I need some help.....

Kestrel25 · Apr 2, 2005

I really need some help at the moment. I have so many issues that are bothering me, i hardly know where to start. So forgive me if this sounds all jumbled or makes little sense. I really have to get this out.

- - - I am 17 and from the UK. Over here we can start college at 16 if we want.
So thats exactly what i did. But it was really hard to choose subjects that i was interested in because of the simple fact that i have no ambition. Everyone else in my classes had clear ideas of what they wanted to do and yet i had, and still have no clue. Eventually the stress of projects and assignments got to me and i just quit college. If the subjects had been leading me towards a career or goal then i would have stayed on, but since i have no goal to reach i felt like i was wasting my time.
So now i am left huting for a job. But of course it's not easy. Everyone says that they need people with more experience. But what i can't understand is HOW we can possibly get more experience if no one will give us a job in the first place. *sigh* I am getting no where.

- - - After leaving school and college i pretty much lost contact with everyone my age. All of my friends left and went to places to follow their ambitions and i am left alone with hardly any friends left and no ambition.
Some of them don't even like me anymore. I have no idea why but they certainly aren't acting like friends anymore. They've changed and i don't like it. I don't want to hold them back, but ive never been good with change. I always cling to how things have always been. I feel safe when things are the same. When they change it seems as though i am all alone and since i am shy and terrible at any kind of social activity, i can't face going out into the world. I know right here and now that i can't do it.
By age i am ready, but my inner child isn't. Things have all happened too fast.

- - - My family are in a lot of debt. We can't pay off our bills and if we don't get more money soon we could lose our house. The problem is my parents aren't young and my dad is nearing retirement age.
Not to mention that me quitting college hasn't exactly helped. They got paid a little bit of money while i was in full time education. It wasn't much, but it was a little. Now that ive quit, they don't get it at all.
Not only am i not getting them any money anymore, but i am still taking it for food etc. It makes me feel like a total leech.

- - - Ive begun to lose interest in things i enjoyed. I really can't explain this very well. I have no idea why, but everything i like....doesn't make me happy anymore. I can't enjoy my hobbies, fav music or anything. It just doesn't appeal to me anymore. And it really hurts. Things that ive enjoyed for years suddenly seem to mean nothing to me. One moment i feel happy and full of energy, the next i feel like i just want to drop dead.
The worst part is, i don't even know WHY this is happening. It's never happened before and i know i still like these things....i just don't...i can't explain....

- - - I have feelings for my best friend who ive been friends with since we were both four and a half. He's one of the few friends i still keep in contact with and he's the best friend i could ever ask for. The thing is ive always been worried that if we took things any further than friends, we could risk ruining our almost lifelong friendship if it didn't work out.
Well a short time ago i was thinking of possible ways to tell him how i feel, but he told me a secret of his first. He told me that he had feelings for another guy.
I know it wasn't his fault, since he had no idea about my feelings for him, but it still hurt. Knowing that, not only does he not return my feelings, but he probably never will because he loves people of his own gender.
I have nothing against it. I don't know whether it's wrong, ive heard a lot of people say it's a sin but i really don't know. All i know is i want him to be happy. But that doesn't make it stop hurting.

- - - And finally, as if that wasn't enough i am confused about what i believe. I used to believe in God, i used to go to church and i was really interested in Christianity. I don't know whether i ever counted as a proper Christian or not. After all who can tell? But at least it was of some comfort.

But i was driven away from Church by something i'd rather not go into and i also started having doubts. I learned about loads of other religions and beliefs and of course a lot of arguments against a god in general.
So now i don't have any idea what to believe.
I would really like to have a firm belief to hold onto, but as you know it's not just as simple as wanting it. Wanting to believe something doen't make me believe it.

So far these are the problems i have with beliefs about destinations after death:

- It's seems unfair to me that some people should go to a heaven and some people should be doomed to either burn for eternity or be separated from all that is good. Especially as ive known some really good people who are both christians and non-christians and some really horrible people who are the same. It just doesn't seem like justice to me.

