- Jul 18, 2005
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During the years of 1974 and 1993. I was a victim of sexual and physical abuse. The past 13 years since I've been out of the abusive situation have been filled with mental and financial hell. The victimization has caused me to develop PTSD, depression, anxiety and panic attacks.
For 12 years I was living in the same state the abuse happened At some points my family lived in the same town miles apart. I can remember being in various public places and seeing my parents. As soon as I saw them I would run out in fear of them. There were times when they saw me and looked right past me as thou I wasn't even there and also times when they saw me and had this disgusted look on there faces.
I couldn't even think about getting a job because I was too scared about seeing them come in. I feared them. I can remember being scared at whatever location I was thinking that they were going to come up to the door and barge in and try to get me. I can remember just walking around where ever I was and looking over my shoulder making sure they weren't there. Was scared of going out to for fear they knew where I was and try and get me and victimize me again. I tried going back to school but couldn't handle I had a war going on inside my head. Which made so I couldn't concentrate and progress in school.
I have gone through 2 hospitalizations and 4 day treatment programs. Many years of therapy and medications. Its been hard for me because of being male. Society puts expectations on males its been hell trying to live up to those expectations. I've hear don't complain because everyone faces struggles and problems your no different. Your a man just push it down and get on with your life. Men are the abusers not the victims and thats a lie and not true. My father and mother telling me it wasn't abuse was just they're way of parenting wont be able to prove anything because nothing they did was wrong.
......
Up until a week ago out of desperation from being in a serious financial situation one that we still are in. I came across a victims advocate who advised me of my rights and options and I'm taking legal action. It took the desperation of a financial crisis to seek help. I have found that my financial situation is a direct result of me being victimized. I didn't receive the necessary assistance or advocacy when I first disclosed the things that my parents did. This situation was never taken care of in the proper way. I haven't been able to work for 13 years which has placed us in a terrible financial crisis. My wife recently lost her job. After a month or so she found another one. We had income tax money to get us by for the a short time being but it soon ran out..We are in a hole now..The new job that my wife has has gone from a 30 hour a week to a 15 hour a week Which puts us in a position where we continue to struggle. We are behind in the car payment and will not make enough to make all of our bills.
I have registered with my local Vocational Rehab Agency. They have found me a job. I am a security officer working for a local company. Its only a weekend job. I have contacted the agency and have stressed that I need them to find me a 2nd job which I can work 2nd shift. I have yet to receive a phone call from them, I do now they are busy. I do not want my family to lose the place we are renting from now. I also do not want to lose our car. We need a vehicle for work. I cannot go to my family because of what I talked about in the beginning of this letter. We have received help from my wifes side of the family but my mother and law can do so much. I'm able and willing to work to help in supporting my family.
As of now we have the stress of not being able to make rent and to pay the other household expenses. and the car payment which means the possibility of repossession. This is a unique and complicated situation. ...
In Christ
Rich
For 12 years I was living in the same state the abuse happened At some points my family lived in the same town miles apart. I can remember being in various public places and seeing my parents. As soon as I saw them I would run out in fear of them. There were times when they saw me and looked right past me as thou I wasn't even there and also times when they saw me and had this disgusted look on there faces.
I couldn't even think about getting a job because I was too scared about seeing them come in. I feared them. I can remember being scared at whatever location I was thinking that they were going to come up to the door and barge in and try to get me. I can remember just walking around where ever I was and looking over my shoulder making sure they weren't there. Was scared of going out to for fear they knew where I was and try and get me and victimize me again. I tried going back to school but couldn't handle I had a war going on inside my head. Which made so I couldn't concentrate and progress in school.
I have gone through 2 hospitalizations and 4 day treatment programs. Many years of therapy and medications. Its been hard for me because of being male. Society puts expectations on males its been hell trying to live up to those expectations. I've hear don't complain because everyone faces struggles and problems your no different. Your a man just push it down and get on with your life. Men are the abusers not the victims and thats a lie and not true. My father and mother telling me it wasn't abuse was just they're way of parenting wont be able to prove anything because nothing they did was wrong.
......
Up until a week ago out of desperation from being in a serious financial situation one that we still are in. I came across a victims advocate who advised me of my rights and options and I'm taking legal action. It took the desperation of a financial crisis to seek help. I have found that my financial situation is a direct result of me being victimized. I didn't receive the necessary assistance or advocacy when I first disclosed the things that my parents did. This situation was never taken care of in the proper way. I haven't been able to work for 13 years which has placed us in a terrible financial crisis. My wife recently lost her job. After a month or so she found another one. We had income tax money to get us by for the a short time being but it soon ran out..We are in a hole now..The new job that my wife has has gone from a 30 hour a week to a 15 hour a week Which puts us in a position where we continue to struggle. We are behind in the car payment and will not make enough to make all of our bills.
I have registered with my local Vocational Rehab Agency. They have found me a job. I am a security officer working for a local company. Its only a weekend job. I have contacted the agency and have stressed that I need them to find me a 2nd job which I can work 2nd shift. I have yet to receive a phone call from them, I do now they are busy. I do not want my family to lose the place we are renting from now. I also do not want to lose our car. We need a vehicle for work. I cannot go to my family because of what I talked about in the beginning of this letter. We have received help from my wifes side of the family but my mother and law can do so much. I'm able and willing to work to help in supporting my family.
As of now we have the stress of not being able to make rent and to pay the other household expenses. and the car payment which means the possibility of repossession. This is a unique and complicated situation. ...
In Christ
Rich
