- Jul 12, 2022
- 11
- 3
- Country
- United Kingdom
- Gender
- Female
- Faith
- Christian
- Marital Status
- Single
I feel it will help me a lot to share my story as I have it all trapped inside and it is not good for me as I keep being triggered
10 years ago social services became involved in my daughter's life
Was it necessary? Yes
Yet from the minute they stepped through the door my life became hell
I was at that time TRYING to keep my family TOGETHER YET as time went on I realised I HAD to make a choice and make it QUICKLY as social services were looking to see whose ''side'' I was on and I HAD to chose a side as I either supported my daughter entirely by making excuses for her , enabling her , being expected by her to lie for her etc OR I came clean with social services in order to protect my Grandson and NOT my daughter and I was being watched closely to see whom I chose as she DID need support as was in the throes of alcoholism BUT my Grandson needed care TOO as a vulnerable CHILD with special needs
I TRIED to 'do both' for a while and care for the both of them as I had moved in with them by then BUT the utter CHAOS and feeling like hell on earth of living with an alcoholic MY health gave way so I could no longer care for EITHER of them due to complete burnout
I had ALREADY made my ''choice'' by then and when social services asked me ''is she still drinking?'' even in front of her I said ''yes'' to show them I WOULD protect the CHILD over the ADULT even though there was HELL to pay from her afterwards!
I went home to recuperate and my Grandson was placed in foster care
I was then assessed to be his carer and I told them AFTER my recovery for burnout I would be willing and able to have my Grandson and therefore him be removed from foster care with a stranger ( we were VERY close indeed as I was on hand at all times to look after him from when he was very young )
I was failed for suitability due to the 3 deaths in the family which had made my daughters drinking problem spiral into alcoholism
They said I was grieving so could not take care of a child
They also used 'other' reasons based on FALSEHOOD as they had basically ''made up their mind'' about me as we were from the same FAMILY so we were tarred with the same BRUSH and I am NOT kidding or making it up but this particular social worker absolutely DELIGHTED in telling me I HAD FAILED - I could hear the real DELIGHT in her voice and how much she was really ENJOYING telling me I had failed and I kid you NOT
She had also twisted truths into lies in her reports
I never gave up and I continued with my bereavement counselling which I had already started for MYSELF as it was such a difficult time as my Brother in Law suddenly died in his 30's a few weeks after being diagnosed with bone cancer , his Mum died 8 days later from the SHOCK and we had a double funeral , 2 coffins , Mother and son ( which I was not allowed to CRY at , a family thing ) and THEN a month later I lost my baby Granddaughter at 9 months full term from my OTHER ( married and settled ) daughter from a heart defect which made my world come crashing down!
I was already MISSING my Grandson in foster care who I had help raise , then to lose baby Gabriella as WELL AND my MIL and BIL so close together AND be GLEEFULLY failed in my assessments to look after my Grandson , it was a HARD time
I MOVED HOME to a BEAUTIFUL little cottage for 2 and HAD FAITH as I BELIEVED my Grandson WOULD be placed with me and we asked for a change of social worker as this one was biased against me and had 'made her mind up' already and NOTHING I DID could change it but NO it was not allowed!!