- What about people who have never heard of Christianity?
It would be really unfair for them to go to a hell for not knowing. It means they would have been born just to be damned. Thats not justice either.
And if people automatically go to heaven if they've never heard of Christ then wouldn't it be better NOT to spread the word?
Ive really never come up with an answer to this that i like.

- I am not certain i like any of the possible destinations after death.

Heaven: Ive heard the saying. "Without evil there can be no good" so how can a place like this possibly exist? If there is no evil to compare the good with then what is good? If whoever is in heaven is eternally happy then won't it be boring or monotonous? They say too much of a good thing....
Also, if not everyone goes to heaven then how can anyone possibly enjoy themselves while people they care about are suffering?
I've heard people say that in heaven they'll be too happy to worry about it.
But to be perfectly honest thats a little selfish isn't it? Why would we be placed with families and friends who we really care about, just to be eternally separated from them? Some heaven that would be....

Hell: I dislike this one because....well who wouldn't? Eternal pain and suffering would be terrible i am sure anyone would agree.
Some people have tried to be reassuring by saying that it's not literally a fiery pit and that it's just eternal separation from God and anything that is good. But...thats really not reasurring at all.

Reincarnation: It's painful enough living once. More lives...please no. And besides the reincarnation would have to end sometime.

Cease to exist: If we're just going to die and then cease to exist then...seriously...whats the point in being born? Doesn't that mean that everything we do in life is totally pointless? If it means absolutely nothing then why should i bother trying to do anything with my life?
I really don't want to end up believing this, but it IS a possibility and heaven and hell don't sound very inviting either.
To be honest i'd rather have never been born than experience love and friendship just to have it all torn away from me again.
Everyone celebrates when a new baby is born, but i pity the poor baby because i know that one day he/she will have to make decisions like this and will have to go through problems like this. I can't see whats to celebrate about. It's sad i know, but i can't help thinking this way.

Bible2 · Apr 3, 2005

Kestrel25 said:
...i don't have any idea what to believe...

"...God so loved the world, that he gave his
only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth
in him should not perish, but have everlasting
life."

(John 3:16)

Anti Existance · Apr 3, 2005

Welcome kes to what we call 'being in the gutter '

Most of us hit 'rock bottem' sooner or later in our lives. It makes us realise that there are several ' levels ' of living standards. The lower your level is, usually the more miserable , until you fall rock bottem, and start questioning the existance of God or even become angry at him.

Before we came to earth, we agreed with God not to intervene with our lives. This means that we have to do everything in our lives for ourselves. This way it would mean we would be stronger souls once we came back to him.

Carreer wise , you aren't acting fast enough, you aren't earning money fast enough, and you really have no clue what God wants from you in your life. God really isn't interested in your position,your carreer, the amount of money you have or what you posses. The only thing that is important is your loving intereaction with other people, and helping others.

You can do both however, you can become rich and a loving ,helping person. The only 'serpent' under the gras is that you shouldn't be spiritually attached to money.

It is time for you to 'plan' what you want to do. Don't think in terms of 'this is my dream job' think in terms of 'i can do this, and its going to give me bunch of money' Your parents should immediatly start saving money, and maby your dad or mom could do an extra job, or you could do an extra job.

In any case in order to get more money you need to study and get your diploma for that. The higher your position, the more responsibility you have the more money you can claim. Only be interested in things of high value, that you can sell for a heap of money. Your mom and dad really aren't in the position to earn a bunch of money anymore, but you are.

At this point worrying about the past is worthless, the only thing you should focus on is to make the best of your life as you possibly can do. This can't cost time, avoid any time los at any cost. Preferably get a job where you can help and love and meet others , and earn a bunch of money.

If you want to earn a lot of money, you have to become 'really really smart' I don't really want to focus so much on the money , but unfortunatly we almost need this more then we need air. But as long as you aren't attached to this its ok, but its really important you don't get attached to it. Spiritually you always have to be able to throw your wallet into the ocean. Which is extremely hard for some people anyway.

