I think my boyfriend is cheating on me but I am not sure. I mean, he is always at my house if he is not at work so I don't even know where he could have found the time to meet someone else or to have time to see her. But there are always different numbers on his phone or numbers that he calls and blocks his phone when calling them. I asked him about one number, he was like well atleast I block my number so they cannot call back. I begged him to tell me who it is and he said if you beg me then I will never call them again. Usually he tells me it's a guy friend or tells me who it is but sometimes he won's so I will ask is it a guy or a girl and he won't answer. Once he got mad at me for asking about a number that he stormed out and drove off. I happened to remember the number, so I called it and it was a girl. Guys, what are the signs of a cheating bf? I mean since you are guys you should know what you would do if you were seing another person. Girls please answer too. Maybe I am just freaking out but I doubt it. I am so sad and my heart feels torn especially since we have been together pretty long. I do not know what to think, my mind is going crazy with all these different thoughts.
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I think he is cheating on me..(guys, what are the signs of a cheating bf)
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jameseb
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Its really hard to say, Jesus Fan.
Let me ask you this... does he already have female friends that he calls, friends whom you know? What are your feelings about him having female friends?
From my perspective, a male persepective, and based on what you've said thus far, I think there's some merit to your concerns. I mean, if he won't talk to you about the people he's calling, and one of them was a girl, then raising your eyebrows over this is warranted. A relationship is about trust. You can't even have a friend without having trust first. If he's being deceitful about who he's calling, who they are, then there's a lack of trust there somewhere.
I'm not sure that was helpful, or even what you might have wanted to hear, but it is my honest thought on the subject.
God bless,
Eric
Let me ask you this... does he already have female friends that he calls, friends whom you know? What are your feelings about him having female friends?
From my perspective, a male persepective, and based on what you've said thus far, I think there's some merit to your concerns. I mean, if he won't talk to you about the people he's calling, and one of them was a girl, then raising your eyebrows over this is warranted. A relationship is about trust. You can't even have a friend without having trust first. If he's being deceitful about who he's calling, who they are, then there's a lack of trust there somewhere.
I'm not sure that was helpful, or even what you might have wanted to hear, but it is my honest thought on the subject.
God bless,
Eric
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There is only one girl who he calls and that calls him that I know of. I met her twice and did not like her from the start. It bugs me alot when she calls and he knows that. He will tell me she never calls only once in a while but he never calls her. Then I always find her number in his recent calls or calls he has made. I know she likes him but he does not like her. Me and him are totally in love and I know the way he feels for me so it is hard for me to see why he would do something like this if he is. I just do not know what to think at all or what to do. If I tell him I called that one number he will get very mad..I already know that so I do not even want to go there. I do not know what to do to find out the real truth.
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J
Jenster
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Hi Jesus Fan,
Well, I'm not a guy, so I can only give you a fellow gal's perspective. For my part, I understand your anxiety. I also would not like my bf to be secretive. I think that engenders distrust, even if there is nothing whatsoever going on.
I'm concerned that your bf is taking you for granted (always at your house?) and his insistence on keeping some things private from you is in a way disrespectful. Of course, we all learn more and more about transparency as grow older, so perhaps he's rather young and hasn't thought about the issue before.
Rather than continue to be anxious about this, if I were you, I would determine to have a conversation with him (after much prayer, of course). Talk about how you both feel about openness and honesty. I believe it is a key value to a growing relationship. He may have his own opinions, and you need to hear them, as well as give him your opinions.
You need to air this issue in a non-accusatory fashion. Don't say "I think you're cheating on me" but rather, "I'd like to clear the air about something that I think has become an issue for us. I want to have a great relationship with you because I love you, and I'd like to talk about the friends that we both have outside of our own relationship."
One thing, though. You cannot ask him to have no female friends. You can only let him know where you draw the line on women friends -- what you consider appropriate and inappropriate.
I could go on, but I'm not sure if what I'm saying is helping or not. But I'll pray that God will give you the wisdom and peace about this.
Well, I'm not a guy, so I can only give you a fellow gal's perspective. For my part, I understand your anxiety. I also would not like my bf to be secretive. I think that engenders distrust, even if there is nothing whatsoever going on.
