I really dont know what to do

[lizzymest]

Im 15 and about 3 years ago my dad died and my mom wasn't married to him but he was really catholic and she isn't, even though she says she is she will never drive me to church or bring me to the confirmation classes no matter how much i ask her and now she has a boyfriend who tells me that my dad would hate me if he was alive and things like that, and calls my sister fat, and is trying to get my mom to quit her job. but my mom is buying a house with him now and this is 3rd time I'm moving since my dad died... and she will just go randomly to pennsylvania with out telling me because thats where her boyfriends old house is. I just wake up and she isn't there and doesn't come back for the rest of the weekend.. a week ago i got mad at her and she go mad and just said he said he will kill himself if she dumps him and I dont know what to do she has lied to me like 3 times saying she dumped him she never does.. I am just pretty much rambling now because I just found out that we were moving to a new house with him.

 

[searchingsoul]

Im 15 and about 3 years ago my dad died and my mom wasn't married to him but he was really catholic and she isn't, even though she says she is she will never drive me to church or bring me to the confirmation classes no matter how much i ask her and now she has a boyfriend who tells me that my dad would hate me if he was alive and things like that, and calls my sister fat, and is trying to get my mom to quit her job. but my mom is buying a house with him now and this is 3rd time I'm moving since my dad died... and she will just go randomly to pennsylvania with out telling me because thats where her boyfriends old house is. I just wake up and she isn't there and doesn't come back for the rest of the weekend.. a week ago i got mad at her and she go mad and just said he said he will kill himself if she dumps him and I dont know what to do she has lied to me like 3 times saying she dumped him she never does.. I am just pretty much rambling now because I just found out that we were moving to a new house with him.

Have you checked out Dr. Phil? You might try to contact him or his website. Truthfully I wouldn't know how you feel right now since my parents have a pretty stable relationship, I've never moved to another house,but I have lost three of my grandparents.this boyfriend of your mom's sounds like a jerk. try to keep your wits around you. Have you tried to carpool to church? and if you can't there are other ways to get in on a sermon. tell your mom how you feel about her new boyfriend and tell what he says to you and your sister. The problem may be deeper, as in she may just still be greaving the loss of your dad. tell her that your part of this family too and your opinion matters too. you should be able to tell her your opinion to her on anything. I've heard a good relationship has to have communication. tell her its not good to let a guy dictate where or how you should live you lives.If your sister is feeling down about what the boyfriend said, try to boost her up.

 

[austrianfoster]

First off, what right does your mom's boyfriend have to tell you what your dad would think? I’m assuming that they never even met. Second, from what little I know about your dad, he would be ecstatic that you are pursuing a relationship with Christ so diligently. There are few things more pleasing to true Catholics than seeing their kids seeking God. Third, doesn’t your mother see the impact of his presence on your family bonds? Surely she doesn’t think it’s good parenting to leave a 15-yr. old in the house alone for a whole weekend. Let alone without having even told you first. That’s about as far from a dependable parent as I can imagine. Fourth, why should she care so much for him? Granted, he probably helped her through some rough times, and was there for things that no one else could do. But there is a certain degree to which he is abusing this care on her behalf. If he is keeping her in this relationship by threatening suicide, all your mom is doing is, putting her self in a position to be abused.

Now to the things you asked for – what to do. Assuming that I was mostly right before, the only tangible way for your mother to get herself out of this situation, and relationship, is to hit a threshold at which point her care for her kids, and her care for him have come into a direct opposition. This presents her with two choices. First, is to completely abandon you for him. (God protect you from that) And second, is to decide that you are more important, and that caring for you supercedes his suicidal attempts. If it gets there, she will have most likely seen the balance, and not care what he does. Including if he kills himself. What you need to do now, is to help her see the opposition between you and your sister vs. him. Be sure to do your best at keeping emotionally close to her. I know that this will be hard, but when the threshold is reached, she will need your support more than you know. Also, try and present your side of the opposition as clearly and reasonably as possible. Don’t be afraid to show her that you think you’re right, just be sure to include why you think so.

I sincerely hope that this is able to help you. I know that this is a very hard thing to do, and wish that I could be of greater assistance. If you ever want to, feel free to PM me. I can give you my screen name if you like.

I’ll pray for you. And again, PM me if you’d like.

austrianfoster

 

[praying]

Im 15 and about 3 years ago my dad died and my mom wasn't married to him but he was really catholic and she isn't, even though she says she is she will never drive me to church or bring me to the confirmation classes no matter how much i ask her and now she has a boyfriend who tells me that my dad would hate me if he was alive and things like that, and calls my sister fat, and is trying to get my mom to quit her job. but my mom is buying a house with him now and this is 3rd time I'm moving since my dad died... and she will just go randomly to pennsylvania with out telling me because thats where her boyfriends old house is. I just wake up and she isn't there and doesn't come back for the rest of the weekend.. a week ago i got mad at her and she go mad and just said he said he will kill himself if she dumps him and I dont know what to do she has lied to me like 3 times saying she dumped him she never does.. I am just pretty much rambling now because I just found out that we were moving to a new house with him.

Hi lizzymest

What you need to do is sit down with your Mom; you and your sister and tell her exactly how you feel. You can't do it in anger though, the conversation has to be, to the best of your ability calm and rational. Stress to her how much this man is changing your relationship with her and tell her how much attending church really means to you. Also let her know that you love her.

If she doesn't want to sit down and talk then I think you should contact the church and try to arrange a family counseling type session where you tell her these things but guided by a neutral party, Someone who will have the family as a whole best interest at heart.

God Bless

mhatten

 

[Ruth~]

I'm sorry for the loss of your dad and the problems you are having with this other guy. I hope you find the answers you need. I really don't have a clue what to do but wish you the best of luck.

 

[lizzymest]

thanks for the people that responded.. basically what I'm doing now is just staying in my room because i dont know what else to do. but oh well in 3 years i can move out i guess.

 

[Ruth~]

I know it's hard to be somewhere you don't want to be. I have been in that situation, too. Maybe try a hobby that will keep you busy while the time goes by. Best wishes to you.

 

[praying]

thanks for the people that responded.. basically what I'm doing now is just staying in my room because i dont know what else to do. but oh well in 3 years i can move out i guess.

Again,


You can't stay in your room for 3 years. Please try to find someone who can intervene (talk to your Mom) on you and your sister's behalf. The only thing that staying your room will accomplish is to build even more resentment in you against your Mom.

Talk to a pastor, call a church. A counselor at school.

Please try.

mhatten