Giving up seems to be an all to appealing option. I'm ready to give up, and I would, but everytime I think about it, I think about what it would do to my friends and family, and can't put them through that. I'm enough of a burden as it is, and can't stand the thought of being an even greater one.
Here's an analogy for what has happened to me as of late:
My friends and I were climbing a ladder together towards God. One day, two of them decided to switch over to a ladder that was right next to ours, and still climbing towards God, but they weren't with the rest of us. I felt left out, so decided to try and get on the other ladder with them, but once I got over there, I could no longer move. They all kept climbing, some still on the other ladder, but two more decided to join the former two on the ladder that I had tried to join them on. They all continue climbing, leaving me paralyzed where I was. When I try to go back to the ladder I was once on, I can no longer find it. I've been engulfed in an ever-growing darkness, and my friends have just continued to climb farther and farther away from me. So rather than try and press on, I chose to stay in the darkness, for it doesn't change. But there's a light, though small, it remains. I'm beginning to like the light, but it also scares me, for I can't seem to stand being in it for an extended period of time.
I feel left out because my friends have started dating, and though I thought that I had found the right girl for me, I ended up being totally wrong, and was rejected. Being rejected has caused me to tumble back into the depression I spent the first 13 or 14 years of my life in. I don't like it here, for I can no longer be who I once was, but it doesn't change, it's stable. I know that God is stable, but everytime I try and get close to Him, I just end up more depressed then I was before. Pray that this darkness will leave and I can once again join my friends on their journey to a closer relationship with God.
P.S. I hope this makes sense.
Here's an analogy for what has happened to me as of late:
My friends and I were climbing a ladder together towards God. One day, two of them decided to switch over to a ladder that was right next to ours, and still climbing towards God, but they weren't with the rest of us. I felt left out, so decided to try and get on the other ladder with them, but once I got over there, I could no longer move. They all kept climbing, some still on the other ladder, but two more decided to join the former two on the ladder that I had tried to join them on. They all continue climbing, leaving me paralyzed where I was. When I try to go back to the ladder I was once on, I can no longer find it. I've been engulfed in an ever-growing darkness, and my friends have just continued to climb farther and farther away from me. So rather than try and press on, I chose to stay in the darkness, for it doesn't change. But there's a light, though small, it remains. I'm beginning to like the light, but it also scares me, for I can't seem to stand being in it for an extended period of time.
I feel left out because my friends have started dating, and though I thought that I had found the right girl for me, I ended up being totally wrong, and was rejected. Being rejected has caused me to tumble back into the depression I spent the first 13 or 14 years of my life in. I don't like it here, for I can no longer be who I once was, but it doesn't change, it's stable. I know that God is stable, but everytime I try and get close to Him, I just end up more depressed then I was before. Pray that this darkness will leave and I can once again join my friends on their journey to a closer relationship with God.
P.S. I hope this makes sense.
