I think I'm gonna explode...

Audiomechanic · May 15, 2006

I try not to let her go to my head. I pray every day that God would keep my view of her in perspective and not let me "run off with her" in my mind, persay. I try very hard not to become obsessed. And as far as being myself, I'm getting better. Actually talked with her on the phone (as of two days ago, I have her number!!!!!! *insert happy dance here* ) and made her laugh a lot. Got a little shy and giggly myself but a good conversation none the less (almost lasted 10 WHOLE MINUTES!!!!!!!! *another happy dance is in order*). She's a good person and I'd love to get to know her, I just get all shy when I'm around her then end up acting like this guy: when we part ways.

Oh well. Help me pray that the Lord would keep her in perspective in my mind. The last thing I need is to get obsessed over her. I'll end up hurting myself and her.

JourneyRain · May 15, 2006

Audiomechanic said:
I try not to let her go to my head. I pray every day that God would keep my view of her in perspective and not let me "run off with her" in my mind, persay. I try very hard not to become obsessed. And as far as being myself, I'm getting better. Actually talked with her on the phone (as of two days ago, I have her number!!!!!! *insert happy dance here* ) and made her laugh a lot. Got a little shy and giggly myself but a good conversation none the less (almost lasted 10 WHOLE MINUTES!!!!!!!! *another happy dance is in order*). She's a good person and I'd love to get to know her, I just get all shy when I'm around her then end up acting like this guy: when we part ways.

Oh well. Help me pray that the Lord would keep her in perspective in my mind. The last thing I need is to get obsessed over her. I'll end up hurting myself and her.

I so know what you are talking about. I will definitely be praying for you. take things slow as you are...God bless

sherri · May 16, 2006

*praying too. I've been really guilty of that as well. It can be so hard not to.

So glad this is going so well

Audiomechanic · May 16, 2006

sherri said:
*praying too. I've been really guilty of that as well. It can be so hard not to.

So glad this is going so well

Thank you for the prayers sherri and Journey!!! They are much appreaciated! It is hard to take it slow and not rush into things. I still want to tell her what I feel so badly but know I mustn't. It'll come out eventually but most likely it'll come out gradually (probably like it should).

I am glad too....at least, I hope it's going well. She is SO HARD to read!!! My friend who goes with me to Bible study is really good at reading people and figuring them out (or at least knowing what they're thinking, feeling, or what their intentions are) and he says that she's the first person he's ever met that he couldn't at least figure out a little. This girl is good. Really good.

Audiomechanic · May 18, 2006

UPDATE: *sigh* Well, went to Bible study and she didn't show. Unfortunately, I am depressed about it. I used to look forward to the weekend. Now I look forward to Thursdays. I had a good time none the less and learned about the Bible (we are going through Romans...this week we were in chapter 10), but am still depressed. Perhaps that has something to do with the fact that I have depression. Well, anyway, she makes my week and she wasn't there. Oh, well. Next time.

I know that I am placing her on a high pedestal. Thing is, I can't help it! I pray everyday for the Lord to put her in perspective in my mind, but still I obsess and make her out to be something that neither she, nor anyone else for that matter, can live up to in my mind. I can't stop. I will still pray, of course. Hopefully the Lord will change not just my heart, but my mind as well. At least I know I have a problem. I just have no idea how to fix it.

JPPT1974 · May 18, 2006

Praying that you lean on the Lord
Let Him have His way with you
Because He really wants you to
Have His way in Him!

eatenbylocusts · May 18, 2006

Audiomechanic said:
I know that I am placing her on a high pedestal. Thing is, I can't help it! I pray everyday for the Lord to put her in perspective in my mind, but still I obsess and make her out to be something that neither she, nor anyone else for that matter, can live up to in my mind. I can't stop. I will still pray, of course. Hopefully the Lord will change not just my heart, but my mind as well. At least I know I have a problem. I just have no idea how to fix it.

Yeah, I did that not too long ago with a guy in my single's group. I was sure he was interested and it just seemed perfect. I have kids and he's involved with the kids' ministry at his church, he wasn't too old, had a good job, seemed like such a nice guy, blah, blah. I probably came on a little too strong, but I was sick of waiting for things to happen. Anyway, the crush part of it helped get me over the heartbreak of the ex-bf. It hurt to be rejected, but there was someone else around the corner.

eringilmour · May 19, 2006

Audiomechanic said:
UPDATE: *sigh* Well, went to Bible study and she didn't show. Unfortunately, I am depressed about it. I used to look forward to the weekend. Now I look forward to Thursdays. I had a good time none the less and learned about the Bible (we are going through Romans...this week we were in chapter 10), but am still depressed. Perhaps that has something to do with the fact that I have depression. Well, anyway, she makes my week and she wasn't there. Oh, well. Next time.

Yea I felt like that once about a guy who I really liked, If I didn't see him I would feel really down!!!!