SO I continued with my assessments which I kept failing for RIDICULOUS reasons and twisted lies but I kept going and my HIGHLIGHT was the weekly VISITS to my Grandson for 2 hours in a 'family centre' where I was WATCHED LIKE A HAWK and everything I said or did with my Grandson was WRITTEN down and this made me feel SOOO nervous and I could NEVER FULLY relax with him while being WATCHED like that and SCRUTINISED I felt NERVOUS if I even 'tickled him too hard' or did the 'wrong thing' in their eyes and I did not even know what the 'wrong thing' WAS or what they were LOOKING for or taking notes about but my daughter was there too , SOMETIMES , when she SHOWED UP which was about 1 out of 3 visits and sometimes she arrived intoxicated so the visit had to be stopped
Meanwhile a little 6 year old boy with trauma and learning disabilities was with a foster carer when he wanted to be with his FAMILY and he did always hug ME as we were SO close already AND I ALWAYS SHOWED UP EVERY SINGLE WEEK for him , my HIGHLIGHT of my LIFE and many TEARS SHED afterwards as I missed him SO SO much
Suddenly the social worker was replaced by a SENIOR one and she read what was written about me but I prayed she would START to see me with a FRESH pair of eyes as the reports were so damning and untrue but NO , not at first and for a long while and they started talking about ADOPTION and I thought NO I would give my LIFE to look after him and do EVERYTHING to give him the special care he NEEDED but I kept hitting a brick wall but persevered and sent emails to the social worker telling her about myself , my background how MUCH involvement I had in pretty much co parenting him due to my daughter's issues and ONE day she came round to asses me 'AGAIN' which was a 5 minute chat and BOOM she said ''we want to place him with you!''
THE HAPPIEST DAY IN MY ENTIRE LIFE was the day little man arrived with the social worker at my door with his bags as he had been BEGGING to live with me and CRYING AND CLINGING TO ME at eg his school sports days which was HEART BREAKING and he was NOT doing well without his Nanny
He settled in and YET he came to me with ISSUES OF COURSE , behavioural and emotional but I was his 'soft place to land' and I HAD CHOSEN HIM ''over'' my daughter because I HAD to and I had NO choice really as I HAD to MAKE a choice!!
He had sleep problems , nightmares , separation anxiety , anger ( of course ) , behavioural stuff etc but DAY BY DAY we worked on it TOGETHER and I NEVER left his side at bedtime until he was in a DEEP sleep as he would not let me and I used calming aromatherapy , a bop bag to get his anger out and we just chilled out on these HUGE cushions and I just WRAPPED HIM UP IN MY ARMS AND LOVED HIM
His SLEEP improved , he gained weight as he was underweight , his nightmares completely STOPPED , he GREW in confidence and HAPPINESS and his PERSONALITY came back in FULL FORM , he was doing AMAZING at school , making good friends etc just a different boy!
Social worker visits continued ( every fortnight ) and I hated the visits , one used to look in my fridge and cupboards EVERY time even though they were ALWAYS full and of good stuff lol and I was fostering him by then and had to have another assessment and go to panel , thankfully I PASSED and TWO social workers WERE NICE the rest I felt they could not be TRUSTED and I was RIGHT as one OPPOSED me completely from becoming my Grandsons legal guardian when Child Protection Services had ASKED ME TO and paid ALL my court fees as little man NEEDED PERMANENCY since his Mum was making NO improvements or efforts and was still drinking heavily and taking cocaine and smoking marijuana DAILY
It all went to court and THAT IS WHEN THINGS CHANGED between my daughter and I and I knew they would as I became the child stealing ENEMY
Her son was TRAUMATISED before and after contact and she was sadly pretending to be clean when she was NOT which has continued to this DAY
She played as dirty as SIN in court and brought approx 70 false and DISGUSTING allegations against me which I still find hard to talk about
2 HORRENDOUSLY stressful years later as the fridge checking social worker was still OPPOSING me from being his guardian so I had to have a FULL psychiatric evaluation and disclose ALL of my GP medical records to her and her manager and they were basically saying I was too tired and old to have him which the judge laughed out of court and said SHE is tired and old! Lol
My daughter had a FIELD DAY with me in court as well and the court guardian became my daughters BEST FRIEND because my daughter is extremely charming and manipulative and an EXCELLENT LIAR so her lies were WORKING for a long while
I was grilled , scrutinised , checked over , grilled again like a kipper and all my daughter had to do was PRETEND she was not drinking anymore and charm the socks of everyone and it WORKED even to the point of I was accused of bringing a FALSE ALLEGATION WITH THREAT of REMOVAL of my Grandson because she was OFF HER NUT on drink and drugs at contact and I reported it!!!
I was NOT believed and social services went MAD at me and came round and said ONE more ''false allegation'' and they will come straight round and REMOVE my Grandson from my care!!!
