i really love my christian bf, but why is it so hard...

[doggysteps]

First of all, i'm a seeker. I had always been an agnostic until college, where I was drawn to Christianity. But after attending bible studies and going to church for a while, I still could not convince myself. Regardless, most of my good friends are Christians and I feel very comfortable being around them.

I met my current boyfriend a year ago and we just had this chemistry and we started dating rather soon. He knew I was not a Christian, and beeing a responsible person that he is, he did suggest early on that we do not continue the relationship. (okay, my Christian friends did say that if he were really responsible, then he should not have started it at the first place. But what to do now...) We did actually break up (on good terms) a couple of times, but who knew our feelings were just so strong, that we always ended up back together. Now we've been going out for a year, and I have been going to church and bible studies with him on a regular basis. I don't want to become a Christian simply because he is and I want to be with him, but he is definitely a reason why I am seeking again.

We've been talking about the future alot. We strongly feel that we are right for each other, except for the religious aspect. He knows he should not marry a non-Christian, so it's really torturing him. I suppose he's just hoping for the best, which is that one day I will become a Christian. I, on the other hand, do not mind marrying a Christian, but then again I'm a non-Christian, so I'm not guided by the Bible. I just feel that I will be able to respect his religious practice and that these differences can be overcome by our love. But sometimes I become a little more realistic and start worrying about what could happen in the future. I love him and I certainly don't want to break up. But it seems so hopeless sometimes. He loves me too and he says he doesn't want to break up, but I know it's been giving him so much headache. I always tell him not to worry too much about the future. But really, I worry a lot too...

Thanks for listening to me ramble on... I was wondering if anyone had some similar experience and/or good advice. Oh, by the way, my family is totally against religion, period. So that's another difficulty for me. I want to be blessed by my family too...

I'm just going to the corner to for the time being.

Again, thank you.

 

[Jedidah]

Hello

I just wanted to highlight one important bit of your post...

I just feel that I will be able to respect his religious practice and that these differences can be overcome by our love. But sometimes I become a little more realistic and start worrying about what could happen in the future.

Now I think you had it right in the first sentence here and then you started second-guessing yourself in the second. Respect is the key. I'm married to a non-Christian man...I think I'd probably say he's agnostic. He used to believe when he was a kid but now I think he doesn't know. This summer we'll have been together for eight years and married for three. We get on like a house on fire and there's been no problems because of the difference in our beliefs because of that one thing which you also mentioned in your post...respect. He respects my beliefs and doesn't mock them, in fact he sees them as a positive influence on me and encourages me and supports me. Likewise I respect his beliefs, I don't mock them or try to convert him. I recognise that he's happy believing what he does and I can even understand why he doesn't believe having had struggles with doubts myself.

But I guess what I'm trying to illustrate here is that these differences can be overcome with a respectful attitude. In fact, I'm sure you'll find as your relationship goes on that there will be lots of little differences between you two and maybe even some other bigger ones as well. Simple fact is that no two people on this earth will be exactly alike...even in a solid relationship there are differences, whether it be small things such as preferred food or music or bigger things such as denomination, political views or religion. You may have many things in common but there will still be differences and the only thing you can do is to respect those differences and respect each others right to think or believe something different.

If you two are happy together and respectful of each others right to believe what they want then I don't see any reason why you should throw this relationship away. Ultimately though it's probably going to be his call on what happens here because it's really down to his interpretation of the bible and whether he feels it's telling Christians to not be with non-Christians and whether that then applys to today. Basically, not every Christian believes the verses on being "unequally yoked" apply to marriage as again there's lots of different views within Christianity about this and other things.

Thanks for listening to me ramble on... I was wondering if anyone had some similar experience and/or good advice. Oh, by the way, my family is totally against religion, period. So that's another difficulty for me. I want to be blessed by my family too...