I'm concerned that your bf is taking you for granted (always at your house?) and his insistence on keeping some things private from you is in a way disrespectful. Of course, we all learn more and more about transparency as grow older, so perhaps he's rather young and hasn't thought about the issue before.
Rather than continue to be anxious about this, if I were you, I would determine to have a conversation with him (after much prayer, of course). Talk about how you both feel about openness and honesty. I believe it is a key value to a growing relationship. He may have his own opinions, and you need to hear them, as well as give him your opinions.
You need to air this issue in a non-accusatory fashion. Don't say "I think you're cheating on me" but rather, "I'd like to clear the air about something that I think has become an issue for us. I want to have a great relationship with you because I love you, and I'd like to talk about the friends that we both have outside of our own relationship."
One thing, though. You cannot ask him to have no female friends. You can only let him know where you draw the line on women friends -- what you consider appropriate and inappropriate.
I could go on, but I'm not sure if what I'm saying is helping or not. But I'll pray that God will give you the wisdom and peace about this.
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jameseb
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Jesus Fan said:
First, Jenster laid out a very, very good way on how to approach him over this matter. As a guy I can tell you that there's nothing wrong with that approach, and he shouldn't take offense at it.
If he's telling you that he doesn't call her, yet his phone says he is, then he's lying. However, is he lying to protect you because he thinks you'd really be upset to know he's calling her, or is it something else? Again, I think a nice sit-down conversation the way Jenster recommended would be the way to approach this.
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Yes he is always at my house, that is every day after work he is at my house. On his days off he is over here. There are maybe 2 days a week when he is tired or something but other than that he is always here. But I know there still is a chance something is up. Alot of times he will have stupid jokes about females or will say things on purpose like make sure your boobs never look like hers, or isn't she so ugly, or look at her butt- it's so big or this and that.
I guess maybe I would not mind him having girls as friends but he does not let me talk to guys, I can't have guy friends and you know what I don't care because I don't need anyone else but him. But yes he will not even let me talk to guys, period, been through that problem and now I do everything to avoid it even if it means I cannot talk to guys.
But I do know how much he loves me, I just feel his love. He is such an amazing person. He always expresses his feelings for me and he even cried when I told him I had a fling with another guy when me and my bf were only friends. He completely adores me and I don't understand if this is real why would he do it?
I guess maybe I would not mind him having girls as friends but he does not let me talk to guys, I can't have guy friends and you know what I don't care because I don't need anyone else but him. But yes he will not even let me talk to guys, period, been through that problem and now I do everything to avoid it even if it means I cannot talk to guys.
But I do know how much he loves me, I just feel his love. He is such an amazing person. He always expresses his feelings for me and he even cried when I told him I had a fling with another guy when me and my bf were only friends. He completely adores me and I don't understand if this is real why would he do it?
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Oh I would much rather have him tell me he called her than to find out for myself, it hurts alot more. I told him that too, I said why don't you just tell me than keeping it from me because the hurt is much greater when I believe you and find out that it is the opposite. I had to find out 3 times that she called or he called and it hurts.jameseb said:
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jameseb
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Jesus Fan said:
Barring the other things you've said about him, I can't help but think there's still something that needs to be cleared up here. He cannot tell you you are not allowed to have male friends while he maintains female friends. Not to be rude, but that is a tad bit hypocritical. Considering this, his lying about the phone calls, I think its important that you two have that discussion Jenster had recommended. Things as they are do not seem to be good for you, as it is causing you worry and concern. If he loves you, he will respect your wishes to clear this issue up and put your heart at ease over it.
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J
JVD
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This is an unhealthy relationship. You need to drop out of it. You don't trust him and for good reason, why would you even think of beginning a relationship with someone you can't trust? Holding on to him and trying to figure it out and make it work just demeans yourself. You are worth more than that...so drop him immediately.
Then stay out of any new relationships until you mature a little more so that you can see the big picture. The picture that includes marriage and committment to a real man. A real man wouldn't even talk that way to his gf about other girls.