Thank GOD a week later her hair strand test was due and it came back ''chronic excessive alcohol use'' ( they refused to test for cocaine )
I warned them about other things , not to be believed but which came to pass , so EVENTUALLY things turned around and I was awarded guardianship but therefore became the enemy of my WHOLE family and I mean EVERYONE as they see my DAUGHTER as the victim and NOT my Grandson OR her OTHER child she had since who is still with her currently who ticks EVERY box for fetal alcohol syndrome disorder but NO 'poor thing' her and 'wicked Mother' me who REPORTS her if she is intoxicated or off her nut on drugs at contact whereas they LIE for her to social services and have chosen HER over the CHILDREN and there IS a choice whether we like it or NOT and I feel it is called ENABLING as I did it for YEARS with my daughter when I was finally faced with the CHOICE , KIDS or GROWN ADULT who can get some help for themselves , so I chose the vulnerable CHILDREN who NEED me now
My PROBLEM is now SOCIAL WORKER ANXIETY as they have put me through SO MUCH and it is BACK IN COURT as my daughter keeps dragging me back to court and yet making no CHANGES to her habits just lies better and better as time goes on!
I have had OVER 20 social workers in the past 10 years , my Grandson has been with me for 8 happy years BUT the STRESS of court AND social workers who I do not TRUST as most put the parental interests AHEAD of the child so I was TRIGGERED BADLY today by a social worker insisting he came over to interview my Grandson with learning disabilities who FREAKS OUT WITH HIGH ANXIETY at that type of thing and has BARELY ANY SPEECH anyway nor does he UNDERSTAND the questions and does not have the cognitive capacity to ANSWER which I put in an email to the social worker but they have so much POWER my fear and anxiety kicks in ESPECIALLY as a Facebook friend had her children removed UNFAIRLY recently and mine is probably not a RATIONAL fear although I was treated SUSPICIOUSLY by two NHS workers as it has REMAINED on his notes that he is ''on a child protection plan'' which is HISTORIC from when he LIVED WITH HIS MUM but they did not bother to CHECK WITH ANYONE and my fear of my Grandson's REMOVAL as well as ALWAYS being treated with some SUSPICION is GETTING to me now as no one LISTENS to me or my point of view as my daughter is SO forceful and therefore OVER RIDING with hers I feel I KNOW what David is saying when he asks God to SAVE HIM FROM HIS ENEMY WHO IS TOO POWERFUL FOR HIM as although family she is an 'enemy' in court etc as she LIES against me and plays SO rotten DIRTY literally as sin and LOW and she was RAISED a Christian but has chosen the UNGODLY way to try and 'get her child back' and NOT the path of TRUTH AND RIGHTEOUSNESS and the social workers JOIN IN as most of them are honestly SCARED OF HER as she harasses them way beyond their limits so they just want to do ANYTHING SHE WANTS to get RID of her and shut her up , that's how she gets what she wants!
