I need your prayers...

[hopeful45]

Hello everyone,
I have spent half the evening looking for a Christian chat site to talk to other believers who are unevenly yoked too. I have been praying for my husband for 20 years and still he does his own thing. Tonight he is at the bar again with his friends. I have caught him talking and sending letters to other women and it has gotten to where I don't trust him at all any more. He has lied straight to my face and doesn't seem the least bit sorry for the pain he has caused. I am so tired of the lies. I have asked him if he wants a divorce, but he insist that he doesn't. The pain is more than I can handle. Every time he goes out, I promise myself that I am not going to get upset, yet I start thinking about what he's doing and if he is with someone and I loose it. By the time he comes home, I am so angry and hurt that I don't want to talk to, or see him. I pray that God would answer my prayers and that the pain would stop. It has gotten so bad that I don't want to look at him, I get too angry. I need your prayers. I do believe that prayer works, if I didn't I wouldn't be here. I pray for his salvation and the healing of our marriage.

 

[MERCY@GRACE]

Welcome hopeful You are in the right forum as I believe we all have our own unique problems that accompany being unequally yoked! Has your dh just recently started this behavior, or has it been like this your whole marriage?


To be honest I Don't know if I Could tolerate the emotional affairs,but then again it's easy for me to say that b/c I am not you and haven't had to go through it. Is counseling out of the pic?

 

[Soulwinner79]

If it were me I would leave. because I would get tired of being treated that way. If you want I would try counseling first. If he doesn't want to go you start anyways.If its past that point I would leave because hes not going to change unless you do something to see what he is doing is wrong. I wouldn't file for divorce though just a separation trial and see how things go from there.

 

[Racheal]

Hi hopeful45,
Its sad to hear this.. im sorry. 20 years of prayer is a long time, but all eternity in hell for your husband is even longer.
Father i pray for hopeful45 for renewed strength. I ask Lord that her husband can see You in her, that he will see what Love is. I ask that you can soften his heart so he can recieve You. I love You Lord and i have faith that You are in control of all things. In Jesus' mighty name. Amen.

 

[KleinerApfel]

Amen to Racheal's prayer. Hopeful, may God renew your hope to keep you going.


Blessings, Susana

 

[hopeful45]

I have talked to him about counceling before, he thinks there is no problem, and that our business is no one elses. I feel stuck here because I have no where to go. My parents both died many years ago, if fact the house we live in, I put my inhertitance into. He makes the house payments, so he's not going anywhere. I feel alone and stuck..only God knows the way out. I don't really want out, I just want him to be saved and be the man God made him to be. I want my family to be whole, I don't want to give into the enemy.

 

[LostnFound]

I so hear you!!!!!! My heart has been hardened by my husband's behavior, and I am trying to pray that the Lord both soften my heart, and show me the direction I must go. So far, He hasn't led me in a path that indicates seperation, although that is what I most want, at this point. He has done it enough times that I know that He will show me the path he desires for me. So I pray, and wait, and try to stay in his will.

 

[hopeful45]

I so hear you!!!!!! My heart has been hardened by my husband's behavior, and I am trying to pray that the Lord both soften my heart, and show me the direction I must go. So far, He hasn't led me in a path that indicates seperation, although that is what I most want, at this point. He has done it enough times that I know that He will show me the path he desires for me. So I pray, and wait, and try to stay in his will.

It is very hard not to have your heart harden by their behavior. I keep thinking I don't care anymore, yet if I didn't, it wouldn't hurt so badly. Somedays, I can't think about it, it is enough of a struggle to get threw the day. I'm not bad when I get away from him, it's when I come home. As long as I am at work, I can concentrate on helping other people. I get so fustrated with him. I got saved not long after we were married. He says I'm no fun anymore, cause I don't like to party it up like I use to. I have tried going to the bar with him, but I am so uncomfortable there. I keep thinking, What if Jesus comes back tonight? I don't want him to find me here...I am very torn on what to do. Every time I pray about it, all I get is to keep loving him....so I have learned to take it one day at a time, sometimes it's one minute at a time....God help us all. I often wonder why I got saved first if the man is the head of the household..I have a lot of questions. Thank you for taking the time to write me. I am desperate to talk to others who are going threw the same painful waiting. There must be a reason. There is a lessson I am missing or something. I'm not sure. I don't want to give up because, what if the answer is right around the corner? I've come too far to quit. So I figure we must all stick together and pray for one another...and "Be still and know that he is God" and that nothing is impossible with God, not even a hard headed husband....the hard part is staying out of Gods way.

