I need major advice! PLEASE!?

[Godzgurl17]

Okay, I don't know if this is going against one of the rules because it's not really suitable for children. But I figured I'm in a marriage forum so here it goes. My fioncee and I have been together for a long time but we just recently started talking about after the wedding. We discovered that we disagree on one major thing and it is tearing us apart. So my question is: Is oral sex right in the eyes of God? I need to know if I have a legitimate reason for not desiring to do this or if I'm just over-reacting. HELP PLEASE!

 

[seebs]

I have no idea what God thinks on the issue; I doubt it's a big priority.

If you don't want to do it, you have a very valid reason not to desire to do it: You don't feel like it.

You should never, ever, feel compelled to engage in sexual activities you personally find unappealing. That's not compatible with the comfortable expression of mutual love and respect sex is supposed to be in your marriage.

If you find yourself really wanting to do this, I don't see why God would hold it against either of you... but if you don't, there's a word for making you do it anyway, and that word is "rape", and it's a word that I think does bring up moral problems.

 

[JillLars]

I have to agree totally with what seebs said. I highly doubt oral sex is a huge issue to God, and if it is becoming a huge issue in your relationship, then I think you have some other problems to work out. Like seebs said, not wanting to do it is a perfectly valid reason, you don't have to have any reason besides that, and you're fiance shouldn't pressure you about it, if he is, then that's where the problem lies.

 

[aggie03]

I need to know if I have a legitimate reason for not desiring to do this or if I'm just over-reacting. HELP PLEASE!

This is the only place that I know of where the New Testament speaks on the matter:

1 Corinthians 7:1-9 ASV

Now concerning the things whereof ye wrote: It is good for a man not to touch a woman. (2) But, because of fornications, let each man have his own wife, and let each woman have her own husband. (3) Let the husband render unto the wife her due: and likewise also the wife unto the husband. (4) The wife hath not power over her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power over his own body, but the wife. (5) Defraud ye not one the other, except it be by consent for a season, that ye may give yourselves unto prayer, and may be together again, that Satan tempt you not because of your incontinency. (6) But this I say by way of concession, not of commandment. (7) Yet I would that all men were even as I myself. Howbeit each man hath his own gift from God, one after this manner, and another after that. (8) But I say to the unmarried and to widows, It is good for them if they abide even as I. (9) But if they have not continency, let them marry: for it is better to marry than to burn.

I think that it's of great important to note that once you are married neither of your bodies are your own anymore, but each belongs to the other.

I really don't know what advice to give you except that you are both going to have to sit down and discuss this passage of Scripture with one another and come to an understanding of whether or not certain things are covered under the idea of not defrauding one another.

Also, remind your fiancee that things are going to be dramatically different for him once you two get married. He has one of the most difficult, in my opinion, commands that can be given:

Ephesians 5:25 ASV

Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself up for it;

Do you think that he would be fulfilling this if he was making you do things that made you feel uncomfortable or dirty? Is this him giving up himself for you? This is also something that you should discuss with him.

 

[charligirl]

There are references in Song of Songs to tasting the fruit of your partner, some argue that this is a reference to Oral sex.

Personally I don't think God has a problem with it, it can be a very satisfying and intimate part of love making, often making the receiver feel very cherished and special.

However, you should not be forced into something you are not happy about. I would agree with what Aggie says, you need to pray and discuss this together.

What i can say is that what you may not desire now, you may desire in the future... once you are married and start sleeping together you might find you change.

 

[hisbloodformysins]

I think you'll soften to the idea after a while. It's important that your hubby won't push it though, because that would be inconsiderate towards you. I don't believe God is against it, it's more of what you feel comfortable with. And I can tell you that you probably won't enjoy it if you're not ready for it. But after time you might actually be ok with it and enjoy it. Hisbloodformysins

 

[Vollkommen Warrior]

It's a non-issue.

 

[karla]

I agree with what has already been said - I doubt it is a big issue with God. I do believe however that sex should be both unitive and procreative - you can't have one without the other. By this I mean that oral sex can be part of the foreplay, but that it should end in lovemaking that is taking on the procreative role. As far as how you persoanlly feel - that is somthing that you and your fiance need to talk about. Loving someone is not making them do something that they are uncomfortable with, if you are not into it the he should not force you or make you feel like less of a wife because you are not giving into him. Repect is the key.

 

[DaveKerwin]

I do not think oral sex is a sin. The issue here is if YOU feel comfortable with it. Just as an extra measure of honesty, I can see why it would be intimidating, but ultimately it is a choice of if you are comfortable partaking, either way. I suggest you do a little thinking, and maybe just see how things develop after you are married. You may feel the same way you do now, but you may also change your mind. So again, I do not believe it is a sin, merely a matter of preferance for the marriage bed.

 

[Svt4Him]

It's not a non-issue, as it's an issue to you.

Who you have to answer too are (and in this order):

The Bible
God
Your conscience
Your husband

Some may argue God and the Bible are the same, and I agree, but if God tells you to do something, and it's anti-Biblical, you will know it's not God. So however you want to use that, do.

So in oral sex, you have to answer for your own conscience. Your body isn't your own, but neither is your husbands body his. To use that, then you can say, as owner of your husbands body, that you don't want it done...if you follow my meaning. That verse can never be used to say one has to do something to the other.

If he's so pro-oral sex, what was he doing before he got married? And if you're so anti-oral sex, I'd ask you the same thing. What do you both use to determine your position in this matter?

 

[ceres]

I do not think it is a sin. But I also think if your fiance loves you and you are not comfortable why would he want you to do it? It sounds selfish and I think sex should NEVER be selfish. It may be something that will take some time to get used to, maybe you don't have to do a lot just a little. Oral sex for men (from women) sometimes can have wrong motives but there is more benefit generally for women from men because a high percentage of women can't [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse] in intercourse

 

[marthag003]

i agree with the others that as long as your married it's okay. but you should enjoy it to and not feel that you have to do it.

 

[E-beth]

It is an issue you should get out in the open before marriage, but please don't let it ruin your marriage.

I personally believe that it is perfectly all right for a husband and a wife to give and recieve oral sex as long as they are both comfortable with it. And if you are not so comfortable with the idea, don't absolutely refuse from the beginning....instead, be open to experiment as you feel comfortable and ready. What I am trying to say delicately is, is that there are ways of making what seems on the outset to be an unpleasant activity rather good. (PM me if you need clarification.)

But no, I don't think God frowns on it as long as the couple is married..

 

[desi]

God doesn't care. This issue is only as big as you make it. If it is a deal breaker for you now is the time to bring it up.

 

[Mr.Cheese]

Well, I don't think there is anything wrong with at all.
But I believe it is fair for the favor to be returned.