Anyway I have been in TEARS all DAY since the social workers email as it TRIGGERED me as they NEVER believe ME and always believe and give into my daughter's DEMANDS and I feel like a LITTLE PERSON who NO ONE listens to when I am TRYING to stand up for the CHILDREN but am NEVER BELIEVED and always DISCRIMINATED against or JUDGED AS INCOMPETENT when I am most certainly NOT and my Grandson does not think so but he beyond HATES being interviewed and gets muddled , says what he thinks THEY WANT TO HEAR which actually BACKFIRES ON US THEN so let us see what happens anyway as I cannot take much more of the pressure and harassment etc to the point I would WANT to take on my little Grandson since his Mum is still drinking etc and LYING about it but the SOCIAL SERVICES STUFF of them ( mostly , or in THIS case ) never putting the CHILD FIRST and always taking the side of and BELIEVING the parent UNTIL something so absolutely DRASTIC happens that they HAVE to take note like her best friend the court 'guardian' HAD to in the end and 'do her job' and she still literally RAN after my daughter after the hearing to 'explain' why she HAD to make the decision she made as everyone tends to lick my daughters feet and IGNORE MY VULNERABLE GRANDCHILDREN , and me
10 years ago social services became involved in my daughter's life
Was it necessary? Yes
Yet from the minute they stepped through the door my life became hell
I was at that time TRYING to keep my family TOGETHER YET as time went on I realised I HAD to make a choice and make it QUICKLY as social services were looking to see whose ''side'' I was on and I HAD to chose a side as I either supported my daughter entirely by making excuses for her , enabling her , being expected by her to lie for her etc OR I came clean with social services in order to protect my Grandson and NOT my daughter and I was being watched closely to see whom I chose as she DID need support as was in the throes of alcoholism BUT my Grandson needed care TOO as a vulnerable CHILD with special needs
I TRIED to 'do both' for a while and care for the both of them as I had moved in with them by then BUT the utter CHAOS and feeling like hell on earth of living with an alcoholic MY health gave way so I could no longer care for EITHER of them due to complete burnout
I had ALREADY made my ''choice'' by then and when social services asked me ''is she still drinking?'' even in front of her I said ''yes'' to show them I WOULD protect the CHILD over the ADULT even though there was HELL to pay from her afterwards!
I went home to recuperate and my Grandson was placed in foster care
I was then assessed to be his carer and I told them AFTER my recovery for burnout I would be willing and able to have my Grandson and therefore him be removed from foster care with a stranger ( we were VERY close indeed as I was on hand at all times to look after him from when he was very young )
I was failed for suitability due to the 3 deaths in the family which had made my daughters drinking problem spiral into alcoholism
They said I was grieving so could not take care of a child
They also used 'other' reasons based on FALSEHOOD as they had basically ''made up their mind'' about me as we were from the same FAMILY so we were tarred with the same BRUSH and I am NOT kidding or making it up but this particular social worker absolutely DELIGHTED in telling me I HAD FAILED - I could hear the real DELIGHT in her voice and how much she was really ENJOYING telling me I had failed and I kid you NOT
She had also twisted truths into lies in her reports
I never gave up and I continued with my bereavement counselling which I had already started for MYSELF as it was such a difficult time as my Brother in Law suddenly died in his 30's a few weeks after being diagnosed with bone cancer , his Mum died 8 days later from the SHOCK and we had a double funeral , 2 coffins , Mother and son ( which I was not allowed to CRY at , a family thing ) and THEN a month later I lost my baby Granddaughter at 9 months full term from my OTHER ( married and settled ) daughter from a heart defect which made my world come crashing down!
I was already MISSING my Grandson in foster care who I had help raise , then to lose baby Gabriella as WELL AND my MIL and BIL so close together AND be GLEEFULLY failed in my assessments to look after my Grandson , it was a HARD time
I MOVED HOME to a BEAUTIFUL little cottage for 2 and HAD FAITH as I BELIEVED my Grandson WOULD be placed with me and we asked for a change of social worker as this one was biased against me and had 'made her mind up' already and NOTHING I DID could change it but NO it was not allowed!!
SO I continued with my assessments which I kept failing for RIDICULOUS reasons and twisted lies but I kept going and my HIGHLIGHT was the weekly VISITS to my Grandson for 2 hours in a 'family centre' where I was WATCHED LIKE A HAWK and everything I said or did with my Grandson was WRITTEN down and this made me feel SOOO nervous and I could NEVER FULLY relax with him while being WATCHED like that and SCRUTINISED I felt NERVOUS if I even 'tickled him too hard' or did the 'wrong thing' in their eyes and I did not even know what the 'wrong thing' WAS or what they were LOOKING for or taking notes about but my daughter was there too , SOMETIMES , when she SHOWED UP which was about 1 out of 3 visits and sometimes she arrived intoxicated so the visit had to be stopped
Meanwhile a little 6 year old boy with trauma and learning disabilities was with a foster carer when he wanted to be with his FAMILY and he did always hug ME as we were SO close already AND I ALWAYS SHOWED UP EVERY SINGLE WEEK for him , my HIGHLIGHT of my LIFE and many TEARS SHED afterwards as I missed him SO SO much
Suddenly the social worker was replaced by a SENIOR one and she read what was written about me but I prayed she would START to see me with a FRESH pair of eyes as the reports were so damning and untrue but NO , not at first and for a long while and they started talking about ADOPTION and I thought NO I would give my LIFE to look after him and do EVERYTHING to give him the special care he NEEDED but I kept hitting a brick wall but persevered and sent emails to the social worker telling her about myself , my background how MUCH involvement I had in pretty much co parenting him due to my daughter's issues and ONE day she came round to asses me 'AGAIN' which was a 5 minute chat and BOOM she said ''we want to place him with you!''
