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I Still Struggle with Suffering
November 20—Le Fresne. Holy Hour. “Do you believe in Me? Do you really believe in Me? Are you sure that I am in you, and that I loved you even to the folly of My cross? Do you remember My kindnesses for the universe, and those chosen especially for you? Go over My favors and see if your life will be long enough to thank Me for them. Tell Me that in every one of these minutes that remain for you, you will love Me with your gratitude, and this will be balm to Me. Your tenderness will ‘pay Me.’
Bossis, Gabrielle. He and I (Kindle Locations 3061-3065). Pauline Books and Media. Kindle Edition.
It can be very difficult in this life to hope, believe, and especially to believe in God’s love for us. I believe that one reason atheists accuse believers of believing that we seek a “Magic Man in the Sky”, as false as it is, because Christians will often complain that life is rough. I have done it, complained from this childish place. We do this because on some level we believe that God should keep us comfortable, happy, and free of pain and worries. Yet, experience tells us that God is no magician when it comes to His care for us. This care is often hard to understand, and it can lead to anger, and even the temptation to reject God entirely. Suffering is a testing ground for everyone, no matter what their faith is, or even if they have none at all.
So faith is tested in the forge of suffering. No one can escape it. Even those who seem to live charmed lives are often filled with great suffering hidden from others. In loneliness, isolation, and rejection, we are truly tried. Yet the scriptures in no way promise that life will be easy. It is hard for everyone.
I believe that the reason we can trust God, and love Jesus, in all circumstances of our lives is because His sufferings were greater than ours. Not only when He went through His passion, but every day. He saw each human being deeply truly, taking on their pain because of His love. He was love itself, so vulnerable to all, he could not hate, label, or reject anyone, and in that he suffered, for he can be rejected by many, yet he loves.
When Jesus tells us that we have to die to self, he meant it. Not because he wants us to suffer more, but because he wants us to let of our ego that feels the need to fight for control over life, which is not going to happen.
In the midst of his deepest suffering, Jesus trusted, he asked that the chalice of suffering be removed, but in the end, only if the Father willed it. He experienced God’s silence, and endured it, never losing faith. So in our lives, he lives in us, giving us strength to make that act of faith that will open up our hearts to learn to love God for God’s sake. Not an easy lesson to learn. In fact, without grace, we can’t absorb that.
In the depth of our souls grace works, often hidden so we do not get in the way. God is kind, yet can seem stern. People have a choice when they suffer, or go through “hell on earth”. Trust is a choice, often a hard one, yet, as we learn to let go of our own agenda, and embrace the often hidden path we are all on, we discover something that only trust can deliver.
I still struggle with suffering. There are times when talking to people whom I know and love who are going through a very bad time, all I can say is “Just get through the day”. Pray, struggle, yes be angry, yet pray, and choose to trust". Again in that, we learn over time that this aspect of the death to self is very important, arduous, but worth it.
God is with us, tents with us, more than just in us, for we are growing into Christ, He lives in us, suffers with us. Yet he also says that His cross is light. In fact, it is, compared with the crosses we create for ourselves when we wander off against his will.-Br.MD
