I offered to take my wife to Paris for tenth Aniversary, she said no...?

[Vollkommen Warrior]

I want to do a poll on how many women would say no vs yes and why? I told her most women would want to go. No money issues, we have a little one under 5 and she does not want to leave simply because of that and that she is not afraid but simply doesn't like to fly considering the world we currently live in. I thought it would be romantic... O, well.

 

[katelyn]

She didn't give a reason? Hm. If I were to say no, the reasons would probably be money or children. With the money thing, even if we had lots of money, I might feel bad about spending a ton of money on a fancy trip. But I guess it would depend on how often we splurged on stuff like that and whatnot...I don't know.

 

[HeatherJay]

I want to do a poll on how many women would say no vs yes and why? I told her most women would want to go. No money issues, we have a little one under 5 and she does not want to leave simply because of that and that she is not afraid but simply doesn't like to fly considering the world we currently live in. I thought it would be romantic... O, well.

Well, I voted yes. Because I would go to Paris with my husband if he wanted to go, but he probably wouldn't ever suggest that we take a 'grown-up' vacation until our kids are more grown up themselves. But, don't take your wife's 'no' too personally. Maybe her idea of a wonderful 10th anniversary would be something you could all do as a family. Just because you bring your little one along doesn't mean you still couldn't do romantic things on your trip. We have two girls (5 and 3) and I would HATE to be away from them for more than a day or two...I would miss them so much I probably wouldn't be able to have much fun without them.

Your gesture is very sweet and romantic, but maybe you could instead tell your wife you'd like to plan a vacation for your anniversary, and ask her where she'd most like to go. Many hotels offer child care or activities, so the two of you could still have some one-on-one time together, even if you decided to include your little one.

Perhaps to your wife the most romantic trip would be a family trip...it would be to me, anyway.

Love, Heather

 

[Vollkommen Warrior]

Wow, what a thoughtful response Heather! Yes, I will consider taking our little one an option as well. Thank you!

 

[Tangnefedd]

I am sorry your wife has responded in this way, romantic gestures of this sort are not to be rejected unless there is good reason for doing so! Do you have a trusted relative with whom you could leave the child? If my husband had suggested a trip to Paris when my kids were small, I would have been packing my case straight away, once I was assured that the kids were being well looked after.

I was quite happy for my mum to have my kids to give me a break, even though she lived a few hundred miles away across the water, she was wonderful with them. In fact my daughter enrolled in school for a term when staying with my parents, on the island of my birth, when she was four years old. She couldn't start school in the UK until she was 5 years old and was bored! It worked out brilliantly. I think it is good for small children to have a bit of independence from their parents, providing they are very well looked after. If they are used to staying with relatives and friends, from time to time, they will not feel quite so abandoned if there is a family emergency and they have to be put into someone else's care.

I took my husband to Paris for his 50th bithday present, we had a very pleasant time.

If you take your child with you, Disneyland Paris is much smaller than the US equivalent, but is well laid out and great fun, we have been twice. I hope you get your holiday.

 

[Ruthie]

My husband and I recently had this same discussion about a trip to Port Douglas. There is no way I would travel that far away from our children. Should (Heaven Forbid) anything happen to them, there is no way we could get home in a reasonable amount of time. If they weren't going with us, then I'm just not interested in a trip that a destination that far away. Two hours is my max right now, and even that was harrowing when we broke down on the way home one time and had to make the babysitter wait with them four hours longer than we'd planned.

Ruthie

 

[William Nunn]

Probably because they eat snails in France. Snails are gross.

 

[selune]

Would love to when the kids are older, but my husband wouldn't ask until then either, he'd miss the lids too much also. He's a homebody too. We like to travel as a family though.

 

[Tangnefedd]

Probably because they eat snails in France. Snails are gross.

Have you ever been to France, William? It is a lovely place, as for eating snails they are served in some restaurants, just as they can be had in the UK, not a good reason for not wishing to go there. One could say that one does not wish to visit the US because President Bush is a little short in the brain department, and started an unnecessary war, but that would be a silly reason for not visiting, wouldn't it?

 

[Suzannah]

I voted yes, because:

"Twenty years from now, you'll regret the things you didn't do, rather than the things you did do. So cast off the bow lines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover."
-- Mark Twain.

 

[selune]

Yeah, but twenty years from now I won't regret spending time with my kids who will all be on their own and not kids anymore Twenty years from now, we can travel the world.

