my little sis wants to be exactly like her (she is 10 years my junior) and I can just tell by my husband's tone when he talks about her he sees her as a rock star. Also, last time we talked about this he tried to say that she supports my brother in law in his nerdy hobbies more than I support him in his. I know he is envious that my sis some how got her husband a top of the line gaming computer as a"just because " gift and got him a gaming chair for his birthday.

If he isn't sure what to talk about? He is going to go into his elves, trolls, etc. Could be he hasn't caught the signal that she doesn't wish to speak to him, and doesn't care for him. You did say she was being nice about the conversations. She could have changed the subject too. He was just trying to make an uncomfortable circumstance more bearable. Yes, he failed in a way...but at least he tried.

Again, I really hope it can be the way you are saying but I still have my doubts. One thing is when he charts her up about those types of things he tries to get her interested in fantasy cos play. I don't know how much you know about that but there are usually heavy sexual over tones. Like I knew he has said to her that the way she is built she would make an awesome night elf if she got some latex ears and purple body paint. Again I dunno how much you know about that genre but a night elf woman is built like a purple skinned busy amazon often wearing nothing but a metallic armor bikini. And also Irene be when we were first dating he use to STARE.

 

[Josie Mei]

Tell your husband that you would appreciate it if he would just keep a little more distance between himself and your sister.

I have, but he flips it on me by saying that he is just showing her Christian love by reaching out to her. And then he says that he doesn't complain about how friendly I am with her husband.

Married men are suppose to know to not get too close to Ladies other than their wives.
A bad practice that may lead to sin.

I will admit that me and my brother in law have become extremely close but it is 100% a brother and sister relationship. He is Christian too so we both respect boundaries to make sure that there isn't even the appearance of impropriety. Really the only timewe ever interact privately is when he calls me up because he is concerned about something my sister is doing. We became close during one of my older sister's "episodes" when every one in the family was worried about her.

 

[Mountainmanbob]

Really the only timewe ever interact privately is when he calls me up because he is concerned about something my sister is doing. We became close during one of my older sister's "episodes" when every one in the family was worried about her.

Some of these counselor types will end up getting together.
M-Bob

 

[Josie Mei]

Some of these counselor types will end up getting together.
M-Bob

Don't worry there is no getting together between me and my brother in law. We both have too much integrity for anything like that. And when I say he only calls me up privately when he is concerned about what my sister is doing is along the lines of "Teena hasn't come home the last two nights do you know where she is? " or "Teena was in a shouting match with a neighbor and then drove off is she with you? ".

 

[Josheb]

Of course

Last pair of questions:

Will you be the same person in ten years that you are today?

Will your husband be the same person in twenty years that he is today?

 

[Josie Mei]

Last pair of questions:

Will you be the same person in ten years that you are today?

Will your husband be the same person in twenty years that he is today?

I am not the same person I was 10 so I would say no to both

 

[Josheb]

I am not the same person I was 10 so I would say no to both

Amen! Nor would we want it that way.

The reason this is important is because the answer to the request, "What can I do?," must be understood to be what it is: a big question. You're not looking for an answer that will suffice for today. You're not looking for an answer that will address your concerns for self, spouse, others that will last a few days, a week, or even a month.

What you're asking for is solutions that will last 62 years!

Not only must they last 62 years, but they must be flexible, adaptive enough to be effective for the changing circumstances and personalities inherently involved in a marriage.

In other words, what you're asking for is solutions that are enduring and resilient.



Now go back and re-read my op-reply and reconsider applying some of it to your life and your marriage because you love your husband and are going to be around for decades and you hope to do so with him every step of the way.


I posted a plan that will take work, Happy work if you'll do it with joy. I posted a recommendations that will bring the two of you together. I did not do so randomly. I did so prayerfully based upon the information contained in this op and what I have witnessed professionally help others live victoriously in Christ. It will join you two. "Marriage" means "to join." You asked what can I do? and I provided a list you can do. Not only will it bring you together into geographic proximity, but it will bring you together in knowledge, understanding, wisdom, and power if and when the two of you discuss it and join each other while still holding on to your uniqueness. God did not make His image in you as He made it in your husband. God knew what He was doing. The two of you complement each other in a way unique and different from all other marriages...

