I think I'm gonna explode...

[Audiomechanic]

Ok, here's the background as long story short. I am naturally very shy and insecure around girls that I "like." I attend a singles Bible study and at this Bible study is a girl that I like. I REALLY like her. That said, I turn into a hyperactive booger eating moron when I'm around her. I just can't stop it.

Ok, I have a very hard time bottling things up inside me for any period of time. If I have strong feelings about something, I can't keep them contained. I like this girl and I havent told her that I do(i'm sure she knows though either by the way I act like an idiot around her, or because everyone else in the group sees me acting like an idiot around her and have told her...especially the girls of the group because girls talk). Anyway, the feelings that I have bottled up are bound to explode out of me at any time and I'm sure that they are going to explode out of me in a passioned yet amazingly clumsy outburst that will make little or no sense at all. I don't want this to happen. I want her to know and I want to know if I have any chance at all so that if I don't, I can quit obsessing over her. But I don't want to tell her in a way that will eliminate any chance of her liking me but at the same time, I want to tell her in person and not on the phone or in a note or something like that. I'm a wuss. Help me.

 

[Deliberatetourist]

Ok, here's the background as long story short. I am naturally very shy and insecure around girls that I "like." I attend a singles Bible study and at this Bible study is a girl that I like. I REALLY like her. That said, I turn into a hyperactive booger eating moron when I'm around her. I just can't stop it.

Ok, I have a very hard time bottling things up inside me for any period of time. If I have strong feelings about something, I can't keep them contained. I like this girl and I havent told her that I do(i'm sure she knows though either by the way I act like an idiot around her, or because everyone else in the group sees me acting like an idiot around her and have told her...especially the girls of the group because girls talk). Anyway, the feelings that I have bottled up are bound to explode out of me at any time and I'm sure that they are going to explode out of me in a passioned yet amazingly clumsy outburst that will make little or no sense at all. I don't want this to happen. I want her to know and I want to know if I have any chance at all so that if I don't, I can quit obsessing over her. But I don't want to tell her in a way that will eliminate any chance of her liking me but at the same time, I want to tell her in person and not on the phone or in a note or something like that. I'm a wuss. Help me.

Just be honest and be yourself, tell her how you feel, and accept the fact that she might not reciprocate the gesture and if so, move on.

 

[Audiomechanic]

Yea, I can be myself, just can't act myself. I'm very laid back usually, but I get around her and I freak out. I can accept it if she rejects me. She's a good person and as long as I can have her in my life, either as a friend or more, it's fine mith me. I just don't want her to think I'm some kinda freak when I spill the beans.

Any ladies out there? What would your reaction be?

 

[Alexander1982]

Here is a question to ask yourself.....what makes her really worthy of your love?

I know my love for a person will cure their broken souls, make their life feel worth while, make them feel as if they are not nobodies, help them to go through the tough times etc, but what makes the girl really worthy of this gift of mine.

In the past I have been hurt by girls who were unable to see that beauty in me. This year I have turned the tables around and decided to develop myself, get myself finanical stable and develop my character

I suggest you turn the tables around as well, develop yourself and character, dress more sensibly, Try to be outspoken, close that heart of yours.
It sorts helps if you look down on her without the snobbish attitude, make her feel that you're too good for her.

 

[Deliberatetourist]

I know my love for a person will cure their broken souls, make their life feel worth while, make them feel as if they are not nobodies, help them to go through the tough times etc,

EVERBODY! The king has returned! All hail King Jesus!

 

[Alexander1982]

*is confused*

um what?

 

[Deliberatetourist]

*is confused*

um what?

You are quite confident in your abilities huh!

 

[Audiomechanic]

Here is a question to ask yourself.....what makes her really worthy of your love?

I know my love for a person will cure their broken souls, make their life feel worth while, make them feel as if they are not nobodies, help them to go through the tough times etc, but what makes the girl really worthy of this gift of mine.

