I need some input...parenting issue

[krstlros]

Okay, that being said, I think you are doing a great job as a Mom. I don't have children of my own, so this comes from the single person's side of things.

I have a 12 YO niece and we ALL went through the stage of "I forgot......" when she was 10 and 11.

In my opinion, you did the right thing in telling your son that you wouldn't be bringing his glasses if he forgot them again. However, what HE shouldn't be doing is calling other people, especially his grandparents, to bring this to him when you specifically said you wouldn't do it. That is something you can deal with between you and your son.

Your Mom on the other hand is another story. Your Mom sounds like mine in that she has a strong personality and doesn't like to be told she shouldn't be doing something that you specifically told your son you wouldn't do. Grandparents being Grandparents, observing my own Mom with her grandchildren, they tend to be a "little" more leniant with them than they were with us when we were kids. (go figure) And if you think about it a little, your Mom would probably have done the same thing if you had constantly forgotten something and called to have her bring it for you.

So, you are te Bomb of all Moms, Z. Keep doing as you are doing and your kids will appreciate you in the long run.

Oh......... ...........one more for the road.

 

[ZooMom]

Thank you, krstlros. You pretty much nailed my mom. And Corry will definitely hear from me about calling her.

You definitely have the makings of being a fantastic mom yourself.

Peace be with you!

Sandy

 

[Abba]

Thank you, Charlie. I hope my own kids are as wise at fifteen.

Peace be with you!

With such a nice person for a mother, I am sure your children will turn out to be wonderful people.

 

[Cat59]

Your mother sounds so like mine!!
As a mother with a child with similar difficulties, all I can say is you're doing it right. for your mother to realise this!!
Cat

 

[racer]

ZooMom,

I wouldn't have had this issue with my mother (who passed away a couple of years ago), we both just said what we thought--which wasn't always a good thing. However, don't get me started on Mom-in-law . . . .

I would make very clear to my son, if I tell you something, don't you go to someone else for a more preferable answer. I mean, what's Gramma to do? Heck, from now on, just let Gramma run his glasses up to him--after two or three trips, she'll probably be just as fed up as you.

Hang in there!!

 

[racer]

Oooops, duplicate post . . . . :o

 

[Wiffey]

Oh Boy, can I relate! My 10 year old daughter and I lived with my parents for the first 6 years of her life, so my folks are VERY involved. To add to that, twice in the past 3 years my girl has had to stay with my folks for weeks at a time while I have been recuperating from major back surgery.
It took me a LONG time to learn to stand up for myself and put my little foot down with my Mom, who can be really overbearing and opinionated. She hates to set limits with my daughter because it upsets "the baby". She used to interrupt me whenever I tried to set limits on my daughter and start yelling at me about my parenting skills. So one day I pulled her aside (with the help of my Dad) and laid down the law. It has taken a while, but she no longer undermines me with my child (at least not openly) .

I wish you a lot of luck and patience...it is a really tricky situation. But you ARE the Mommy and you are absolutely in the right in this situation. If you defend your rights and your Mom gets steamed and holds a grudge for a while, that is NOT your fault.( Believe me she will get over it soon enough). As long as you approach her in a calm and respectful manner, she should be fine.
Praying for the Theotokos to intercede for you is also a great start...
in IC XC,
Wiffey

 

[ZooMom]

Thanks Cat and racer.


I did ask Corry when he came home from schoolif he remembered what I had told him about forgetting his glasses. He said he did (as he hung his head). He said he tried to call me first, but couldn't get through. Which is entirely possible since I was on the phone off and on all morning. But he knew he wasn't supposed to call me at all. So I am not punishing him for 'going behind my back', but he has lost video priviledges for 24 hours for calling after I told him not to.


I think I feel a migraine coming on.

 

[racer]

I think I feel a migraine coming on.

