- Dec 16, 2018
- 23
- 16
- 31
- Country
- United States
- Faith
- Christian
- Marital Status
- Married
Hello,
Lately I've been feeling very strange. I keep getting this horrible feeling and then my head is filled with a lot of bad thoughts like that I'm a terrible person, that there's something wrong with me and that God wouldn't want someone like me in His kingdom. I get feelings like I'm good for nothing, useless just feel very low.
Now, I know in my heart it isn't true. I've been a Christian my whole life and I've always believed in Jesus and loved Him.
And I believe that I am saved in my heart. And I know it is true because the bible tells me it is. So I dont understand why I can't get those bad thoughts to go away.
To help you understand whats going on in my head further, heres some deeper back story on my life. When I was a child I felt like I was close to God in a way. Things would happen here and there that seemed like messages from God answering questions only He could have heard me ask. Then I got older. I never turned away from my faith, but sort of fell asleep spiritually. In high school I wasn't behaving lile I should and being selfish with loose morals. Then recently in my adult life, (early 20s) I felt like I really reconnected with my religion as a Christian stronger than ever. It felt like a fog had lifted. I felt like I was really getting closer to God and understand the Bible with a new perspective. But then, immediately following this phase came the horrible feeling of me being worthless and so on. I get this overwhelming evil, icky, hateful feeling inside me that I can barely stand. I'm starting to get better at shutting it up, but I want to get rid of it completely. And theres an additional problem also....ever since I can remember I do this thing where my mind gets stuck on the worse thing it could conjur up and then I think about it over and over and over. And its usually something evil or harmful. Like for example: I remember being 3 years old and my mom bought me Polly pockets, which is a tiny toy that would be very easy to choke on. She told me not to ever stick it in my mouth. And as soon as she said that I had wished she hadnt told me that because then every time I played with it my mind was telling me to stick it my mouth and choke myself. And it isn't like just a thought. it's a feeling that's overwhelming to the point where I had to just put the toy away and do something else so I could forget about it because it was bothering me so much. I still do thattoday as a 26 year old but the thoughts are a lot worse.
sorry I'm writing a novel. I was just hoping somebody could look at this from a Christian point of view and tell me what they think is going on. Because lately I feel so far from God like I dont feel Him anymore when I pray. And I dont know if I'm just in my own head too much and He's standing next to me shouting and maybe I'm just not listening. Has anybody else ever felt this way or had these experiences?
Lately I've been feeling very strange. I keep getting this horrible feeling and then my head is filled with a lot of bad thoughts like that I'm a terrible person, that there's something wrong with me and that God wouldn't want someone like me in His kingdom. I get feelings like I'm good for nothing, useless just feel very low.
Now, I know in my heart it isn't true. I've been a Christian my whole life and I've always believed in Jesus and loved Him.
And I believe that I am saved in my heart. And I know it is true because the bible tells me it is. So I dont understand why I can't get those bad thoughts to go away.
To help you understand whats going on in my head further, heres some deeper back story on my life. When I was a child I felt like I was close to God in a way. Things would happen here and there that seemed like messages from God answering questions only He could have heard me ask. Then I got older. I never turned away from my faith, but sort of fell asleep spiritually. In high school I wasn't behaving lile I should and being selfish with loose morals. Then recently in my adult life, (early 20s) I felt like I really reconnected with my religion as a Christian stronger than ever. It felt like a fog had lifted. I felt like I was really getting closer to God and understand the Bible with a new perspective. But then, immediately following this phase came the horrible feeling of me being worthless and so on. I get this overwhelming evil, icky, hateful feeling inside me that I can barely stand. I'm starting to get better at shutting it up, but I want to get rid of it completely. And theres an additional problem also....ever since I can remember I do this thing where my mind gets stuck on the worse thing it could conjur up and then I think about it over and over and over. And its usually something evil or harmful. Like for example: I remember being 3 years old and my mom bought me Polly pockets, which is a tiny toy that would be very easy to choke on. She told me not to ever stick it in my mouth. And as soon as she said that I had wished she hadnt told me that because then every time I played with it my mind was telling me to stick it my mouth and choke myself. And it isn't like just a thought. it's a feeling that's overwhelming to the point where I had to just put the toy away and do something else so I could forget about it because it was bothering me so much. I still do thattoday as a 26 year old but the thoughts are a lot worse.
sorry I'm writing a novel. I was just hoping somebody could look at this from a Christian point of view and tell me what they think is going on. Because lately I feel so far from God like I dont feel Him anymore when I pray. And I dont know if I'm just in my own head too much and He's standing next to me shouting and maybe I'm just not listening. Has anybody else ever felt this way or had these experiences?