THE HAPPIEST DAY IN MY ENTIRE LIFE was the day little man arrived with the social worker at my door with his bags as he had been BEGGING to live with me and CRYING AND CLINGING TO ME at eg his school sports days which was HEART BREAKING and he was NOT doing well without his Nanny
He settled in and YET he came to me with ISSUES OF COURSE , behavioural and emotional but I was his 'soft place to land' and I HAD CHOSEN HIM ''over'' my daughter because I HAD to and I had NO choice really as I HAD to MAKE a choice!!
He had sleep problems , nightmares , separation anxiety , anger ( of course ) , behavioural stuff etc but DAY BY DAY we worked on it TOGETHER and I NEVER left his side at bedtime until he was in a DEEP sleep as he would not let me and I used calming aromatherapy , a bop bag to get his anger out and we just chilled out on these HUGE cushions and I just WRAPPED HIM UP IN MY ARMS AND LOVED HIM
His SLEEP improved , he gained weight as he was underweight , his nightmares completely STOPPED , he GREW in confidence and HAPPINESS and his PERSONALITY came back in FULL FORM , he was doing AMAZING at school , making good friends etc just a different boy!
Social worker visits continued ( every fortnight ) and I hated the visits , one used to look in my fridge and cupboards EVERY time even though they were ALWAYS full and of good stuff lol and I was fostering him by then and had to have another assessment and go to panel , thankfully I PASSED and TWO social workers WERE NICE the rest I felt they could not be TRUSTED and I was RIGHT as one OPPOSED me completely from becoming my Grandsons legal guardian when Child Protection Services had ASKED ME TO and paid ALL my court fees as little man NEEDED PERMANENCY since his Mum was making NO improvements or efforts and was still drinking heavily and taking cocaine and smoking marijuana DAILY
It all went to court and THAT IS WHEN THINGS CHANGED between my daughter and I and I knew they would as I became the child stealing ENEMY
Her son was TRAUMATISED before and after contact and she was sadly pretending to be clean when she was NOT which has continued to this DAY
She played as dirty as SIN in court and brought approx 70 false and DISGUSTING allegations against me which I still find hard to talk about
2 HORRENDOUSLY stressful years later as the fridge checking social worker was still OPPOSING me from being his guardian so I had to have a FULL psychiatric evaluation and disclose ALL of my GP medical records to her and her manager and they were basically saying I was too tired and old to have him which the judge laughed out of court and said SHE is tired and old! Lol
My daughter had a FIELD DAY with me in court as well and the court guardian became my daughters BEST FRIEND because my daughter is extremely charming and manipulative and an EXCELLENT LIAR so her lies were WORKING for a long while
I was grilled , scrutinised , checked over , grilled again like a kipper and all my daughter had to do was PRETEND she was not drinking anymore and charm the socks of everyone and it WORKED even to the point of I was accused of bringing a FALSE ALLEGATION WITH THREAT of REMOVAL of my Grandson because she was OFF HER NUT on drink and drugs at contact and I reported it!!!
I was NOT believed and social services went MAD at me and came round and said ONE more ''false allegation'' and they will come straight round and REMOVE my Grandson from my care!!!
