I REALLY need your oppionion.

SonicBOOM · Apr 24, 2008

ok..... I like this girl at the college groups I attend.... so like the impulsive person I am, I asked her out tonight..... so I will lay the dialog word for word out here and I need you guys to tell me if you think it's a good sign or not. [please be honest].

ok here's how the conversation went.

*she walks up to me*

her: "hey hows it going?"

me: "it's ok how bout yourself"

*we talk for a couple of minutes*

me: "hey? If this ain't completely out of the blue, would you mind getting a bite to eat sometime?"

her: "I dunno.... wh-what are you thinking?"

me: "haha that's a good question.... I'll be blunt. I think your cute and I wanna get to know you a little more"

her: *kind of smiles* "Let me get back to you on that ok?"

me: "sure, ok"

now...... is this a good sign?

Blank123 · Apr 25, 2008

without knowing her, can't tell you for sure.. it could be that you caught her off guard and she didn't know how to respond and needs time to think about it or it could be that she's stalling for time to let you down easy

only time will tell how she responds

elephunky · Apr 25, 2008

You guys are obviously friends/acquaintences and might want to consult God first or think it through before she says yes

frenzy · Apr 25, 2008

The sad thing is that with women, you usually can't tell. We are very good at that! I suppose it's good that she didn't outright reject you. Maybe she just wants to take her time in making a decision.

HopeFaithLove4u · Apr 25, 2008

Yeah Chris, I would say the same as l_t......BUT, I'm not 20 anymore, and a simple "wanna get something to eat sometime?" from you would suffice. IDK? Maybe you young kids do it differently, nowadays?

So maybe, you telling her you think she's cute and all.....'threw' her off a bit.

But, take what I say with a grain of salt, kay?

Peacemonger · Apr 25, 2008

HopeFaithLove4u said:
Yeah Chris, I would say the same as l_t......BUT, I'm not 20 anymore, and a simple "wanna get something to eat sometime?" from you would suffice. IDK? Maybe you young kids do it differently, nowadays?

So maybe, you telling her you think she's cute and all.....'threw' her off a bit.

But, take what I say with a grain of salt, kay?

Agreed. I voted "bad sign." Just being honest. Hesitation's a bad thing, but you did set her up for that and put her right on the spot. Women don't like to be pounced on (well, at least not verbally) and cornered into accepting like it's the end of the world.

-------------
me: "hey? If this ain't completely out of the blue, would you mind getting a bite to eat sometime?"

her: "I dunno.... wh-what are you thinking?"

me: "haha that's a good question.... I'll be blunt. I think your cute and I wanna get to know you a little more"

her: *kind of smiles* "Let me get back to you on that ok?"
----------

Take any advice or opinions I give with a grain of salt, but in the above (boldfaced, in blue), I think that's the point in the conversation where you tried way too hard. I think you should hold WAY off with the compliments on a girl's cuteness or looks, especially this prematurely (just makes you like every other unoriginal chump). Also, it is implied that you want to get to know her a little more by asking her out to eat. You don't have to spell everything out to a girl.

So when she replied with "Lemme get back to you, okay?" that was a stall tactic. It really means "No." That's guy-speak for ya: "No thank you, but I don't wanna outright make you lose your face so I'll let you down as politely as I can and make you hold onto a piece of hope. Rather than return the ball to you, I will hold it in my court indefinitely."

Thing is, there's no shot clock in this game, so this woman could wait "to get back to you" forever and ever, and if you build it up in your mind, you'll only fall in crazy infatuation with her and this will further 1) empower her, and 2) turn her off of you.

My advice: Learn from your mistakes, and don't repeat what you did here (stop coming on way too strong/cornering girls into committing). Also, when she asked "I dunno, what are you thinking?" you should have already had a definite idea of what you wanted to do and where you wanted to eat; in other words, you need to already have a plan before you talk to the girl. That makes you come across as manly and decisive and in control.

Good luck! Don't beat yourself up too bad brother.

frenzy · Apr 25, 2008

Hesitation isn't always a bad sign though, hence me saying it could go either way. Some girls who aren't very spontaneous might need some time to think things over.

Peacemonger · Apr 25, 2008

frenzy said:
Hesitation isn't always a bad sign though, hence me saying it could go either way. Some girls who aren't very spontaneous might need some time to think things over.

True. I didn't say it was permanent rejection by this girl. I was just saying that if you're a guy who knows what he's doing, you will eventually get to a point where you will "know" when is the right time to ask her out or naturally move to the next step, and you'll pretty much not only not get hesitation, but you'll get enthusiastic "YES! What took you so long to ask me out? " by the girl.

I'm definitely a beginner. I have a lot to learn.

PS. Hang in there, frenzy. You're normal and refreshing, and I know you're better and stronger than this silly anxiety. You can do it! Destroy your sadness! You're not the only one...

