I think I've lost my faith. I would like people to pray for me. I would appreciate it

[FromTheDarknessToTheLight]

This was supposed to be the best year of my life. Or so I thought when I was having visions God gave me last year. I have never been more miserable. I can't handle this anymore. Christianity has drove me to the point of insanity, and all God does is sit back and watch me suffer in torment. I've been tormented by demons, or so I surely believe since no antipsychotic medication has worked for me. Medication wont take the demons away. I can't trust God anymore because he has led me into a life of trouble, and pain. I feel like God is going to take everything away. He will not show me that he cares. I want to see with my own eyes and ears that he cares, not just what I read in the book.

If God showed me such love, I would throw everything at His feet, but I cannot trust him. I believe in God, but sometimes I wonder just how much I can trust Christianity. Believe or go to Hell, really? No other choice? Hard to believe or want to believe and worship God when so much pain and confusion is going on and God will not show me he cares. I want to be saved, but I will not. I struggle with addictions I can not overcome, I have welcomed God to take these addictions away so I can trust Him, but he will not. God does nothing for me but make me feel bad and worried.

I worry for the world, that how so many people are going to Hell, and it's not right. I cant trust a control-freak tormentor who will throw the very people he created into a torture chamber. He made us. He knew Adam and Eve would be tricked, and then basically threw them out of the Garden and said, sorry, you messed up. Now you will need to live lives of hardship and worry, and pain. Now I will send a majority of you into Hell because you did not listen to me.

I ask God to show me his love, but I see nothing. Nothing. Only pain comes my way, I ask God to show me he cares, and nothing. I do not believe in the Bible anymore, I have done bad things in my life but I don't deserve this. I learned the error of my ways but God seems so far away.

My walk with Christianity has been full of torment, confusion, and worry. I believe that my family hates me and wants to hurt me, and they're very loving people but I still have that delusion. All this happened when I became a Christian. I have read in the book I felt like God was leading me to this verse, saying something like "And I will give them delusions, because they have listened not and done what was evil in my sight." So I feel God is doing this.

I especially cannot trust Him because he did such an awful thing to Job. I've read the book of Job and I am disgusted. God only did that to prove a point. He allowed the torture of his most loyal servant, only to prove a point to Satan. God makes Satan look like Mother Teressa. I don't hear of Satan killing innocent people in the bible like God did so many times, especially in the OT where the violence was especially disturbing.

I hope whoever decides to pray for me here will ask God to show me his love, to show me that he does care, but he will not. I know he will not. I don't even know why I'm wasting what precious life I have left even typing this out. I have delusions, so many delusions, I feel like I will die around Christmas season, I feel like my family and the world is out to get me, I feel like I've been alive once before and that all this is a test I keep on failing, and then I die, I am tortured, and then revived again only to go through the same test. The test of faith. God pretty much told me in the book and led me to that verse of delusions.

Someone please help me. I want faith, I want to believe that God is good, but I do not. I have lost my faith in Jesus Christ. Oh god, if you are good, restore in me good faith in your son. Break me free from my addictions, and show me you care. I will fall on my knees for you in worship if you show me you care, I will give everything to you, if only you would. The things you have shown me through my spiritual battle is horrific and terrifying. How can I ever trust and love you when such things happen?

 

[joey_downunder]

It sounds more like you FEEL you have lost your faith.

You do have a difficult situation since you have this condition to manage as well as having to struggle with the ''why does God do..." type questions that all Christians face.

Do you believe God can minister to you through people as well as the bible?
These addictions - do you need professional help to help you break them? There is no shame in getting help if and when you need to.
These bad things - have you confessed these things as sins and ACCEPTED God's forgiveness - don't look for feelings as proof, there are many of us who don't experience feelings either. Trust God instead.
That kind of challenging verse needs to be looked at in context. WHO was it written to?

