I am uncomfortable opening this very personal problem to a public forum. However, the wisdom and love and humility I have seen displayed here gives me courage. I need prayer because of a very difficult situation I am going through. It's difficult to find a way to give background and info in this situation without having to write a book. I just ask the Lord to help me share this as briefly and succinctly as possible. Please, any who may offer advise or wisdom, please pray before you speak. I am in a very precarious position and I desparately want to be in God's will in this situation. So, here goes.
My relationship with my sister is in shambles. A few months ago, she emailed me and started to tell me the things I was doing, and had been doing wrong in our relationship. I was very hurt and angry, and a little confused. Every time I tried to answer the email, it became bitter and I would say some really nasty things. So I just sent one saying I would think and pray about the things she had said. I went to the Lord for some kind of direction. It was a couple of days before I got an answer, and when I did, I was certain I had not heard correctly. He said "Witchcraft", and He impressed on me that He was making that reference about my sister. I didn't understand this, but I remembered some years ago hearing a teaching about witchcraft that had to do with people controlling and manipulating other people. I knew this had always been true with my sister and over the years I had gradually learned to keep things to myself. I had incurred her wrath quite a bit in the past by not keeping my mouth shut. Also, the Lord told me " do not cast your pearls before swine, lest they trample them under their feet, and turn and tear you in pieces."
This was such hard truth about someone I love. Also, she is a Christian. But the Lord showed me how over the years I had done exactly that, my pearls being the things that were close to my heart and she had torn me to pieces. He began bringing memories back from when we were children and how complacent I was and how my sister would ridicule and critizize me. Our parents were not very good parents and there has been an issue in my past through therapy and later on by a word of knowledge from a lady at church regarding my being sexually abused as a child. I have had dreams, but no direct memory. Recently, my sister began dealing with her own memories about sexual abuse from our dad. All of this has been coming out. My sister and I have had several confrontations since this original email, but I can't have the relationship with her that we have had in the past. I believe the Lord has convicted me of idolatry in that I have allowed her to control and manipulate me. Over the years I have dealt with constant fears and phobias. God has delivered me from many of them. I feel that this situation is the most important thing other than my salvation, that I have ever dealt with in my spiritual life. The pattern in the past with my sister is that no matter what happened, who did what, I was the one to apologize and ask for her forgiveness. If I didn't she would not speak to me, or worse would be very faky sweet. I don't remember her ever apologizing to me about anything. She has and has had in the past many problems in her relationships. I have always been too ready to beg everyone's forgiveness about anything. I feel that the Lord has shown me that my sister hates me because I was born. That sounds stupid, but it is a child's reaction. He has shown me that I have never felt like I deserved to even take up space on this planet. That my sister's belief about me was that the only purpose I had, and have is to be a puppet for her. God doesn't want me to be a puppet for anyone. He wants me to serve Him only.
I want to do that. I believe He wants me to leave her to Him, so that He may deal with her and with me separately and free us both from the bondage of this unhealthy and unholy relationship. I would appreciate any prayers and feed back from any who feel compelled by God to do so. If a lot of this seems vague, I will answer any questions from you in explanation or be more specific if you need me to. I feel like broken glass inside and that every nerve is exposed. I hurt so bad, and I am so afraid. I know this is necessary, but the enemy keeps trying to beat me down and tell me I'm selfish and wrong and bad like my sister says I am. I want to hold fast in the Lord. Please help me in any way you can.
My relationship with my sister is in shambles. A few months ago, she emailed me and started to tell me the things I was doing, and had been doing wrong in our relationship. I was very hurt and angry, and a little confused. Every time I tried to answer the email, it became bitter and I would say some really nasty things. So I just sent one saying I would think and pray about the things she had said. I went to the Lord for some kind of direction. It was a couple of days before I got an answer, and when I did, I was certain I had not heard correctly. He said "Witchcraft", and He impressed on me that He was making that reference about my sister. I didn't understand this, but I remembered some years ago hearing a teaching about witchcraft that had to do with people controlling and manipulating other people. I knew this had always been true with my sister and over the years I had gradually learned to keep things to myself. I had incurred her wrath quite a bit in the past by not keeping my mouth shut. Also, the Lord told me " do not cast your pearls before swine, lest they trample them under their feet, and turn and tear you in pieces."
This was such hard truth about someone I love. Also, she is a Christian. But the Lord showed me how over the years I had done exactly that, my pearls being the things that were close to my heart and she had torn me to pieces. He began bringing memories back from when we were children and how complacent I was and how my sister would ridicule and critizize me. Our parents were not very good parents and there has been an issue in my past through therapy and later on by a word of knowledge from a lady at church regarding my being sexually abused as a child. I have had dreams, but no direct memory. Recently, my sister began dealing with her own memories about sexual abuse from our dad. All of this has been coming out. My sister and I have had several confrontations since this original email, but I can't have the relationship with her that we have had in the past. I believe the Lord has convicted me of idolatry in that I have allowed her to control and manipulate me. Over the years I have dealt with constant fears and phobias. God has delivered me from many of them. I feel that this situation is the most important thing other than my salvation, that I have ever dealt with in my spiritual life. The pattern in the past with my sister is that no matter what happened, who did what, I was the one to apologize and ask for her forgiveness. If I didn't she would not speak to me, or worse would be very faky sweet. I don't remember her ever apologizing to me about anything. She has and has had in the past many problems in her relationships. I have always been too ready to beg everyone's forgiveness about anything. I feel that the Lord has shown me that my sister hates me because I was born. That sounds stupid, but it is a child's reaction. He has shown me that I have never felt like I deserved to even take up space on this planet. That my sister's belief about me was that the only purpose I had, and have is to be a puppet for her. God doesn't want me to be a puppet for anyone. He wants me to serve Him only.
I want to do that. I believe He wants me to leave her to Him, so that He may deal with her and with me separately and free us both from the bondage of this unhealthy and unholy relationship. I would appreciate any prayers and feed back from any who feel compelled by God to do so. If a lot of this seems vague, I will answer any questions from you in explanation or be more specific if you need me to. I feel like broken glass inside and that every nerve is exposed. I hurt so bad, and I am so afraid. I know this is necessary, but the enemy keeps trying to beat me down and tell me I'm selfish and wrong and bad like my sister says I am. I want to hold fast in the Lord. Please help me in any way you can.
