I think I have a toxic relationship with God

[Lost Witness]

Thank you for your honest opinion.
One of the reasons I started reading the Bible was precisely because I felt like I couldn't get answers as easily as I expected or couldn't understand what was important. On the other side, I know that I'm a person who needs time to process things or to see a wider point of view. That's why I also tried to give myself time to read and reflect on my own, but at some point my feelings were overwhelming and I felt that I needed to get them out and hear other people's points of view.

Now I also realized that even among Christians there is a lot of confusion and that some of the answers I thought I had gotten at the beginning are probably wrong or very biased.

At the moment I'm calmer and still learning but more slowly, although the questions and feelings are still the same, I just let them rest because I didn't see the point in continuing to think about them for now.

Here's a Good question...
While you've openly stated that God was your Creator.
Have you professed Jesus to be Lord?

 

[Jo555]

Man's tendency to condemn God is always due to not seeing in his light; to not seeing how awful sin is; to not seeing the huge price He paid to reconcile us back to Him.

Tell Him how you feel. Don't hide it from Him or run from Him. The enemy of your soul would love for you to run from God with your feelings, but tell Him how you feel and ask Him to enlighten you, then wait on Him to do so.

You can't get past your darkness and feelings without Him.

He knows you don't get Him. Your feelings are not a shock or surprise to Him. He wants to enlighten you.

And it's ok to put the bible aside for awhile if it angers you, or those passages if you'd like.

Sometimes God has to deconstruct our thinking before it can be reconstructed on his truth; before we can see more in line with his heart. Just don't stop sharing with Him. He loves when we go to Him with our questions and share our lives with Him.

 

[Lost Witness]

You've Admitted that God is The Creator of everything...
But have you Professed Jesus as Lord?

 

[Jo555]

And it's ok to put the bible aside for awhile if it angers you, or those passages if you'd like.

Sometimes God has to deconstruct our thinking before it can be reconstructed on his truth; before we can see more in line with his heart. Just don't stop sharing with Him. He loves when we go to Him with our questions and share our lives with Him.

Thought this may also help:

Knowing God

Knowing God The Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us. We have seen his glory, the glory of the One and Only, who came from the Father, full of grace and truth. ~John 1:14 Awhile back I watched a movie featuring...

www.christianforums.com

Thing is, we won't get all our questions answered in this lifetime on Earth, but the more you get to know God personally, the more you will understand everything He does is an extension of his love. Once you understand that, what He does will be less troubling to you, until it ceases to exist.

Until you know that, questioning his goodness will lead to another question, and another, and another, etc. it's understandable why He does not answer all our questions right away. He's inviting you to go deeper and get to know Him where your doubt of his character will eventually cease to exist.

 

[Palmfever]

Hello, I started reading the Bible and trying to get to know Jesus for a few weeks now.
Wanting to find Jesus and get to know him did not start because of an encounter, because he saved me from a particular situation or anything like that like other testimonies I have heard. It has not been a nice process or a finding of peace at all.

I was not Christian but I knew God is real, just I had a different conception of it. I decided to start this path because I needed answers, but as I searched and learned more, everything led me to answers that I couldn't understand. Because my concerns were linked to other people and not myself, the promise of eternal life in heaven, etc.; didn't reach my heart, since I was thinking about others and not myself.

Because the answers I got did not really answer what I wanted to know and since everyone said that the best way to talk to God directly was through reading the Bible and praying, I decided to do it.
But as I read the Bible I felt more angry, frustrated, and sad with the answers I found. While on the one hand, I began to understand Jesus and his sacrifice better, and I began to feel that I wouldn't mind surrendering to him, I also began to make a huge difference between God the Father and God Jesus, and when faced with the command to surrender to the Father, I simply can't.

On the other side, the answer to my questions was not pleasant, even if I am saved, what about those I love? What about the other billions of souls? , literally, the Bible answered me saying that the vast majority would go to hell, regardless of my wishes, my prayers, or my love for others, those who will be saved are already counted and predestined.
I also began to understand that in the end none of the answers I got mattered, because the truth is that we are all just small and insignificant souls created by God, and as our creator we belong to him, and we are destined to go through this kind of "game" that he created, under his rules, in which we have no power other than to decide between two options: to serve God and go to heaven when we die or to serve the Devil and go to hell. In other words, our only true will is to choose which owner we will belong to.

Of course, if I have no other options than those two, I choose God.
But my feelings of anger, frustration, and sadness don't go away. Not only do they remain, but I also feel that I am not choosing to serve God out of love and gratitude, but in a state of resignation.

Although at times I also have pleasant feelings towards God and I want to feel that peace and love that other Christians feel when I listen to their testimonies, in one way or another I always return to my negative, confused feelings and sadness for others.
In the end, I feel that I have a toxic relationship with him of the type "I can't completely surrender to you but I don't want to leave you either."

I wonder if others have gone through or felt something similar, and if they have any advice to give me.
How can I forget about others and only think about my salvation?
How can I fully trust God knowing this?

God is not toxic. He is encouraging to the point of doing things for you. He gave His life for you, He loves you. He understands and supports you. Satan is the accuser, not God. You need to chose who you are going to listen to and kick the liar to the curb. Stand in faith. Be bold. Be confident in the truth and shut the liar up when he first begins to speak.
Seek the truth in His word and in your prayers.
Do not listen to the father of lies. If you nip it in the bud, it becomes easier and you will grow.

The toxin is the fallen one.
Our God is the Holy one. The one with all the power. The one who washes us from all sin.

"A toxic relationship is one that makes you feel unsupported, misunderstood, demeaned, or attacked. A relationship is toxic when your well-being is threatened in some way—emotionally, psychologically, and even physically.


On a basic level, any relationship that makes you feel worse rather than better can become toxic over time. Toxic relationships can exist in just about any context, from the playground to the boardroom to the bedroom. You may even deal with toxic relationships among your family members."