 

[KleinerApfel]

He says I'm no fun anymore, cause I don't like to party it up like I use to. I have tried going to the bar with him, but I am so uncomfortable there. I keep thinking, What if Jesus comes back tonight? I don't want him to find me here...I am very torn on what to do.

There is no problem just being in a bar, or even having a social drink.
Jesus loved and mixed with those labelled; "sinners" and would not be angry to find you among them. In fact we're meant to mingle a bit; being "salt and light."
The important part is keeping your own purity within any environment: drink only sensible amounts, or soft drinks only, and just be yourself and enjoy your husband's company.

If he gets drunk, behaves badly, or ignores you when he's with his friends, then I would say your going along isn't helping, but if he appreciates having that time out with you, then maybe it would be a good way to reassure him you are still the woman he married.

I often wonder why I got saved first if the man is the head of the household..I have a lot of questions. Thank you for taking the time to write me. I am desperate to talk to others who are going threw the same painful waiting. There must be a reason.

Take a look at 1 Peter 3:1,2
"Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behaviour of their wives, when they see the purity and reverence of your lives."

Don't feel pressured to "convert" him yourself. Try to look after your own relationship with the Lord, who wants to be your first support for your life.
The subtle changes that gradually show in your life can be used by God, but it's not all down to you. There are other Christians God can use who may be able to reach your husband easier, and most important remember that God is not willing that anyone be lost. He is working on this lost sheep invisibly.

There is a lessson I am missing or something. I'm not sure.

It is not your fault that your husband is resisting God! Don't take on a burden that is not yours to carry. (Hard, I know.)
God wants your husband saved so much; much more than He wants to teach you any "lesson".
You probably will grow in the Lord through these trials even so.
But that is not why your DH isn't saved. You haven't failed some test.

I don't want to give up because, what if the answer is right around the corner? I've come too far to quit. So I figure we must all stick together and pray for one another...and "Be still and know that he is God" and that nothing is impossible with God, not even a hard headed husband....the hard part is staying out of Gods way.

That's good - see; you've already grown in faith, hope and perseverance to get you this far, and those will grow as much as you need them in the future. Just stick close to the Lord and seek support from other Christians. Here is a good place for that, I find. Is your church any help?

I'm sorry you're going through such pain. A marriage to a non-Christian doesn't have to be like this. Ask God to bring about some particular, individual changes in your day-to-day life with your DH, that will help you hang on.

Lord, soften this man's heart, so that he can love his wife, and ultimately love You. In Jesus name, amen.

We had a prayer thread going; I'll look for it and add you - let me know if you want to put his name on.
Come back and talk again.

God bless, Susana

 

[hopeful45]

Dear Susana,

Thank you for taking the time to write back. It is Saturday night here, and he has gone out to the bar again, and I am home with the little one. I have done better the last two weeks when he is getting ready to leave. I have tried to go with him to the bar, I don't like how he acts there. He's different. I can't stand when he's drinking. I have some issues with the drinking part. I was abused as a child and some of these things bring back memories. I have told him, he can not handle it so he ignors it. Some of the abuse was sexual and there was drinking involved. When I use to party with him, I was running from the feelings by drinking myself. I don't see anything wrong with having a drink once in a while, in fact I do. I could tell you so many stories how God has used things in my life, horrible things, to make me the person I am. My mother once appoligized for the things that had happened, but like I told her, I wouldn't be the person I am if they hadn't. I wouldn't understand or have compassion for those around me who are hurting. Some things are hard to comprehend if you haven't lived threw them. God has been with me my whole life, threw every horrible ordeal, even though he didn't take away the things that were happening, he was with me. He brought me threw them. I could never have made it threw without him. Of that, I am certain! When I think of how I turned my back on God all those years without even realizing it, I have hope for my husband. I am holding on to his promise in Acts 16:31 Believe on the Lord Jesus and you will be saved, and your entire household. He is an awsome God, isn't he? I'm sorry that I am going on and on. Thank you again for taking the time to write,and I really do appreciate your prayers. Still hopeful after all these years.

