Hello,
I want to tell you a bit about myself before I tell you the issue I'm dealing with, so you can sort of see things through my eyes.
I was raised Catholic. I have an extremely Catholic family. My great uncle is a retired Catholic priest, my mom's brother was working towards becoming a priest before determining it wasn't for him. My mom and dad go to church every Sunday and when I was a kid I was always forced into going with them. For a time (around 2004-2005) I was really into it. I even thought about joining the priesthood. Then things started happening.
My mom was diagnosed with lymphoma and has been struggling with it for years now. We almost lost her but she is still fighting. It comes and goes but the battle is a constant.
My great uncle is in the hospital now with the early stages of dementia. I idolized him growing up and still do, and it's painful to see him going through this.
A few years ago I began rejecting God and religion as a whole. I read atheist arguments and they started making sense to me. They still do, to be honest. I built my life around this. I married a non-practicing Anglican in January. She is no doubt my soul mate and the love of my life, I don't question that. We had a non-Catholic wedding...I wanted a Catholic wedding but she refused and I didn't fight it.
She's away for the weekend. I woke up this morning with a weird feeling. One I hadn't felt in years. I felt a void in my life. I thought all I ever wanted was to be married, have a stable job and children, live in a nice house and live my life. I'm now married, I have a stable job, children are definitely in my future within the next couple of years, and a nice house will become a reality by the end of this year, in all likelihood. And yet it's not enough.
When I woke up today, I found myself in a daze. I had this yearning to go back to God, somehow. I prayed for the first time in over 3 years. I asked God to forgive me, to allow me back into his good graces...and I felt a sense of relief. It felt like the void had been filled.
I don't care how much sense some of the atheist arguments make to me. I'm the biggest skeptic you'll find and yet this moment of feeling whole again makes those arguments completely worthless and...earthly. It's hard to explain.
My problem is I don't know what to do next. I believe in the Catholic Church, I do. I believe in their morals and values, I believe in their rituals and overall beliefs. Yes, I know of the corruption, I know of the mistakes the Church has made. But the Church is made up of mortal men who are fallible just like you and I. I look at my own life and I've made mistakes...yet if not for those mistakes I wouldn't have been led to my wife or to the life I'm living now, so I can't help but think God does have a plan for me after all.
My problem is...what do I do next? I'm open to other denominations but there's something about the Catholic Church that calls to me. I just don't think I can live a Catholic life the way I previously had. My wife is against it, so my children won't be raised Catholic. That makes it difficult to fully embrace it again.
And yet I look at Anglicanism and it's close to Catholicism yet...missing something.
I don't know. I need your advice. What do I do?
I want to tell you a bit about myself before I tell you the issue I'm dealing with, so you can sort of see things through my eyes.
I was raised Catholic. I have an extremely Catholic family. My great uncle is a retired Catholic priest, my mom's brother was working towards becoming a priest before determining it wasn't for him. My mom and dad go to church every Sunday and when I was a kid I was always forced into going with them. For a time (around 2004-2005) I was really into it. I even thought about joining the priesthood. Then things started happening.
My mom was diagnosed with lymphoma and has been struggling with it for years now. We almost lost her but she is still fighting. It comes and goes but the battle is a constant.
My great uncle is in the hospital now with the early stages of dementia. I idolized him growing up and still do, and it's painful to see him going through this.
A few years ago I began rejecting God and religion as a whole. I read atheist arguments and they started making sense to me. They still do, to be honest. I built my life around this. I married a non-practicing Anglican in January. She is no doubt my soul mate and the love of my life, I don't question that. We had a non-Catholic wedding...I wanted a Catholic wedding but she refused and I didn't fight it.
She's away for the weekend. I woke up this morning with a weird feeling. One I hadn't felt in years. I felt a void in my life. I thought all I ever wanted was to be married, have a stable job and children, live in a nice house and live my life. I'm now married, I have a stable job, children are definitely in my future within the next couple of years, and a nice house will become a reality by the end of this year, in all likelihood. And yet it's not enough.
When I woke up today, I found myself in a daze. I had this yearning to go back to God, somehow. I prayed for the first time in over 3 years. I asked God to forgive me, to allow me back into his good graces...and I felt a sense of relief. It felt like the void had been filled.
I don't care how much sense some of the atheist arguments make to me. I'm the biggest skeptic you'll find and yet this moment of feeling whole again makes those arguments completely worthless and...earthly. It's hard to explain.
My problem is I don't know what to do next. I believe in the Catholic Church, I do. I believe in their morals and values, I believe in their rituals and overall beliefs. Yes, I know of the corruption, I know of the mistakes the Church has made. But the Church is made up of mortal men who are fallible just like you and I. I look at my own life and I've made mistakes...yet if not for those mistakes I wouldn't have been led to my wife or to the life I'm living now, so I can't help but think God does have a plan for me after all.
My problem is...what do I do next? I'm open to other denominations but there's something about the Catholic Church that calls to me. I just don't think I can live a Catholic life the way I previously had. My wife is against it, so my children won't be raised Catholic. That makes it difficult to fully embrace it again.
And yet I look at Anglicanism and it's close to Catholicism yet...missing something.
I don't know. I need your advice. What do I do?
