I need some input...parenting issue

[ZooMom]

Thanks Shelb and Ann. Don't get me started on Phil, Michelle!

Ann, there is a phone in the classroom that apparently students have access to. I was too upset to think of it earlier, but I will indeed be talking to Corry's teacher Monday morning about this.

 

[Aaron-Aggie]

Take him to adoration and ask him to think about it

 

[ZooMom]

I think this thread may hold a record for hugs.

 

[Abba]

I really do try, Charlie. I remind him more than once during his routine. And to be honest, it gets so hectic in the mornings around here that half the time I couldn't tell you if he had them on when he got out at school or not. He may come by the ADHD honestly, and I'm not blaming his dad. The checklist will give us both a point of reference.

I wasnt trying to rub it in or anything like that. I know all about hectic mornings- it is a miracle in my house for everyone to get in the car at the right time without some argument. My household doesnt have the best tempers, either . But, probably the easiest thing to do, is when everyone is loaded into the car, and everyone is calm, ask Corry if he has his glasses with him, and make sure. My mom does that to me with this emergency alert necklace im supposed to wear, since I have a metal bar in me, it is a warning in case I somehow go into an emergency room for some reason and they decide to use those electric shocker things on me. I would forgetabout putting it on if someone didnt remind me.

 

[Abba]

Oh yeah I forgot

 

[epiclesis]

Everyone has given great advice.

I'd like to give a suggestion. I love the checklist idea too. But until he gets going on the right track of remembering, tie a string to his finger!! Tell him thats his reminder to get his glasses before he goes to school.
I have a bad habit of forgetting things. I swear I'm losing it. I don't have a problem forgetting things, just forgetting to remind people of things or tell someone something. When I was about 8 and would play the piano I would always get in trouble for forgetting to practice, so Mom tied a string on my finger for a few days and it reminded me, because I hated it being on!

Anyway, good luck with your son, and =)

Oh and I don't think you were in the wrong. Your son isn't your mom's child so she spoils them more than you would. =)

 

[Carrye]

Because this thread is lacking:

 

[boughtwithaprice]

everyone is giving you good advice, Sandy

I have an 8 and 6 yr old. i keep my parents out of the decision making. Your mom was out of line, but I know that it can be difficult. If my mom came over when something like that was going on, i wouldn't answer the door, or I would deliberately hide the galsses.

ADHD is very difficult to treat and consequences must be learned

you are doing well

 

[ZooMom]

everyone is giving you good advice, Sandy

I have an 8 and 6 yr old. i keep my parents out of the decision making. Your mom was out of line, but I know that it can be difficult. If my mom came over when something like that was going on, i wouldn't answer the door, or I would deliberately hide the galsses.

ADHD is very difficult to treat and consequences must be learned

you are doing well

Thanks. And believe me, if I had had any warning that she was even coming things might have gone differently.

 

[thereselittleflower]

Hi Sandy . .

I just had a run in with my own mom a week ago or so . . . we were over at their house the night before they were planning to take off for the next 6 months . . My oldest was being increasingly difficult, very impatient with everyone, and finally, after a few hours of this, had pushed my buttons one too many times . .

And so, with a 14 year old now mind you, we ended up having words at my mother's place, and due to the fact tht my daughter made sure it happened in front of Grandma, tried to play Grandma and mom off each other, my mom was right in the middle of it . . .

My mom thought I was over reacting, and beinging too harsh . . (I had planned to take my DD with me to visit my friend in the hosptial and then see the movie Therese and was insisting that she leave with me though now she didn't want to go) . . Well, now my daughter was crying up a storm, acting the poor little one, the poor persecuted one, too tired to go, just wanted me to let her go home with her dad so she could go to bed, etc., and succeeded in getting my mom to back her up 100%.

Her behavior was somethng she and I had been working on for a while, her attitude . . and if I let her get away with the attitude she copped at my mother's house, it was going to take much longer to get it under control . . . and life was going to be harder at home.

My mom, not knowing the fuller picture, took her side against me, and started to upbraid me for my decision not to let her go with her father . . 'Can't you see she is tired and upset? what do you think you are doing?" etc . . all right in front of my daughter . .

I had no choice but to stand my ground and tell my mother she had to stop. My mom and I had words in front of my daughter (not good for any of us) . .

We had to leave right then, with angry words between us and them leaving in the morning . .

I was not happy about any of it.

I took my DD with me as originally planned . .15 minutes in the car away from everyone else, and we had it all ironed out, she understood how wrong her behavior was, and I told her if she really needed to go home I would take her home . .

"No mom I really want to go with you to see your friend and I want to see the movie!"

I asked her, "Are you sure?"

"Oh yes mom! I'm not tired at all!"

Needless to say I was vindicated . ..

The next morning my mother called me .. they were delayed in leaving . . so I brought it up and spoke to her more indepth abou what was going on, and why I did what i did, and how what she did made me feel and most importantly, how it undermined my authority for her to act that way in front of my kids . .. I explained how everything had changed within 15 minutes of leaving, and how her 'tiredness' had suddenly vanished.