If it's any comfort many of us go through major struggles like you describe and we don't even have your medical diagnosis.
Lord we ask that you give him your peace that passes all human understanding. Please open his eyes to where you have shown him Your love through positive circumstances and people, no matter how small he may think they are. Please speak to him clearly through Your Word when he feels ready to read it properly again, I ask this in Jesus' name.

 

[plopster]

Praying!

 

[Linus]

I'm sorry that you are going through such hard times brother!

Keeping you in my prayers!

 

[FromTheDarknessToTheLight]

Thank you everyone. Your prayers did help a little. An answer to Joey is my medical diagnosis is I have schizophrenia. I never had a psych evaluation done though. My psychiatrist said it may be schizophrenia, although I do not see hallucinations visually or audiotorially. I can't really explain what they are too well, but sometimes I feel strange things in my stomach. Like when this girl a friend online and me were trying to get our other friend to accept Jesus, I felt something odd in my stomach, and I've had it before. As soon as she said "Let's talk about Jesus" It hit me. It's so distressing, I feel it is a demon inside of me. My whole world turned upside down when I became a Christian, I don't know why. Maybe Satan sees that I'm trying to become a Christian and hes attacking me? I don't know how I could become a christian when I'm a frequent adulterer and a tad gluttonous. I'm a fail of a Christian thats for sure.

 

[Humble Pie]

Praying for you .

 

[Woven]

Praying for you!

 

[Baruch1981]

This was supposed to be the best year of my life. Or so I thought when I was having visions God gave me last year. I have never been more miserable. I can't handle this anymore.

Im not sure what type of visions you had my friend but just make sure that you test them with the Word of God, and this next thing I say is extremely important. In Context of God's Word. Satan LOVES to twiste scripture on people, he did it to me, he did it to Jesus and from the stuff i'm reading he is doing it to you too!



Christianity has drove me to the point of insanity, and all God does is sit back and watch me suffer in torment.

I feel for you, I say this because when I first came to Christ the enemy attacked me in some ways most people won't even believe.. Theres some stuff I cant even talk to people about. It traumatized me.

I've been tormented by demons, or so I surely believe since no antipsychotic medication has worked for me. Medication wont take the demons away.

Nope but as a Christian you have power through Jesus Christ! I'm not sure exactly what your going through but I bet that me and you can sit down and share stories and fine that we have more in common than you think. Doctors said I had skitzoaffective, MY GOD said something different and I was delivered. (not to say mental illness doesnt exist)

I can't trust God anymore because he has led me into a life of trouble, and pain.

You sure it was God who led you into trouble? Word of God says differently. We are at war brother, a spiritual war that most Christians are too scared to open their eyes to even see.

Jesus said that we will have trials and tribulations! John 16:33 Tribulations as in bone crushing trouble at times! But he also promised that He would never leave us nor forsake us. Hebrews 13:5

The enemy doesnt want you to trust in God, he wants you to doubt him, if you doubt the Christ and his power the enemy will CONTINUE to have power over you in your life! When I learned the power of Christ and his awesome Grace for me, I stood firmly. Satan wants you to believe that its God that is hurting you, no my friend God has a plan for your life, an awesome one too. There will be troubles, suffering, but you can stand in the midst of it in HIS strength, with peace and joy in your life!

I feel like God is going to take everything away. He will not show me that he cares. I want to see with my own eyes and ears that he cares, not just what I read in the book.

When I first came to Christ, it was impossible for me to see his grace. I prayed over and over, for a long time "God show me your Grace please" years later, I know the Lord's Grace. I surrender everything to Him. Pray and ask the Lord to show you His Grace and TRUST that he will in his own timing. God showed me His grace through many things, the awesome people on this site, people who he put in my life to minister to me, He opened my eyes through his word. All the mercy and strength hes given me.

The doctors are amazed at the trauma I went through, and the fact that I did it without their help. God's grace brought me through it.

If a person, knows about the true love of God and his grace, their lives get transformed by it. Thats a threat to the kingdom of darkness, a HUGE one. Because as you say you would throw down your life for Him.

