I really like this girl, but how do I wait?

[wesjjohn]

Hey brothers and sisters in Christ, 24, male I met a girl at the beginning of this year who I’ve really grown to like, I initially felt the Lord lead me to not rush into things so tried waiting (I knew she liked me too at this point) but someone gossiped to her that ‘I wasn't interested and a man wouldn't wait, that means he's not interested mawmawmaw’ so out of fear of her moving on I jumped in early, I didn't feel peace in our relationship (this was also my first Christian relationship the previous were pretty much just physical I only surrendered my life to Jesus two years ago) and all these insecurities came up that I didn't think I had going in and became issues, on top of that I didn't have the peace of God in it. For these reasons I broke up with her, my mentor/pastor said their policy as a church was that if a couple broke up the guy would leave and the girl would say so she was protected (that in itself I find hectic, I don't wanna roast my church though God 100% has told me to be there) anyway the relationship was so short that it didn't happen but I was nervous cause she took it rough and cried publicly and I think that put me on a bad footing with eldership. Anyway, fast forward months ahead now and I still have strong feelings for her, I have been praying for God to remove them and He hasn't and I have been tryna pretend but jeez it's been hard. We’re on the same team working together at church again and spent the day together at a friend's wedding recently and it's been so nice I must say. My hearts been torn up so I confessed I still have feelings for her (I did this because we were getting close to these things and she would be romantic and I would pull back) anyway I told her how I felt and that I wasn't trying to avoid her and she confessed she still felt feelings for me too. Before I did this I asked God if I could pursue her again and He said wait, I legit told her all this and now we're here. I don't know what waiting looks like though? Do I not try and build a friendship now (she was angry before now we been calling and messaging) but don't know if that's crossing the line at all in this ‘waiting season’ I must also say the Lord started dealing with these insecurities and its been painful but can see it's leading somewhere good. Just feel so much anxiety about being in His will and if Im jumping the gun on the waiting season again, plus the stress of potentially leaving the church if it doesn't work out (big stress wanna be in ministry and its opening up for me)

 

[Unqualified]

Keep praying to deal with insecurities. Are you sure it was the lord? Go to elders to talk about what is hanging you up and to get the go. But be pure. Don’t have sex before marriage. And be pure in making out. Watch yourself, you be the leader and don’t go too far. I don’t know, but you want to be blessed don’t you? And treat her with respect?

The first kiss was the line for me so be sure wait on that.

 

[Richard T]

I like what "unqualified" said (qualified in God no doubt) but I can see where "waiting" seems unusual. So it goes back to how your guidance is from God. If it is a good track record, then it sure is possible. If it is less certain, then it could be insecurities as suggested, or even something demonic that wants to hold you back. It certainly could be God too, so I pray you are in the fear of the Lord to obey and do what is right. It seems too that you have a problem even knowing what waiting means. I will only try to help you there.
Gal 5:22-23 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.
There is no law against love. Love there is agape, the God kind of love. The God kind of love though is not always human love or even friendship love. It is the love that is willing to give what is best for her. In that love you will respect, be moral and walk toward her in the Spirit. It seems God did not say no, but rather wait, so it could be a test too. Would you set aside a great woman and wait if God really asked you? I have heard of God having someone give up their potential mate even, only to have them return sometime later. A lack of love is jealousy, it is not patient, it is in fact the opposite of the I Cor 13, the love chapter.

Ultimately, it is your conscience and guidance from the Holy Spirit. Leaders and mentors could help, but it is up to you. Hopefully, she too can provide some perspective and help but again you have to know.

Rom 14:23
And he that doubteth is damned if he eat, because he eateth not of faith: for whatsoever is not of faith is sin.

Remember too that just about every Christian that listens to God goes through stuff in courting. So, yes you can handle it. It is far better than some of the trials that others get. Have joy and even peace through this all.

 

[Unqualified]

I like what "unqualified" said (qualified in God no doubt) but I can see where "waiting" seems unusual. So it goes back to how your guidance is from God. If it is a good track record, then it sure is possible. If it is less certain, then it could be insecurities as suggested, or even something demonic that wants to hold you back. It certainly could be God too, so I pray you are in the fear of the Lord to obey and do what is right. It seems too that you have a problem even knowing what waiting means. I will only try to help you there.
Gal 5:22-23 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.
There is no law against love. Love there is agape, the God kind of love. The God kind of love though is not always human love or even friendship love. It is the love that is willing to give what is best for her. In that love you will respect, be moral and walk toward her in the Spirit. It seems God did not say no, but rather wait, so it could be a test too. Would you set aside a great woman and wait if God really asked you? I have heard of God having someone give up their potential mate even, only to have them return sometime later. A lack of love is jealousy, it is not patient, it is in fact the opposite of the I Cor 13, the love chapter.

Ultimately, it is your conscience and guidance from the Holy Spirit. Leaders and mentors could help, but it is up to you. Hopefully, she too can provide some perspective and help but again you have to know.

Rom 14:23
And he that doubteth is damned if he eat, because he eateth not of faith: for whatsoever is not of faith is sin.