My family aren't the religious type either. My only advice on this and regarding your relationship situation is to work out what *you* believe. Don't worry about what your family believes or what your boyfriend believes or what your friends believe. For now, just focus on you and what you believe.

I'm just going to the corner to for the time being.

 

[rocklife]

to really get a good idea of christianity, I recommend reading the New Testament, christians are supposed to be doers of Christ's teachings, but sometimes the churchgoers lack in this, so please look at christ to get an accurate picture.

well, making everyone happy is hard thing to do. I kind of gave up on that in my life, my dad wants his kids to be millionaires, he doesn't care if we have morals, just money. some parental wishes just aren't good enough to build a life on (sorry if this is kind of downer, its reality though). also, we often won't make everyone happy in life, there's always going to be someone who can find something wrong with you no matter how good you are. Hope things work out for you

 

[katealpha]

I pray that you'll see the way forward.

If it is God's will, I trust your relationship will find a way.

It may not be easy now, but I have a fundamental disagreement with my father on my being a Catholic. So we don't talk about it. Well, I do, as far as I can push it but what's more important is that I love him as my father, so I try and be a a good daughter to him. But if I had to choose, it's hard to say but true - Jesus Christ is more important.

 

[doggysteps]

Thank you everyone for the support and advice and prayers. I just discovered this forum, and I think it's really great for seeking and providing support.

I will definitely remember to keep respecting his beliefs, and also make an effort to actually read the Bible myself (I've started with Genesis so many times... I think I'll start with the New Testament this time). And my family... Thank you all for sharing your own problems with family members. I guess for now, I'll just not think about them. After all, they do love me and I'm sure they will understand when the time comes.

As for the "unequally yoked" verses in the Bible... that really is of my concern. He does believe in it, and he thinks he will be going against the Bible's teachings if he were to marry me. But on the other hand, he also thinks it wrong to dump me when we have both invested in this relationship so much. Even if we do get married, I feel that this issue will keep coming back to haunt him, and when he's bothered, I am too. Can we still have a happy and healthy marriage? I really don't know. So, there are different interpretation of those II Cor verses? Is there anything I can say to him that might make it easier for him? How do Christians who have non-Christian spouses interpret those verses?

Alright, I won't go to the corner to cry this time

 

[Jedidah]

I will definitely remember to keep respecting his beliefs, and also make an effort to actually read the Bible myself (I've started with Genesis so many times... I think I'll start with the New Testament this time).

Yes, definately start with the New Testament. The Gospels are always a good place to start. I had a lot of doubts about Christianity over the past year...various things I didn't know or understand leaving me confused over whether there was a God and whether Christianity made any sense. What it's essentially come down to is me asking myself if Jesus is someone I want to follow. That's become my foundation and the most important thing for me.

As for the "unequally yoked" verses in the Bible... that really is of my concern. He does believe in it, and he thinks he will be going against the Bible's teachings if he were to marry me. But on the other hand, he also thinks it wrong to dump me when we have both invested in this relationship so much. Even if we do get married, I feel that this issue will keep coming back to haunt him, and when he's bothered, I am too. Can we still have a happy and healthy marriage? I really don't know. So, there are different interpretation of those II Cor verses? Is there anything I can say to him that might make it easier for him? How do Christians who have non-Christian spouses interpret those verses?

I haven't done a great deal of study on this area yet. However, I've seen a few of the views being talked about on CF from time to time. Some Christians view those verses as not being about marriage at all. They feel that applying those verses to marriage is taking them out of context as the surrounding text is not talking about marriage.

Others view them as not being something which is a command/rule which would be a sin to break. They instead view them as a warning that such relationships may not be easy. This is coupled with verses earlier on in the bible that tell Christians not to leave their non-Christian spouse...these are aimed at those that became Christian after marriage.

12To the rest I say this (I, not the Lord): If any brother has a wife who is not a believer and she is willing to live with him, he must not divorce her. 13And if a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him. 14For the unbelieving husband has been sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife has been sanctified through her believing husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy.