If God showed me such love, I would throw everything at His feet, but I cannot trust him. I believe in God, but sometimes I wonder just how much I can trust Christianity.

Trust God. That is who you need to put your faith in


Believe or go to Hell, really? No other choice? Hard to believe or want to believe and worship God when so much pain and confusion is going on and God will not show me he cares.

Jesus is the way the truth and the life, friend. John 14:6

It was the only way God could redeem us. He doesnt want anyone to go to hell. He just wants people to turn from their wicked ways, and to accept life through Jesus Christ. He wants a personal, deep, intimate relationship with you! It was so hard for me to understand that when I became a Christian, it is so important to him.

Jesus died for you. Let me put it this way friend.

John 15:13 There is no greater love than to lay down one's life for one's friends

Jesus said that there is no greater love than to lay down their lives for friends. But there is more to that scripture. Jesus never laid down his life for His friends, He laid it down for His enemies too!

Thats right, he died for the ungodly. Scripture says we are enemies of God Colossians 1:21 So if the greatest love is to die for our friends imagine how much love to die for our enemies. God did show how much He loves you, He will CONTINUE to show how much he loves you through your life and personal walk with him.


I want to be saved, but I will not. I struggle with addictions I can not overcome, I have welcomed God to take these addictions away so I can trust Him, but he will not. God does nothing for me but make me feel bad and worried.

Have you trusted God, to free you from your addictions? I mean really trust him and His power?

I worry for the world, that how so many people are going to Hell, and it's not right. I cant trust a control-freak tormentor who will throw the very people he created into a torture chamber. He made us. He knew Adam and Eve would be tricked, and then basically threw them out of the Garden and said, sorry, you messed up. Now you will need to live lives of hardship and worry, and pain. Now I will send a majority of you into Hell because you did not listen to me.

Ezekiel 18:23 "Do you think that I like to see wicked people die? says the Sovereign LORD. Of course not! I want them to turn from their wicked ways and live.

Ezekiel 18:32 For I take no pleasure in the death of anyone, declares the Sovereign LORD. Repent and live!

Ezekiel 33:11 Say to them, 'As surely as I live, declares the Sovereign LORD, I take no pleasure in the death of the wicked, but rather that they turn from their ways and live. Turn! Turn from your evil ways! Why will you die, O house of Israel?'

Ppl reject God, they do it because they dont want to give up their sin, they want to wallow in the filth of this world. God wants to give you life!

Gonna take a break now, Hopefully I can come back and respond to the rest. God loves you, I will be praying for you!

 

[TriumphInTruth]

[ Break me free from my addictions, and show me you care. /QUOTE]

You need to understand that Satan is lying to you and would like nothing more than for you to continue in your addictions. Truth is he would love to see you parish. By you coming on this forum shows you still believe or you wouldn't have asked for help. You yes "YOU" are the only one that is going to break free of these addictions you have. Our God is not a puppet master. He gives us free will to make our own minds up on what we do.

But when we turn from our sin that is when he helps us. "YOU" half to make the effort to TAKE THAT FIRST STEP. You can't just say God make me change He doesn't work that way. Believe me been there done that.

And as far as caring goes He loves you enough to Die for you. Think about it. Also he never said this life was going to be easy. In fact he said "YOU" will be betrayed even by parents and brothers, relatives and friends and they will put some of you to death. And you will be hated by all for MY name sake. But here is the good part in the next verse it says But not a hair on you head will be lost.

Look we all go through the same things. We all struggle with the same problems. We all get knocked down. But it is up to each and everyone of us to get back up. And when we do our God is there once again to greet us in his arms. He loves "YOU" I'm praying for you to see past the the enemy's lies.

 

[Catherineanne]

Someone please help me. I want faith, I want to believe that God is good, but I do not. I have lost my faith in Jesus Christ. Oh god, if you are good, restore in me good faith in your son. Break me free from my addictions, and show me you care. I will fall on my knees for you in worship if you show me you care, I will give everything to you, if only you would. The things you have shown me through my spiritual battle is horrific and terrifying. How can I ever trust and love you when such things happen?