In the past I have been hurt by girls who were unable to see that beauty in me. This year I have turned the tables around and decided to develop myself, get myself finanical stable and develop my character

I suggest you turn the tables around as well, develop yourself and character, dress more sensibly, Try to be outspoken, close that heart of yours.
It sorts helps if you look down on her without the snobbish attitude, make her feel that you're too good for her.

Some of this advice is pretty good. Confidence is something I've always lacked. Not sure why and I don't know what I can do to fix it.

Well, I'll just have to hope that she doesn't think I'm a freak. I could easily do it over email or by a little note or something, but I am determined not to wuss out on this girl.

Any girls out there? What would yall think if you were in this girl's place?

 

[Jenster]

Hey AudioMechanic. Maybe you should get all this passion out of your system before you actually tell her. Or else, yeah, it could be pretty scary for her.

Have you tried expressing your feelings -- to yourself -- in different ways? Write it in your journal for pages and pages and pages, shout it into your pillow or in a large (preferably vacant) field, repeatedly hit a punching bag, or whatever you do. My theory is that if you try to get it OUT of your system, you'll be able to approach her a little more calmly and rationally.

A guy once confessed his infatuation with me over e-mail. It was actually touching, but also made me feel uncomfortable. He seemed totally in love with who he THOUGHT I was, but we hadn't had enough conversations together to convince me he really knew ME. He was in love with this figment of his imagination.

My unsolicited advice: I think you'll have a far better chance with her if you stop trying to impress her and instead just get to know her. And the way to do that is by starting with normal everyday boring conversation: "what'd you think of the Bible study?" "are you planning on seeing the Da Vinci Code/Mission Impossible/Whatever Movie?" "This is such great weather. Do you spend much time outdoors?"

OK, you wanted a female opinion. Now you've got one. Good luck.

 

[Niels]

I'm very laid back usually, but I get around her and I freak out. I can accept it if she rejects me. She's a good person and as long as I can have her in my life, either as a friend or more, it's fine mith me. I just don't want her to think I'm some kinda freak when I spill the beans.

I'm similar in this regard. I don't fear rejection, but I do fear coming across as a freak. Maybe it's a guy thing... powerful feelings may freak us out (or at least make us think that we'll freak out). Women generally seem better equipped to deal with feeling-related issues. They can be emotional without being awkward. It's also more acceptable for women to express feelings. Women may not fully understand what it's like to be discouraged from expressing certain things... and then have to deal with something like this. It gets kind of bottled up, and may even appear to cut the IQ in half. It would be nice to act totally natural around a woman that strikes my fancy... alas, I'm not so great at dealing with those feelings.

 

[Achichem]

I’ll be honest with you mate, my gut and experience tells me based on what you said, you’ve dug a deep hole. And unless you reframe there is a very good chance you just bury yourself.

at this Bible study is a girl that I like. I REALLY like her. That said, I turn into a hyperactive booger eating moron when I'm around her. I just can't stop it.

Stop right there, and step back for a second….

You cannot like her you don’t know her! You find her attractive and interesting, and that is awesome. That however doesn’t make you act like a “hyperactive booger eating moron”, what make you act differently is that you’ve built up in your head a false image of her and I bet fantasized an entire relationship scenario. With all this stuff in your head, you do have something you like, but it isn’t her, it is a fantasy image and relationship. Your afraid of seeing the real her because it threatens the image you’ve made of her. Whatever though, it happens to the best of us.

Just dump the imaginary her and the fantasy and get real with yourself.

She is an interesting girl that you think it would be fun to make feel wonderful. You want to find out more about her because she hits a cord with your curiosity and you don’t care if she ends up as a friend or something more. God did not design things so that when you feel attraction you try and grain your "prize"; He design it so that we feel attraction to develop beneficial relationships with cool people.

Now once you’ve gotten back to a level field, then most of the behavior your talking about will disappear.

I have a very hard time bottling things up inside me for any period of time. If I have strong feelings about something, I can't keep them contained.

Great man that is awesome, that is truly a skill and a gift.

Just make sure that energy is going to “making her feel great about herself” and not about “you getting a chance”! Your feelings sound 80% misplaced…. bottled up feelings are often just feelings that we have misidentified.