Then stay out of any new relationships until you mature a little more so that you can see the big picture. The picture that includes marriage and committment to a real man. A real man wouldn't even talk that way to his gf about other girls.
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Jesus Fan - The more you write, the more red flags keep popping up!
* There is a double standard - one for him and one for you, and he decided what the standards would be. You are not to have anything to do with guys, even as friends but he calls girls, perhaps as friends.
* He is clearly keeping something from you about phone calls. He gets mad when you ask about them, blocks calls and stormed out once when you asked about them. This is way beyond his being someone who wants privacy
* You think something is going on... at the same time you declare that you know he totally loves you and you totally love him. If you suspect something is up, that doesn't sound like total love coming from either direction.
* He makes very disparaging remarks about women. Why does he feel the need to say these things? How will he treat you if you fail to meet his standards?
* When you talk about "been through that problem" with you talking to guys, what exactly was the problem? How did he act? How did he treat you?
When was the last time you did something out of the house without discussing it with him first? Do you do things by yourself or with other friends? Do you hang out with girlfriends? Go shopping at the mall? Go to a movie you want to see but he doesn't?
If you are up for it, tell us a little more about how the two of you interact and what your relationship is like.
* There is a double standard - one for him and one for you, and he decided what the standards would be. You are not to have anything to do with guys, even as friends but he calls girls, perhaps as friends.
* He is clearly keeping something from you about phone calls. He gets mad when you ask about them, blocks calls and stormed out once when you asked about them. This is way beyond his being someone who wants privacy
* You think something is going on... at the same time you declare that you know he totally loves you and you totally love him. If you suspect something is up, that doesn't sound like total love coming from either direction.
* He makes very disparaging remarks about women. Why does he feel the need to say these things? How will he treat you if you fail to meet his standards?
* When you talk about "been through that problem" with you talking to guys, what exactly was the problem? How did he act? How did he treat you?
When was the last time you did something out of the house without discussing it with him first? Do you do things by yourself or with other friends? Do you hang out with girlfriends? Go shopping at the mall? Go to a movie you want to see but he doesn't?
If you are up for it, tell us a little more about how the two of you interact and what your relationship is like.
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To the original post
Most of the time if you feel like someone is messing around or if there are signs, then they are. We choode not to see because we want to carry on as if nothing happened.
However, if this call is all that has happened then maybe he just felt like it was none of your business.
My spouse drives me crazy with, "Where ya going?" "What you thinking?" "Who you calling?"
I know I need to put those questions to rest but sometimes I just feel entitled to some privacy.
If there are other signs then you may need to rethink dating this person. If not, then maybe he felt squeezed at the moment.
Most of the time if you feel like someone is messing around or if there are signs, then they are. We choode not to see because we want to carry on as if nothing happened.
However, if this call is all that has happened then maybe he just felt like it was none of your business.
My spouse drives me crazy with, "Where ya going?" "What you thinking?" "Who you calling?"
I know I need to put those questions to rest but sometimes I just feel entitled to some privacy.
If there are other signs then you may need to rethink dating this person. If not, then maybe he felt squeezed at the moment.
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When I said about being through the problem it was just a guy asked me for some assignments and I got his email so I could send them to him...it was work related.bliz said:
I don't hang out with my girlfriends, or do things like that because I am very busy with work, school, trying to get my business up, and him. We do everything together and I love that. I never cared that I had to give up my friends because I have so much fun with him and since we started dating I never had the need to talk to other people.
Yes I always tell him everything I am doing, where I am going, all that kind of stuff before I go and do it to make sure there are no "you never told me that" or "I did not know you were doing that" or any little arguments. I make sure everything is clear with him first.
When we are together we talk alot, we love to go to parks, do romantic things, we visit his relatives alot...I love his cousins. Sometimes I go over there to help out....he is always over here whenever my dad is doing some kind of work and needs help. My parent's absolutely love him. I mean this guy can cook, clean, any work you name he knows how to do it. He is very smart, he is always teaching me new things. Weve never had trust problems before and it just started recently with phone calls or he keeps things from me.