 

[LostnFound]

I don't have anything productive to add. I just wabted you to know that I'm still here, with you!

 

[hopeful45]

Today has been a very difficult day. Most of the time I can keep everything in check, I can't today. The damn broke. I couldn't even make it threw work. I left and now I'm sitting here alone. I needed the time alone, no where to run to, nothing i have to do right this moment, just spend time seeking God. I need his help. I need him to shine his light on my path. To give me an answer on what to do next, because I haven't a clue. Everything is so overwhelming that all I can do is cry. When will all this pain end? Sometimes I just want to go home to be with my Father in heaven to make it all stop, then I think of my little boy and I know I can't leave just yet. He still needs me. So here I am looking to God for his help once again. I need an answer to my prayers.

 

[LostnFound]

Father God, please bring this child of yours peace of heart and a still spirit in this hour of her need.

 

[KleinerApfel]

Hopeful, I'm sorry I missed this earlier.

You won't get a lot of traffic on this particluar board, so any time you need a quick response post somewhere else too, (Prayer requests, Deeper fellowship?), or PM me to pray if I'm online. I don't always check here because I don't expect anyone to be here!

I pray you'll find your comfort in the Lord this evening, and that He will soften your husband's heart toward you.

God bless you, Susana

 

[prayingwife1]

This is such a hard situation.

I know that it's hard...my husband doesn't run around on me or go to bars and get drunk, but he tells me about how he is attracted to other women. He tells me that he is not completely satisfied with me and that I just don't "do it for him" in certain ways, but that he is confused why this is. I am pretty attractive, and he thinks this. He likes me a lot and loves me. But he thinks about other women all of the time.

So while he does not actually go out and act on these things, I am hurt as if he does. There is no difference to me.

I know why my husband does these things, and why your husband does, too. They are not satisfied with us because they are not satisfied with life because they need God.

I can't give you any answers. If I had the answers I would have fixed my own problem. But hopefully it will help to know others are out there. I'll be praying for you. Please pray for me, too.

 

[hopeful45]

This is such a hard situation.

I know that it's hard...my husband doesn't run around on me or go to bars and get drunk, but he tells me about how he is attracted to other women. He tells me that he is not completely satisfied with me and that I just don't "do it for him" in certain ways, but that he is confused why this is. I am pretty attractive, and he thinks this. He likes me a lot and loves me. But he thinks about other women all of the time.

So while he does not actually go out and act on these things, I am hurt as if he does. There is no difference to me.

I know why my husband does these things, and why your husband does, too. They are not satisfied with us because they are not satisfied with life because they need God.

I can't give you any answers. If I had the answers I would have fixed my own problem. But hopefully it will help to know others are out there. I'll be praying for you. Please pray for me, too.

Dear prayingwife1,
I will be praying for you and your husband. I am sorry that your husband says those things to you, that has to hurt. I'm not sure which would be worse. I can't stand to be lied to or have someone sneak around.. Both drive me crazy. My husband just left to go out again, it helps to have you all to talk to, and to know that I am not alone. The real challenge to me is to keep my mouth shut. I get so angry that I go off, that or I won't talk to him at all. I am never sure how to respond. I can't quite let it go. I can't understand why he would do half the things he does. Next weekend we have a birthday party to go to for one of his friends. I am not looking forward to it. I would love to do things with him, but going to the bar and drinking isn't my idea of a good time. Since we have been married it has always been his friends and doing the things he wants. The one time I tried to do things with my friends he made me feel so guilty, that's also when he started talking to this girl on the internet. That progressed to him calling her.. I don't know if he is still talking to her or not. He has lied right to my face so many times that I just don't trust anything he says anymore. I pray that God would bring light to the whole situation. I wonder why he is so misserable and why he is running from God. The only thing I know for sure is that I can't do this for him, that I love him, and that I am tired of the way things are. I am constantly praying for him, even when I can't stand to be in the same room with him. We need a miracle in our marriage. We all do.