…. if you do the work.

If you are blessed then your sister will be among the least of the travails you'll face towards not dying in Christ. Gird your loins, Josie, because trial, tribulation, suffering, failure, and doubt are part of our walking out the faith.

James 1:2-8 NIV
"Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you. But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. That person should not expect to receive anything from the Lord. Such a person is double-minded and unstable in all they do."​

2 Peter 1:3-9 NIV
"His divine power has given us everything we need for a godly life through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness. Through these he has given us his very great and precious promises, so that through them you may participate in the divine nature, having escaped the corruption in the world caused by evil desires. For this very reason, make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge; and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness; and to godliness, mutual affection; and to mutual affection, love. For if you possess these qualities in increasing measure, they will keep you from being ineffective and unproductive in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. But whoever does not have them is nearsighted and blind, forgetting that they have been cleansed from their past sins."​

You have been cleansed from all past sins. Your husband has been cleansed from all past sins. Your sister has not. If you continue to live a life of repentance you will always be clean where she is not.

Sin brings pleasure for a season.

We are tempted by our own desires that drag us away and entice us, giving birth to sin (Jms. 1:14-15). You are one of your husband's God-given aids, and He is yours, to overcome what is otherwise the human condition.

Every day.

For 62 years.

Together.

With Christ victorious.

Or not.

You choose.

What can you do?

 

[JAMIE MCNEILL]

The only thing I haven't read is, "Why does your husband have so much access to his sister-in-law to start with?" Didn't you say she was married too? However, it seems the two of them get a lot of time to spend talking. Where are you during this time and her husband that they get to talk so open and so much? Interesting.

 

[Josie Mei]

The only thing I haven't read is, "Why does your husband have so much access to his sister-in-law to start with?" Didn't you say she was married too? However, it seems the two of them get a lot of time to spend talking. Where are you during this time and her husband that they get to talk so open and so much? Interesting.

We spend a lot of time over at my parents' farm especially since my child loved seeing her grand parents. My older sister spends a lot of time over there too since she likes to swim in the pound and work on her car in the barn. Actually all three of us girls spend a lot of time over there it makes or patents happy to see all of us. In our culture we try to spend as much time as we can under the same roof. That is one of the reasons why it would really hurt my parents if my older sis disappears again. My younger sister and I have just always been very close to mom and dad to the point that neither of us went away for college. My older sis however, my parents are constantly enticing her with treats and goodies to lure her over. They have practically let her have the barn as her personal project place. Our husband's like going over there too because it is just an over all fun place to spend time.

 

[snoochface]

If you talked as much (gave this much detailed background information) to your husband as you have in this thread, you wouldn't have much problem expressing to him the reasons behind your request that he keep a little more distance. The sheer volume of detail you provide to strangers on the internet, if provided to him, would not be able to be rebuffed with a flippant, "I'm showing Christ's love, and besides I don't complain when you talk to our BIL" response from him. If that really doesn't work, you and your husband should take up a hobby together. Enroll in a self-defense class together, or learn to weld together, maybe start a small business on the side, so you are both spending more time and focus on each other and not on outside parties to your marriage.

 

[*LILAC]

It sounds like you're probably all spending way too much time together and there's no "leaving and cleaving to one another" so you can have your own marital life.

 

[KLadySaved]

Yeah, um, if ANY lady were to talk to my husband about her sexual practices; I would be TICKED OFF. That's all kinds of inappropriate. And it does sound like he could be infatuated. It sounds like a really sticky situation with her being your sister. Is it really necessary for you all to hang around her as often? The best I can think of is to pray, pray, pray. Also, she has picked up spirits from her sinful lifestyle. I'd wonder how good of an influence she is to be around, for one's Christian walk. Have you all tried to find a church small group, or other church members to hang out with? Also, does her husband not care that she's being unfaithful??