I want her to know and I want to know if I have any chance at all so that if I don't, I can quit obsessing over her.

Just to put this in prospective,

Whenever that is your feelings toward a relationship, cut it man. No one deserves to be in a relationship when all the other person cares is having them fit into their agenda.

I want to tell her in person and not on the phone or in a note or something like that.

Interesting tidbit that might help this type of dilemma…

How would you feel if an acquaintance of yours came up to you and said ______? How would you react?

I say that as a person who has gotten the dreaded line from a girl:
“I really like you” …..ummmm, ok I like you to, but can anyone say “holy awkward moment batman”

Peace,

 

[sherri]

I think a lot depends on the girl - if she's really kind, a kind girl won't care if you make a mess expressing yourself. She'll just like you for you and be flattered you're so keen on her.

If shes a mean girl - don't even think about it. Seriously, she'll take the heart you're holding out and chew on it while waiting for you to finish.

Any other advice would be pray that God shows her the stuff in your character that he would want her to see about you, regardless of how you act, and just pray for his help not to end up in that situation.

 

[Audiomechanic]

Hey AudioMechanic. Maybe you should get all this passion out of your system before you actually tell her. Or else, yeah, it could be pretty scary for her.

Have you tried expressing your feelings -- to yourself -- in different ways? Write it in your journal for pages and pages and pages, shout it into your pillow or in a large (preferably vacant) field, repeatedly hit a punching bag, or whatever you do. My theory is that if you try to get it OUT of your system, you'll be able to approach her a little more calmly and rationally.

A guy once confessed his infatuation with me over e-mail. It was actually touching, but also made me feel uncomfortable. He seemed totally in love with who he THOUGHT I was, but we hadn't had enough conversations together to convince me he really knew ME. He was in love with this figment of his imagination.

My unsolicited advice: I think you'll have a far better chance with her if you stop trying to impress her and instead just get to know her. And the way to do that is by starting with normal everyday boring conversation: "what'd you think of the Bible study?" "are you planning on seeing the Da Vinci Code/Mission Impossible/Whatever Movie?" "This is such great weather. Do you spend much time outdoors?"

OK, you wanted a female opinion. Now you've got one. Good luck.

Good advice. I think on ways to get it out of my system before I talk to her.

I did want a girl's opinion and you are indeed a girl. So Thank you!

 

[Audiomechanic]

I’ll be honest with you mate, my gut and experience tells me based on what you said, you’ve dug a deep hole. And unless you reframe there is a very good chance you just bury yourself.


Stop right there, and step back for a second….

You cannot like her you don’t know her! You find her attractive and interesting, and that is awesome. That however doesn’t make you act like a “hyperactive booger eating moron”, what make you act differently is that you’ve built up in your head a false image of her and I bet fantasized an entire relationship scenario. With all this stuff in your head, you do have something you like, but it isn’t her, it is a fantasy image and relationship. Your afraid of seeing the real her because it threatens the image you’ve made of her. Whatever though, it happens to the best of us.

Just dump the imaginary her and the fantasy and get real with yourself.

She is an interesting girl that you think it would be fun to make feel wonderful. You want to find out more about her because she hits a cord with your curiosity and you don’t care if she ends up as a friend or something more. God did not design things so that when you feel attraction you try and grain your "prize"; He design it so that we feel attraction to develop beneficial relationships with cool people.

Now once you’ve gotten back to a level field, then most of the behavior your talking about will disappear.


Great man that is awesome, that is truly a skill and a gift.

Just make sure that energy is going to “making her feel great about herself” and not about “you getting a chance”! Your feelings sound 80% misplaced…. bottled up feelings are often just feelings that we have misidentified.


Just to put this in prospective,

Whenever that is your feelings toward a relationship, cut it man. No one deserves to be in a relationship when all the other person cares is having them fit into their agenda.


Interesting tidbit that might help this type of dilemma…

How would you feel if an acquaintance of yours came up to you and said ______? How would you react?