Thank GOD a week later her hair strand test was due and it came back ''chronic excessive alcohol use'' ( they refused to test for cocaine )
I warned them about other things , not to be believed but which came to pass , so EVENTUALLY things turned around and I was awarded guardianship but therefore became the enemy of my WHOLE family and I mean EVERYONE as they see my DAUGHTER as the victim and NOT my Grandson OR her OTHER child she had since who is still with her currently who ticks EVERY box for fetal alcohol syndrome disorder but NO 'poor thing' her and 'wicked Mother' me who REPORTS her if she is intoxicated or off her nut on drugs at contact whereas they LIE for her to social services and have chosen HER over the CHILDREN and there IS a choice whether we like it or NOT and I feel it is called ENABLING as I did it for YEARS with my daughter when I was finally faced with the CHOICE , KIDS or GROWN ADULT who can get some help for themselves , so I chose the vulnerable CHILDREN who NEED me now
My PROBLEM is now SOCIAL WORKER ANXIETY as they have put me through SO MUCH and it is BACK IN COURT as my daughter keeps dragging me back to court and yet making no CHANGES to her habits just lies better and better as time goes on!
I have had OVER 20 social workers in the past 10 years , my Grandson has been with me for 8 happy years
BUT the STRESS of court AND social workers who I do not TRUST as most put the parental interests AHEAD of the child so I was TRIGGERED BADLY today by a social worker insisting he came over to interview my Grandson with learning disabilities who FREAKS OUT WITH HIGH ANXIETY at that type of thing and has BARELY ANY SPEECH anyway nor does he UNDERSTAND the questions and does not have the cognitive capacity to ANSWER which I put in an email to the social worker but they have so much POWER my fear and anxiety kicks in ESPECIALLY as a Facebook friend had her children removed UNFAIRLY recently and mine is probably not a RATIONAL fear although I was treated SUSPICIOUSLY by two NHS workers as it has REMAINED on his notes that he is ''on a child protection plan'' which is HISTORIC from when he LIVED WITH HIS MUM but they did not bother to CHECK WITH ANYONE and my fear of my Grandson's REMOVAL as well as ALWAYS being treated with some SUSPICION is GETTING to me now as no one LISTENS to me or my point of view as my daughter is SO forceful and therefore OVER RIDING with hers I feel I KNOW what David is saying when he asks God to SAVE HIM FROM HIS ENEMY WHO IS TOO POWERFUL FOR HIM as although family she is an 'enemy' in court etc as she LIES against me and plays SO rotten DIRTY literally as sin and LOW and she was RAISED a Christian but has chosen the UNGODLY way to try and 'get her child back' and NOT the path of TRUTH AND RIGHTEOUSNESS and the social workers JOIN IN as most of them are honestly SCARED OF HER as she harasses them way beyond their limits so they just want to do ANYTHING SHE WANTS to get RID of her and shut her up , that's how she gets what she wants!Anyway I have been in TEARS all DAY since the social workers email as it TRIGGERED me as they NEVER believe ME and always believe and give into my daughter's DEMANDS and I feel like a LITTLE PERSON who NO ONE listens to when I am TRYING to stand up for the CHILDREN but am NEVER BELIEVED and always DISCRIMINATED against or JUDGED AS INCOMPETENT when I am most certainly NOT and my Grandson does not think so but he beyond HATES being interviewed and gets muddled , says what he thinks THEY WANT TO HEAR which actually BACKFIRES ON US THEN so let us see what happens anyway as I cannot take much more of the pressure and harassment etc to the point I would WANT to take on my little Grandson since his Mum is still drinking etc and LYING about it but the SOCIAL SERVICES STUFF of them ( mostly , or in THIS case ) never putting the CHILD FIRST and always taking the side of and BELIEVING the parent UNTIL something so absolutely DRASTIC happens that they HAVE to take note like her best friend the court 'guardian' HAD to in the end and 'do her job' and she still literally RAN after my daughter after the hearing to 'explain' why she HAD to make the decision she made as everyone tends to lick my daughters feet and IGNORE MY VULNERABLE GRANDCHILDREN , and me
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