One thing about him is he is very easy at getting out of any situation, and when even he is the one who has done wrong he can convince anyone even the person he did something wrong to that it is they who did it and not him. He is very good at argueing and convincing people, he can turn a story totally around and put the blame on someone else. That is why he can easily get out of this situation and make me feel like I am just not a trustworthy girlfriend and I cannot trust him.
I love him very much and it hurts me deeply. I cannot imagine myself without him.
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Maybe he is just irritated with me because for a while everytime we go places, anywhere and I see a girl I will be like why are you looking at her, why are you looking at him. ONe time we were in a store and there were 2 girls in there and I was all eyeing him to make sure he was not looking at them and all the time I will bother him about it. Then once he got mad and was like I did not even look at the girl, I don't care about them but you always nag me about it. He said if I am always going to bug him about girls around us when he doesn't even look at them then we won't go out shopping or other places.
I am a very beautiful girl and never had problems with other girls around me. When he told me his past I was very hurt that he could do something so bad(he told me his past about 6 months ago..long time) that I became insecure and feel like he is always looking at other women.
I apologized to him and said I would not do that again and I haven't but it went on for about 2 months. Maybe he got so mad about it that IF he is talking to other girls behind my back he is doing it on purpose to get back at me or I don't know what. I really hope I am just making a big mistake. My whole world would crumble if I lost him. You guys just don't know how much I love him and want to be with him for the rest of my life. If I ever let him go I know my life would fall appart.....I am so attached to him, I love him.
I am a very beautiful girl and never had problems with other girls around me. When he told me his past I was very hurt that he could do something so bad(he told me his past about 6 months ago..long time) that I became insecure and feel like he is always looking at other women.
I apologized to him and said I would not do that again and I haven't but it went on for about 2 months. Maybe he got so mad about it that IF he is talking to other girls behind my back he is doing it on purpose to get back at me or I don't know what. I really hope I am just making a big mistake. My whole world would crumble if I lost him. You guys just don't know how much I love him and want to be with him for the rest of my life. If I ever let him go I know my life would fall appart.....I am so attached to him, I love him.
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My dear,
My heart really goes out to you. My interest here is in helping you. I want the best for you. A wonderful life. A great marriage. Lots of happiness
If you continue with this guy, you will get none of those things.
This is text book. This guy is into control and he will continue to control you in every way possible and through whatever means possible.
You have given up your friends.
You spend any free time with him.
You have conformed to his wishes in matters like not talking to men
You gave up on a class becasue he was upset that you emailed your tutor!
He looks at other girls and gets mad at you when you call him on it.
He has lied to you about phoning girls.
When you ask him about the phone business, he gets mad at you.
You said it yourself: "One thing about him is he is very easy at getting out of any situation, and when even he is the one who has done wrong he can convince anyone even the person he did something wrong to that it is they who did it and not him. He is very good at argueing and convincing people, he can turn a story totally around and put the blame on someone else. That is why he can easily get out of this situation and make me feel like I am just not a trustworthy girlfriend and I cannot trust him."
You know this is true becasue he has done it to you. He has made you think you were in the wrong when you were not. He has made you think you were not trustworthy when you are. You ended up apologizing to him becasue he was looking at other girls! Do you see how he has twisted it all around? At some level, he has you thinking it is your fault he looks at them. "I wouldnt have to look at girls if you wouldn't accuse me of looking at them." What kind of sense does that make?
Please listen well; I want you to have a happy life.
If you continue with this guy, you can kiss that good-bye. This guy manipulates and uses people to accomplish what he wants. But he it does it all in a very charming way. Men like this are VERY charming and sweet and loveable and sweep women off their feet. Women feel like they are living in a romantic fairy tale and they have the greatest prince charming of all time.
But this will all change as you become more involved with him, indeed, it has begun to change already. He will have to control more and more of your life. He feels out of control when he does not have someone else to control. The less control he feels he has over the rest of his life, the greater control he will have to have over you.
This is not love. I do not doubt that you love him, but he does not love you. He does not want what is best for you; he wants only what is best for himself. The kinds of behaviors you have described are text book behaviors that occour in men who eventually become abusers.