Time for a hot bubble bath . . . . . Take one ibuprofen, one tylenol extra strength and one excedrine extra strength. Seriously, I've always had bad headaches, that even prescription drugs couldn't cure. I tried the above combination one day and it actually worked.

 

[racer]

But, I promise, to solve the problem with your Mom . . . let her make a few trips to the school . . . You'll see her attitude change, I betcha.

 

[ZooMom]

And thank you, Wiffey! You are so right. I can't imagine having to live with my mom for an extended period of time, so you have my admiration for managing it for so long.

 

[ZooMom]

But, I promise, to solve the problem with your Mom . . . let her make a few trips to the school . . . You'll see her attitude change, I betcha.

That's definitely an option.

 

[ZooMom]

Time for a hot bubble bath . . . . . Take one ibuprofen, one tylenol extra strength and one excedrine extra strength. Seriously, I've always had bad headaches, that even prescription drugs couldn't cure. I tried the above combination one day and it actually worked.

I've got Imitrex, the migraine bomb. But I'll remember that combo. I've heard that caffeine can speed the effectiveness of pain killers, but it just makes it worse for me. *shrug*

 

[AMDG]

Thought I'd mention this. My daughter's daughter has ADHD. I ran what I said by her and asked for her comment. She, rather knowingly, said that yes "junior" has learned to play Mommy and Grandma against each other for his benefit. Said that that concept is even printed on children's t-shirts--"Ask Grandma if Mommy says no". She also said that her daughter KNOWS better than to call home for a "special" trip for "forgotten" items--(the school is even informed to not allow such calls). Her daughter has a check list every day that she completes before leaving the house--you know the basic: homework, notebook, pencil, pen...(I guess in your case you would add "glasses"). I think it's a behavioral discipline that's part of her daughter's IEP.

Oh, can't leave you, without another .

 

[ZooMom]

The checklist is a great idea, and I will probably start doing that. When Corry first started school we had the worst time getting him ready to go in the mornings. He just couldn't stay focused. So I made a felt board divided into two parts. I cut out pieces of felt in the shape of pants, socks, toothbrush, bowl and spoon, etc...as he finished each task in the morning he got to move the pieces from one side to the other, and when all the pieces were moved he was ready to go. He loved it, in fact his older sister had to have one after she saw his, and they made a game out of seeing who could finish first. Took a load off me. Now Corry is always the first one ready to go in the morning. He finishes at least 15 minutes ahead of the girls. But the glasses aren't part of his original routine and it's taking him a long time to incorporate them. It's hit and miss. But now that he can read, a check list is definitely a good idea! Thanks again!

 

[Abba]

Maybe you should make him wear his glasses in the morning if he keeps forgetting

 

[ZooMom]

I really do try, Charlie. I remind him more than once during his routine. And to be honest, it gets so hectic in the mornings around here that half the time I couldn't tell you if he had them on when he got out at school or not. He may come by the ADHD honestly, and I'm not blaming his dad. The checklist will give us both a point of reference.

 

[Benedicta00]

I don't think I would be mad at my mother but madder at my son for not only forgetting the glasses but bringing your mom into it.

If after you are confident that he is capable of remembering them, then I would give him consequence for forgetting them and then another punishment for going over your head if that is indeed what he has done.

Then maybe your mom would realize that if she over steps the child will suffer for her lack of boundaries.

I mean really I don't know if this is sound advice, I have not checked with Dr. Phil or anything... just my 2 cents.

 

[Ann M]

Oh Zoomum. We love them all, but they can really drive us nuts.

One point the AMDG touched on before was the phone. And it simply echoed a thought I had had as I read through this thread. How did your son make this phone call? Was it at the office or is there a phone available for the students? One of your options may be talking to both his teacher and the office staff, and letting them know that you are having this problem at the moment and you have made a decision to tackle it this way. Ask his teacher to be patient with yuo , if possible, and send home any additional homework needed to catch up on stuff he may have trouble with during the day.

Hope this helps.

 

[Aaron-Aggie]

How about just a hug?