 

[Tangnefedd]

For those who would not contemplate leaving their children to go away on holiday, I would say that you do need time away from the kids. When children come along, as much as you love them, they do make tremendous demands on a marriage and you need to have time for yourselves. Too many women, in particular, have devoted themselves 100% to their children until they are adults, then suddenly the woman wakes up one day and discovers the chicks have fled the nest, and she is left with her husband who is a bit of a stranger. Some marriages can fall apart at this stage because there is nothing to keep them together. If you have a willing, trusted person who is happy to look after your children from time to time, jump at the chance, I did, and my kids were none the worse, in fact they were less clingy than those of some of my friends, they didn't suffer from home sickness when as older children they went away on school trips abroad. In my opinion time away from the children is good for us, and good for them.

 

[lucypevensie]

Probably because they eat snails in France. Snails are gross.

Have you ever been to France, William? It is a lovely place, as for eating snails they are served in some restaurants, just as they can be had in the UK, not a good reason for not wishing to go there. One could say that one does not wish to visit the US because President Bush is a little short in the brain department, and started an unnecessary war, but that would be a silly reason for not visiting, wouldn't it?

I'm pretty sure his comment was meant to be humorous

 

[Blessed5]

I voted yes, but would not go until kids are much older if not grown. I'd rather do family stuff till then, except for maybe a little romantic getaway near home......

 

[selune]

I voted yes, but would not go until kids are much older if not grown. I'd rather do family stuff till then, except for maybe a little romantic getaway near home......

That's exactly how I feel. I'm not at all comfortable with either set of parents watching our kids for that long of time due to issues of safety (they aren't the best about things that the little one shouldn't have) and I truly enjoy my kids. None are clingy (except the 8 month old, big surprise) and we have a great time exploring museums and parks and such together. My husband and I enjoy our time together in the evenings and are by no means strangers to eachother. I guess it's just personal preference, I'll wait until the kids are older to travel halfway around the world without them.

 

[HeatherJay]

For those who would not contemplate leaving their children to go away on holiday, I would say that you do need time away from the kids. When children come along, as much as you love them, they do make tremendous demands on a marriage and you need to have time for yourselves. Too many women, in particular, have devoted themselves 100% to their children until they are adults, then suddenly the woman wakes up one day and discovers the chicks have fled the nest, and she is left with her husband who is a bit of a stranger. Some marriages can fall apart at this stage because there is nothing to keep them together. If you have a willing, trusted person who is happy to look after your children from time to time, jump at the chance, I did, and my kids were none the worse, in fact they were less clingy than those of some of my friends, they didn't suffer from home sickness when as older children they went away on school trips abroad. In my opinion time away from the children is good for us, and good for them.

I would agree that I do need time away from the kids, but not weeks at a time. We get a babysitter a couple of times a month for 'date night'. And, after a couple of hours of grown-up time, I feel like a new woman. But, it doesn't take long before I start missing my kids. I recently had to spend a couple of days in the hospital and it was horrible. They were too young to be able to visit, and I missed them tremendously. I'd be completely unhappy if I knew that my kids were on the other side of the world without me. My husband and I have a wonderful relationship and we do make time for just the two of us, but the things that we REALLY love to do together involve our kids (yes, my husband is the one who's always smacking my butt at the zoo...I'm sure you've seen THAT guy When the kids get older, I'm sure they'll be completely mortified, but what are parents for? )

Love, Heather

 

[mamaneenie]

I voted no. It would be lovely, but my son is only 2. I wouldn't want to leave my baby just yet. In a few years it might be different.

 

[msjones21]

I voted yes (even though I'm not married) for three reasons:

1) I don't have children and don't plan on ever having children.
2) Going to Paris has always been my dream.
3) I have no reservations about traveling.

Your wife, I think, has very good reasons to not want to go. I don't think it was very fair for you to compare her to other wives by saying most would want to go. That's like when you're a kid and your parents won't buy you a certain toy and you say "well, Billy's mom let him have one!". I'm sure it hurt her feelings. I know that my mother never went on romantic trips with my dad because of us kids. She couldn't bear to be away from us. Plus, if she's afraid of flying you should respect that. That's a long flight to Paris and most of it is over water. I can undersand her fears and so should you. Honestly, I think it's a wonderful gesture and I'm sure she feels the same way, but you should also respect her decision and remember that there is plenty of time for romantic get-aways. Maybe you could plan a trip closer to home where she could get home quickly if she wanted to plus you could drive. Oh, and just my most humble opinion...you might wanna get her some flowers and apologize for the comment about most women going on a trip to Paris with their husband. *winks*

Oh, and another suggestion...don't take the little one to Paris. Plane trips and foreign countries are way too much for a small child to take in and then the whole romantic aspect of the trip would be shot. Plus they have to be immunized for their passport and that's traumatic enough as it is.

 

[Flipper]

I bet if you ask her to go for your 15th or 20th, she would.

 

[HeatherJay]

I bet if you ask her to go for your 10th or 15th, she would.

I think he DID ask her to go for their 10th anniversary.