We have to focus on what is going on financially in the household of your mom and dad, how much debt is out, and how much do they earn? In any case the thing about money is that you have to earn more then you spend in order to get rich. So your parents have to cut down expenses, and either have to work more, or both of them have to postpone their retirement or both actions.

Families are usually rather introvert about exposing their financial costs , but could you give us an indication. I have experience in solving debts , so maby i could throw a quick eye over the situation.

The guy you love is gay sexual, well that must be quite a dissapointment. However, this only shows you indeed are a bit 'cave' minded, you know there are more guys out there then there are fish in the sea so to speak. So why don't you find another financially strong situated guy who is able to support you and who you can build up a future with?

At any case, you have to focus on the keyword ' POSITION ' what is your position in life, and what can i do to improve it in order so i won't starve to death? The same counts for your parents, let me give you an example.

You walk in the desert with a glas of precious water in your hand, and you throw this water into some dune and it evaporates and you have nothing left. This is the same as you have done with your study. You have absolutely no idea of the value of things in life, and that you need money, and a diploma and a good position to earn you the cash that keeps you alive. Unfortunatly the focus in your life will forcefully lie on money, instead of on love like it should be. But still you can earn all the money you want and try to love everyone around and help others as humanly possible as you can.

Life in the UK isn't cheap, you have to make yourself a LOT OF MONEY.

-study
-good diploma
-good job
-great amount of money earnings.

Spiritually whise you need.

-infinite of love for others
-help others the best you can
-be full of forgivefullnes
-be prayfully

Although the focus on your life should lie on spirituality, you should really not expect God to help you to get money. God will guide you,but you have to make the choises and take the full blow or benefit from the consequenses of those choises. You have to be infinite more precious with the cup of water that you hold in your hand while walking in the desert, water means life, and it will make you survive long enough to walk thru the desert as long as you have enough of it. So be uber carefull with the choises you make, remember the horrible situation you are in now, and start immediatly improving things. Study , work , make money , goto church, make your life stable, act act act act. There is no more time to waste.

kenalim · Apr 3, 2005

Go to church and let God take over your life... He will provide your everything.

WashedClean · Apr 3, 2005

Kestrel25 said:
I Knowing that, not only does he not return my feelings, but he probably never will because he loves people of his own gender.
I have nothing against it. I don't know whether it's wrong, ive heard a lot of people say it's a sin but i really don't know. All i know is i want him to be happy. But that doesn't make it stop hurting.

God says homosexuality is a sin. The good news is that people aren't born that way. They can change, or rather, God can change them if they become a new creature in Christ Jesus. But lets move on to your more pressing questions.

- - - And finally, as if that wasn't enough i am confused about what i believe. I used to believe in God, i used to go to church and i was really interested in Christianity. I don't know whether i ever counted as a proper Christian or not. After all who can tell? But at least it was of some comfort.

But i was driven away from Church by something i'd rather not go into and i also started having doubts. I learned about loads of other religions and beliefs and of course a lot of arguments against a god in general.
So now i don't have any idea what to believe.
I would really like to have a firm belief to hold onto, but as you know it's not just as simple as wanting it. Wanting to believe something doen't make me believe it

.

Have you read the Bible lately? It's not boring as I used to think when I was your age. So much of it is relevant to our life today. I would encourage you to read Romans first and then the Gospels.

- It's seems unfair to me that some people should go to a heaven and some people should be doomed to either burn for eternity or be separated from all that is good. Especially as ive known some really good people who are both christians and non-christians and some really horrible people who are the same. It just doesn't seem like justice to me.

It makes sense when you realize that God is Holy, which means "set apart, other". He's not like us. He's good and in Him there is no darkness at all. He is offended by the mere presence of evil/sin. Out of the heart of man comes evil. It's within us, not external.

- What about people who have never heard of Christianity?
It would be really unfair for them to go to a hell for not knowing. It means they would have been born just to be damned. Thats not justice either.
And if people automatically go to heaven if they've never heard of Christ then wouldn't it be better NOT to spread the word?
Ive really never come up with an answer to this that i like.