So some view the unequally-yoked verses as a warning to be careful when entering into such a marriage rather than an outright command not to marry a non-Christian. And then view the above verses as an instruction that once your in such a marriage it's the same as any other marriage...you can't just walk away from it.

But of course, there are also those that disagree and view the unequally yoked verses as verses which refer to marriage and call Christians to not marry non-Christians. Some also go a step further and say the verses are not just related to marriage but refer to all partnerships and say even business partnerships etc with non-Christians should be avoided. But anyway, I hope I've shown that this issue (like with many other Christian beliefs) there are different opinions/interpretations. I think he really needs to do some reading about the different interpretations (I'm sure there must be some articles on the net somewhere) and work out what he believes on this or at least see that there are different views and it's not so black and white.

 

[tapero]

Thank you everyone for the support and advice and prayers. I just discovered this forum, and I think it's really great for seeking and providing support.

I will definitely remember to keep respecting his beliefs, and also make an effort to actually read the Bible myself (I've started with Genesis so many times... I think I'll start with the New Testament this time). And my family... Thank you all for sharing your own problems with family members. I guess for now, I'll just not think about them. After all, they do love me and I'm sure they will understand when the time comes.

As for the "unequally yoked" verses in the Bible... that really is of my concern. He does believe in it, and he thinks he will be going against the Bible's teachings if he were to marry me. But on the other hand, he also thinks it wrong to dump me when we have both invested in this relationship so much. Even if we do get married, I feel that this issue will keep coming back to haunt him, and when he's bothered, I am too. Can we still have a happy and healthy marriage? I really don't know. So, there are different interpretation of those II Cor verses? Is there anything I can say to him that might make it easier for him? How do Christians who have non-Christian spouses interpret those verses?

Alright, I won't go to the corner to cry this time

Hi, In the old testament God took a nation, the Jews and they were not to intermarry with those that weren't Jews, called the gentiles.

Do not intermarry with them. Do not give your daughters to their sons or take their daughters for your sons, 4 for they will turn your sons away from following me to serve other gods,

This verse says why not to do it. Now, when it says they may serve other gods, there are not real other gods, that's why there is a little g, for god.

So God commanded his people not to intermarry because they may turn and do as the pagans did, such as worship the stars, moon, rocks, wood, money, materialism etc. called Idols.

So the danger is that your boyfriends fire could wane for God, he could desire to serve God less, or not walk with him as strongly as he is now.

He may like things that you do so much, that you might not consider wrong, and he may start doing those things. I'm not saying you do bad things cause your're not a Christian, but you may have interests that are in opposition to God's word, which could cause him to struggle should he follow your path.

I'm not saying this is what will happen, but am explaining what the scripture means, and how to apply it to everyday life.

So it is for this reason we are commanded not to be unequally yoked.

As the other poster said though, she is doing okay in an unequally yoked situation. Many times too, some come to Christ after they are married and they now are married to an unbeliever.

Two Christians married - one being a lukewarm believer is very difficult.

When it comes to your family - if you have you heart set on getting to know God, don't worry about what they will think. God is above all. Make up your own mind. Many Christians are considered black sheep in the family, so that's just a given. Being known by God is more important than the blessings of your family.

Have you tried going to church with him, to see what you think about things?

Well, sorry I wrote a book, just some things to ponder.

