I saw him again

[lucybee]

About a week ago I was at my friends house and her cousin came over. He is the one who r*ped me. Everyone was so happy to see him and so glad that he was there that I couldnt make a big scene. Well him and his best friend and brother were talking about girls and being vulgar and the guy said that I belonged to him. After he said that he became friendly towards me and started flirting. I'm scared because of what he makes me feel. He makes me feel guilty for thinking that he r*aped me. As far as I can tell he thinks that it was just sex. I know that he was so drunk that night that he cant remember me saying no, I mean he actually passed out at one point.

I feel like that I have no right to say that what he did was wrong because he was drunk. I'm scared because it was a one night thing and he took my virginity, and I want him to think I am special. I dont want him to treat me bad and when he doesnt I dont know what to feel. I mean in a way I do belong to him right? He was my "first" even if it wasnt by my choice, and I will always remember him.

I dont know I'm just scared of all these mixed feelings and have no one to talk to.

 

[thepianist]

My heart goes out to you lucybee! I understand about the virginity thing - been there. Yes, there is something special about that part. But, believe you me, there is forgiveness with the Lord for what happened. Remember - it was not your fault! I don't care what anyone else says - you know that in your heart. No way, you don't belong to this creep. Honey, you will only 'belong' to the man you marry - the ONE God made for you.

My prayers are with you, dear. May God bless you richly and help you to remain pure from here on and patient. Mr. Right will come your way. Please feel free to pm me anytime about anything....I will always listen to you.

 

[Akathist]

Dear, If he was able to sexually assault you in the way you described, he was not THAT drunk. He committed a crime against you. He may not consciously choose to remember, but if he was in treatment for sexual abusers, he would remember every detail... believe me!

What happened is NOT your fault. It was a violent act against you. In fact, for the guy who did this, it was probably not even about you at all... he was doing a violent act for the sake of the act and you happened to be there. This may help you see why he acts the way he does now.

In my humble opinion, he is not your "first". This was an act of violence, not recognized by God as a sexual act at all.

 

[makkulu]

Thornygrace I agree. Your comment re the violence of it and it not being like consensual sex at all reminds me of a quote I once read in a Police Training Manual on Domestic violence regarding rape:
"Rape is not about sex. If someone hit you over the head with a shovel, you wouldn't call it "gardening", would you?"

Lucybee I am sorry this happened to you. You only belong to someone by choice, when you give yourself to them. Your self, your person, who you are, that is the most important thing that you have to offer - and you still have that. I don't believe that you "belong" to this rapist, nor that he was your "first" in the sense that you mean. There is far more to sex than the physical, and far more to "belonging to someone", too.

I have a lot of thoughts on this, having been raped at 4, 7 and 10 by different people, as part of pretty much a whole childhood of sexual abuse, but no time to post more now, and I am not here often anymore, so feel free to dig around in my old posts or PM me if you wanna talk.

Makk.

 

[Tink]

:'(

No means no. Drunk or not. You should have reported him to the authorities and I would suggest telling every person who comes into contact with this guy.

Give someone else the opportunity to keep him from being too "drunk" with them and committing this same crime against them.

I'm praying for you.

In His love,
Tink

 

[Stephanida]

Sweetie first I want to offer a big safe hug. If you want it. Hon this was NOT your fault. This was totally his. As for the virginity, been there done that put the guy in jail. It is something special that he ruined yes you will always remember it and feel confused. But sweetie for you, you have to heal and move on anyone that could do something like that to you isn't worth the air to tell them off. Don't you worry you are not to blame. HE IS. You are the victim. No that's not right. You are the survivor! You can always talk to me. I have yahoo, msn and pm's anytime you want someone to talk to. I have been there I know how you feel. Just so you know I am still confused sometimes and still not sure all the time.