This is the most common question by unbelievers. First of all, we will be held responsible for what we know. And you know about Christ. So you won't be able to stand before Him on judgment day and plead innocent. The Bible isn't 100% clear on this issue, but it does say heaven will be filled with people from every tribe, nation and tongue. It also says that God is visible to everyone in nature and creation.

Heaven: Ive heard the saying. "Without evil there can be no good" so how can a place like this possibly exist? If there is no evil to compare the good with then what is good? If whoever is in heaven is eternally happy then won't it be boring or monotonous? They say too much of a good thing....
Also, if not everyone goes to heaven then how can anyone possibly enjoy themselves while people they care about are suffering?
I've heard people say that in heaven they'll be too happy to worry about it.
But to be perfectly honest thats a little selfish isn't it? Why would we be placed with families and friends who we really care about, just to be eternally separated from them? Some heaven that would be....

Heaven will be without sin because it will be the very presence of God Himself. And He will not exist with evil. That's why evil and sin will be punished and thrown into the Lake of Fire.

As far as being in Heaven and missing our loved ones, the Bible states that God will wipe away every tear from our eyes (if we're a believer). I don't now exactly how this will happen, but I believe the memory of our loved one will be wiped away. Heaven will be full of people and angels who love God and Jesus. We will spend all our time worshipping, serving and loving Him. Why would a person who lived their entire life for themselves, ignoring God, even want to be in Heaven.

Hell: I dislike this one because....well who wouldn't? Eternal pain and suffering would be terrible i am sure anyone would agree.
Some people have tried to be reassuring by saying that it's not literally a fiery pit and that it's just eternal separation from God and anything that is good. But...thats really not reasurring at all.

You're right, Hell is the worst place of all. It's eternal separation from God. God doesn't want anyone there either. Be He respects our free will. It's our choice.

Reincarnation: It's painful enough living once. More lives...please no. And besides the reincarnation would have to end sometime.

This is condemned in the Bible. "It is appointed to man to die once, then the judgment". Reincarnation stems from Hinduism, not Christianity.

Cease to exist: If we're just going to die and then cease to exist then...seriously...whats the point in being born? Doesn't that mean that everything we do in life is totally pointless? If it means absolutely nothing then why should i bother trying to do anything with my life?
I really don't want to end up believing this, but it IS a possibility and heaven and hell don't sound very inviting either.
To be honest i'd rather have never been born than experience love and friendship just to have it all torn away from me again.
Everyone celebrates when a new baby is born, but i pity the poor baby because i know that one day he/she will have to make decisions like this and will have to go through problems like this. I can't see whats to celebrate about. It's sad i know, but i can't help thinking this way.

The Bible does not teach this either. We are eternal souls. Made in the image of God. That's why Hell is eternal. But it's also outside of time.

Please prayerfully consider allowing Christ to be your savior. He died for you and is waiting with open arms for your to allow him into your heart. Feel free to PM me if you want. Praying for you...

God Bless,

WashedClean

Bible2 · Apr 3, 2005

Anti Existance said:
...we have to do everything in our lives for ourselves...

"...without me ye can do nothing."

(John 15:5)

Anti Existance said:
...make the best of your life...

"...he said to them all, If any man will come after
me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross
daily, and follow me."

(Luke 9:23)

"He that loveth his life shall lose it; and he that
hateth his life in this world shall keep it unto
life eternal."

(John 12:25)

Anti Existance said:
...I don't really want to focus so much on the money...

"...whosoever he be of you that forsaketh not all
that he hath, he cannot be my disciple."

(Luke 14:33)

Anti Existance said:
...Unfortunatly the focus in your life will forcefully lie on money, instead of on love like it should be...

"...we brought nothing into this world, and it is certain we
can carry nothing out. And having food and raiment
let us be therewith content.