Try something. Make plans for an upcoming week over several times when you would normally be with him. Call up one of those old friends and go to the movies and dinner, go browse in a bookstore, go shopping by yourself, study with a classmate, go to the library and go online, have an evening out with your Dad (Dad would love it!)... just fill up your time fairly well. Tell him in advance. I've made plans for these days, so I won't see you that day, or until this time. See what kind of reaction you get - when you tell him, and as the week progresses.
In a healthy relationship the guy would say "I'm going to miss not seeing you as much, but you have a great time and we can make plans for next week." I do not think that he will react that way.
I can guarantee you that as hard as it might be, your life will not fall apart if you are not with him. IOt would be very painful, but you will survive. I can also guarantee you that if you stay with him, your life will fall apart.
Please consider this seriously. I have to go out now, but when I get back I'll see if I can come up with some web sites that describe abusive/controlling behaviors for you.
I think deep down you know somethig is not right or you would not be posting here. Listen to that inner voice.
My heart really goes out to you. My interest here is in helping you. I want the best for you. A wonderful life. A great marriage. Lots of happiness
If you continue with this guy, you will get none of those things.
This is text book. This guy is into control and he will continue to control you in every way possible and through whatever means possible.
You have given up your friends.
You spend any free time with him.
You have conformed to his wishes in matters like not talking to men
You gave up on a class becasue he was upset that you emailed your tutor!
He looks at other girls and gets mad at you when you call him on it.
He has lied to you about phoning girls.
When you ask him about the phone business, he gets mad at you.
You said it yourself: "One thing about him is he is very easy at getting out of any situation, and when even he is the one who has done wrong he can convince anyone even the person he did something wrong to that it is they who did it and not him. He is very good at argueing and convincing people, he can turn a story totally around and put the blame on someone else. That is why he can easily get out of this situation and make me feel like I am just not a trustworthy girlfriend and I cannot trust him."
You know this is true becasue he has done it to you. He has made you think you were in the wrong when you were not. He has made you think you were not trustworthy when you are. You ended up apologizing to him becasue he was looking at other girls! Do you see how he has twisted it all around? At some level, he has you thinking it is your fault he looks at them. "I wouldnt have to look at girls if you wouldn't accuse me of looking at them." What kind of sense does that make?
Please listen well; I want you to have a happy life.
If you continue with this guy, you can kiss that good-bye. This guy manipulates and uses people to accomplish what he wants. But he it does it all in a very charming way. Men like this are VERY charming and sweet and loveable and sweep women off their feet. Women feel like they are living in a romantic fairy tale and they have the greatest prince charming of all time.
But this will all change as you become more involved with him, indeed, it has begun to change already. He will have to control more and more of your life. He feels out of control when he does not have someone else to control. The less control he feels he has over the rest of his life, the greater control he will have to have over you.
This is not love. I do not doubt that you love him, but he does not love you. He does not want what is best for you; he wants only what is best for himself. The kinds of behaviors you have described are text book behaviors that occour in men who eventually become abusers.
Try something. Make plans for an upcoming week over several times when you would normally be with him. Call up one of those old friends and go to the movies and dinner, go browse in a bookstore, go shopping by yourself, study with a classmate, go to the library and go online, have an evening out with your Dad (Dad would love it!)... just fill up your time fairly well. Tell him in advance. I've made plans for these days, so I won't see you that day, or until this time. See what kind of reaction you get - when you tell him, and as the week progresses.
In a healthy relationship the guy would say "I'm going to miss not seeing you as much, but you have a great time and we can make plans for next week." I do not think that he will react that way.
I can guarantee you that as hard as it might be, your life will not fall apart if you are not with him. IOt would be very painful, but you will survive. I can also guarantee you that if you stay with him, your life will fall apart.
Please consider this seriously. I have to go out now, but when I get back I'll see if I can come up with some web sites that describe abusive/controlling behaviors for you.
I think deep down you know somethig is not right or you would not be posting here. Listen to that inner voice.
