OK I have a lot to get off my chest so let me start with that. My problems are pretty deep so I am just going to lightly touch on the ones that are the most disturbing.
I’m going to get into this fast and im going to keep it as brief as possible. Sorry im a get to the point kind of guy.
When I was in my younger teens approx 13 - 15 I was some what of a disturbed child. It was a faze that I overcame, however I made some horrible possibly irreversible mistakes. Ill start first off by taking you back to when I was around 13 years old. I and some friends broke into a grave yard to see the notorious "Witches Grave" I was being stupid and pried a small crucifix off of a grave stone. When I ended up getting it home it sat on a shelf for a few weeks and I cut off the hands and feet of the crucifix, and maybe the head I don’t remember. Why, you ask? Ill keep it short I WAS A STUPID KID!! I think I was rebelling from my roots which were a very conservative Christian family.
On to the next horrible sin,
I was probably fifteen at the time this took place. I got me a little Goth girl friend and things worsened. I won’t go into much detail but here is how it went down. I can’t come to grasp why I did what I did other than sheer ignorance. To keep a long story short I was in my room with my girl friend and I was in a wired state of mind. Almost possessive if I remember correctly. I can’t remember why but I remember that I was. I got an old bible I had lying around and caught it on fire in the middle of my room on the floor. A mere few pages burnt before my mother smelt the smoke, she came into my room and shrieked a horrible noise, quickly got the bible and ran out side with it to put the flames out. I don’t want to go any further into detail than that because it makes me to upset. I was just a stupid kid.
I know at this point I sound like the devil but here me out.
Now that I have grown up a bit I am worried that the excuse of being a stupid kid isn't going to cut it when im face to face with god under judgment.
You see I have turned my life around completely and have realized that I need to lead a good Christian life; it is the type of life I want to lead. I want to devote my beliefs to the lord, and I think deep inside I always have believed. But now I am afraid I have committed unforgivable sins and cant make it into heaven no matter what I do, I need to talk to someone about it but have no one I can feel comfortable doing it with.
I’m going to college and have a girl friend that is not a Christian. I am thinking about breaking up with her because she is not a Christian. But then I get the feeling: Who am I to break up with somebody for not believing in the lord when I my self are probably on my way to hell already because of my past.
Please comment on any thing you would like, but please answer these questions, for they are what trouble me most.
Is there any hope for me?
If I devote my self to god, will he forgive me for my horrible sins?