I say that as a person who has gotten the dreaded line from a girl:
“I really like you” …..ummmm, ok I like you to, but can anyone say “holy awkward moment batman”

Peace,

Woah. There are definately some things in this post that I did not want to read but needed to. I will definately ponder this post. Thank you for being so direct and honest and for taking the time to post something so indepth. I'll have to come back and read this again when I have more time.

 

[Audiomechanic]

I think a lot depends on the girl - if she's really kind, a kind girl won't care if you make a mess expressing yourself. She'll just like you for you and be flattered you're so keen on her.

If shes a mean girl - don't even think about it. Seriously, she'll take the heart you're holding out and chew on it while waiting for you to finish.

Any other advice would be pray that God shows her the stuff in your character that he would want her to see about you, regardless of how you act, and just pray for his help not to end up in that situation.

From what i have seen in her, she's definately not a mean girl. Actually, she's very kind and sweet. This is something that I see and feel in her when I'm around her. Also, I can tell by the way she acts around her closest friends. I can also tell by what she has chosen as her profession (she takes care of mentally-disabled adults). I have been around mean girls before, and she is not one of them, so that gives me hope.

I actually pray about this every day. I pray that God's will is done in this situation and that if he does not have in His plan for her and I to have a relationship, then He would take away these feelings. I have known her for about 8 weeks now and am still just as shy around her as I was when I met her. I pray for God's guidance and I know that once I formally tell her, I'll probably quit acting like this because the "secret's out!"

 

[JPPT1974]

From what i have seen in her, she's definately not a mean girl. Actually, she's very kind and sweet. This is something that I see and feel in her when I'm around her. Also, I can tell by the way she acts around her closest friends. I can also tell by what she has chosen as her profession (she takes care of mentally-disabled adults). I have been around mean girls before, and she is not one of them, so that gives me hope.

I actually pray about this every day. I pray that God's will is done in this situation and that if he does not have in His plan for her and I to have a relationship, then He would take away these feelings. I have known her for about 8 weeks now and am still just as shy around her as I was when I met her. I pray for God's guidance and I know that once I formally tell her, I'll probably quit acting like this because the "secret's out!"

Maybe it is because she has a hard job and that
Sometimes she is forced to act unpleasant
Hoping and praying that it does give you hope
Also just lean on the Lord and let Him know how
You feel about this relationship
But also be polite and friendly but firm with her
In how you feel about your friendship and relationship with her!

 

[mwb]

You need to take a step back emotionally. She may be intimated & shocked by your strong emotions. Try to resist the temptation to like someone before you even know them. It's not easy but it's necessary.

Even if you know you really care about her, hold off those feelings until you get to know her & know that she cares about you. You may always feel underappreciated if you are in love with her & she's non-chalant about you.

 

[eatenbylocusts]

I would discourage the email confession. I tried that with a guy from my single's group and it didn't turn out well. He didn't get my humor at all. Without the tone of voice and facial expressions emails can be misunderstood.

 

[Audiomechanic]

Yea, that's why I'm gonna do it in person. I've been thinking over the past couple of days and I've decided to basically do what mwb mentioned above. I might scare her off if I pour myself out to her. Thursday is the Bible study...I'm gonna ask her to coffee if it KILLS ME!!!! Also, she is a coffee nut like me and I know a few really nice eclectic coffee houses around town that I know she hasn't been to (she's a Starbucks girl....she has no idea what she's missing!) so hopefully it'll go over well with her.

Thank you for the replies and for the comments! Even the comments that I really didn't want to hear, I needed to hear them.

God Bless! Wish me luck and pray for me!!!!!!!!!!!!!1111nervous1

 

[nathan82]

Audiomechanic: I was in your situation last month. Putting everything into perspective, I definitely had these pre-concieved notions about her that were totally unjustified. It was my fault.

So I asked her out and got rejected. I don't regret asking her, but it made me look at the bigger picture. I don't know if I still like her, but I still want to be her friend.

Sometimes, in order to realize that, you just have to go for it. Definitely put much thought into it. Oh yea, and let us know how it goes! No matter the outcome, share with us what you learned!