Hiya, FTDTTL

Do you have ptsd? Have you been evaluated for it?

This does not feel like Schizophrenia to me. I am not a doctor, but that does not seem to fit.

I have complex post traumatic stress disorder, and dissociative identity disorder. Sometimes this looks like schizophrenia, but without the hallucinations. Most importantly, antipsychotics will not work against DID. And it is like being haunted.

Once you understand the dynamics it all falls into place. Until then, it feels like being unpredictably psychotic one minute, sane the next.

Seriously, it is worth getting this checked out.

 

[servant of Merciful Love]

Praying for your strength, hope, and healing of body, mind, and spirit ~ may God bless you in His Merciful Love

 

[AlabamaDawn84]

 

[ThyLovingkindness]

"Nevertheless I have somewhat against thee, because thou hast left thy first love." Revelation 2:4

It seems that you've done some reading of the Bible. But a person can't rest on his or her laurels with the expectation that the Lord will lavish them with things like sobriety, for one example. An addict/alcoholic has to want to get sober, and when that happens, he or she invariably contends with the issues that drives them to substance abuse in the first place.

While we're on the subject of giving/receiving, I'm not talking about works here. I'm talking about being motivated by grace, by which we're saved through faith. We love him because he first loved us... and that's done with all of our heart, all of our soul, all of our strength, and all of our mind.

Jesus is our humble Servant; as believers, we're also to serve. By having a personal relationship with Christ, we're taught to love even the unlovable, praise Him! Jesus isn't some Santa Clause God, "...gimme gimme gimme Lord, I need, need, need..." Look at what He's done for us. How can we not thank Him for the unmerited gift that's to be shared with others?

"For even the Son of man came not to be ministered unto, but to minister, and to give his life a ransom for many." Mark 10:45

"If any man serve me, let him follow me; and where I am, there shall also my servant be: if any man serve me, him will my Father honour." John 12:26

 

[FromTheDarknessToTheLight]

Gosh, I didn't expect so many replies! Thanks so much everyone. I think I'll get a psych evaluation since I have not had one in many years. I've always had a small feeling that maybe this is all Satan's doing. I still feel very strongly that though it is God's doing. If I somehow live to see New Year's I'll feel very foolish and I'll know then that Satan was playing with my mind like a puppet. Jesus did come to me one night whilst I slept and said to me "I cannot hope to understand you, but you will love me more than anything or many bad things will happen to you." Sure enough I did not heed his warning and many bad things are indeed happening to me. Could this have been a false Christ? "I cannot hope to understand you" what he said there bothers me. Does Christ not know and understand all? Is he not the all knowing? I also remember seeing on the computer one day and I read about Jesus, and it said that he will strike you with his staff, and you will lose your mind. I felt strongly like someone or something is out to make me lose my sanity after reading that. I've always thought I was part of some cruel experiment and I came across a website randomly one day and at the top it said "You are not the cruel experiment of man, but an experiment of God." prior to reading this I was contemplating suicide. I always thought and still do that people are out to get me, that everyone secretly hates me and wishes me agony.

Thanks again so very much your your replies!!! Take care everyone! I'll be checking back here again later.

P.S I forgot to say that I do not have PTSD. What are the symptoms of this diagnosis?

Ty again!

 

[FromTheDarknessToTheLight]

Crap, I just fell into pornography again I harden my heart and feel like I'm going to hell anyway so why not? I want to have castration of my entire genitals, but I don't know if I should or not. Why so I enjoy pornography so much? This sucks so much, ALL God needs to do is open his arms and say it's okay, that I don't need to be afraid of Satan, and tell me directly, my son, I care about you, I do not want you to go to hell. I love you.

Satan was right in those dreams. I will never change, and I will never learn. Woe to me for ever coming out of my mothers womb into this terrible world.