Blessings,
Tapero

 

[doggysteps]

thanks for showing me how to interpret those verses. i guess it is ultimately up to my boyfriend, how he sees it. he already told me that he's really afraid that once he's with me, he'll start to go to church less and will start to drift away from God. but c'mon, isn't he over-worrying a bit? we're not married yet, but we've been together for a year and i don't think being with me has drawn him apart from God. in fact, he often claims that thanks to me, he understands God's love better. i do go to church with him as often as i can, also small groups. i see where he's coming from though. marriage is definitely a whole world apart from dating. he feels that if we are different at the fundamental level, we'll be disagreeing on too many things, like how to educate kids, how to spend money, etc. but then again, doesn't every married couple have those kind of issues regardless of their religious beliefs?

so ultimately, i feel that it is those verses that's stopping him. he's away right now for a month , but as soon as he comes back, i think i will be talking with him, and try to see how exactly he sees those verses. i will then need more of your help. this is so frustrating though... i can see why people advise against dating between Christians and non-C. yes, it's just another relationship problem, but it's a very sensitive and hopeless one, at times.

 

[Sketcher]

I don't want to become a Christian simply because he is and I want to be with him, but he is definitely a reason why I am seeking again.

Well, that's good (that you want to come to faith for the right reason).

We've been talking about the future alot. We strongly feel that we are right for each other, except for the religious aspect. He knows he should not marry a non-Christian, so it's really torturing him. I suppose he's just hoping for the best, which is that one day I will become a Christian. I, on the other hand, do not mind marrying a Christian, but then again I'm a non-Christian, so I'm not guided by the Bible. I just feel that I will be able to respect his religious practice and that these differences can be overcome by our love. But sometimes I become a little more realistic and start worrying about what could happen in the future. I love him and I certainly don't want to break up.

Well, quite honestly it can be hard. There's the issue of tithing, for one - God commands us to give money to the church, and if you don't believe in Him, that could make financial pressure so much worse (and most couples divorce for financial reasons). Or suppose he feels called to do a missions trip. Will you be along for the ride? And then there's the matter of how to raise the kids. His faith in God vs. your unbelief can confuse them, or another thing that happens in a lot of homes is the unbelieving spouse's unbelief derails the believing spouse's attempts to instill their faith into the kids. When God commands us not to be unequally yoked with unbelievers, He knew what he was talking about.

he feels that if we are different at the fundamental level, we'll be disagreeing on too many things, like how to educate kids, how to spend money, etc. but then again, doesn't every married couple have those kind of issues regardless of their religious beliefs?

Couples have their disagreements, but one of the strengths my family has is that my parents agree on the fundamentals. Sure, they argued over some things, but there was enough common ground in beliefs, values, and religion to avoid massive clashes. So while all couples fight, a believer and a non-believer are more likely have bigger fights over more fundamental issues.

 

[rocklife]

thanks for showing me how to interpret those verses. i guess it is ultimately up to my boyfriend, how he sees it. he already told me that he's really afraid that once he's with me, he'll start to go to church less and will start to drift away from God. but c'mon, isn't he over-worrying a bit? we're not married yet, but we've been together for a year and i don't think being with me has drawn him apart from God. in fact, he often claims that thanks to me, he understands God's love better. i do go to church with him as often as i can, also small groups. i see where he's coming from though. marriage is definitely a whole world apart from dating. he feels that if we are different at the fundamental level, we'll be disagreeing on too many things, like how to educate kids, how to spend money, etc. but then again, doesn't every married couple have those kind of issues regardless of their religious beliefs?

yes, but that isn't a good way to think of your future, basing it on other's. in the US, there is a huge divorce rate. and a lot of people aren't really so happy in marriages. you don't want one of those marriages right?

so ultimately, i feel that it is those verses that's stopping him. he's away right now for a month , but as soon as he comes back, i think i will be talking with him, and try to see how exactly he sees those verses. i will then need more of your help. this is so frustrating though... i can see why people advise against dating between Christians and non-C. yes, it's just another relationship problem, but it's a very sensitive and hopeless one, at times.

well, dating really is about finding a marriage partner, and ideally should only be 1. you can't change people, I can't even change myself, I needed God to change me, I used to be so miserable. I am also a single mom. From my experience, I am saying that you can't change others, and trying to will just bring in resentment too. If now isn't the time and these differences are too much, it is best to let it go and work on yourself rather than try and make something work that isn't meant to be. and dating for fun isn't really a great way to go either, that's how I became a single mom, which was totally unplanned (I was non-christian at that time). I do thank God for coming into my life, now, but it isn't easy.