We had earlier spoken of bringing the kids over once a week to go swimming with her when they were up from spring to fall . . . So I told her that if she felt that it was her perrogative to challange my authority in front of the kids like that, then as much as I wanted to bring the kids over like we planned next year, I wouldn't be able to as I could not afford to have my authority with my children undermined by their Grandmother.

She understood. She admitted that she had been in the wrong (which really surprised me!) . . and we said goodbye with everything healed between us and plans on how to deal with it in the future.


I am saying this because it is really important that your children know that you are their mother and that you are the one who is in authority over them before anyone else, and if you tell your children one thing, and your mother feels she can do whatever she wants simply because she doesn't agree with you, then it will undermine your authority in thier eyes and make it harder for you . ..

Your mom may not like you decision .. she may think you are wrong, and not as good as a mom as you could be because you don't do things the same way she would . . .but that is no the issue!

Whether she agrees with you or not, you are your child's mother and she needs to support you in this . . .

You may have to set limits with her, and make it clear that you can't have her doing this. If she doesn't seem to understand or agreek then you will find yourself in the position of having to set limits with her . . . it won't be easy . . . but it is necessary . . . for the peace of your own household . ..


Try everything you can to get through to your mom short of having to do what I had to do . . . but if you have to do it, don't be afraid to do so . . .


Peace in Him!

 

[ukok]

Sandy =>

I hear ya! I have the most fabulous parent's, but...my daughter can wrap her grandad around her little finger and make me look like the big baddy any day of the week!

She hasn't ever used this ability of her own accord, but whenever we start discussing something, my Dad always sides with my daughter...i know he partly does it just to annoy me

As for what you have experienced....you did what you thought was right at the time, and that's pretty much what us mum's do...your Mum may disprove of the way that you handled this, but though she should have made her disproval apparant (if she felt so inclined), she should not, in my opinion, have taken this matter out of your hands.

You know your son better than anyone.

Also, it was wrong for your son to contact his grandmother, IMHO, he has to respect the boundaries and disciplines that you set..not find a way to contravine your direct intructions to him.

BIG HUG!

God Bless.

 

[marc37]

How about just a hug?

Im cyber kissing you silly right now
love marc

 

[marc37]

by the way if you see 2 strong arms comming out of your monitor dont be afraid thats just me trying to give you a hug!!

 

[Brother Charlie]

Sandy =>

I hear ya! I have the most fabulous parent's, but...my daughter can wrap her grandad around her little finger and make me look like the big baddy any day of the week!

She hasn't ever used this ability of her own accord, but whenever we start discussing something, my Dad always sides with my daughter...i know he partly does it just to annoy me

From what I can tell, situation like this are very common. I think maybe the grandparents feel too guilty for disciplining their children too harshly, and they want to make it up in the next generation.

 

[BAChristian]

Parents can be a pain in the backside sometimes...

Ignore 'em. Let them know that you're going to raise your kid the way you want to. One way to let them know that is to just not make a big deal over her acting cold to you. "Yeah, whatever.", while thinking to yourself nonchalantly, should be your motto.

I would put your foot down with your son no matter what your mother says. And next time she tries to come over, I'd tell her that you are his mother, and that's that.

They'll both "get it" after awhile. She'll learn where the line is drawn, and your son will figure out rather quickly that he needs his glasses after he gets hit with something, or he falls down or something.

Hey...kids need to learn on their own sometimes -- and it teaches them responsibility.

 

[BAChristian]

Im cyber kissing you silly right now
love marc

ahem...where's mine?

 

[Aaron-Aggie]

Zoo hope every thing is going well

 

[ZooMom]

It is, Aaron. Thanks for asking. We are speaking, at least, although she is still a bit stiff around me. My dad can't stand it when we are at odds, and if not for him, she probably still wouldn't be speaking to me. (She is a champion grudge holder, especially when she was wrong to begin with.) He called me last night and said, "Your mom wants to talk to you." I could hear her in the background telling him no, but he gave her the phone and she couldn't just hang up on me. She didn't apologize for what she had done, but after several long silences, I told her that I didn't think it was fair of her to expect to be able to step between me and my children when I know that she would not, and did not, tolerate any such thing when I was growing up. She didn't even tolerate it from my dad (stepfather really, they met when I was 7). I told her that it had made me angry, but that it had hurt my feelings more, that she didn't trust me to be a good mom to my kids. Which is basically what her interference amounted to. She didn't say anything, just kind of "Well...ummm...what are you doing tomorrow?" And now things seem to be pretty much back to normal, except, like I said, for a little stiffness yet. She'll come around. People just don't stay mad at me.


Peace be with you!

Sandy

 

[Aaron-Aggie]

 

[Brother Charlie]

good to see you cleared that up! See, I knew things would clear up when you explained things clearly too her.