I'm so stupid, I know I will die around Christmas if I do not change my adulterous ways, but I cannot change. What is wrong? Someone else is controlling me, I swear!

Edit: And I just went back and peeked again! I didn't do anything though. Will someone please do me a favor and chop off this thing that continues to lead me into this sin? I have a real problem here! Sorry, a joke, but I really do need help. Gosh, this is awful, just awful. I think I need an accountability partner.

 

[SplendidTree]

Praying for you, brother!

 

[Baruch1981]

Gosh, I didn't expect so many replies! Thanks so much everyone. I think I'll get a psych evaluation since I have not had one in many years. I've always had a small feeling that maybe this is all Satan's doing. I still feel very strongly that though it is God's doing. If I somehow live to see New Year's I'll feel very foolish and I'll know then that Satan was playing with my mind like a puppet. Jesus did come to me one night whilst I slept and said to me "I cannot hope to understand you, but you will love me more than anything or many bad things will happen to you." Sure enough I did not heed his warning and many bad things are indeed happening to me. Could this have been a false Christ? "I cannot hope to understand you" what he said there bothers me. Does Christ not know and understand all? Is he not the all knowing? I also remember seeing on the computer one day and I read about Jesus, and it said that he will strike you with his staff, and you will lose your mind. I felt strongly like someone or something is out to make me lose my sanity after reading that. I've always thought I was part of some cruel experiment and I came across a website randomly one day and at the top it said "You are not the cruel experiment of man, but an experiment of God." prior to reading this I was contemplating suicide. I always thought and still do that people are out to get me, that everyone secretly hates me and wishes me agony.

Thanks again so very much your your replies!!! Take care everyone! I'll be checking back here again later.

P.S I forgot to say that I do not have PTSD. What are the symptoms of this diagnosis?

Ty again!

Doesnt hurt to get checked out I can see how your feelings are getting mixed up, and its not to my surprise they are trying to tell you that its God's doing. Its called spiritual warfare, and were all on the front lines.

I remember this woman on this forum quite some time ago. While she wasnt going through the same things you were, she was so heavily convinced that everything bad in this world came from God. She was decieved by satan that God was evil and its not surprising that satan is using the same tactics on her that he is using on you, for example using the story of Job. Most people do not truly understand the context of Job and I will not pretend to be one of them

Anyway it went do far with this kind woman, none of us could really convince her. She was in my prayers and later God showed me, that this woman renounced these lies and became a Christian, she changed her name and God showed her the truth. So hang in there my friend, God can show you the truth as well

That wasnt Jesus who visited you that night, friend. Scriptures say that satan and demons can masquerade as angels of light. And I know from personal experiance they like to try to play God. I too was decieved in the past. 2Corinthians 11:14

Be careful what you read online. It will throw you in confusion. Some of Christians on this site will do that, had one person few weeks back throw some twisted and sick view of God at me. The Lord asked me to be cautious of them. I was once at the point where it was what I read on the internet about God, that completely threw me into bondage to legalism and lies from the enemy. It drove me away from God in so many ways, but His grace kept me through it all just like he will you.

And there is one who wants to throw you off my friend. Paul warns us what we were up against.

Ephesians 6:12 For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.

I strongly suggest, putting a stop to the internet browsing about God and finding answers through there, in fact I urge you because I know whats out there and what type of damage it did to me and the work God was trying to do in me. If you don't have a firm foundation in His Word and strap on the armor of God, my friend you are walking into a fight defensless and it will cause even more damage.

Find a nice quiet place with the Lord, surrender all of these thoughts and feelings and beliefs to Him, and ask to be shown the truth about Him. Keep praying, wait patiently.

Scripture says in James 1:5-8 :

5 If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you. 6 But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. 7 That person should not expect to receive anything from the Lord. 8 Such a person is double-minded and unstable in all they do.



Thing is he will do it in his own timing. alot of people will begin to doubt if He doesnt answer us right away ( like me )


Will continue lifting prayers up to our heavenly Father, he will set you free. we love you, the Lord loves you

 

[Baruch1981]

Crap, I just fell into pornography again I harden my heart and feel like I'm going to hell anyway so why not? I want to have castration of my entire genitals, but I don't know if I should or not.