and I recommend to really get an idea what christianity is, continue in New testament readings too. they usually have more information than even churchgoers like to admit unfortunately. God bless

 

[heron]

Some of the OT patriarchs did intermarry, though. Solomon had all sorts of trouble because his wives (yes, plural) insisted that they have shrines to worship their gods, so he appeased them and built pagan temples in Israel. But we still respect his writings, and call refer to him as the wise king!! He was warned.

I don't see that you are introducing conflicting beliefs into the relationship.

Have you seen the movie about Esther? (Oops, I haven't yet...meant to....) She married an unbeliever, and rescued all the Jews who lived in Persia through her influence.

I am guessing that because of the Bible studies, you have prayed together. That's more than Esther had with King Ahasuerus.

Here's a recent thread on the topic --

http://www.christianforums.com/t4671928-relationships-with-non-christians.html

and one that touches on the subject, in retrospect--

http://www.christianforums.com/t4659967-a-question-about-divorce.html&page=3

Oh, by the way, my family is totally against religion, period. So that's another difficulty for me. I want to be blessed by my family too...
I'm just going to the corner to for the time being.

You are certainly cornered by opinions!!

You will never make everyone happy. And if you do, you will lose your soul and your peace of mind. Ask people to give you a little more space; and if they ignore your request, build the space yourself. I don't mean distance, but the freedom to keep a clear head and make adult decisions without guilt.

 

[TexasGirl06]

thanks for showing me how to interpret those verses. i guess it is ultimately up to my boyfriend, how he sees it. he already told me that he's really afraid that once he's with me, he'll start to go to church less and will start to drift away from God. but c'mon, isn't he over-worrying a bit? we're not married yet, but we've been together for a year and i don't think being with me has drawn him apart from God. in fact, he often claims that thanks to me, he understands God's love better. i do go to church with him as often as i can, also small groups. i see where he's coming from though. marriage is definitely a whole world apart from dating. he feels that if we are different at the fundamental level, we'll be disagreeing on too many things, like how to educate kids, how to spend money, etc. but then again, doesn't every married couple have those kind of issues regardless of their religious beliefs?

so ultimately, i feel that it is those verses that's stopping him. he's away right now for a month , but as soon as he comes back, i think i will be talking with him, and try to see how exactly he sees those verses. i will then need more of your help. this is so frustrating though... i can see why people advise against dating between Christians and non-C. yes, it's just another relationship problem, but it's a very sensitive and hopeless one, at times.

Hey Doggysteps...
Welcome to Christian Forums ! It's good to have you here.
Well.... I am rather proud of your boyfriend.
He is purposing to live a life that is pleasing to God.

Of course, this is hard for you.
Very understandable.

It would seem that God may have you in a position to have you seeking some truth.
There is a ton of Truth out there for you.

My recommendation.....
Give up some time and energy.... and SEEK the Truth.

Oh...precious one.
There is a God. And He does love you so.

 

[doggysteps]

we had a bit of a quarrel over the phone today because when he asked me how i was doing with the seeking, i said i just didn't want to believe. i think lately, i've been really confused. that's why i came to this forum and you all have been helping me very much. yet still, i'm troubled. so i was unusually insensitive to him. so he said something like, let's take a break, and i want my future wife to be ... you get the picture.

things are fine now. we talked a lot about our feelings. he certainly does want to do what is right as a christian, but he is willing to walk with me because he loves me. i'm taking tiny steps in terms of seeking god. such tiny steps, and sometimes even back steps like what i'm doing lately. i think i was mad at him for not helping me up when i fell while taking these little steps. maybe i asked the questions on this thread a little too early. we still have a long way to go until marriage. i'm just so glad i found someone who loves me so much, and of course whom i love a lot too.

i do understand that relationships are for the purpose of marrying. so if i'm not a christian and if there's no guarantee i'm going to be one in the future despite the seeking i'm doing now, then why keep dating? that might be a valid question. but isn't it so hard to give up on something so good now, for fear of it turning bad in the future? is it unwise? for the time being, i'm happy. not that i've solved all my problems and questions. but i have peace in my heart for now.

thanks for your input. and i do not mind more.