Remember too that just about every Christian that listens to God goes through stuff in courting. So, yes you can handle it. It is far better than some of the trials that others get. Have joy and even peace through this all.

yes and your last two lines what a great witness it would be to go Gods way. Deepen your faith while you wait.

 

[T.i.m.o.t.h.y.]

Hey brothers and sisters in Christ, 24, male I met a girl at the beginning of this year who I’ve really grown to like, I initially felt the Lord lead me to not rush into things so tried waiting (I knew she liked me too at this point) but someone gossiped to her that ‘I wasn't interested and a man wouldn't wait, that means he's not interested mawmawmaw’ so out of fear of her moving on I jumped in early, I didn't feel peace in our relationship (this was also my first Christian relationship the previous were pretty much just physical I only surrendered my life to Jesus two years ago) and all these insecurities came up that I didn't think I had going in and became issues, on top of that I didn't have the peace of God in it. For these reasons I broke up with her, my mentor/pastor said their policy as a church was that if a couple broke up the guy would leave and the girl would say so she was protected (that in itself I find hectic, I don't wanna roast my church though God 100% has told me to be there) anyway the relationship was so short that it didn't happen but I was nervous cause she took it rough and cried publicly and I think that put me on a bad footing with eldership. Anyway, fast forward months ahead now and I still have strong feelings for her, I have been praying for God to remove them and He hasn't and I have been tryna pretend but jeez it's been hard. We’re on the same team working together at church again and spent the day together at a friend's wedding recently and it's been so nice I must say. My hearts been torn up so I confessed I still have feelings for her (I did this because we were getting close to these things and she would be romantic and I would pull back) anyway I told her how I felt and that I wasn't trying to avoid her and she confessed she still felt feelings for me too. Before I did this I asked God if I could pursue her again and He said wait, I legit told her all this and now we're here. I don't know what waiting looks like though? Do I not try and build a friendship now (she was angry before now we been calling and messaging) but don't know if that's crossing the line at all in this ‘waiting season’ I must also say the Lord started dealing with these insecurities and its been painful but can see it's leading somewhere good. Just feel so much anxiety about being in His will and if Im jumping the gun on the waiting season again, plus the stress of potentially leaving the church if it doesn't work out (big stress wanna be in ministry and its opening up for me)

At 24 young man, you've been around the block, you know that much of dating involves peer pressure and libido. Tell all of those voices to shut up and you cruise in the slow lane.
Relationship and each of you getting to know each other, personality quirks and all is more important than all the pressures that's in the fast lane.
Now for a dose of spiritual responsibility in line with God pulling you back. God's will and his plan for you (evangelizing, ministering the gospel) and for each young woman you meet is the priority. Church gatherings is not a dating center-love boat event. Any adults or peer friends who want to encourage you in the mating game don't have their eyes on the soon coming of Jesus by the time you're thirty. (I got married at thirty and still joyfully married to the same person for 40 years and counting for more).
As long as you and the young woman doesn't have godly priorities in proper alignment then your relationship should be completely platonic. Think of her according to what she is, your sister in Christ. That oughta put your hormones in neutral where they should be.

 

[BukiRob]

Keep praying to deal with insecurities. Are you sure it was the lord? Go to elders to talk about what is hanging you up and to get the go. But be pure. Don’t have sex before marriage. And be pure in making out. Watch yourself, you be the leader and don’t go too far. I don’t know, but you want to be blessed don’t you? And treat her with respect?

The first kiss was the line for me so be sure wait on that.

You are a young man. Your FIRST priority must be your relationship with God. You need to set aside a time of day wither morning or evening or both. But that time must be GODS time. You should thank the Lord for another day. You need to be in the WORD. Your focus should be ENTIRELY on praying to God that your eyes can be opened and your mind be given understanding and a HUNGER for God to show you WHO YOU REALLY ARE and turn those things over to God allow the holy spirit to can you by the washing of the Word which will renew(MAKE NEW) your mind. Hunger and thirst for righteousness and all these things will be added to you. You have first to have YOUR house in order before you bring another person into your life because as the spiritual head of the family, YOU have a much greater responsibility than for just yourself.

Focus on your walk and ONLY on your walk and allow God to open the right doors and walk obediently through them.

 

[fm107]