Have you come down to the Pornography forums? I think its in the mens section. There are alot of wonderful folks struggling who can give you some advice about it You're not alone in this fight.

EDIT: Its in the Recovery forums below, id link it but wont let me in

Dont castrate yourself!!

Why so I enjoy pornography so much? This sucks so much, ALL God needs to do is open his arms and say it's okay, that I don't need to be afraid of Satan, and tell me directly, my son, I care about you, I do not want you to go to hell. I love you.

Just because you do something, doesnt mean you enjoy it. That sounds a bit crazy huh? I know as a Christian, there are times I do things I absolutely hate! Were always wrestling with our fleshy desires.

At times when we feel there is no hope and fall into despair- we will run to our flesh.

Satan was right in those dreams. I will never change, and I will never learn. Woe to me for ever coming out of my mothers womb into this terrible world.

I'm so stupid, I know I will die around Christmas if I do not change my adulterous ways, but I cannot change. What is wrong? Someone else is controlling me, I swear!

There is no truth in satan. In James 8:44 When Jesus was rebuking the pharasees about wanting to kill him. He spoke about the lies from satan. Called him the father of lies, and there was no truth that came out from him.

And your not stupid, in fact your a real blessing to me. None of us look at you as stupid. We love you, your very special to us, and your even more special to God

What makes you think youre going to die around Christmas?

Edit: And I just went back and peeked again! I didn't do anything though. Will someone please do me a favor and chop off this thing that continues to lead me into this sin? I have a real problem here! Sorry, a joke, but I really do need help. Gosh, this is awful, just awful. I think I need an accountability partner.

Hang in there, keep fighting the urges.

 

[vcs]

Dear brother, Sorry things seem so tough right now. Lies, delusions, confusions are not part of God's plan for us. They come from the enemy. I agree with Baruch. Be careful not to look to the internet alone as a source of help, people could write just about anything on there. Instead for now stick to the Bible which is the true infallible word of God.

Am glad you want to have that evaluation done. Go on meds if you need to, and I do hope it will benefit you.

It is part of growing up as a christian that we have doubts. No one is perfect and all of us question things and grow. As you said, Job is a difficult book, but his faith just shines through. Sometimes, God answers our questions immediately and sometimes through life experiences. So hang in there brother. Also remember, you are human, do not get caught in the idea that once we become Christians we somehow become perfect. No, we need to be washed by His blood every day. We need His grace. It's like breathing, you just need to believe it. And faith grows, overtime. It does not happen overnight. It takes a lifetime brother. We will be perfect only when He comes. So, don't be too hard on yourself.

Praying for you. Am glad you posted on here, shows that God is not done with you yet. Praying for you brother. God bless you.

 

[ThyLovingkindness]

Dear brother, Sorry things seem so tough right now. Lies, delusions, confusions are not part of God's plan for us. They come from the enemy. I agree with Baruch. Be careful not to look to the internet alone as a source of help, people could write just about anything on there. Instead for now stick to the Bible which is the true infallible word of God.

Am glad you want to have that evaluation done. Go on meds if you need to, and I do hope it will benefit you.

It is part of growing up as a christian that we have doubts. No one is perfect and all of us question things and grow. As you said, Job is a difficult book, but his faith just shines through. Sometimes, God answers our questions immediately and sometimes through life experiences. So hang in there brother. Also remember, you are human, do not get caught in the idea that once we become Christians we somehow become perfect. No, we need to be washed by His blood every day. We need His grace. It's like breathing, you just need to believe it. And faith grows, overtime. It does not happen overnight. It takes a lifetime brother. We will be perfect only when He comes. So, don't be too hard on yourself.

Praying for you. Am glad you posted on here, shows that God is not done with you yet. Praying for you brother. God bless you.

Word here, Amen!