But they that will be rich fall into temptation and
a snare, and into many foolish and hurtful lusts,
which drown men in destruction and perdition. For
the love of money is the root of all evil: which
while some coveted after, they have erred from the
faith, and pierced themselves through with many
sorrows.

But thou, O man of God, flee these things; and follow
after righteousness, godliness, faith, love,
patience, meekness."

(1 Timothy 6:7-11)

Bible2 · Apr 3, 2005

WashedClean said:
...Have you read the Bible lately? It's not boring as I used to think when I was your age. So much of it is relevant to our life today...

"... Man shall not live by bread alone, but by every
word that proceedeth out of the mouth of God."

(Matthew 4:4)

"All scripture is given by inspiration of God, and
is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for
correction, for instruction in righteousness: That
the man of God may be perfect, thoroughly furnished
unto all good works."

(2 Timothy 3:16-17)

WashedClean said:
...Hell is the worst place of all. It's eternal separation from God. God doesn't want anyone there either...

"...As I live, saith the Lord GOD, I have no pleasure
in the death of the wicked; but that the wicked turn
from his way and live: turn ye, turn ye from your
evil ways; for why will ye die..."

(Ezekiel 33:11)

WashedClean said:
...prayerfully consider allowing Christ to be your savior...

"He that believeth on the Son hath everlasting life:
and he that believeth not the Son shall not see
life; but the wrath of God abideth on him."

(John 3:36)

"If thou shalt confess with thy mouth the Lord
Jesus, and shalt believe in thine heart that God
hath raised him from the dead, thou shalt be saved."

(Romans 10:9)

WashedClean said:
...He died for you...

"In this was manifested the love of God toward us,
because that God sent his only begotten Son into
the world, that we might live through him. Herein
is love, not that we loved God, but that he loved
us, and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our
sins."

(1 John 4:9-10)

MinDach · Apr 3, 2005

I need some help

I do not know much about the UK, but from reading your post it sounds like you are depressed, this can and does happen to alot of people and all ages. I would say get your self to a Dr. and try and get help, after you start feeling better then every thing will start falling in to line, what you want to do with your life. I know you may think God is unfair, by some of your writing. But if you do more studing of God's Word, you will see he is being very fair with people. Good luck to you.

WashedClean · Apr 4, 2005

Bible2 said:
"... Man shall not live by bread alone, but by every
word that proceedeth out of the mouth of God."

(Matthew 4:4)

"All scripture is given by inspiration of God, and
is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for
correction, for instruction in righteousness: That
the man of God may be perfect, thoroughly furnished
unto all good works."

(2 Timothy 3:16-17)

"...As I live, saith the Lord GOD, I have no pleasure
in the death of the wicked; but that the wicked turn
from his way and live: turn ye, turn ye from your
evil ways; for why will ye die..."

(Ezekiel 33:11)

"He that believeth on the Son hath everlasting life:
and he that believeth not the Son shall not see
life; but the wrath of God abideth on him."

(John 3:36)

"If thou shalt confess with thy mouth the Lord
Jesus, and shalt believe in thine heart that God
hath raised him from the dead, thou shalt be saved."

(Romans 10:9)

"In this was manifested the love of God toward us,
because that God sent his only begotten Son into
the world, that we might live through him. Herein
is love, not that we loved God, but that he loved
us, and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our
sins."

(1 John 4:9-10)

Bible2 - I tried to PM or email you, but you won't allow it, so I'm responding to your post here.

I hope you're trying to reinforce what I was saying with Biblical back-up, not chastise my reply to the OP. I tend to shy away from this because people don't like to be quoted scripture when they don't even know what they believe yet. In the future, I would appreciate you stating your intentions upfront.

Thank you.

Serapha · Apr 4, 2005

Kestrel25 said:
I really need some help at the moment. I have so many issues that are bothering me, i hardly know where to start. So forgive me if this sounds all jumbled or makes little sense. I really have to get this out.

Hi there!

As someone already posted to you, the first thing you need to do is turn your life back over to God. When you do that, and when you sincerely seek what God has planned for you, then you will begin to see where the light is leading you.