I know that I am placing her on a high pedestal. Thing is, I can't help it! I pray everyday for the Lord to put her in perspective in my mind, but still I obsess and make her out to be something that neither she, nor anyone else for that matter, can live up to in my mind. I can't stop. I will still pray, of course. Hopefully the Lord will change not just my heart, but my mind as well. At least I know I have a problem. I just have no idea how to fix it.

Its normal not to be able to help feelings that wheal up inside you, I have exactly the same problem with every guy I have ever liked and then I feel deflated if they don't like me back ( not that i ever ask)

Just keep praying ans eeking Gods will for this, and things will just fall into place..........

Audiomechanic · May 19, 2006

I try. I prayed this morning that I knew God was/is protecting her. Perhaps what I don't know is that he is also protecting me. Perhaps that neither one of us are in a situation to be with anyone else at this stage in our lives. I don't know. This morning when I prayed, I tried my darndest to swallow my pride and praise him despite my disapointment. I praised Him for protecting her and for not allowing anything to happen. I also asked forgivness for being so selfish in thinking that I could possibly know what's better for me than God.

That was a hard prayer. It was a necessary prayer though. It's still so hard though and I feel, well, like Erin said..."deflated." *sigh* This habit is so hard to break.

Audiomechanic · May 22, 2006

Update: I had a life changing experience this weekend. It was one of the hardest things I have ever had to face! Well, I have a much different outlook on things and am more comfortable with myself now. Perhaps now I can talk to this girl like a person. I haven't obsessed over her in like 4 days!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111111111111hurray1

Well, things may be taking a turn for the better. Perhaps I am not so desperate now. God really showed me some things about myself that I did NOT want to see over the weekend but after doing what I had to do, I feel closure and I feel better. Lord, don't let me become what I was.

Keri · May 22, 2006

I'm happy for you Shane. If you're happy, then I'm happy.

Audiomechanic · May 22, 2006

Why thank ya! Yur sweet! Hyuk hyuk hyuk!

Seriously, thank you. I have been dragging this around with me for 3 LONG years and now I finally find closure. It's a wierd feeling. I'm not sure what to do with myself now but I feel much more confident. Strange, I don't really see how this situation could lessen my confidence but it somehow did. Oh well, Thursday will be the true test!

Yall might want to know the background so yall aren't confused:

I went out with this girl (henceforth known as 'K'). Fell in love with her but ended up hurting her. We split and I went out with another girl. 2 years go by and I get back in contact with K. We talk over email for a while and then move up to phone conversation. Friday we hung out and shot some pool. It was cool but it brought back all the feelings that I had crammed down inside me for 3 long years. Saturday, I felt so empty. Like everything was ripped out of my heart and placed upon my shoulders. When I missed a co worker's wedding because I got there too late, I reached my breaking point. I cried on the way back home (Note: never cry on a motorcycle on the freeway if you can help it! It's harder than it sounds). Sunday came and God spoke to me. Telling me what I needed to do. This girl is a great person but I can't hurt her again. We are not meant to be and I know that if I stay in contact, I WILL try to get back with her and only make things worse. I called her and told her goodbye. It was the hardest thing I have ever done. I Explained why and she understood. She said I was knoble for wanting to protect her from me. I don't think so. Anyway, I cried a good bit more after that and prayed alone in my closet. God lifted the burden from me and healed my heart. I can now close the door on 'K.' I can now move on.

Beauty4Ashes · May 22, 2006

sounds like God is working in you and you are making progress in your life and letting go of the past. We can't open our hands to the new things God has for us if we don't let go of the mud we are still holding on to from before.

Prayers with you

sherri · May 23, 2006

Prayers and hugs! I've been through similar things. I think that decisions that we make concerning relationships can be the hardest we ever make in our lives (they have been for me anyway). I just had to give up a guy who I had a crush on for months because I found out stuff that made it just not an option. It really hurt

It's nice to see someone else moving forward. Keep us posted.

Audiomechanic · May 23, 2006

Thank you for your support! I do feel so much better. I feel....less insecure! Perhaps because I got rid of a big skeleton in my closet and can be more honest about myself. I feel more confident and more....well......me!

Thank you for the prayers! They are always welcome. I will keep you posted as to what happens on Thursday.

Keri · May 23, 2006

You made a hard decision but I'm glad that you're finally happy again. Since I've known ou these past 5 or so months, I know how've you've struggled and it's good to see you happy. I def like the happy Shane!! lol You're a great guy Shane. Just wait on the Lord and something great will happen in your life soon.

Audiomechanic · May 23, 2006

Thank you Keri! That really means a lot!

Keri · May 23, 2006

You're welcome Shane. You know that I'm always here for you!! Get on YIM once in a while too. I haven't talked to you there in a while.

JPPT1974 · May 23, 2006

Glad that you are happy as well
May the Lord bless and keep you
Good luck btw!

I think I'm gonna explode...

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