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But he does not look at other woman, I just feel so low these days that I feel as if he is looking at every girl in sight because I feel that each one is probably more beautiful or this and that than I am. I mean yes he sometimes does look at girls but if he does he only judges them in a mean way but other than that he is the one getting upset that I don't trust him and that I keep making conclusions when he is not even looking at the girls...he was pretty sad about that. I am so lost and confused in everything!! He is not here today and I am so bored, I feel like I don't have a life. I can't seem to find something to do, I don't want to do anything except for have him here.
You are right about how you said he is a charmer, definetly, he sure did get me with his charm the day we met. But like I said now I am so attached to him and we already had talk about a wedding and things like that. Both are families know and my folks ask all the time so have you gyus set a wedding date yet, he didn't ask you yet did he...becomes it is comming pretty close to the real deal.
I am so deppressed right now, and I don't even know the real truth about what is going on!!
You are right about how you said he is a charmer, definetly, he sure did get me with his charm the day we met. But like I said now I am so attached to him and we already had talk about a wedding and things like that. Both are families know and my folks ask all the time so have you gyus set a wedding date yet, he didn't ask you yet did he...becomes it is comming pretty close to the real deal.
I am so deppressed right now, and I don't even know the real truth about what is going on!!
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Ninjitsu14
Captain of 3rd Division in the Army of god
JF....
First off,you deserve better,find someone you can trust that won't lie,period.I SAID PERIOD.
Second,if hes lying,something uis definitly up.I've had several guy friends(I'm a guy too)and they've lied to me about little stuff like once"Did you ask if I could come over"he says yes,his sister said no,that sort of thing
But JF,If your a Christian,or you beileave in God,you need someone who won't be dating someone behind your back
Hope it helps
Shadow.
First off,you deserve better,find someone you can trust that won't lie,period.I SAID PERIOD.
Second,if hes lying,something uis definitly up.I've had several guy friends(I'm a guy too)and they've lied to me about little stuff like once"Did you ask if I could come over"he says yes,his sister said no,that sort of thing
But JF,If your a Christian,or you beileave in God,you need someone who won't be dating someone behind your back
Hope it helps
Shadow.
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HomeChicklet
~*<[wash my mouth][wash my mouth][wash my m
JF
First of all know that you deserve so much better he totally is a control freak and that can turn into bad things. My dad is a control freak and he is really hard to get along with and he has been known for abuse...
secondly... just as some have said before usually when you suspect it it usually is... im sorry to have to say that to you but its how it goes... alot of the ppl that have posted before are older and alot more experinced than i am but know that you seem like a great girl and you deserve a wonderful guy
as fas as the double standards there are some and you need to evaluate those... also... him being able to have female friends but you not being able to have male firends is so messed up.. thats a double standard rite there and it shouldnt be and as jester said approach him with that "I need to clear the air about something" its a good calm none accusive approach that he should be able to respond to with an upfront answer if he hesitates i would worry more and seriosuly think about breaking it off....
let me say this and maybe it will give you some hope... if this guy was that great (guys change in time the longer you date them the more you get to see the real them take that from me if nothing else i dated a guy for four years) imagine who God has planned for you.... they are gonna be so much better... if this guy flipped your world around this much imagine who God has planned if this dont work out... i seriously advise you to break it off.. liiving in hurt and worry will do nothing but ruin you... its runined me and im working realy hard to change.. your gonna be ok if you lose him... you will make it through... i promise... if you ever need to just vent PM me and if you have msn PM your email i will add you and we can talk more
First of all know that you deserve so much better he totally is a control freak and that can turn into bad things. My dad is a control freak and he is really hard to get along with and he has been known for abuse...
secondly... just as some have said before usually when you suspect it it usually is... im sorry to have to say that to you but its how it goes... alot of the ppl that have posted before are older and alot more experinced than i am but know that you seem like a great girl and you deserve a wonderful guy
as fas as the double standards there are some and you need to evaluate those... also... him being able to have female friends but you not being able to have male firends is so messed up.. thats a double standard rite there and it shouldnt be and as jester said approach him with that "I need to clear the air about something" its a good calm none accusive approach that he should be able to respond to with an upfront answer if he hesitates i would worry more and seriosuly think about breaking it off....