 

[heron]

i think i was mad at him for not helping me up when i fell while taking these little steps. maybe i asked the questions on this thread a little too early.

Not too early at all.
I understand his viewpoint, but how he is approaching the issue is putting all the weight of his decision onto you. He wants to fix the problem by making you fix it. That's not a healthy way to get through any relationship, married or not.

Dating should be a time when you exercise some of these relational skills and see how well you work together. Just like a business partnership, you would want to know how the balance of decision-making will work before signing the papers.

If the two of you do plan to continue, there are terms of respect that he will need to meet, that you should be able to expect from him. One, is autonomy in making life-changing decisions about your soul. Your faith -- which includes the way you think -- is not his decision to make.

Yes, I am a Christian, but I consider this brow-beating and manipulation. I think Jesus would too.

Check if your boyfriend is getting the same intimidation from his fellowship; if so, he has some soul-searching to do himself. The two of you should be working on how to come to the best decisions together. Impatience and control are not the ways to the best end. Compatibility isn't a magical fit that makes two people work well together.

Starting early to respect each other will get you closer to compatibility and finding God's will, than feeling love for each other, or fighting for legalism and giving in to it.

So sorry you're going through this. I can imagine how frustrating it must be! There is no easy answer.

 

[doggysteps]

oh... i guess i'll have to explain a little bit to do him justice. he really wasn't intimidating me, although that's how i felt and that's why we had a fight. but afterwards, when we had a heart to heart talk, i did come to understand that he's frustrated and he said something he didn't really mean to. i'm usually very sensitive to his feelings but yesterday i was quite blunt too. so i certainly should allow him the chance for mistakes too. at the end of the day, i still love him and i know (not just because i love him) that he loves me and cares for me very much.

but heron, thank you for your concerns. it makes so much difference to know that there are people out there who actually care about me.

 

[TexasGirl06]

Hey Doggysteps....
Would you like for us to walk through "What Christianity is"...with you?

I'm glad to explain it. As I am sure others on this thread would also.

 

[Jedidah]

Yes, if you want you could share some of the issues you have with Christianity...it might help some of your confusion.

Though as I've said before on this thread, there's often different views on different subjects in Christianity. So I think the most people would be able to do with some topics is let you know what their views are and what the basis for them is. But it might be helpful even so.

I'm glad to hear things are ok now after the argument. I don't think you asked the question too early...it's good to consider the future. I also don't think it's right or wise to give up on something now because it might turn bad in the future. I think if everyone did that then no one would be married! Life has it's ups and downs and so every marriage goes through good and bad times. We can't throw something away out of fear of the bad times...we'd miss out on so many good times too.

 

[WashedClean]

Hi doggysteps,

Welcome to CF!

I'm sorry to come to the thread a little late, but wanted to offer my $.02.

Currently I'm in an unequally yoked marriage. I've been married almost 16 years and when I became a Christian we were 10 years into our marriage. I'm one of those Christians who believe unequally yoked applies to marriage as well as other relationships. Now having said that, I am surrounded by non-Christians almost entirely in my life. Very few believers. I know why God put this in his Word. He knows it's easy to drift away from Him if we aren't married to someone else who is a believer.

I happen to be very happily married and love my husband dearly. God has given me much hope and faith that he will be saved, but in the meantime I cannot share my relationship with Jesus. I do on a certain level, but it's not the same. One of the reasons we still have a strong marriage is because my husband respects and supports my faith. We also don't have children, which would bring on a whole other set of issues.