SonicBOOM · Apr 25, 2008

thanks for being honest PM. I gotta admit.... I SUCK when it comes to pursuring girls. Yet girls want US to pursue THEM. It's one of the reasons why I KNOW I'm gonna be alone for the rest of my life. My skills with girls are so BAD that there literally is no hope for me.

SonicBOOM · Apr 25, 2008

again thanks for being honest..... but now I'm like REALLY depressed.

alfrodull · Apr 25, 2008

If she was at all interested, she would have made arrangements then and there. At best, you are on the back burner for when some current interest falls through

I disagree that the "I'll be blunt..." comment being the dealbreaker, though. Awkward, yes, but if she thought you were cute she would most likely find the comment cute.

Peacemonger · Apr 25, 2008

No problem. Pain sucks, but one thing that I hate is dragged out pain that comes from confusion. As a guy, long-term confusion is worse than short-term pain. At least that's what I think...

I'm not a coach here, but I will break down your post some more. Stop. Hammer time:

Masked_Chris said:
I gotta admit.... I SUCK when it comes to pursuring girls.

Stop saying stuff like this this is the first step towards believing you CAN get better!

How you talk to yourself is so important to your confidence. You may not even realize just how hard you can be on yourself until someone points it out. So that's what I'm doing, so you can be nicer to yourself. It's OK to love yourself. It doesn't make you conceited or sinfully selfish (unless you ONLY love yourself).

Masked_Chris said:
Yet girls want US to pursue THEM.

Often times yes, but not always. Sometimes they just get angry and tackle you anyways. Nevermind. I said nothing. I'm a big fat liar.

Masked_Chris said:
It's one of the reasons why I KNOW I'm gonna be alone for the rest of my life.

More negative self-talk. STOP IT!

Masked_Chris said:
My skills with girls are so BAD...

Even more...

Masked_Chris said:
...that there literally is no hope for me.

...and more.

Seriously, that's like 4 examples back-to-back where you beat yourself up. Stop beating yourself up! Phil 4:13: "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." That includes getting better with women! (or men, if you're a woman).

Dang, I'm so tired right now I could eat a horse. G'night bro.

SpiritualAntiseptic · Apr 25, 2008

This is why you need to step on her feet before you ask anything, that way she can't get away without answering.

atuck00 · Apr 25, 2008

I would have to agree with the negative attitude thing. You can always get better. It just takes practice. Personally, I would have been caught off guard and I don't really know how I would react. One piece of advice I have that will give you a more black and white answer is to ask about specific plans. For example,

You: Hey, I was wondering if you wanted to go get some coffee after class on Friday
Her: Yeah, that would be cool (or) I really don't think I can, thanks though.

If she says no and doesn't offer a specific (believeable) reason why not, she is probably just not interested. There always is the possibility that she actually is busy though. If she has actual conflicts, she is likely to offer an alternative time. Asking specific questions aid the person who is caught of guard and require a more concrete answer.

traingosorry · Apr 25, 2008

On a different note, I think it was great that you just came right out and said how you felt! It's great because too many people beat around the bush these days and so little of what should be said is never uttered and things don't progress.
You are on the right track, just hold back a tiny bit.

That took guts, and it may have caught her off guard but it sure beats never hearing from a guy because he's wimpy or worked it out in his head that he is going to get rejected so he never tries.

atuck00 · Apr 25, 2008

traingosorry said:
On a different note, I think it was great that you just came right out and said how you felt! It's great because too many people beat around the bush these days and so little of what should be said is never uttered and things don't progress.
You are on the right track, just hold back a tiny bit.

That took guts, and it may have caught her off guard but it sure beats never hearing from a guy because he's wimpy or worked it out in his head that he is going to get rejected so he never tries.

Yeah! I'm with her! The female sex does appreciate a man who takes initiative! No matter what, you know she wasn't offended... She was flattered, and no matter what her interest level, I guarantee you made her day and made her stand just a little bit prouder!

k450ofu3k-gh-5ipe · Apr 25, 2008

Honestly, I have to say that it's in the bad sign to very bad sign range. Sorry .

Don't give up hope cause every person responds differently!!

k450ofu3k-gh-5ipe · Apr 25, 2008

Peacemonger said:
Dang, I'm so tired right now I could eat a horse.

/boggle

Now I'm gonna be up all night trying to make sense of this

k450ofu3k-gh-5ipe · Apr 25, 2008

SpiritualAntiseptic said:
This is why you need to step on her feet before you ask anything, that way she can't get away without answering.

This idea works, but I would recommend the alternative of nailing her shoes to the floor.

silentpoet · Apr 25, 2008

It might not be a no never sign, it could be a not right now sign. And even that I am not sure of. It may just be that she never considered you in that light. In time she may be intrigued by the idea. So take heart it might not be as bad as some believe. I choose to believe towards the good side of the issue.

I REALLY need your oppionion.

is this a good sign?

it's a very good sign

it's a good sign

it could go either way

it's a bad sign

it's a very bad sign.

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