let me say this and maybe it will give you some hope... if this guy was that great (guys change in time the longer you date them the more you get to see the real them take that from me if nothing else i dated a guy for four years) imagine who God has planned for you.... they are gonna be so much better... if this guy flipped your world around this much imagine who God has planned if this dont work out... i seriously advise you to break it off.. liiving in hurt and worry will do nothing but ruin you... its runined me and im working realy hard to change.. your gonna be ok if you lose him... you will make it through... i promise... if you ever need to just vent PM me and if you have msn PM your email i will add you and we can talk more
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JF -
Below I've pasted a list you may find very interesting. The list has a section where you can evaluate your partner's behavior, and one where you can evaluate your own. For each statement, answer Always Often Sometimes or Never.
Below I've pasted a list you may find very interesting. The list has a section where you can evaluate your partner's behavior, and one where you can evaluate your own. For each statement, answer Always Often Sometimes or Never.
Your Partners Cues [size=-1]These are behaviors and traits that you see in your partner. We list some typical traits of people who have the potential to became abusive. Add other traits that you observe and are concerned about.[/size]
Anger/Blaming:
[size=-1] 1. Gets angry a lot, complains, or blames others.[/size]
[size=-1] 2. Puts down other people[/size]
[size=-1] 3. __________________________________[/size]
[size=-1] [/size]Sexist Attitudes/ Beliefs:
[size=-1] 1. Makes demeaning comments about women (especially women who are[/size]
[size=-1] assertive)[/size]
[size=-1] 2. Makes sexist statements like: That's women's work etc.[/size]
[size=-1] 3._____________________________________[/size]
[size=-1] [/size]Controlling Behaviors:
[size=-1] 1. Fights or disagrees with me and then indulges me (gets nice or buys me[/size]
[size=-1] something).[/size]
[size=-1] 2. has rigid like/dislikes and ideas on the way things should be done.[/size]
[size=-1] 3. Doesn't hear me, discounts me, minimizes my concerns Or changes the subject[/size]
[size=-1] 4.______________________________________[/size]
[size=-1] [/size]Lifestyle/ Family Background:
[size=-1] 1. has few or no friends or interests outside me[/size]
[size=-1] 2. Drinks or uses other chemicals to excess[/size]
[size=-1] 3. had trouble keeping a job and blames it on someone else[/size]
[size=-1] 4._____________________________________[/size]
[size=-1] [/size]Violent Behavior:
[size=-1] 1. Flies off the handle a lot. Gets mad at little things.[/size]
[size=-1] 2. Breaks or damages property when upset[/size]
[size=-1] 3. Physically disciplines children and/or pets[/size]
[size=-1] 4._____________________________________[/size]
Your Cues
[size=-1] [/size]Self-esteem:
[size=-1] 1. I feel put down, insulted, or dumb.[/size]
[size=-1] 2. I feel unattractive or not good enough[/size]
[size=-1] 3. I question my judgment[/size]
[size=-1] 4. _____________________________________[/size]
[size=-1] [/size]Health/Mental Health:
[size=-1] 1. I feel vaguely blue, anxious, or unsettled after being together[/size]
[size=-1] 2. I overlook my own preferences and needs[/size]
[size=-1] 3.______________________________________[/size]
[size=-1] [/size]Lifestyle Changes:
[size=-1] 1. I have experienced changes in eating, sleeping, drinking, work, etc.[/size]
[size=-1] 2. I don't have time to get things done that I need to get done.[/size]
[size=-1] 3.______________________________________[/size]
[size=-1] [/size]Attending to Partner:
[size=-1] 1. I think a lot about how to comfort my partner[/size]
[size=-1] 2. I tell myself that I can succeed where others have failed. (No one loved or [/size]
[size=-1] understood him or her the way that I do.[/size]
[size=-1] 3. _____________________________________[/size]
[size=-1]If you have answered often or always to some of these questions, now is the time to re-evaluate the quality of the relationship and to leave if you feel unsafe.[/size]
[size=-1]*This quiz is excerpted from the Personal Empowerment Plan, a tool developed by the Domestic Abuse Project, and is reprinted with permission
[/size]
Based on many of the things you have already shared I now that you are going to have to answer Always or Often to quite a few of these statements.
