Congrats on the new baby girl! Sorry that you have had so terribly little support during this birth and recovery.
"A quote my husband would alway use is that if I would get a divorce, my life would be over, who would want me....My husband doesn't respect me every chance he gets to cut me he does."
How degrading! A man should not call himself a husband-partner and say things like that to his "better half." That is not how a godly husband or church leader should talk.
"I married my husband, May 2012."
It sounds like you have been living in Gehenna since then. Can you take sixty more years of this?
"I have to admit i might be what you can a strong willed child. "
--This probably kept you alive. Be grateful for the strong will!
"We would spend almost every day together praying or going to people houses and pray and fasting. "
This goes along with the other descriptions of how demanding he is -- as though he believes God requires a very stringent set of practices for every believer. But you know, I hope, that our salvation is not based on what we have earned. It is God's love and grace that saves us, not our goodness.
It seems overly zealous to deprive oneself of food every day. Admirable, but also a symptom of cult tendencies.
On him ignoring the kids-- men not comfortable with babies, and tend to assume it all comes naturally to women so they should do "their thing" while the men do what they're comfortable doing. Especially if they have religious convictions about what they think women's roles are.
Duties at church are easier than figuring out a crying baby. But these are his children too, and his responsibility. He is already alienating them.
"So this must be where God wants me."
Perhaps the lesson is in decision-making more concretely, concertedly. So far, more intuitive conclusions have led to troubles. I know that God speaks to us prophetically, but other forces can too... so it's best to combine scriptures, insight, common sense and research to form conclusions.
Common sense tells me you are in danger. Start researching alternate places to stay, in case things get intolerable. (More intolerable.) Build up a network of supportive friends who can give you strength, and a ride in an emergency. Even if you don't have a lot of women around you now, it wouldn't take much to join a mother's group or daytime Bible study at another church.
Preserve your life.