Hey brothers and sisters in Christ, 24, male I met a girl at the beginning of this year who I’ve really grown to like, I initially felt the Lord lead me to not rush into things so tried waiting (I knew she liked me too at this point) but someone gossiped to her that ‘I wasn't interested and a man wouldn't wait, that means he's not interested mawmawmaw’ so out of fear of her moving on I jumped in early, I didn't feel peace in our relationship (this was also my first Christian relationship the previous were pretty much just physical I only surrendered my life to Jesus two years ago) and all these insecurities came up that I didn't think I had going in and became issues, on top of that I didn't have the peace of God in it. For these reasons I broke up with her, my mentor/pastor said their policy as a church was that if a couple broke up the guy would leave and the girl would say so she was protected (that in itself I find hectic, I don't wanna roast my church though God 100% has told me to be there) anyway the relationship was so short that it didn't happen but I was nervous cause she took it rough and cried publicly and I think that put me on a bad footing with eldership. Anyway, fast forward months ahead now and I still have strong feelings for her, I have been praying for God to remove them and He hasn't and I have been tryna pretend but jeez it's been hard. We’re on the same team working together at church again and spent the day together at a friend's wedding recently and it's been so nice I must say. My hearts been torn up so I confessed I still have feelings for her (I did this because we were getting close to these things and she would be romantic and I would pull back) anyway I told her how I felt and that I wasn't trying to avoid her and she confessed she still felt feelings for me too. Before I did this I asked God if I could pursue her again and He said wait, I legit told her all this and now we're here. I don't know what waiting looks like though? Do I not try and build a friendship now (she was angry before now we been calling and messaging) but don't know if that's crossing the line at all in this ‘waiting season’ I must also say the Lord started dealing with these insecurities and its been painful but can see it's leading somewhere good. Just feel so much anxiety about being in His will and if Im jumping the gun on the waiting season again, plus the stress of potentially leaving the church if it doesn't work out (big stress wanna be in ministry and its opening up for me)

1) Your saying God told you this and God told you that. In once instance, you said "God 100% has told me to be there." My personal opinion is that you are only deluding yourself, my friend. It is my opinion that scripture supports the view to the contrary, that God has not told you to be there. You should be careful what you say the Lord did, otherwise, if you are wrong, you are saying things about God that are not true. You could say you felt led, that would be ok to say that.

2) The Bible does not support the idea of long protracted relationships. If God has led you both to be together, then stringing things out and having a "waiting season" is not a good idea in my opinion. Scripture supports short courtships with marriage being the end goal.

 

[tturt]

I don't know how long the betrothal period normally lasted. Some say 1 yr to 1.5 yrs. But the marriages were arranged even though the bride had to agree beforehand and they communicated through the friend of the bridegroom. (Judges 14:20)

But if I understood the OP, the Lord is helping him with insecurities and probably other things. That would certainly aid him before getting into a relationship. Just like it would be beneficial for anyone.

 

[com7fy8]

tried waiting (I knew she liked me too at this point) but someone gossiped to her that ‘I wasn't interested and a man wouldn't wait, that means he's not interested mawmawmaw’ so out of fear of her moving on I jumped in early, I didn't feel peace in our relationship

She needs to know better than to let some other person represent you. You need to establish that you make sure about things with each other, not listening to people you might not even know well. Do not trust anyone blindly, but test >

"Test all things; hold fast what is good." (1 Thessalonians 5:21)

In any case, you can't trust what is in fear and anxiety and anger and unforgiveness. So, the waiting that you need to do is, wait while God removes insecure and angry stuff so then you can have reliable communication with God in His peace.

and all these insecurities came up that I didn't think I had going in and became issues, on top of that I didn't have the peace of God in it.

Well, we need how God communicates about what His issues are, for us; and do not be fooled into trusting what an insecure spirit is bringing up. Satanic stuff of worry will have you worrying only and mainly about your own self and relationship. God will not have you only concerned about your own self and what you want.

"casting all your care upon Him, for He cares for you." (1 Peter 5:7)

I think that put me on a bad footing with eldership.

You "think". I would say talk with them and let them speak for themselves about what they think and where you stand with them. I would also say, do not "think" about them, unless you have gotten to know them very well so you can know what they understand and how they do things.

My hearts been torn up so I confessed I still have feelings for her

It can work better to first get with God in prayer so you are not being driven by insecurity and worries and torn-up feelings. Get with God first. After all, among other things . . . aren't you going to grow in Jesus? So, you do not need to be too concerned about how you are now and what you can want now; because after you grow and mature, you won't be feeling the same way or wanting the same things that can seem like such a big deal now. So, instead of just "waiting" to get with her, wait for that crazy and anxious and insecure stuff to be removed by God so then you can see more clearly.

Do I not try and build a friendship now (she was angry before now we been calling and messaging) but don't know if that's crossing the line at all in this ‘waiting season’

Well, if you have various genuinely Christian people in your church, I would say you should be developing friendships with more than just one person. You need to share with much more mature people; she is maybe more your own spiritual age and maturity; so you need to be sharing with more mature people who are a good example to help you get more with God and then find out how to relate well with different Christians.

You need leaders who are examples to help you, not only people telling you what to do and giving you general rules.

"nor as being lords over those entrusted to you, but being examples to the flock." (1 Peter 5:3)

And this is how you, too, need to minister . . . by example, not only by show.

You are saying she got angry?? Well, God's word says to be >

"swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath; for the wrath of man does not produce the righteousness of God." (in James 1:19-20)

Therefore, do not do things because of anger, or because someone's anger is scaring and pressuring you to do something.

Not only shouldn't you be sexually intimate, but also do not be intimate inside yourself with anger and arguing and complaining and unforgiveness.

"with all lowliness and gentleness, with longsuffering, bearing with one another in love," (Ephesians 4:2)

Anger is not "longsuffering"!! And arguing is not lowly and gentle. So, do not give in to these things.