You have a tremendous and diversified amount of problems... People will have problems all of their life, as we grow, we learn. All of life cannot be a mountaintop experience where all is well all the time. That would be a life without growth. Instead, we have to walk through the valleys of life. The valleys are where the water and fertilizer are found, and where we can grown.

After you get your spiritual connect back to God....

take some time and begin to tackle life. Set little goals first of all, and try to achieve those small goals, and eventually you will be able to overcome the large goals.

Take baby steps, life isn't a race to see who finishes first.

At this point, take any job you can find... and work from that point on. There's a phrase popular in the US and it is "McDonald's is hiring"

You see, McDonald's is always hiring because of the quick turnover.

The point is this, just "start"....

So... get your spiritual life back in tune with God.... get a job, any job, and begin living YOUR NEW LIFE.

~serapha~

dia_liom · Apr 5, 2005

Father, I pray for Kestrel, that You'll show her Your will. She needs Your guidance on a career, and she needs to rediscover the joy of being near You. I pray for her family & their finances as well, Lord. Help them find a way out of these difficult times.

Amen

joerose · Apr 7, 2005

Hi Krestel, You sound like you really have yourself together. I have a daughter who will be 17 next week and she is going through many of the same feelings you are. I remember feeling those things when I was your age as well. You are a deep thinker and that is going to take you places in life. Anywhere you choose to go when the time comes. For now, slow down and let yourself be 17. You don't have to decide what you are going to do with your future right now. It will come. I bet it was really hard going to college when you were 16. That is one of the problems with going early like that, you need more time for your "inner child" as you very well put it! Give that to yourself! Don't be hard on yourself about friends that you may have grown apart from for now. They are going through weird stuff too and one day this will most likely all straighten itself out. You are having growing pains and oh how they hurt! My heart goes out to you. You've got a lot going for you. Slow down, let yourself be a kid. It takes a life time to grow into the person you are eventually going to be. Sometimes there are huge steps and changes and at other times its important to take smaller steps. Its all part of the growth process. I remember going through the not having experience and not being able to get experience because no one will give you a chance. Just keep trying and keep a positive attitude and keep smiling. You will get a break some day. Maybe tomorrow, maybe later. Everything happens in its time. I am so proud of you for all you've done. Press forward, don't look back and be gentle with yourself. pm me if you want, I'm a mom with a good listening ear. -take care!

by pure grace · Apr 9, 2005

Hey Kes,
I recognize myself so much in you and what you're going thorugh. I've been there -in
'hopeless land' and I know it is horrible!

I haven't got much time right now to respond to all that but I'll give you a clue to what one of my sons that happens to be 17 yrs old have just done in the last few weeks.
He finished highschool last year and didn't get into his Uni course this year.
So he called up a local business close to where we live and offered to come and just help out withour payment rather than sitting home and do nothing. They really liked the idea and he has kept coming over and helping out when he can and they might be starting to apy him soon.

The Bible actually talks about that we have to sow before we can recieve. That is soo true about everything in life -not just work. To have friends you first have to be one for example.
Be willing to do something that might cost you something and it will come back to you!

I have my own business and I have plenty of mothers coming asking for their children to work with me. I won't employ them or even try them out unless they themselves come and see me first. Why? because I know that they won't be motivated enough to work well unless they took initiative!!!

So go around town, have a look what's avaiable and see if anything special catches your attention lie a job in a bakery or, gardener etc. So onvce you know what you would LIKE to do, go after it.
Go in and speak to the owners, tell them who you are and that you would be willing to come and just volunteer for a day or so until you find work because you are interested in their business! And make sure that you are willing to do the 'dirty' work! You'll soon get a job!

I'll post some more later!
Chaio

I need some help.....

Kestrel25

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Bible2

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Anti Existance

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kenalim

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WashedClean

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Bible2

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Bible2

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MinDach

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WashedClean

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Serapha

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dia_liom

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joerose

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by pure grace

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