Basically, I think you and your bf just need to go slow right now. Sounds like you have come to that conclusion as well. I cannot judge your bf, but I can imagine what he's going through. I'm glad you aren't seeking God for the wrong reasons. Just continue with an open heart and read the Bible if you can. I would suggest the book of Romans and/or Hebrews in the New Testament. Many people suggest John first, but I like Romans for seekers. It explains why we need a Savior in the first place.

How can we answer any questions you have about Christ or Christianity? Maybe you could tell us what you believe right now and we can help you?

Finally, you might want to check out the Unequally Yoked forum here at CF. I'm not sure that you can post, but you can read through some of the threads at least. Here is the link:

http://www.christianforums.com/f239-unequally-yoked.html

God bless you on your journey,

WashedClean

 

[doggysteps]

thank you, washedclean, for sharing your own experience. it's really encouraging to know there are couples who can maintain a loving marriage, despite many difficulties, through mutural respect. i already took a look at the unequally yoked thread. even the happily married ones confess their struggles mostly because they cannot share their faith with their loved ones. i'm sure it will also be my bf's struggle if we do get married, but i really don't want him to go through all that much pain. that's why i am taking this slow and hoping that in the future the situation would have changed a little.

somestimes, only sometimes, i'm tempted to feel that it's unfair i'm going to be the one making the sacrifice for changing my belief, because he will never change his. however, i am aware that if i do choose to believe for the right reasons, i probably will be thanking him instead of feeling resentment.

in terms of questions... i think i have a problem with the validity of the bible. ok, i believe jesus existed, but to believe he did all the miracles and fulfilled the prophesies written in the bible, and also that he's the son of god... if you've ever been a non-believer, you know it's not easy to just accept that, even though there are many claims about the bible's validity. many people say if you believe in history books, then why not the bible. because there are nothing out of the ordinary in history books! i did skim through more than a carpenter a few years ago, but the way it was presented, the three cases, was just too "logical" for me. i don't think i can be entirely reasoned into believing christianity because it is a matter of faith. on the other hand, the book certainly did not present a watertight argument. and i don't believe i'll ever find a watertight proof anyway.

so it comes down to that step of faith, after gaining a reasonable understanding and logical convincing. i don't know how long it takes people to go to that step but it certainly has taken me a long time. i'm torn really. i want to, but i resist it too.

 

[Jedidah]

Ah, that leap of faith. You're quite right, there's only so much that can be explained logically in books. The rest comes down to faith and it can seem like such a huge gap to leap across.

During a time of doubts I faced last year, there was one thing I read on CF that helped me hold onto my faith. It was something someone said on a thread about why they believed in God. They said they asked themselves whether or not they wanted to follow Christ. That's when it dawned on me. A Christian is simply a follower of Christ...Christ set a good example to live by and a Christian sets out to follow it. So I felt I could put aside the miracle stories for a moment and just examine whether or not He was an example I wanted to live by.

That's my aim as a Christian...to believe God died for us and to follow Him. Whether or not Mary was actually a virgin or whether or not Jesus walked on water, calmed a storm and turned water into wine has become less important to me, especially considering the diversity of opinion on those subject matters.

I think the bible does complicate matters sometimes. For example, I sometimes get the impression my husband thinks that to be a Christian you have to take the bible 100% literally and believe in 6 day creation, a young earth, talking donkeys, a worldwide flood and all kinds of other stories. Of course, some Christians believe those things and that's ok but does every Christian have to believe those? No because belief in those things isn't required in order for someone to be a Christian. The message of Christianity is more simple than that. Humans aren't perfect...we make mistakes and we do stupid things. But God loves us and so Jesus died for us so all those stupid things we do could be put right. I think that's it.

I don't know if this helps but maybe seeing it in a nutshell like that will make that leap of faith seem a little be shorter.