No disrespect to your parents, I do not understand n the least why they are encouraging you to marry anyone just now! You are 18!! A world of opportunity lies before you. Now is the time to get an education, or travel, or start a career and enjoy life as a young adult without any attachments while you learn a great deal about yourself and make your own choices and live with the consequences. You have not experienced enough of life to know if anyone is the right person to spend the rest of your life with.
God's peace be with you.
Anger/Blaming:
[size=-1] 1. Gets angry a lot, complains, or blames others.[/size]
[size=-1] 2. Puts down other people[/size]
[size=-1] 3. __________________________________[/size]
[size=-1] [/size]Sexist Attitudes/ Beliefs:
[size=-1] 1. Makes demeaning comments about women (especially women who are[/size]
[size=-1] assertive)[/size]
[size=-1] 2. Makes sexist statements like: That's women's work etc.[/size]
[size=-1] 3._____________________________________[/size]
[size=-1] [/size]Controlling Behaviors:
[size=-1] 1. Fights or disagrees with me and then indulges me (gets nice or buys me[/size]
[size=-1] something).[/size]
[size=-1] 2. has rigid like/dislikes and ideas on the way things should be done.[/size]
[size=-1] 3. Doesn't hear me, discounts me, minimizes my concerns Or changes the subject[/size]
[size=-1] 4.______________________________________[/size]
[size=-1] [/size]Lifestyle/ Family Background:
[size=-1] 1. has few or no friends or interests outside me[/size]
[size=-1] 2. Drinks or uses other chemicals to excess[/size]
[size=-1] 3. had trouble keeping a job and blames it on someone else[/size]
[size=-1] 4._____________________________________[/size]
[size=-1] [/size]Violent Behavior:
[size=-1] 1. Flies off the handle a lot. Gets mad at little things.[/size]
[size=-1] 2. Breaks or damages property when upset[/size]
[size=-1] 3. Physically disciplines children and/or pets[/size]
[size=-1] 4._____________________________________[/size]
Your Cues
[size=-1] [/size]Self-esteem:
[size=-1] 1. I feel put down, insulted, or dumb.[/size]
[size=-1] 2. I feel unattractive or not good enough[/size]
[size=-1] 3. I question my judgment[/size]
[size=-1] 4. _____________________________________[/size]
[size=-1] [/size]Health/Mental Health:
[size=-1] 1. I feel vaguely blue, anxious, or unsettled after being together[/size]
[size=-1] 2. I overlook my own preferences and needs[/size]
[size=-1] 3.______________________________________[/size]
[size=-1] [/size]Lifestyle Changes:
[size=-1] 1. I have experienced changes in eating, sleeping, drinking, work, etc.[/size]
[size=-1] 2. I don't have time to get things done that I need to get done.[/size]
[size=-1] 3.______________________________________[/size]
[size=-1] [/size]Attending to Partner:
[size=-1] 1. I think a lot about how to comfort my partner[/size]
[size=-1] 2. I tell myself that I can succeed where others have failed. (No one loved or [/size]
[size=-1] understood him or her the way that I do.[/size]
[size=-1] 3. _____________________________________[/size]
[size=-1]If you have answered often or always to some of these questions, now is the time to re-evaluate the quality of the relationship and to leave if you feel unsafe.[/size]
[size=-1]*This quiz is excerpted from the Personal Empowerment Plan, a tool developed by the Domestic Abuse Project, and is reprinted with permission
[/size]
Based on many of the things you have already shared I now that you are going to have to answer Always or Often to quite a few of these statements.
No disrespect to your parents, I do not understand n the least why they are encouraging you to marry anyone just now! You are 18!! A world of opportunity lies before you. Now is the time to get an education, or travel, or start a career and enjoy life as a young adult without any attachments while you learn a great deal about yourself and make your own choices and live with the consequences. You have not experienced enough of life to know if anyone is the right person to spend the rest of your life with.
God's peace be with you.
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